Caged (Talented Saga)
Page 13
Today, I couldn’t muster any of my usual enthusiasm for Career Day. What was I going to say to Erik if – no, when – I saw him? He hadn’t even sent me a heads-up that he was going to be here. Admittedly, I hadn’t called him either. Every time I punched his contact information into my communicator, something stopped me. I wasn’t ready to speak with him, let alone face him.
With Donavon, I walked the thin line that separated love and hate. With Erik, I walked the line that separated extreme embarrassment and whatever its opposite was. Part of me was thrilled at the prospect of seeing Erik later today, but part of me wanted to crawl back under my covers and stay there until he left. And still another part of me felt awful for feeling any reaction at all. I had no idea what was going on with me and Donavon, but I somehow doubted that I should be in such emotional turmoil over another guy. It was like being back at the beginning of my Pledge year when I’d first developed feelings for Erik that rivaled – and eventually surpassed – my feelings for Donavon.
A sharp knock at my door brought me out of my tortured reminiscing. I debated staying quiet and seeing if my visitor would leave. Instead, I opened my mind to determine if the person on the other side was someone that I knew; Donavon had promised he’d visit me this morning. When I opened my mind, a mental voice, loud and clear, demanded to be let in: Erik.
“Tals, I know you’re in there. I can feel you,” Erik called. “Open the door or I will break it down.”
“I’m still in bed,” I sent.
“Don’t care,” he shot back.
“I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.” I tried another tactic. I could imagine him rolling his beautiful turquoise eyes.
“Tal, I’ve been around you plenty of mornings,” he answered, sounding more than a little impatient. He had a point; we’d shared a cabin for months while I was a Pledge, not to mention several sleepovers the week before I’d left for my solo mission.
“I don’t want to see you,” I insisted. Even as I sent the words, I knew that they weren’t really true. Now that he was here, standing outside my door, I really wanted to see him, wanted to tell him about everything that had happened since the embarrassing encounter in my bedroom at Headquarters. But his rejection was still fresh in my mind. I’d thrown myself at him, offered him something personal and intimate, and he’d refused me.
“I kind of figured you felt that way, but I don’t care if you want to see me. I want to see you,” he replied.
“Why didn’t you call me then?” I demanded. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were coming if you wanted to see me so badly?”
“Please, Tals. Let me in, so we can talk,” he urged.
I let out a frustrated noise that Erik must’ve taken for acquiescence because I heard the lock click and the door swinging open. The bed sagged under his weight as Erik perched on the edge. He ripped the covers off of my head, and I was left staring at two sparking turquoise gems. The sunlight streaming through the small window next to my bed lit up his dark hair as he nervously ran his long fingers through the heavy strands that hung low over his forehead. Thin lines creased the corners of the tan skin around his mouth. His mouth. I wanted to touch the soft pink bottom lip that he was biting down on.
“Hey,” he said softly, anxiety clouding his normally carefree expression.
“Hey,” I mumbled back. He stared into my eyes and I felt a hundred unspoken messages pass between us. Finally, after what seemed like forever, he broke eye contact.
“I brought you breakfast,” he said, tentatively holding up a bag. I sat up and grabbed the bag out of his hand, then peered inside.
“Chocolate muffins - my favorite,” I said grudgingly.
“Peace offering,” he answered sheepishly. “Now scoot over so I can get comfy while we eat.” I hesitated for a heartbeat before obligingly scooting toward the wall to make room. Erik kicked his flip flops off and crawled in next to me. I handed him one of the muffins, and we munched in companionable silence.
“So, are you going to tell me why haven’t called me in nearly a year?” I asked, licking the chocolate crumbs off of my fingers.
“You could’ve called me,” he replied gently. “Last time I checked, your communicator makes outgoing calls.”
“That’s not an answer,” I shot back, refusing to turn and look at him. Now that we were done eating, I was acutely aware of his leg pressed against mine.
Erik heaved a huge sigh. “I really wanted to,” he began, brushing his fingertips over the back of my hand. I didn’t pull away, but I didn’t encourage him either. Erik swallowed thickly before continuing. “At first, I wasn’t allowed to. Captain Alvarez refused to even tell us where you were. All he would say is that you were recovering and you couldn’t be disturbed.” Erik paused, seeming to weigh his next words carefully.
“And then?” I prompted, trying to ignore the feel of his skin against mine. I wanted to be angry with him, but his touch made it hard.
“I don’t know exactly. I figured that if you wanted to talk to me ...well, you’d call.” He shifted uneasily and threw his muffin wrapper in the metal wastebasket next to my desk. “I mean, Tal, I gave you that letter......” Erik’s voice trailed off. He moved his hand from mine and clasped it with the other one resting in his lap.
“I didn’t know what to say,” I whispered. “Mac wouldn’t let me talk to anyone, really, until last week. When he finally let me out of my bedroom to do something other than physical therapy or blood testing – ”
“Blood testing?” he cut me off, his body tensing and alarm radiating from his pores.
“Yeah,” I answered. “I was injected with ...something in Nevada, and whatever the chemical is has been causing seizures.” I chanced a look at Erik out of the corner of my eye. His eyes had grown wide, and his arm twitched like he was going to wrap it around me, but thought better of it.
“What chemical? Doesn’t Medical have a cure or antidote or whatever?” he asked.
“Medical doesn’t know what the chemical is. And they can’t scrub it out of my blood,” I replied, shuddering at the thought of the foreign drug infecting my body. Just minutes ago, I’d desperately wanted to tell Erik all about the seizures, but his reaction made me regret my decision. Waves of anger rolled from his mind and he ground his back teeth together in an effort to retain his composure.
“What are they doing about it?” he asked slowly, again measuring his words.
“Dr. Thistler, this high-ranking Medical woman, gives me daily injections. They’re supposed to, like, neutralize the compound or something.”
“And does that work?” his tense body language belied his neutral tone.
“For the most part. When I get overly stimulated, though, I sometimes still have seizures,” I mumbled.
Erik reached for me, wrapping his strong arms around my waist, and lifting me into his lap. I rested my head against his chest and he kissed the crown of my hair. The accelerated beating of his heart thudding against my ear indicated how unnerved my admission had made him.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he mumbled, moving his mouth close to my ear.
Warmth spread from where his lips rested in my hair, all the way down to my toes. I wrapped my arms around his body, running my fingers over the planes of his back and feeling the strength of his muscles through his t-shirt. Snuggling closer still, I tightened my grip on him before replying. “I’ve missed you, too.”
Being with Erik had always been thrilling, intoxicating, and it was now, too, except now I also felt safe. For the first time in months, my world wasn’t crashing in on me. The anger and frustration that constantly bubbled under the surface even quieted. The feeling of instability lessened.
Neither of us spoke again for a long time. There was so much that I wanted – no, needed – to tell him, but I didn’t want to lose the physical closeness, so I stayed silent. I could tell that he wanted to ask me more, but the news about my medical condition had bothered him and he settled for rubbing my back instead.
“Will I see you later?” I whispered, chewing my lower lip nervously. He cupped my face with both his hands, gently stroking my cheeks with his thumbs.
“Of course. We still have a lot to talk about,” he promised. I closed my eyes as he softly brushed his lips across my forehead. Electricity crackled through me, like it did every time his skin made contact with mine. I wanted to beg him to stay; instead, I climbed off of his lap and watched him go, in silence.
Long after Erik left, I sat in my bed, mulling over the way that I felt when I was with him. I recited the words of his note. I thought about Donavon, and how he’d sat with me in Medical for days even after I’d been so horrible to him. I still felt that he deserved a little of my anger, but maybe I could be the bigger person and get past what he’d done to me.
Finally, when I couldn’t stand to be alone with my own confused thoughts, I showered and pulled on a pair of navy pants and a white cable knit sweater. I left my hair to air-dry, knowing that it was only a matter of time before it was a mass of loose curls. When I looked in the mirror, a pale, drawn face stared back. My purple eyes, normally vibrant and intense, appeared dull and lifeless, the hollows underneath dark and haunted.
I grabbed a bottle of concealer and smeared liberal amounts over my skin. The makeup erased the death pallor, but couldn’t rid my eyes of the ghost of Ernest’s interrogation. His memories still lingered in my mind; every time that I closed my eyes, I saw his vacant expression, and hated myself a little more.
Deciding that looking human was the best I could do for my appearance, I set off for the Arena. When it came into view, I saw that the entire inside of the stadium had been transformed. Booths had been set up and demonstrations were already taking place. Surveying the scene, my eyes landed on two guys sparring – Erik and Henri. I smiled wistfully. I loved watching them fight, but it made me a little sad, too. I should be out there, I should be with them. Instead, I was here, chasing an apparition and praying that I didn’t drop to the ground, convulsing at any moment.
I wanted to say hi to Henri, but I knew that there would be time for that later. He was busy now, so instead, I sought out Penny. I found her sitting at a booth with several portable computers. She had a small group of students clustered around her table, and she was explaining the role that Cryptos played in the Agency, in the broadest terms possible. She glanced up, and smiled when she saw me approaching. I waited patiently for her to finish her spiel.
“Hey, there.” She beamed once the students had dispersed. “How are you feeling this afternoon?”
“Pretty good,” I replied truthfully. Physically, at least, I felt better than I had in days. Emotionally, I felt raw and unstable after Erik’s impromptu visit. When we’d actually been together, I’d been able to forget my predicament and what I’d done to Ernest. As soon as he’d left, the cruel reality that I now lived in had returned.
“Good,” she smiled. “Want to take a seat and help me out?”
“I don’t know. I barely understand what you do,” I teased.
“You could just sit here and do what you do best.” She paused. “Stare at people all creepy-like so that I don’t have to keep explaining things to kids who don’t understand and don’t care.” I rolled my eyes, but Penny did have a point. My penetrating purple eyes tended to make others uncomfortable, not to mention the power that Mac said radiated off of me. Those were among the many reasons my friends were few and far between.
“I can do that,” I replied, pulling out the chair next to Penny and taking a seat.
Over the next several hours, despite my best efforts, quite a few students stopped by to listen to her presentation. Sitting there with Penny, I felt normal for the first time since Nevada. Talking about boys and gossiping about Instructors and the other Operatives we’d both known from when we were in school, I felt like myself.
“Hey ladies,” Donavon called as he approached our table. I gave him a genuine smile. Seeing Erik had brought on a whole host of emotions I wasn’t ready to deal with, but I liked the point that Donavon and I had reached, and I wasn’t ready to let it go. To my surprise, he bent over and planted a kiss on my cheek and – even more shockingly – I found my smile growing larger.
“Captain Alvarez is hosting a dinner tonight and it’s my privilege to extend an invitation to both of you.”
Captain Alvarez was the leader of the Hunters, and usually accompanied his Operatives to the Career Fair.
“He’s here? Have you seen him?” I asked.
"He is, over at the booth with the Hunters,” Donavan answered.
I turned to Penny. “If you can manage on your own, I think I’ll go say hi.”
“I’m sure I’ll get by,” she replied dryly.
“Come and get ready for dinner with me?” I asked.
“Will do.” Penny’s eyes sparkled at the prospect of dressing up for a formal occasion. I could practically see the cogs in her brain working double-time as she debated how to accessorize me for the night’s festivities.
I stood and began making my way through the crowd, towards an area where a large group had congregated to watch the current exhibition. Donavon fell in step beside me.
“Why was Erik in your room this morning?” he demanded. I gave him a sharp look.
“How did you know that he was in my room this morning?” I retorted.
“You just told me,” he shot back, outraged.
“What!?!” I was in no mood for games.
“I was on my way to see you this morning when I saw him leaving the Instructor housing,” he explained.
“And you just assumed that meant he was with me?” I snapped, my own temper flaring. Erik had been there with me, but I didn’t appreciate Donavon’s accusatory tone. I was so angry that I reached out, and retrieved the memory from Donavon’s mind, and watched it from his perspective.
Donavon opened the front door to Instructor housing, to see Erik bounding down the stairs.
“McDonough, good to see you,” Erik said, extending his hand in a seemingly inviting gesture. Donavon stared down at his hand, but refused to take it.
“I would’ve thought that you’d be in better accommodations than us lowly Instructors,” Donavon replied, eyeing him suspiciously.
“Yeah, I’m actually staying in guest housing.” Erik laughed easily. “I just wanted to stop by and see a friend.”
“Were you with Talia?” Donavon asked bluntly.
Erik appeared non-phased, his turquoise eyes twinkling mischievously. He gave Donavon a wide white toothed grin. “Gentleman never tells, man,” he said, his tone suggestive.
“Talia, stay out of my head,” Donavon chastised me, bringing me back to the present.
“Look, Donavon, Erik was in my room this morning. We ate breakfast. That was it,” I replied defensively, unsure why I felt the need to justify my actions to him. Obviously, I also left out the part where I’d climbed into Erik’s lap and let him hold me. Or the part where I’d been so reluctant to let him leave that I’d contemplated begging him to stay.
“I don’t think that you should be entertaining guys in your room,” Donavon replied flatly.
“And I don’t think that’s any of your business,” I snapped aloud. Picking up my pace, I left Donavon behind, and staring after me. I wasn’t stupid. I knew why he was upset. At one time, I would’ve been desperate for just this type of reaction out of him. Now, instead of feeling special, I just felt annoyed. He had no right to be upset about Erik. Donavon and I were barely friends again, let alone anything more. Yet, even as my anger propelled me farther away from him, I recalled all of the nice things that he’d done for me over the last couple of days.
I finally arrived at the Hunter’s booth. I joined the crowd and watched as two well-muscled guys circ
led each other. One was extremely tall and lean with light brown hair and warm brown eyes. The other was shorter and more defined, his nearly-black hair held back from his face with a navy bandana, his turquoise eyes shining with excitement. Both were dressed in loose pants and fitted sleeveless shirts.
Glancing around, I realized that over half of the gathered crowd was female. I couldn’t say that I blamed them; Erik and Henri were both beautiful, and when they’re in action, they were mesmerizing. Surprisingly, Cadence was one of the females in attendance. Sidling up next to her, I attempted conversation.
“They’re really amazing to watch, aren’t they?” I said to her. Cadence spared me a glance out of the corner of her beady eye.
“I suppose so,” she admitted grudgingly, like it pained her to agree with me.
“Those two are my teammates,” I replied proudly.
“Used to be, you mean,” she retorted.
“Excuse me?” I said, taken aback by her open hostility.
“They used to be your teammates. Since you failed your solo mission, you aren’t a Hunter, and they aren’t your teammates,” she said slowly, enunciating each word.
Witch, I wanted to scream. She was a horrible, horrible wench. It took every ounce of my self-control to not punch her. Fuming, I turned my attention back to the boys.
The two guys circled each other, making small jabs and kicks as the crowd cheered. Henri’s arm span was so vast that he had a terrific advantage over Erik, but Erik was extremely agile. Henri caught Erik in the shoulder with a hard kick, causing Erik to stumble slightly. Without missing a beat, he jumped straight up, both feet leaving the ground, tucked his knees up into his chest, and struck out. Both of his feet made contact with Henri’s chest, which Erik used to push off of and flipped his feet over his head. He landed neatly on the balls of his feet.