Providence p-1

by Jamie McGuire

  It dawned on me how it must have felt to Jared, to see me suffering, and the deep need he struggled with to make it go away. I felt the same urgency that very moment. My eyes focused on the thin line between his lips, and I moved a bit closer to him.

  Jared rested his soft hands on each side of my face. He leaned in slowly, inches from my mouth. His jaw tensed; he seemed to be struggling with what he had been told was the right thing to do and what he wanted.

  He shook his head. “This isn’t why I brought you here,” he said, pulling away from me.

  “I know,” I sighed.

  Jared stared at the floor, working to even out his breathing.

  I touched his arm. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe we’ve had enough truth for one night.”

  “Do you want to leave?” he asked, concerned.

  “No!” I paused to regain my composure. “No. I just meant that maybe we could talk about something else…if you want,” I fidgeted. “Your training, what schools you went to, friends…girls,” I said, a corner of my mouth turning up.

  “Girls?” he repeated, raising an eyebrow.

  “You know about my utter failure when choosing a boyfriend, and I’m sure you saw the awkward dates I’ve been on.”

  “Those were never a good day at work for me,” he said, furrowing his brow.

  “It’s only fair,” I reasoned. “You must have had at least one bad date….”

  Jared shook his head dismissively. “I didn’t have time to date.”

  I wasn’t sure what expression was on my face, but it made Jared’s eyes squint with chagrin. He clearly didn’t expect to talk about his love life, or lack thereof.

  “I was focused on keeping you alive. Making mistakes in my family means more than having to say you’re sorry.”

  “Never?”

  Jared shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “It wasn’t that I never had the opportunity, or that I wasn’t allowed the time…or even incessantly encouraged,”—his face twisted into a disgusted scowl—“I just had my priorities.”

  “Should I feel guilty or flattered?”

  Jared looked straight into my eyes. “By the time it occurred to me to care about things like that, I already knew you were all I’d ever want.”

  I controlled my eyes from bulging from their sockets, but I couldn’t stop my mouth from turning up into a half surprised, half appreciative grin. My eyes focused on his lips again.

  “So…why did you bring me here?”

  He shrugged. “You said all I had to do was tell you the truth. That was all I needed to hear.”

  “When did I say that?” I felt my eyebrows pull in as my mind rewound the night’s conversation.

  He hesitated. “To Beth…last night.”

  “In my room? How did you hear that?”

  Jared sighed and sat taller in his seat, bracing for round two. “Just hear me out before you leave,” he said in a low tone. “It’s my duty to protect you. I can’t do that without knowing where you are at all times. I couldn’t walk around freely in your dorm, so we had to have eyes and ears in place.”

  “What do you mean eyes and ears?”

  “Your father was meticulous.” He was stalling.

  “Spit it out, Jared.”

  “When you were accepted into Brown, Jack had cameras installed in Andrews and different places on campus. We tracked the GPS in your car of course, but that had been in place the day Jack bought it. We tracked the GPS in your cell phone as well, and your parents’ house has always been wired.” Jared spoke casually, but he was braced for another outburst.

  “There’s a camera… in my room?” I spoke slowly, the anger and shock nearly choking my words.

  “No! No, no, no…,” Jared chuckled nervously. “There’s a camera in the hall. We only placed a mic in your room.”

  I considered that for a moment, trying to recall if I’d ever done anything embarrassing. Nothing came to mind — I hoped that nothing would.

  Jared squirmed. “Just to be clear, I don’t enjoy invading your privacy in that way, but it is necessary.” I pouted as a smile spread across his face. “Well, that’s not true. I enjoyed it last night.”

  I tensed, closing my eyes. “What did you hear?”

  Jared’s warm hand touched mine. “I heard Beth say that you loved me. And I didn’t hear you deny it.”

  My eyes popped open. “You heard wrong, then. I did deny it.”

  “I heard you try to convince her otherwise. Are you telling me that I’m mistaken?”

  I pulled my hand from his in defiance. I didn’t like being ambushed.

  He smiled at my stubbornness. “The second you walked away from me, my choice was clear.” His expression didn’t last long when I didn’t return his smile. “You’re angry.”

  “I have no secrets,” I sulked. “Does my mother know about this?”

  Jared nodded. I threw up my hands in frustration, letting them smack loudly into my lap. He kneeled in front of me on the floor, forcing me to look at him.

  “It was necessary, Nina,” he said, lightly touching my bare knees.

  “So that’s how you always miraculously appear?” I was aware that he knew my whereabouts, but I had no idea I was being spied on twenty-four-seven.

  “That’s part of it,” he said with the evasive tone I was bitterly becoming accustomed to.

  “And the other part is?”

  “I’m getting to that.”

  “There’s more?” I howled.

  “First, since you now know the worst part of it—," I rolled my eyes, “—I owe you an apology,” Jared said.

  “I’d say so!”

  “I’m sorry about Mr. Dawson. Claire was on watch both of those nights, and she made the decision to let it get farther than I would have for intel purposes. She wanted to know what Mr. Dawson knew.”

  “Claire watches me, too?” I shrieked.

  “Yes. I’m sorry you were scared. I relieved Claire the second I heard the news, which is when I came to take you home.”

  Initially I was furious, but the anger disappeared when I remembered feeling desperate for Jared to intervene. How could I be angry with him for wanting the same thing that I did?

  “I thought you would come,” I whispered.

  “You what?” he said, surprised.

  “When Mr. Dawson threatened me, I expected you to show up at any moment. It made the whole thing…tolerable.”

  “Tolerable?”

  And then he was angry. He didn’t speak for several minutes. His jaw flitted under his skin, and he occasionally shook his head. I waited for as long as I could, but I finally prompted him.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, searching his stormy eyes.

  “The first time that you expected me to protect you…I wasn’t there.” He spoke the last three words as if they were poison in his mouth.

  “You can’t be there every second, Jared. You’re only human.” I returned my hands to his. He brought my hand to his lips.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his face twisting in torment.

  “It’s okay,” I said, surprised. I didn’t expect his reaction.

  His earlier description of the suffering he had experienced while witnessing my pain materialized. His time with me must have seemed like purgatory. I felt an overpowering urge to comfort him, and I was just inches away.

  “It won’t happen again,” he promised. His eyes were fixed on mine.

  “I’m holding you to that.” A match had been lit inside me; I was burning from the sudden need to touch him, to alleviate the self-loathing in his eyes.

  I leaned forward and rested my fingers against each side of his neck. My thumbs grazed his jaw line, the fear of rejection a faint memory. Pulling him closer, I pressed my lips against his. He cautiously returned my kiss, but when he began to pull away I refused to let go.

  After a brief, surprised pause, Jared gave into my insistence, wrapping his arms around me and pressing me against him. A quiet hum of satisfaction escaped my l
ips, and his mouth grew more urgent against mine. He sat up on his knees to tighten his grip, and his hand clutched the back of my neck. My breath became ragged as his lips parted and his outstandingly warm tongue found its way to mine. My knees parted and I pulled him against me, eliminating the tiny space between us.

  He groaned in frustration and then his grip tightened, holding me a few inches away by my shoulders.

  “What?” I puffed.

  He took a few deep breaths before answering, staring at my lips. “We still have a lot to discuss,” he breathed, letting go of my shoulders to press my knees together.

  “I’m done talking,” I whispered, leaning in again.

  Jared gently restrained me, amused at my fortitude. “I can’t,” he said, taking a deep breath. “I brought you here to tell you the whole truth, not just half of it.”

  I sighed in resignation, sinking back into the couch cushion.

  He smiled at my pouting. “Not that I’m not incredibly tempted.” He sat up on his knees again, and brushed his lips against mine, pulling away as quickly as he began.

  “Okay. Let’s talk,” I said, more eager than ever to have everything out in the open. “You haven’t been honest with me.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

  “You can’t tell me that you haven’t had time for girls, now. Not when you kiss like that.”

  Jared’s expression was ecstatic, and then he made a poor attempt to disguise it. “I beg to differ. I’m not an idiot…it’s not a difficult concept.”

  “I have kissed boys, some of those boys more than once, that never kissed like that.”

  Jared closed in and kissed my neck — from collar bone to the line of my jaw — stopping to whisper in my ear. “That’s because you kissed boys, sweetheart.”

  My heart pounded so loudly that I was sure he could hear it. I let out a long sigh. “Okay, you’ve got to tell me the rest. The suspense is killing me.”

  Jared shifted to the couch, turning to face me. His face returned to the worried frown he had before.

  “Jared, thus far it’s my understanding that you’ve been raised by a family of assassins. You’ve spied on me, stalked me, installed microphones in my bedroom, and confessed to falling in love with me before I could drive. If I haven’t left by now, I don’t think I’m going to.”

  His face screwed into disgust. “We’re not assassins.”

  “Have you ever killed anyone?"

  Jared raised his eyebrows, shocked at my pointed question.

  “I…er…yeah. But it was to keep you safe,” he explained.

  “You killed people for me?” I asked, my mood immediately shifting.

  “Don’t feel a second of guilt for those people, Nina. They wouldn’t have lost a single night’s sleep over taking your life.”

  I swallowed. “Do you regret it?”

  He didn’t hesitate. “Never. It’s who I am.”

  “What does that mean? You’re a killer?”

  Jared rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I don’t think of it that way. We’re protectors. Though there are those that disagree.”

  “Like who?” I shook my head, thoroughly confused.

  “You’re getting ahead of me.”

  “You’re getting ahead of yourself.”

  “I know.” He rubbed his temples with his thumb and forefinger and sighed.

  “You’re making me nervous.” I laughed without humor. He looked up at me; the hardness of his eyes didn’t relieve my trepidation. “Is it that bad?”

  “It’s just…implausible. It will be your first inclination to be skeptical, and I don’t blame you. But it’s the truth.”

  I nodded and then took his hand in mine. “I’m ready.”

  “Gabe,” Jared paused for a long time and then cringed, “isn’t from here. He’s known your father since Jack was an infant, but it wasn’t until Jack was a bit older that they met.

  “When Jack was twenty-one, he worked for a man named Van Buren. While working there, he befriended Van Buren’s oldest son, Luke, and because Jack spent so much time with Luke, my father in turn spent quite a bit of time in Luke’s home.

  “It didn’t take long for Luke’s younger sister, Lillian, to catch Gabe’s attention. Lillian is my mother. Similar to the way I feel about you, he couldn’t stay away from her. Eventually he made the choice to reveal himself to her, which is against the rules.”

  I started to ask about the rules, but Jared held a finger up so that I would let him continue, “Gabe made a huge sacrifice to be with Lillian. He loved her, and so as far as he was concerned, he had no choice. Even though he had given up everything, his existence still depended on Jack.”

  I shook my head. “Why did it depend on my father?”

  “Gabe was assigned to him. For my father, and those like him, he is assigned to someone — his Taleh — from their birth. Because I’m half of what my father was, the draw isn’t right away. We have to figure it out on our own, and that’s part of why my siblings and I are the bastards of Gabe’s world.”

  “Gabe’s world? I’m sorry, Jared, I don’t understand,” I shook my head in frustration.

  Jared’s hardened expression smoothed into a warm smile. “I know. You will. I’m trying to explain this in the best way possible. Trust me.”

  “Sweet potato fries?” I smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

  Jared’s grin widened. “Sweet potato fries.”

  He watched me for a moment, and several emotions scrolled across his face. His hands touched my cheeks and then he pressed his lips against mine. It felt like he was saying goodbye.

  He reluctantly let me go, and avoided my eyes when he spoke. “We aren’t accepted by Gabe’s family or his enemies. It makes it very difficult to do our job in some ways, and easier in others.”

  “You mean as protectors,” I determined. Jared confirmed my revelation with an approving nod, but my expression caused his small smile to vanish.

  “What?” he spoke in a soft, hesitant tone.

  “Are you saying there is a society of protectors out there that all do…what you do?”

  “S-Sort of. But it’s…providential.” He waited anxiously for my mind to catch up to what he was saying.

  “Providential?” I repeated, letting the word simmer…providential protectors. He chose his words carefully, specifically attaching divinity to describe the family he referred to. When the comprehension hit, Jared winced. “Are you talking angels, Jared?” I said, indignant.

  “I told you it would be your first inclination.”

  I waited for him to tell me he was joking, but his eyes were far from amused. I stood up and paced between the table and the couch.

  He was serious.

  He expects me to believe he is a…he’s my….guardian angel! I thought. My mind mulled over wings, halos, and harps, and I laughed out loud. Jared watched me pace as if he were afraid he’d sent me over the edge.

  “I’m not an angel,” he said as if I was totally off-base. “My father is. Was,” he corrected.

  “You’re half….” I trailed off, unable to mouth the word. I felt ridiculous for even considering it.

  “Human,” he amended, intercepting the alternative.

  My thoughts traced to Jared’s lobbing the man the impossible distance across the parking lot. “That does explain some things. But….” I shook my head. I wanted to believe him and that made remaining objective more difficult.

  Jared walked toward me, but I instinctively took a step back.

  He cringed at my reaction. “I would never lie to you. Do you believe that?”

  Just a few moments before I was determined to believe anything he had to say. But Jared was asking me to believe in fairytales, in the supernatural. His anxious eyes searched my face, begging for me to believe. I was worth his truth and I stood cruelly obstinate. The need to ease his anxiety overwhelmed reason.

  I touched his fading scar with my fingers. “It makes sense, really.”

&nbs
p; I had described him as angelic once, when I hadn’t realized it was closer to the truth than I could have ever imagined. His glowing blue-grey eyes, his strength, the flawlessness of his face and the way he moved; it would be the only explanation. It suddenly didn’t matter if it were possible. I believed him.

  “I still have questions,” I said.

  Hope touched Jared’s eyes, and he led me to the table. I took a bite of my half-eaten slice of cake and giggled.

  “Something’s funny?” he raised an eyebrow.

  “Angel Food.” I pressed my lips together, stifling a laugh.

  Jared chuckled and sucked in a big breath, seeming relieved.

  “Angel Food. Good one.” He attempted an annoyed expression, but the relief on his face thwarted his efforts.

  “Sorry.”

  “You’re forgiven,” he said immediately. “So. Now you know.”

  “Everything?”

  “Pretty much.” A fresh energy seemed to surround him. “There is more, but it’s the logistics of what I’ve told you, and part of that…well, it’s best that you don’t know about them.”

  “Them?”

  “You know the stories, Nina. Where there’s light, there’s dark. If I go into detail and you become aware, it attracts them. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  My body suddenly felt cold, causing my shoulders to curve in and shudder. I knew exactly what he was talking about: demons. Of course they would exist if angels did.

  Jared’s eyes sympathized with my reaction, and he pulled my chair closer to him, leaning over to kiss my forehead. “I suppose I didn’t think through the consequences of promising absolute truth. I don’t want you to be afraid, Nina. I would never let anything happen to you.”

  I took a deep breath and put on a brave face for him. “I know,” I shook my head, “there is so much that I don’t understand.”

  “You have more questions?” he asked, ready for the next barrage of inquiries.

  I looked at my watch. It was almost midnight. “I’m not sure I can get them all in tonight.”

  “You have somewhere to be?”

  “No. I assumed you wanted to sleep sometime. You do sleep, don’t you?”

  Jared smiled. “I do. But I don’t require as much…just a few hours to recharge. Claire and I take shifts.” He sighed and touched my arm. “I owe you another apology. I hadn’t slept long — about twenty minutes when Claire called to inform me that you wandered out of town and were stranded on a dark road. She was prepared to let you wait, but I couldn’t just let you sit in the cold. I’m sorry I was so…abrupt.”