Voices in Crystal

by Mary R Woldering

  As the three relaxed, letting Naibe rest quietly nearby, the memory of the events gradually slipped into place.

  Marai remembered he had laughingly swept Naibe up from her pallet as the priest left. Lost in each other’s victorious embrace, they fell down dizzy and tenderly whispering their love to each other.. They never intended for the affection to go any further because half of a workday still lay ahead and there were goods to trade at the booth downstairs.

  At some point Ariennu moved behind them and cradled them both gently in her long muscular arms.

  The sojourner remembered Deka sitting in the window with her eyes closed in her own sort of ecstasy. She cried out something, but no sound came from her lips, then flung her arms up and wide. She was laughing and almost screaming at one point. The spell she uttered must have been profound, because the entire afternoon no one came up the steps or indicated they heard anything going on in the room.

  Was she singing? Again? Marai wondered. Naibe had told him of a mysterious song erupting from her lips when it seemed as if they would lose the young mother living below them. He remembered a look of rapture in her radiant face. It was the same light that had come from the amulet when the priest held it aloft, but he had already slipped down the steps and hurried on to the waterfront, never seeing what he had begun. Her own light leapt, bounced at the ceiling once and then left the room, as if following the priest to push him onward, but only for an instant.

  A mystical gesture with the amulet had been a spark that lit an unexpected fire. That fire entered the window over Deka’s head, looking like the red sun setting behind all of the images of the lion woman. It was fire, earth wind and rain all rolled into one in her delicious uplifted arms. Something much more potent had cascaded out of that innocuous little utterance the priest has whispered.

  The priest wanted to make a show of power by playing a rude little prank. It had been a love charm that should have kept them lustfully distracted for an hour or two. They would have come to their senses sated and possibly even amused. They would have gained the understanding that the priest had given them a small, somewhat benevolent sample of what could be levied against them if they ever crossed any of the priesthly brotherhood in an unfavorable manner…a gentle warning for them to be on their guard... It was actually joyous...a Hethrt spell, but it had worked only partially.

  Something had closed Deka in its secrecy and emerged in her like poison flowers as the obverse of Hethrt. It manifested as Skhmet the lion goddess as opposed to the gentle cow.

  Now Deka sighed as if wounded, pulling the straps of her gown up over her breasts and shoulders. Aware of Marai’s thoughts, she anguished over them, but didn’t want to let him know.

  He grasped her hand again, imploring.

  She turned her face away, not wanting to show him the weakness of needing to fall into his arms.

  Best to hide...I can become invisible...Even you won’t know me... She shook her head, shrinking into herself.

  “Deka, don’t do this to yourself, not after all this...” Marai reached even more insistently for the slim, dark woman.

  “Look...” He pointed to Naibe-Ellit “See, she’s much better.

  Naibe stirred, dreamily reaching for her brooch to fasten it to the shoulder of her shift, but decided, instead, to curl up on her mat in quiet contemplation.

  “Now...You can’t tell yourself you aren’t part of us any more, so just stop it.” He motioned for Ariennu to make sure Naibe didn’t get up. The sojourner got up, fastened his shirt and secured his work kilt. Pulling Deka up from Naibe’s pallet, he brought her to sit with him in “her” window.

  “Something struck out at all of us, this afternoon. It viewed you as one of us, and it found your secret places too... didn’t it?” He tried to sound warm and confident in the face of his own confusion. His quiet and solemn voice sorting through his own emotions. It was almost too much... Fear of his own unknown was starting to make him ache.

  Deka hesitated, fighting one last battle of regret before she moved quietly into his embrace. Her eyes bounced nervously when she glanced into his eyes. For a few moments she stroked his arm absent-mindedly, becoming almost affectionate.

  “I can remember so little” Marai whispered into the loose crown of her hair at the top of her head as soon as he felt her relaxing against his chest. “Can you both help me see your memories together?” he asked.

  “I’ll try...” she sighed nervelessly, then began. “I was in another place.” She spoke openly and honestly to him; her voice soft but firm at the same time. In a way, it seemed as if she had practiced this conversation with him in her sleep. “What I saw was Brown-Eyes going to you after all of the sweet whispers. I always look away when my sisters are with you. My eyes have seen so much...I can’t... But...I saw it, there was so much softness and light.”

  “So you did look, didn’t you...?” Ariennu whirled, looking up from soothing Naibe then sucked in air and held her head as if she still suffered. “And you saw us. How it really is…Not just sex… Love…” Her voice was edged with bitterness. “Did you finally want some of it…Did you want to feel him in that scab-filled womb of yours?” she scoffed.

  “Hey...sit down, Ari.” Marai snarled.. “You don’t need to scold. Just see to Naibe... for now...”

  Ariennu grumbled, in no mood to be told anything by a man.

  Naibe whimpered a little, tucking herself into a ball when she sensed the argument starting, but reaching one arm up for Marai.

  Ariennu looked straight at Deka.

  “Did you see me? Do you know what is that grows between us now that you still refuse?” Her eyes grew hard for a moment. “Too proud for what we share? You should sew yourself shut!” The elder lay beside Naibe again sulking and holding her until her trembling eased. “He could ease that cold heart in you…“Show you the wonders of it… if you would…Make you see what that monster did to you.”

  Deka’s eyes narrowed, her fingers clutched, and a low noise issued from her throat somewhere between a hiss and a growl. For a moment, something else looked out of her eyes, but for only just a moment.

  Marai shot a look at both women. He knew Deka’s true spirit had begun to emerge again, even though it faded after a moment’s bristle.

  “You were lying with them, Ari... “Deka insisted, her voice sighing and tired. “But not as two ladies to pleasure one man.” Her eyes were shy again, almost defeated.

  The prismatic reflection bordering everything Marai saw clouded his memory of it.

  “Man-Sun and Brown Eyes are sitting like sesen petals, but she is afraid. He is honey sweet ...more sweet, more talk....and you are talking gently to her too, Wise MaMa. She is so afraid...Now and again you give her a kiss ...help them...it’s so strange to see...” The dark woman’s voice waxed dreamy now. Her hands made the dancing gestures again as if it helped her spin her tale.

  “She was so like a girl child then and you were soothing her. You gave her to him like a mother would give a sweet daughter as a bride. It hurt me so much to not be part of the rest of you then. I tried to come into your hearts at that very moment, I swear I did...but suddenly I was flying far away... so far. I went up the river to the south like the flood waters and wind. I went over the grass to the villages of the places I had known when I was small...” She sighed, almost broken “It spoke to me...a voice told me I am of the water and the wind...I am the swell of earth bursting green, but also of heat and dryness and the hunger that comes. I was so at the beginning of time and will be so at it’s end.” Deka sighed, reflecting on her own words for a moment. “I was so glad of heart to know it, that I sang. Something came to me when I sang...” She sighed. “We have to get out of here before it’s too late...Brown Eyes is right…It will kill us...We will all die” her tenseness melted like frost. A different, animal fire blazed in her eyes, battling against the quiet inward look, and the look of panic. It was every bit as real as the fear Naibe-Ellit felt. In Marai’s thoughts, she became a wiry-muscle
d warrior, tense and ready to spring, but her starkly lovely thoughts said:

  Don’t protect me,

  Don’t try to save what is not yours to save...

  I know everything now...

  “I know this power...” Her voice confirmed. “from a long time ago. It is part of my blood, not yours. It is very old and we have only seen this one taste of it. It’s been watching us from the start, but now it knows us, my Man Sun. It knows what we want. You did nothing to deserve it but because you love us all so strong...” Deka glanced down. When she looked up, she was her old self again. “There’s a man too. I saw him...A calm one in the storm that is around me. He wears the garment of a noble.” she continued, her eyes brightening a little. “He is a learned one, but he does not have our godly color. His skin and hair are bright and light, not dark. His place is above the first falling of water. He will help us if we can get to him in time. The thing that came today gave me the gift of his spirit so I might know him if ever I should see him. It told me about the lions, too.”

  Marai slowly understood what had happened. The utterance that had bounced off of the priest’s amulet was a gift of joy, albeit irresponsible. Something else had come screaming through the window like a demon. It had bounced through Deka’s heart to mingle with that flash of light. It tried to overtake them.

  Deka hadn’t been afraid of it at first. She’d even welcomed it like an old friend that came bearing tales of her past. When she realized what was happening to the others, she froze and tried to fight it. “There’s more...” she whispered, bending closer to Marai so she would be too quiet to be heard by Naibe or Ariennu, who had settled down beside the young girl. “There were so many folds in what I saw, Man Sun.” Deka’s voice continued low, but almost urgent at times. “There were other places so far away...and singing like heaven. I didn’t know the tongue that sang it, but once long ago, I think I did.” She sighed, feeling helpless, almost overwhelmed with guilt.

  Marai remembered the sight of the children writing on the scrolls and how he couldn’t understand it. The feeling of being overwhelmed had been almost the same.

  There is something here

  That never was here before...

  He remembered the Children’s constant refrain.

  “There’s so much they’ve done ...the Children I mean...” He bowed his head to hers, so their foreheads touched again. “Now you know why I must unlock this even if I risk my life...”

  Deka felt his thoughts picking through hers with much more ease than before. She tensed, trying to push them away again.

  “You were used by that power once, weren’t you?” Marai’s face set, but there was no anger in his expression.

  She knew he was right. Naibe had been right too, before Deka had been ready for her to tell everyone. The dark had stolen through her again today, but Marai would forgive her as always. It was his nature. His tenderness was so easy and unquestioning like a mother’s love. It could make the hardness of any past meaningless. If she could only let him, he could lift her too. He had even lifted hard and wicked Ariennu, fashioning her into a strangely loyal and compassionate champion, yet at the same time, a fully independent woman allied by choice rather than need.

  Something on the great and dark wings of a storm had lifted her. She sang to it and understood the bent people they had rule who were harvesting in the grass. When she was flying, she realized she had flown with him and they had been mighty together. She looked down, trying to remember the song that swayed like the singing of women when the grain, however meager, came after the wet season. Their tragic dirge like chanted notes wrapped around each other and lifted themselves to the sky where she flew and looked down on golden lovers made of stone. She couldn’t yet understand what she felt through the machinations of that conniving apostle of Djehuti...or why it had felt like such a comfort to her at first.

  “I’m sorry.” she sighed. “The evil was from inside me. I just didn’t know it would...” Deka felt Marai’s arm tighten around her in warm reassurance. She wanted to fall on him then. She had wanted him today but she’d felt so unworthy of him and knew exactly what accepting his love would give her. It would give her the love of herself at play.

  Life is not about play. she reminded herself. Life is a painful journey into the light of ultimate peace and wisdom. Yet, when she sighed and relaxed against the big man, she felt like a baby girl...so small and helpless, yet so warmly cared for. She could be just a tiny thing in the strong arms of something that seemed as large as the sky.

  Man-Sun.

  She wanted him to love her so powerfully. Perhaps if she could hear it again...the song that was like a chant in the grass. Music was immortal. It lifted voices to the gods. The song she heard made her weary arms out stretch just a little to think of it.

  “No. You didn’t do anything.” Marai corrected her. “Something came through you. If it was from another place, you’ll just have to learn to make your own fence to keep out the wolf. I can only do so much...the Children...” He stroked her arms, feeling her warmth stir and retreat at the same time, then shook his head.

  Wolf...she thought. Somehow that thought stirred excitement beneath her breasts.

  Marai felt her thinking about it too. He remembered the symbol of the wolf in his father’s admonition when he was a boy.

  There will always be wolves, boy. Now it meant something more than the original fatherly advice. The sojourner had stilled a pack of wild dogs when he had first come from the children’s vessel…For a long time he had thought that pack symbolikzed N’ahab-Atall’s band of theives, but the leader had growled, then ultimately respected him. He knew there would be other wolves, real and symbolic, for both of them to face.

  “You still feel it’s breath, don’t you?” He kissed her brow as if she were his daughter and not his wife.

  Deka shivered, almost giddy, her eyes shut. That simple gesture brought another swell of turmoil to the surface of her soul.

  “It stays inside you and watches through your eyes.” Marai kissed her eyelids. At that moment he forgot what he was about to say to her when he heard an annoyed shout from the courtyard sounding up through the window.

  Etum-Addi had come back after his trek to the waterfront in search of Djerah to find his stand empty and still closed. The barge had been successfully navigated to it’s destination without a mishap quite a while earlier, so traders were milling in the market area again.

  Leaning out of the window, Marai shouted down to him, that young Naibe-Ellit had taken ill after the priestly visitor left but now she was better.

  “I’ll be down right away...” the sojourner called but Etum-Addi continued fussing up at the open window.

  “Oh that Djerah and the rest of them? Gone across the river...figures...Had an old potter telling me all about that, showing me that empty tent and doing a ‘Good Riddance’ dance about how the old woman had to go with him when he crossed the river to work on the later crew.”

  Marai leaned onto the sill shaking his head as the disgusted but funny rant continued. It soon caught the attention of others in the neighborhood who were passing by. Some paused to listen then moved on shaking their heads and chortling as if they knew every bit of his tirade about Djerah’s clan was true.

  “Said no one was about to leave her up in the low room here, as hot as it is, with a new baby and the little ones to tend. Then they were all going... quick... not speaking a word of thanks. Man doesn’t know how to do a bit of business. Not even thanking me for the roof and the women for seeing that wife of his didn’t die. Surprised someone let them live this long! I told that pot-man they are lucky someone didn’t come on them at night and cut their throats the way they do where you’re from, eh? Get down here, then... and help out before someone starts eyeing what we have...” Etum Addi toed around, hands on his hips...that swagger...

  Lucky someone didn’t come on them at night and cut their throats

  Deka’s eyes widened for a moment. The snarling, growl
ing energy that wanted to fly down and lunge at the merchant’s throat blossomed inside her.

  What is this??? N’Ahab? That hairy devil’s ghost inside our Etum Addi...her thoughts flashed, but she quickly stifled them as madness.

  The two men conversed, window to courtyard below.

  She pressed her eyes shut so she wouldn’t think about what that meant to her. If N’ahab-Atall had been born again in Etum-Addi’s flesh, then Ta-Te was in Man-Sun and she had been too wrong to shut out his love after seeking it relentlessly.

  No...Man-Sun cannot be Ta-Te...he would have...she began.

  The children’s voices harmonized in a haunting single chant voice. Drumbeats and incantations had the power to make one sleep. That voice promised once again that she would have “a life of joy and peace”. Would it be in her homeland, she wondered? She had been drawn there since she wakened. Would it be in ten thousand years that the dark night of her soul would fade after a million hopeless songs? She smoothed her dress and helped Marai carry a few things down for the last hours at the market.

  Tonight felt different. The warm air of the moonlit evening swept Marai’s memories back to his nights in the cliffs and caves of the wilderness above the Land of Turquoises and the Copper mounts of Sin-Ai. Once again after so very long, the Lady wanted his song.

  He hadn’t sung very often in the city, because Naibe-Ellit was so much the Lady in his arms. She was always there to love him. He had almost forgotten the years of longing and singing before she came into his life. Tonight, because the women slept after a hard day filled with things that create changes, and because he felt he had reached a point between his two lives: miraculous and fearsome, he sent his love skyward.

  Praise My Asher-Ellit,

  Queen of women,

  Clothed with my pleasure and love.

  Laden with life,