Lurker

by Stefan Petrucha

  Upon finishing this defiant statement, she glanced back at the lobby. Dale was halfway to their table, looking right at her. Maybe bailing wasn’t such a bad idea.

  “Hey, Drew,” he said when he reached the table.

  “Hi, Dale.”

  “Mandy.”

  “Dale.”

  She clutched her coffee mug between her hands, trying to keep them from shaking. Butterflies went full-on hyperdrive in her stomach. She searched for her cool, but couldn’t find it. Having him standing so close just freaked her. And it didn’t help that he was wearing the sky-colored sweater Mandy gave him for Christmas.

  “How’re you doing?” Dale asked.

  “Fine,” Mandy said.

  “Do you think we could talk?” he asked.

  “I have to go!” Drew announced too loudly, already retrieving her bag and standing from the booth. “I have to meet Jacob. He’s buying a new stereo for his room, and he really wants me to help him pick it out. You know how guys are. So…okay…bye.”

  Amazed, Mandy stared at her escaping friend. How could you? Mandy wanted to ask. Drew looked back at her with an expression of wide-eyed desperation. Not knowing how to handle the situation, Drew chose to get away from it, as fast as her little traitorous legs would take her.

  “She’s dating Lurie?” Dale asked, taking the recently vacated space in the booth. “That makes sense.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Mandy asked.

  “Nothing,” Dale said, lifting Drew’s abandoned coffee and sipping from the mug. “Jacob’s cool. Drew is cool. It makes sense.”

  That’s not what he meant, Mandy thought. He was probably going to say something nasty, but knew it would piss her off even more than she already was, which would be quite an accomplishment, considering how she felt.

  “Let’s talk,” Dale said, putting down the mug. “How’re you doing?”

  Mandy refused to reply. At least, that’s what she told herself when she could think of nothing to say.

  “Did you get the flowers?”

  “Yes.”

  “Lame, right?” he said with a nervous laugh.

  “They were beautiful,” she said through a tight jaw. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” he said. Dale tapped on the table with his index finger and looked at the room over Mandy’s shoulders. “So, here’s the thing. The guys and I were talking, right? And they’ve been calling me an ass since all of this happened.”

  “They have?” Mandy was shocked.

  “Sure. They’re not the cavemen you think they are. Anyway, they laid into me about being lousy to you, said I should have shown a lot more respect. And it’s like, I didn’t get it. I so didn’t get it.” Dale let out a chirp of a laugh, continued to tap on the table. “So, my dad and I were watching the game the other night, and I told him what was going on, right? I told him I screwed up with you because I was messing around online. I told him about me coming to your house and acting stupid. You know what he said?”

  “No. What did he say?”

  “He said that I was young and shouldn’t worry about one girl. The world was full of girls, and I could have as many of them as I wanted. He pointed at the game, right? His finger’s all jabbing at those basketball players on the television, and he’s saying, ‘You think any of those guys worries about what one girl thinks? Even their wives? Hell no.’”

  “Charming,” Mandy said, picking up her mug and taking a sip.

  “Yeah,” Dale whispered. “That’s the thing, right? I see how miserable he is, and how miserable Mom is, and I never got it before. I mean, most people think we’ve got it all, right? But neither one of them is happy, and I suddenly got it. That’s why I sent you those flowers.”

  “I don’t understand,” Mandy said.

  “They have everything, and they don’t really appreciate anything. Right? I mean, I don’t know why. I don’t know what else they want, but they must want something or they’d be happy. And it freaked me out because I’ve got this middle-aged really unhappy guy telling me I was doing the right thing. That’s when I knew that I really, really screwed up.”

  The butterflies in her stomach quieted. Her mind, which had been on red alert, ready to shoot back clever and biting retorts to his excuses, calmed. She had expected little from Dale, nothing more than what he’d said at her house before she slammed the door on him, but what he was saying now surprised her. She didn’t know what to say.

  “So look, here’s the deal,” Dale continued. “I’m probably going to keep being a big dumb guy for a while. But I’m trying to be a little less dumb. I don’t expect you to take me back, okay? But I want to apologize again. No excuses. I screwed up. It was stupid messing around online. And I’m sorry.”

  “He did not,” Laurel said.

  “Yes, he did. I got that feeling like I was about to start crying, and I think if he’d said anything else, I would have.”

  “You think he was playin’?”

  “No,” Mandy said. “He was not playin’.” She adjusted the cell phone against her head while she poured a glass of iced tea, and then leaned back against the kitchen counter. “Totally not playing.”

  “So what’s Girl going to do now?”

  “I don’t know,” Mandy said. “I mean, we’re not back together or anything. It’s just so weird.”

  “There’s hope for boykind yet. So, ask me about gun practice.”

  “How was gun practice?”

  “Girl, don’t ask,” Laurel said, then broke up laughing. “I sat in a room with a bunch of losers for four hours listening to some redneck extol the magical wonder of poppin’ a cap. We didn’t even get a shot off. That’s for next week. So, I still have this thing and no bullets. Dad is upset. He thinks I should have a license to kill by now.”

  “I hate those things.”

  “Yes, you and Princess Drew have made that clear enough.”

  “After what she did, running out on me, you ought to pop a cap in her.”

  “Yeah, except it worked out good, so I can save a bullet.”

  “I guess so.”

  Mandy lay on her bed staring at the ceiling. For the first time in weeks she didn’t feel like something terrible was about to happen. In fact, she felt good. Finally, the dark cloud that hung over her since the night she’d caught Dale flirting online and since Nicki died was dissipating. She thought about what Dale said to her, thought again how great he looked in the sweater she’d given him. What she didn’t know, though it teased her, was whether the conversation with him gave her closure on their relationship or opened the door for them to try again. It was hard not to think about it.

  And naturally, when she thought about Dale, she thought about Kyle. How could she not? They were supposed to go out on Saturday night, but Mandy felt none of the excitement she usually did when a boy asked her out. Maybe it was being asked via IM, or the fact that Laurel was with her when Kyle asked. Mandy couldn’t be certain, but if Kyle was nothing more than a rebound, she’d know now. It would have to be totally obvious. If he wasn’t, and she really liked him, that would be obvious too. Wouldn’t it?

  Laurel thought so. She told Mandy that her head should be clear now, and with that clarity came the possibility of choosing between Dale and Kyle. (“Are these my only choices?” she had joked.) Again, she told herself that Kyle wasn’t really real. He was just lines of type in an instant message window. But that wasn’t fair. In fact, it was kind of selfish and bitchy. Behind those lines was a person, a young man with feelings.

  Do u think u’d like 2 kiss me?

  Kyle had asked her that, and she’d said maybe. If he were standing in her room right then and asked, she’d say yes. Absolutely. Please. Because she needed to know what she felt about him. Was he just a distraction, something to kill time so she didn’t have to spend every minute thinking about Dale or Nicki? Could she really use someone that way, even if it was totally subconscious? She hoped not.

  But there was a lingering do
ubt, and more and more, she believed she could.

  “Ugh,” she said to the ceiling. She was starting to bring that dark cloud back. She had to think about something else. She decided to think about the trips she’d like to take once school was out.

  Where should I go? she wondered. There are so many places to see. How do you pick just one?

  MC9010025: If u could go on vacation anywhere, where would u go?

  Kylenevers:????

  MC9010025: I was thinking about it this afternoon. U mentioned Brazil.

  Kylenevers: Did I? U going someplace?

  MC9010025: Worried?

  Kylenevers: Maybe.:-) When r u going?

  MC9010025: After graduation. It would b fun 4 Laurel and Drew and I 2 travel a little b4 college.

  Kylenevers: OK. Sure. What about Prague? I thought that was high on your list.

  MC9010025: Brazil sounds more exotic.

  Kylenevers: U don’t want 2 go 2 Brazil. Not unless u know people. It’s kind of weird down there.

  MC9010025: Do u know people there?

  Kylenevers: Some

  MC9010025: So introduce me LOL

  Kylenevers: Nah. I’m keeping u 4 myself. LOL

  MC9010025: LOL. U think I’m urs huh?

  Kylenevers: U tell me

  Mandy didn’t know. There was something romantic about not meeting, like they had the chance to really get to know each other before all of the physical stuff started. In English class, Mr. Stahlman talked about two poets who wrote to each other for a long time and by the time they actually met, they were already in love. They didn’t even know what the other looked like, and based solely on letters, lines of text like the ones she read from Kyle, they fell in love. The poets’ names were Elizabeth Barrett and Robert Browning, and their relationship was beautiful and historic. But Mandy had a hard time even thinking about her chats with Kyle as a relationship. Sitting in her desk chair, staring at the screen, she thought it all felt kind of hollow. How could anyone know if the person writing was telling the truth? You had to see someone’s face when they shared their lives with you. Maybe modern people were just more cynical. Maybe it was just Kyle.

  MC9010025: Maybe

  Kylenevers: Ugh. Another maybe. First the kiss. Now this. U R going 2 b tough, I can tell.

  MC9010025: LOL. So, when do u actually leave for Stanford?

  Kylenevers: Mon morning. Tomorrow family stuff and packing. Back Fri.

  MC9010025: Will u b online?

  Kylenevers: I’m always online. LOL

  10

  Tuesday afternoon in the cafeteria, while Kyle was somewhere in California adding another city to the long list of those he’d visited, Mandy listened while Drew raved about her new boyfriend. Everything was “Jacob said,” and “Jacob did,” and “Jacob thinks.” Laurel was there too, occasionally making faces at Mandy, often shaking her head in wonder. But, for Drew’s benefit, both kept their smiles stretched wide. Neither of them had seen their friend this happy, ever.

  “He’s already talking about the prom,” Drew said, her cheeks blossoming with blush for the twentieth time since lunch period started. “The prom! God, do you know what that means?”

  “I think it’s a big dance at the end of the school year,” Laurel said.

  “Ha, ha,” said Drew, shaking her head in annoyance.

  Mandy was suddenly struck with a very odd and kind of funny image. She pictured herself at the prom, amid glittering decorations and flashing lights, dancing with her computer screen. Lines of text rolled over it while a slow number gave a rhythm for her feet. She paused and introduced the computer to her friends. This is my date, Kyle. Kyle this is…

  “Dale,” Laurel whispered.

  “What?” Mandy asked, already scoping the cafeteria for him. “Where?”

  “At the cola vend.”

  Mandy looked across the room over the heads of dozens of kids eating their lunches and found the row of vending machines and Dale sliding a dollar into the one on the far left. Seeing him, even so far away, sent tingles through her body.

  “Has he called?” Drew asked.

  “No,” Mandy said. “Why would he call?”

  “I don’t know. You said he apologized and stuff. I thought he might’ve called.”

  Drew was a terrible liar. Fear of getting caught always covered her face like a stain when she tried. She was lying now.

  “Drew,” Mandy said, her voice low with warning. “What do you know?”

  “I don’t know anything,” Drew replied, looking down at her lunch. She made to grab for a carrot stick, then tried for a cube of white cheese. Finally, she grabbed her diet soda and shrugged. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Did you talk to Dale?” Mandy asked, a tremor of excitement running through her.

  “I promised not to say anything,” Drew said into the mouth of her soda.

  “Promises to the opposite sex don’t count,” Laurel said. “It’s like making a promise to your dog. Really. That’s the first rule of dating. Now, spill.”

  “He called last night,” Drew said, looking sheepishly at Mandy. “He wanted to know if you said anything about Saturday.”

  Mandy was suddenly filled with dread, remembering how she’d downloaded everything she felt to Drew that night on the phone. “What did you say?” Mandy asked, now furious with her friend.

  “Nothing,” Drew said, cowering behind her soda can.

  “Oh? Let’s move on to the torture phase,” Laurel said. In a flash she yanked her cell phone from the pocket of her slacks. “I have a certain Jacob Lurie’s digits. What do you imagine Mandy and I could tell him?”

  Wide-eyed, Drew gasped. “You can’t.”

  “I see no fundamental difference in each situation,” Laurel replied, rocking the cell phone in her hand casually. “Now, let’s start at the beginning. We’ll decide your punishment later.”

  Drew spilled. Her voice trembled and cracked as she told them Dale asked if Mandy said anything about getting back together, and “I totally told him you didn’t.” He’d asked if Mandy still thought he was a jerk, and “I said, you really appreciated his apology and thought it was a cool thing for him to do.” And he asked if Drew thought he should try calling or if that would just piss Mandy off, and “I told him he should call.”

  “And?” Mandy asked.

  “That’s it,” Drew said. “I swear. He just told me how bad he’s felt since that night and what a screw-up he is and that he didn’t deserve you and stuff.”

  “He said that?”

  “God, yes. Like fifty billion times.”

  “What else?” Laurel asked, jabbing the cell phone at Drew, displaying it like a hand grenade. “Did you mention a certain boy on the Internet?”

  “No! God, I’m not stupid.”

  “Debatable,” Laurel said.

  “Are you sure you didn’t say anything about Kyle?” Mandy needed to know.

  “Yes. I swear.”

  She was telling the truth. A wave of relief washed over Mandy as she slumped back in her chair. It wasn’t so bad, not nearly as bad as it could have been.

  “I’m sorry,” Drew said. “I really am. I just thought you guys made such a great couple and everything, and Jacob and I are so happy, I want you to be happy too.”

  “I can be happy without a boyfriend,” Mandy told her.

  “Amen,” Laurel said.

  “How?” Drew asked.

  After school, Mandy waited out front for Laurel. She stood by the school sign, leaning against the concrete post it hung on, wondering what was taking her friend so long. She decided to call and pulled her cell phone from her jacket. She looked at the device with a bit of fear. What if she tried to call Laurel and got a wrong number again? The same wrong number? The memory of crumpling paper static and that rasping voice unnerved her, and she thought about putting the phone away. But she couldn’t let one bizarre accident, probably a crossed signal, rule her life. It was just a coincidence she happened to be
in front of the library, alone and in the dark, when the call went through.

  CUL8R

  She hit Laurel’s number on the speed dial and waited, heart pounding.

  “I know,” Laurel said instead of hello. “Still waiting for Mrs. Jacob Lurie to get out of the bathroom. She’s probably slappin’ on a new pad or something.”

  “Leave her,” Mandy suggested.

  “Would if I could. She’s got my bio book. Don’t ask. Long story. I’ll be right out.”

  “Okay.”

  A horn beeped behind her, and Mandy turned to see Dale sitting in his Audi. He lifted a hand in a half wave.

  “Need a ride?”

  Mandy smiled and shook her head. “I’m waiting for Laurel.”

  “Cool,” he said. Then he looked into the rearview mirror, checked the road over his shoulder, and unbuckled his seat belt. A minute later, he was jogging over the grass toward her.

  “What are you doing?” Mandy asked through a smile of confusion.

  “I was gonna call,” he said. “I mean, I want to call. Is it okay if I call you? Like around seven or something?”

  He looked so nervous, so cute. Mandy had to laugh. “Yeah. That’d be nice.”

  “Cool,” Dale said. Then he repeated, “Cool,” before turning and jogging back to his car.

  “What did I just see?” Laurel asked a moment later, walking up to her at the sign.

  “Nothing,” Mandy said.

  “Didn’t look like nothing to me.”

  As seven o’clock approached, Mandy sat in her room. To her surprise, Kyle’s name appeared on her buddy list. You’re supposed to be in California, she thought before realizing he probably was.

  Everybody had laptops these days, and he said he was always online. She couldn’t imagine going to someplace new like that and sitting in front of the computer. It was probably warm there. She’d want to walk around and see things. See everything. What a total waste to travel halfway across the country just to sit in a room and look at the same screen you could see at home.

  Whatever, she thought.