Shooting For Love - A Standalone Novel (A Suspenseful Bad Boy Neighbor Romance Love Story) (Burbank Brothers, Book #2)

by Naomi Niles

  “I’m leaving tomorrow,” Dylan said softly.

  I felt cold instantly and a part of me wanted to pull myself away from him and create some distance now. Another part of me wanted to pull him close enough that he would never even think of leaving at all. I stifled my raging thoughts and nodded.

  “That came around fast,” I said casually, covering over my distress.

  “It did,” Dylan nodded. “I can’t believe it’s over.”

  I wanted to ask him what he believed was over; was he referring to his time in Bastrop, his time with his family, or his time with me? I held back the question and stayed silent not knowing what else to say.

  “I’m going to miss you,” Dylan said kissing my head again.

  “I’ll miss you too,” I said distractedly, as my thoughts flew to next week when Dylan would be gone and I would be alone once more.

  “Let’s stay in touch,” he said abruptly, as though he had just made the decision moments ago.

  I glanced up at him. “That didn’t really work out the first time, Dylan,” I said.

  “I know, but this time is different,” he said as though he was trying to work out the particulars in his head. “We’re older now; hopefully that means we’re wiser and more mature. We can do it.”

  I looked away from him. He seemed so convinced that he was making me believe that we could do it and I wasn’t willing to get my hopes up just yet.

  “Lizzie,” his voice was soft and caressing.

  “Yes?”

  “I know why you’re so reluctant. I know I hurt you badly when I left, when I stopped writing back—”

  “No,” I interrupted as I sat up and faced him. “You’ve apologized for that, you don’t need to keep doing it.”

  “But—”

  “I have a confession to make,” I said cutting him off. “I probably should have admitted this long ago but I don’t think I even realized it until recently.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Well, at the beginning we used to call each other every week, do you remember?”

  “Of course,” Dylan nodded.

  “Well then the calls stopped and we starting writing letters to each other,” I continued. “Well, the thing is, when you’re letters started drying up, it was true that I was hurt but it was more complicated than that. I was so young and so confused that I didn’t understand all that I was feeling when the truth of the matter was that, I guess I felt … a little relieved.”

  “Relieved?” Dylan repeated and I heard the question in his voice.

  “When you wrote less, it gave me the excuse to write less too,” I explained, hoping that he wouldn’t misunderstand. “See, the thing that I never admitted to you was that I was terrified of what it would do to me if you stayed in the Navy and we stayed together. I knew that if we continued on with the relationship, then we would have eventually ended up married and then …”

  “You would have been the wife of a Navy SEAL,” Dylan interjected.

  “Yes,” I nodded. “I would have had to worry my whole life wondering if you were safe, if you would come back home. I would have spent the rest of my life living in fear, terrified to answer the phone because it might be someone calling to tell me that you’ve been wounded, terrified to answer the doorbell because it might be someone coming to tell me that you were dead. I don’t think I could have lived that life.”

  Dylan stared into my eyes for a moment and then he gave me a sad smile. “I guess it’s a good thing I never did it then.”

  “Did what?” I asked.

  He hesitated for a moment. “I wanted to propose to you before I left to enlist,” Dylan admitted in a low voice and I froze in place.

  “What?”

  “It’s true,” he nodded.

  “You thought about … proposing to me?” I repeated again.

  “I did more than just think about it,” Dylan went on. “I actually had a ring.”

  “What?” I gasped in shocked disbelief.

  Dylan nodded. “It wasn’t anything special,” he said quickly. “It cost me a couple of hundred dollars and I ended up selling it for half that price a year later, but I guess I wanted a seal on our relationship before I went.”

  I could only stare at him for a moment trying to let that sink in. “You never … you never told me.”

  “It didn’t end up being relevant.”

  “You didn’t end up proposing to me though.” I reminded him.

  “No I didn’t,” Dylan nodded. “I realized that if I had asked the question, you would have been forced to accept. After all, I was going off to enlist and serve my country. We were in love and we had no idea what life would be like after my training and after my first deployment. I was smart enough to realize that it would be selfish to force you into that kind of promise.”

  “Oh,” was all I could say.

  Dylan smiled at my dumbfounded expression. “I realized later that I was right,” he continued when I didn’t say anything more. “I saw what it did to all the boys who had to leave behind wives and children. Later on, I saw what it did to their wives and children and I knew I had made the right decision. I wanted you to be free to live your life, even if it didn’t include me.”

  I looked down at our linked hands and I realized that he was right. I would have accepted a marriage proposal if he had asked the question. We would have gone through with it if that had happened and my fate would have been sealed. I didn’t know that my life without Dylan had been any better, but I also knew that I couldn’t be a military wife. I just knew that better now than I did back then.

  “I guess things happened the way they were supposed to,” I said at last.

  Dylan nodded. “Maybe this journey was meant to take us somewhere greater.”

  “Let’s hope that’s true,” I nodded.

  Dylan leaned in and kissed me hard on the lips. It felt as though he were holding us together. I felt as though we were connected by more than just our bodies but by the expanse of history that we shared together. Maybe we were not supposed to end up together, perhaps that was never the point of this relationship at all. We had grown up together, we had learnt from each other and maybe that was the point.

  Our tongues entwined and I felt my heartbeat race up, fueled by his wandering hands and the way his lips felt against mine. I wanted him inside me, I wanted to feel him inside me, but I knew that we shouldn’t be travelling down that road now.

  We had had our time together and now it was coming to a close. If our relationship continued after this point, it would have to be a friendship that kept the lines firmly drawn. I pulled back before his hands could go any further down.

  “You’re leaving tomorrow, Dylan,” I whispered. “And I can’t let myself get any deeper into this than I already have.”

  He looked like he was going to argue, the passion was burning steadily in his eyes and then after a moment, I watched it go out slowly. He nodded once and loosened his grip on me. “I understand,” he said.

  “What time are you leaving tomorrow?” I asked and the question tasted like sawdust coming out of my mouth.

  “In the morning,” Dylan replied. “After I have breakfast with mom.”

  I nodded.

  “Why don’t you join us?” he asked.

  “Thank you,” I said sincerely. “But I think it would be a little too … hard for me.”

  Dylan sighed but I saw the understanding in his eyes. I could see a little relief too, neither one of us wanted to fall to pieces with sad goodbyes and the uncertainty of our future relationship.

  “I guess we’ll have to say our goodbyes now then.”

  “Let’s not say goodbye at all,” I suggested quickly.

  “That’s a good idea,” Dylan nodded enthusiastically. “A goodbye implies that we’re never going to see each other after this and we’re going to stay in touch; I promise.”

  “Don’t promise,” I said gently. “Let’s just do the best we can. We had our beautiful relationship
, and that was perfect, but now …”

  “We’re friends,” Dylan finished for me.

  “Yes,” I nodded. “We are friends.”

  “All right then,” Dylan said. “I guess I’ll be seeing you, Lizzie.”

  He rose from the sofa and I walked him to the door. He leaned in and pulled me to him for a kiss. We stood by the door kissing for five minutes before he finally broke away. His eyes were calm and tranquil but I could see the regret etched across them as though he was remembering memories that he couldn’t avoid.

  “I’ll be seeing you, Dylan,” I said repeated his words from a few moments ago.

  He smiled, kissed me softly on the lips again, and walked out the door. He didn’t look back and I didn’t expect him to. Looking back only kept you from moving forward.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Dylan

  I couldn’t stop thinking about her. The knowledge that I was leaving only made it more impossible to keep her off my mind. I kept thinking of all the things we could be doing if we had just decided to stay together until I left for the airport. Everything felt like wasted time to me, but I knew she needed to disengage before she got her feelings too deeply involved.

  I knew I had to give her that. She deserved to move on with as little pain as possible, and if not seeing me and not saying goodbye was what she needed, then I would disappear quietly without a word.

  I finished packing my bags and I brought them downstairs before I made my way into the kitchen. Mom was standing by the stove, sliding sausages out from the frying pan to a large plate. The table had already been set and breakfast was ready. I looked at the feast mom had prepared for me and everything looked beautiful, but I had no appetite.

  I moved towards her and gave her a kiss on the cheek before I sat down with her. “You’re looking nice today,” I said.

  “Really?” mom replied. “How so?”

  “I don’t know,” I observed. “Just … brighter somehow.”

  She smiled. “Maybe that’s because I decided to start work soon.”

  “Really?” I asked in surprise. “It’s very soon.”

  “I need to be distracted and I want to be of some use,” mom replied. “And I’ve always loved nursing.”

  “Well, if that’s what you want, then I fully support it.”

  “Thanks, darling.”

  “Where’s Tyler?” I asked.

  Mom sighed. “He went out for a jog,” she said.

  “Oh,” I replied, knowing that the real reason for his jog was probably to avoid me. “He’s been out awhile.”

  “He likes staying fit.”

  “I’ll bet,” I said trying to keep the sarcasm from my tone.

  “I take it you two haven’t made up yet,” mom said pointedly.

  I shrugged. “We’re just keeping to ourselves.”

  She sighed and spooned scrambled eggs onto my plate. “You barely see each other and when you actually get time together you want to keep to yourselves? I don’t understand the logic in that.”

  “Clearly you haven’t had an insufferable sibling,” I said lightly but mom shot me a severe look.

  “He is your brother, and I know it may not seem that way, but he loves you, Dylan,” mom said with a weary sigh. “And he’s proud of you.”

  “He does a good job of hiding it though.”

  “He’s disappointed with his life,” mom said. “Things didn’t turn out the way he planned.”

  “Well welcome to the club,” I groaned. “He’s not the only one, mom.”

  “You achieved what you wanted, Dylan,” mom pointed out. “You wanted to enlist, you wanted to serve your country, you wanted to follow in your father’s footsteps, and you did all those things.”

  “But there’s a lot I sacrificed along the way,” I pointed out.

  “But you knew you were sacrificing those things,” mom said. “You understand what you would have to give up and you did it anyway. You made the choice: Tyler wasn’t always given one.”

  I sighed; she was right about that much at least and I couldn’t deny it. “I don’t know what to do mom,” I said honestly. “Every time I try with Tyler, he ends up pissing me off and then I walk away thinking I never should have tried in the first place.”

  “With family, you always keep trying,” mom said stoically. “If you’re not willing to try, then you won’t have anything left. Trust me, son; I know when you’re young, some relationships seem dispensable to you, but when you get a little older, you’ll realize their value.”

  “Ok,” I sighed. “I’ll try again.”

  “That’s my boy,” mom said and her smile brightened infinitesimally. She was looking a little better since dad’s funeral and I knew she had got most of her grieving done in the days shortly after we had buried him. She was eating a little more and she had gained some color in her cheeks. She had started talking about dad too, and when she said his name she no longer flinched like she used to.

  I felt bad about leaving but her progress had made me feel slightly better. And despite my tense relationship with Tyler, I was grateful that he was around to take care of mom. I understood that he had dealt with the lion’s share of the problems since I’d left and I knew that because of that, I had to be a little more patient with him.

  Once we had finished breakfast, I walked outside towards the lake and spied Tyler sitting by the banks under the shade of the trees. He was dressed in his sweatpants and sneakers, but it looked like he had been sitting by the lake for a while now. I moved towards him.

  “Hi,” I said and Tyler passed me a cursory glance.

  “Hi,” he nodded back without getting up.

  I lowered myself to the ground beside him and stared out at the lake the same way he was doing. “When are you moving back into your apartment?” I asked Tyler.

  “I’m not,” Tyler replied taking me by surprise.

  “What?”

  “Mom needs me,” Tyler said. “She misses dad and I don’t think it’s good for her to be living all alone in this big house anymore.”

  “What about selling it and going for a smaller place?” I suggested.

  “I mentioned the idea to mom already, but she’s refusing to leave this house,” Tyler said. “She doesn’t want to leave behind all the memories.”

  “I guess I don’t blame her,” I said. “We grew up in this house.”

  Tyler nodded. “I’m putting my apartment up for sale next week and I’ll move the rest of my stuff here in the next few weeks.”

  “Wow, you’re really doing this?”

  “I’m really doing this,” Tyler nodded.

  We sat there in silence for a few minutes and I contemplated all the different ways I could begin to start the conversation. It was harder than I thought to open my mouth and say the words, especially considering I didn’t really feel as though I had done anything wrong. Still, like mom had said, perhaps Tyler had earned the right to be a little unreasonable considering everything he had done in the past decade.

  A part of me couldn’t help but feel a little bitter about the fact that everyone seemed to assume Tyler had had the harder life between the two of us. True, I might not have been there for the family very much but it wasn’t as though I was off travelling the world in five star resorts. I was fighting for my country, I was watching men die and I felt as though I was losing little bits of myself along the way.

  Still, I bit back my stubborn pride and took a deep breath. “Tyler …” I started tentatively. He didn’t say anything; he just waited for me to get to the point.

  “Listen … I just wanted to clear the air before I left,” I said awkwardly.

  He turned to me then. “Clear the air?” Tyler repeated as though my wording confused him.

  “I just wanted to say that I’m … sorry for everything,” I said feeling suddenly self-conscious. “I’m sorry for the way things have been between us since I arrived here. I just want you to know that I know how much you’ve done for mom and done over t
he years and I really appreciate it.”

  Tyler regarded me expressionlessly and I couldn’t for the life of me discern what was going through his mind. “Are you just saying that because mom made you?” he asked.

  I sighed internally. It was just like Tyler to make this harder than it needed to be. Why couldn’t he just accept my apology and be done with it?

  “I’m not going to lie,” I said keeping my tone level. “Mom did persuade me to have this conversation with you, but I wanted to do it.”

  “Because you’re leaving?”

  “No, because you’re my brother,” I said with some annoyance in my voice. “You’re my big brother and I realized that once mom’s gone, we’ll have only each other.”

  Tyler looked out towards the lake again and he was silent for so long that I thought he was just going to ignore me without acknowledging my apology at all. Then he turned to me and I realized he looked a little sad. “Thanks for the apology,” he said at last. “I appreciate that.”

  “Good,” I said with relief.

  “I owe you an apology too,” Tyler said unexpectedly.

  “Really?” I asked only because I had never expected to get as much from him.

  Tyler almost smiled at the shock on my face. “I wasn’t exactly the most gracious host while you were down and I wish I had been a little different.”

  I stared at Tyler, wondering where all this gracious calm had come from. “It’s ok,” I said. “You were grieving.”

  “It wasn’t just that I was grieving,” Tyler said. “I was jealous of you. I guess I’ve always been jealous of you.”

  “You know that I’m not out there living the high life, right?” I asked.

  “That’s not what I’m jealous of,” Tyler said shaking his head. “I’m jealous of the fact that you chased your dreams, you accomplished what you set out to accomplish. You didn’t let anyone hold you back and you never apologized for any of it.”

  I was so floored by his words that I couldn’t think of what to say for a moment. “Well … thanks Tyler,” I said at last. “But the truth is …”

  “Yes?”