Last Time She Died

by Niki Kamerzell

  He snapped his fingers and pointed at Leland. A bolt of lightning arced toward Leland, but Leland had moved from its direct path. The shock wave still tossed into the wall like a rag doll. Alexia could hear him wheezing like the wind had been knocked out of him. She froze. Alexia pushed into Blaine’s mind for just a second and stopped him mid-motion.

  “Get up!” she yelled to Leland, and, amazingly, he complied.

  Blaine started to move again, slowly. Alexia heard a cracking sound and watched as he rolled his head back, cracking his neck. His eyes cleared.

  “What was that?” he asked, disinterestedly.

  Blaine turned to Leland, who was limping toward Alexia.

  You’re tired, Alexia kept telling Blaine. Stop, disperse yourself.,

  Alexia snuck as close as she could, then charged Blaine. She knocked him down and Blaine threw his elbow back and cracked Alexia in the nose. Her vision went white for a moment. She was sure he’d broken it, but she didn’t let go.

  “What are you doing?” Leland cried out, but he was too far away.

  Alexia didn’t respond. As Blaine tried to stand, she kicked his legs out from under him. He released a gust of wind, but she held tight and it flew past her. He heard a grunt as Leland was slammed back into a wall and the air was knocked from his lungs. She pushed Blaine back before he could gather his strength to attack her with his psychically. She formed an ice ball in her hand and smashed him over the head with it. It only stunned him. Blood seeped from a long gash down his cheekbone.

  Alexia pushed Blaine toward the center of the room. The portal loomed tall ahead of them. Both struggled to get the upper hand, but neither could separate themselves from the other long enough to push him in.

  “Alexia! No!” Leland called from somewhere behind her. His words came out in breathless pants.

  “Leland!” she called over her shoulder. “This is the only way!”

  Blaine wrenched her head sideways and she caught sight of Leland struggling to stand and help her finish the fight, but Blaine saw him too and conjured a windstorm that knocked Leland back. The effort it took for Blaine to hold Leland down with his wind sapped the energy he needed to fight of Alexia.

  “You can’t keep the wind going forever,” she reminded him.

  He reached out and grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled down hard.

  “Maybe. But by the time he is free, it will be too late for you,” Blaine hissed as he spun her around.

  Alexia knew he was right.

  They fought and their struggle moved them closer to and then farther from the dispersal portal. It was like a dance choreographed in violence and hate instead of beauty and grace.

  “You’re too close!” Alexia heard Leland’s voice through the wind but couldn’t spare a look.

  “You’ll never have her again,” Blaine hissed.

  Blaine punched Alexia in the ribs, and she was sure at least one of them cracked. The pain was intense. She smashed her palm into his face, hitting Blaine in the eye. She grabbed hold of his ears and ripped his head backward.

  He cried out in pain and kicked at her feet. Alexia dropped her hands to Blaine’s shoulder and forced her knee up in between his legs. He crumpled forward, using his momentum to smash his forehead into her face. If her nose hadn’t already been broken, that would have done it. Alexia fell backward but pulled Blaine with her. Blood dripped down both of them from her nose. She felt something strange pressing at her back. It reminded her of the thick sheets of plastic in the freezer at Tom’s when she pushed them apart.

  She looked over Blaine’s shoulders as they fell and saw Leland push against the wind. It smashed him into a wall, and he dropped and was still. She slipped her hands all the way around Blaine's back and linked her fingers tight, binding him to her in what she knew was an embrace of death - absolute, final. He knew it too. She could see it flash in his eyes. Something exploded inside her, and a sizzling sensation raced up her spine. So this is what it's like, she thought: the real thing.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Cali woke up with the sun beating down on her face. She could hear Gregory whispering her name.

  “What happened to me?” Cali asked. Her legs felt numb, she couldn’t move one of her hands, and a sharp pain stabbed through her chest with each deep breath. There was so much blood.

  “A tree fell on you.” His voice was raw. “I believe your hand’s broken. Your legs look fine, which is lucky.”

  “Well, for having a tree on me, I feel pretty good.” Cali wasn’t sure if that was true or not.

  “You’re bleeding,” he said, wiping his hand along the top of Cali’s head. It stung where he touched it. “But I think you will be alright. None of this should scar you once you’re back in your body anyway.”

  “Where is everyone?” Cali was unconcerned with the blood.

  “I just woke up. I haven’t found anyone—” He was cut off by a thud and a moan. “Leland?” He spun toward the stairs between the trees. Cali stood slowly and followed his gaze. “The portal?” His words were soft, and Cali almost didn’t hear them. He limped off without waiting for her.

  Cali swayed and had to steady herself on the downed tree beside her. She was dizzy but managed to hobble to the stairs between the trees. Gregory had already disappeared inside. Her leg refused to move the way she commanded it and she ended up dragging it behind her.

  When she reached the room with the portal, she ignored the beautifully carved walls made of dark, glossy wood. The ground was some kind of stone, slate maybe. Each stone was a different color than the next and she watched them as she dragged her leg across them. Gregory crouched over Leland who was moaning. He stared into the swirling disk in front of him. She knew if Leland went into it, he would be dispersed. He leaned only inches from it. His arm rested on the step leading to the roiling energy swirling disk. She wondered why he was there.

  “Alexia?” Gregory called out. Cali looked quickly around the room but didn’t see Lexi. A raindrop bounced off her nose and she looked up. The sky shone down on her. The walls of the room climbed up impossibly tall, but there was no ceiling. Just an opening to the sky. The clouds darkened, but the rain was soft.

  “She is not in here,” Gregory called.

  “Blaine either. Where are they?” Cali spoke between ragged breaths.

  “The portal’s been used,” Gregory said.

  “It could have been Blaine.”

  “I feel her,” Gregory said slowly to no one in particular. “If she was gone, I wouldn’t.”

  “Lexi?” Cali called out, but there was no answer.

  “Could we have missed her? Is she outside?” Gregory rushed back outside.

  Essences started pouring out of the back of the portal. They each looked different but with the same serene look on their faces. They walked in single file out of the room. As they passed Leland, and Cali they inclined their heads and said hello. Leland struggled to his feet and winced with every movement.

  “Could all those be from Blaine?” Cali asked.

  “She went in.” Leland’s words were uneven.

  “Gregory says he can feel her,” Cali said.

  “I saw her.” His voice was hollow.

  Leland watched the Essences walk past with vacant eyes. He moved toward the wall and leaned against it. He hid his face in the crook of his elbow and Cali heard him start to cry.

  Light warm rain began to fall harder into the room. Cali started toward Leland, but something else caught her attention. Lexi stood near the dispersal portal. Her body looked airy, like a mirage.

  “Lexi?” Cali’s voice was hardly more than a squeak. “You did it.”

  “Did it?” Lexi’s voice echoed back to her and she faded behind the portal.

  “Lexi?” Cali rushed closer to where Lexi had been standing, ignoring the pain it caused, and her insubstantial image reappeared. “How did you get out?”

  Lexi glanced, confused. “Out?” She looked blankly at Cali.

  “Aw
ay from Blaine?” Cali wanted to get closer to Lexi, but the nearer she drew, the farther away Lexi seemed.

  “Am I away from Blaine?” Her voice echoed in a way that didn’t sound right for the room they stood in. “I just wanted to say I love you all. I’ve missed you, Cali. Make it out alive.”

  Lexi wasn’t solid; she didn’t seem real. She shimmered and Cali lost sight of her.

  “Don’t go, Lexi,” Cali called.

  “She’s already gone,” Leland moaned from his corner of the room.

  Cali turned toward him as his arm dropped from the wall. He pulled his forehead away and turned stiffly toward Cali. The look on his face broke her heart into a million pieces. Loss. It was written all over him.

  “Cali? Leland?” Gregory called out.

  “I’m here,” Cali answered, spinning around. Gregory fought the crowd of exiting Essences to get back in. Tears streamed down her face. Leland hobbled closer to Cali with no new tears, but so much sadness she wondered if he would just fall to the floor.

  “I can’t find her,” Gregory asked.

  “I saw her,” Cali said, trying not to sound like she was questioning herself.

  “Where?” Gregory asked as she ran toward her.

  She saw a flicker of something in Leland’s eyes.

  “She was all shimmery and appeared over there. She looked strange and was talking in riddles, and then she was gone.” As Cali looked, the rain picked up. The drops stung where they hit her. “I saw her in the rain,” Cali said absently. “But Leland said she went into the portal.”

  “Rain?” Leland sounded surprised.

  She looked away from the sky and watched his face. He had only said one word, but Cali had heard it. Hope. His voice was, just for a second, full of it. Then he saw her. Cali didn’t have to look to know Lexi had reappeared. The look on Leland’s face was all she needed. Leland was drawn forward like Lexi was his gravity.

  “Alexia?” he whispered.

  Cali turned to the portal as the last of the new Essences slowly emerged. After several seconds, one last Essence came out.

  The rain stopped.

  The new Essence, the very last one, didn’t look like Lexi. She looked generic—pale skin, blonde hair, young face. Nothing like Lexi, but the rain had stopped, and this Essence had appeared.

  “I don’t feel her anymore,” Gregory said.

  For the second time in her life, Cali had lost Lexi. She’d hardly recovered from it the first time. She fell to the ground as tears blurred her vision. Leland and Gregory were on the floor next to her. They had won, but they had lost so much.

  “Are you sure?” Leland looked up with big eyes. “Is she gone?”

  Cali wiped her face, aware she must look awful. Blood, snot, and tears mixed across the back of her hand; she could only imagine what her face looked like.

  “She is.” Gregory’s face was tear-streaked. “I am sorry, Leland.”

  “Can you fix it?” Cali was trying to stand, but she couldn’t. Her leg already felt better but her head swam and she was dizzy.

  “Fix it?”

  “Un-disperse Lexi,” Cali said slowly, enunciating each word.

  “No. It can’t be undone.” Gregory’s voice was tight but firm.

  Cali turned her back on the group. “I want out of this fucking room. I want to go home.”

  She walked out of the room, down the hall and toward the sunny outdoors. She walked slowly. Her broken arm still hurt, and her legs ached, but she walked. Once she was back in her body, she would have a new and different kind of pain to deal with. She was glad she would be forgetting the events of the Cetteri. She wanted to forget it all and never remember.

  She reached the end of the hallway and walked slowly down the stairs. Still healing, her body was tired and she stopped to rest in a shady spot.

  Cali pushed her palms into her face and took several loud breaths. “Get it together Cali,” she said to herself. “Dustin still needs you.”

  She cried until her tears ran dry.

  “Cali?” Leland called. He and Gregory walked toward her.

  “I know I saw her.” Her voice was shaking and weak.

  Gregory straightened his back and tightened his lips. “Cali, she’s gone.”

  “Right, she was dispersed. But some part of her came to see me.” She looked to faces staring at her and stood. “It was like after she died. I had all those dreams about her and this felt like that. She got through then. She did it again now.”

  “She can’t...Could she have?” Leland mumbled.

  “If she dispersed, she’s gone,” Gregory said.

  “But—no, I saw her.” Cali crossed her arms in front of her. “I know I did.”

  “You said she was gone,” Leland accused. “You couldn’t feel her.”

  “I can’t. When that last Essence emerged, I lost the feeling that she was alive. I haven’t felt her since.”

  “Is it possible she saw Alexia?” Leland moved to Cali’s side.

  Gregory slumped. “Maybe before the dispersal was complete part of her somehow got out?” He paused. “No. I—She’s gone.”

  “Maybe she wasn’t dispersed,” Cali said.

  “We saw it. We saw the new Essences. Blaine and Alexia. They were dispersed,” Gregory said. “All those Essences weren’t from Blaine.”

  Leland frantically waved his hands. “He was very powerful.”

  “You saw her fall into the dispersal portal. You saw her Leland.” Gregory’s voice was firm.

  “But if anyone can get out, she could.” He rubbed his head.

  “Leland,” Gregory said, but he didn’t finish his thought.

  Cali wanted to believe Leland was right, but she was starting to have doubts. Gregory was so sure. Tears flowed down Cali’s face again and she didn’t try to wipe them away. She wanted to forget everything. She didn’t want to fight anymore. She was too exhausted. Her body ached so badly she wasn’t sure how much longer she could stand.

  “I can’t do this. I’m going home.” Her voice wavered.

  Without another word, she opened a doorway to Dustin and left.

  “Goodbye.” She heard the sad voices behind her as her portal snapped shut.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Cali’s bedroom door crashed open, and she sat up in bed with a rush of adrenaline.

  “You’re still asleep?” Stacy’s voice was high pitched, and Cali moved her hands to cover her ears.

  “Why are you here?” Cali’s let out a strangled sound once she realized. “Oh shit. I forgot to turn on my alarm.”

  “Forgot?” Stacy narrowed her dark eyes.

  Cali had been dragged to fittings and cake tastings and food tastings. Stacy had even designed the centerpieces. And she’d done it all on Cali’s tight budget.

  She tapped her stiletto on Cali’s floor waiting for an answer. Her long box braids were in a beautiful updo. The front braid swept over her forehead before twisting in with the rest. Her eyeshadow and drop earrings matched the sunset orange of her tea-length dress. She looked absolutely perfect.

  Cali held up her hands, palm out like she was pushing Stacy back. “I know you have this huge glamorous thing planned. You have to be realistic in what I can pull off. I love you.”

  “You’re still in bed.”

  “I’m taking a shower.” Cali hopped off the bed before Stacy could say anything else.

  After several hours of forced primping, curling, and make-up Cali was exhausted. She looked around at all the empty chairs and the floor-length mirrors and smiled. She moved over to a creamy white window seat and looked outside. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back into the glass.

  Cali pulled out a notecard and read it for the hundredth time while Stacy placed pins in the updo she was creating on Cali’s head. It was no use; she would never memorize the words on it, though it wasn’t long. She was far too distracted with everything else.

  “Where are your shoes?” Stacy asked.

  Cali glanced aroun
d the room and shrugged.

  “You’re helpless, Fox. Did you leave them in the car?”

  “Probably. I can just go barefoot.”

  “Over my dead body.” Stacy threw a pointed look at her. “I’ll be right back. Do not touch your hair.”

  Cali saluted her as she left. Excitement leaped around inside of her so hard she felt like she had to hold herself to the chair to keep from bouncing off the walls. Cali paused as a chill ran through her. She looked up from the paper, her eyes sweeping the room.

  “Lexi?” she hardly whispered, but there was nothing.

  She knew Lexi couldn’t be there. Randomly and unexpectedly, her thoughts still sometimes wandered to her. Her late best friend had never been far from her mind before the fire, but somehow, when Cali had woken, the loss of her friend had seemed new and raw. Before the fire, there were days Cali would swear she could see or feel Lexi’s ghost, but she’d vanished after it.

  Stacy had taken on the role of best friend and Cali loved her. Stacy had always been an amazing friend. She missed Lexi too, but she always told Cali it had brought them closer and to see the good in everything. Cali tried. She thought about the present. Tears welled up in her eyes and she didn’t try to fight them.

  “Lexi. I just want you here today. Of all days. I put the invitation on your grave.” She laughed at herself. “I know the date was right. I checked.” She walked over to the calendar hanging on the wall and pointed to Saturday. “The twenty-third. Everyone else is here.”

  Stacy came into the small dressing room. At first, she was confused by Cali talking to herself, but Cali lied and said she’d just been reading the card in her hands, practicing the words she’d written. Cali glanced back at the floor-length mirror, but the feeling that Lexi was in the room had gone. Stacy sighed as she looked at Cali.