Return to Abundance

by Shanna Swenson

  But this was becoming harder than she’d originally thought. She’d thought she might be able to kill him with kindness, now she really just wanted to kill him. It seemed that it didn’t matter how kind she could be, that wasn’t going to change him. It appeared that she was going to have to fight him. Fight fire with fire. Or perhaps…with ice.

  Fire would be too direct, and he would expect that; her fiery temper.

  She could, of course, give someone a decent tongue-lashing, if need be, but ice would be more effective and subtler…fighting with indifference. She could pretend ignorance and obliviousness. She would attack his weaknesses. Well, the one weakness she’d seen so far.

  He’d told her to watch what she wore and no overnight guests. She didn’t want to push it with the overnight guests, that might be a bit much. He might get so angry that he fired her for that one, but maybe her wardrobe could go a little skimpier. What’s the most he would do about that?

  She smiled to herself. Yes, she would fight fire with ice, and defiance was the best way to start.

  Jordan woke up the next morning, showered, and dressed in a skimpy, low cut, form fitting top, her most expensive push up bra and her tightest pair of jeans. She had curled her hair and added more makeup than usual. If he wanted slut, then slut she would show him by God!

  She had never been a defiant child; she adored her parents. She was an only child, and they had given her anything and everything she’d ever wanted. She had never really had a reason to be defiant, but she liked to challenge authority. She’d always had a problem with it. Besides, this would be fun; watching Nathan squirm.

  She was halfway through cooking breakfast when he popped through the door. She ignored him at first, but then said good morning anyway, simply because she couldn’t help herself. She poured the last of the batter into the waffle maker and turned.

  Jordan reluctantly looked up at him and wished she hadn’t.

  Nathan looked haggard, like he hadn’t slept all that well last night. He was scruffy; his beard needed a good trim in the worst way. When her eyes met his, she did a double take. His dark eyes were swollen and blood-shot, giving them a maniacal quality that made him even more menacing than usual, as if that were really possible.

  “Mornin’,” he mumbled as his eyes trailed over her body, once, twice, making her feel cheap, which was exactly what he was going for. She ignored the looks and walked over to the coffee pot.

  She poured him a mug full and handed it over to him as he propped himself on the island.

  “Here’s your coffee.” She smiled innocently at him.

  “Thank you.” He sipped it eagerly, his eyes looking into hers. She was suddenly drawn in by those deep sapphire spheres surrounded by blood red vessels. Sympathy for him flooded through her. He may be the biggest asshole in the whole world, but he was still a human being, and her heart went out to him for the pain that was so obvious in his eyes. His whole body emanated sorrow, and she longed to reach out to him, but knew that it wouldn’t be a good idea. She thought of something else…

  “Hey, Nate?” she asked and dropped her hands down in front of her.

  His eyebrows went up in question. “Yeah?”

  “I was wondering, maybe, when you have some time on your hands… Could you take me riding?”

  This seemed to surprise him immensely. His dark, well-shaped eyebrows shot up again then drew in suspicion. “Why?”

  “Well, I haven’t been in a long time, and I would really like to go.”

  “Just me and you…?”

  “Well, yeah. That’s fine. We don’t have to make an expedition out of it… if it’s okay with you?”

  He gave her a sideways look, his eyebrows still drawn, and crossed his arms over his chest. “Why in Hell would you want to go off into the woods with me of all people?”

  She turned away from him then and focused back on the waffle she was making. Ice, she thought. Be like ice.

  She shrugged and made her tone sound hurt. “Just forget I asked, since it’s too much trouble.”

  She moved to the pan of bacon and began taking it up out of the pan onto a plate lined with paper towels. She waited.

  He was silent but for a moment then sighed and grumbled, “I’ll see what I can do.”

  With that he walked out of the door and she smiled.

  So, he didn’t like hurting her feelings. Well not all the time anyway. She took a mental note of that. She knew if she could just get under his skin a little bit that she could work him into a frenzy. She would have to be one up on him. She would have to play him, get inside his head. Do exactly the opposite of what he expected.

  Through breakfast, he continued to eye her suspiciously, as if he were waiting for something to happen. Oh, if he only knew what she had up her sleeves! She, of course, feigned ignorance.

  Once they were finished, the guys thanked her and headed out, leaving Nathan sitting, his arms eternally crossed, to stare at her. She tried to be oblivious to his gaze, but he was just so good at intimidation that it was hard for her not to be rattled. She began gathering the dishes and was surprised when he helped her.

  “Did your clothes happen to shrink in the wash?” he asked sarcastically, once they were in the kitchen. She literally dumped the plates into the sink and rounded on him, putting her hands on her hips and keeping her eyes level with his.

  “This is what I wear, Nate. This is the way that I dress. You already knew this!” she exclaimed, her eyebrows arching up in challenge.

  He puckered his lips thoughtfully and watched her with those troubled eyes of his. He really was rather beautiful beneath that hard shell he hid behind. The sky blue of his eyes framed by those long, thick, dark lashes, his raven black hair and russet-colored skin, his perfectly shaped lips with their cupid’s bow top, looking as if they had been carved by a sculptor.

  “Fine,” he said after several moments had passed then he shrugged, “but you don’t have to dress like that to be sexy. You already are!”

  She felt her jaw drop. Was he actually paying her a compliment? She gulped. What was she supposed to say to that? She just nodded and turned to the dishes. She was too surprised to respond.

  She heard him exit a moment later and expelled her breath. She’d been holding it.

  Where had that come from? She didn’t understand… Was he warming up to her?

  No! She couldn’t count on that. She didn’t know if this was a ploy of his or not. Play the asshole card one minute, charmer the next. Maybe he didn’t enjoy hurting people as much as he pretended to… No, that couldn’t be it. There had to be a motive for what he’d said. She would just have to continue keeping her guard up. She shouldn’t take too much stock in his words. She couldn’t!

  Once she’d finished the dishes and straightened the kitchen back up, she wiped down the table and headed upstairs to practice her Yoga routine and think of ways to get under Nathan Butler’s skin.

  Nathan was in a bad mood. Having Jordan Tate around made him feel things; things he didn’t want to feel. For an entire year, he’d been numb, numb to everything and everyone. Yet now, suddenly, just the sight of her made him feel everything but. She stirred his body and mind in a way he didn’t understand.

  He peeled his cowboy hat off and wiped at the sweat accumulating on his brow. He then turned from the four-year-old stallion he was training and watched her as she arched her head back in laughter and a jolt of warmth shot through his chest. Dammit! How was it that she could do that to him?

  She’d been on her way to the office until Zack had stop to flirt with her, and by God, if she wasn’t teaching him the tricks of the trade. Jealousy surged through Nate then, another new feeling in the line of emotions she was blitzing him with. He wanted to growl, to roar at her like a lion forced to renounce his throne. The past two days had been pure Hell for him as he’d fought the urge to break her and bend her to his will, to show her how cruel he could be, how damned he was. Part of him wanted to take her, conquer her with the pri
mal masculine instincts he’d been born with, but part of him wanted to embrace her warmth and let it spread through his broken soul like the sweetness of hot sunshine on a bleak winter day.

  He’d had the nightmare again last night: A relentless series of visions- visions of murder, death and sheer hatred. Repetitive visions of the sin he’d committed against another human being. He’d seen his sister’s lifeless body, so close to death, her crimson blood covering Jack’s hands. He’d felt the fury explode within him as he raised the rifle and violated one of life’s most sacred laws. He’d heard weeping, screaming and rage and woken to feel so completely alone that he’d trembled for hours afterward awaiting the sunrise.

  His attention was riveted back to Jordan as she mockingly fanned herself with what looked like a day planner. She laughed at something Zack said, and her expression was so beautiful that he almost winced from it. He watched as she turned, her full breasts jutting out at him from her tan colored shirt. He gulped as his body betrayed him by reacting to this particular stimulus.

  How much more of this could he take before he went nuts? His hands clenched into fists. He watched her straight white teeth gleam beneath those full pouty lips, dimples coming into view as her long curly hair blew away from her shoulders in the wind. Her nose was small and straight, a perfect compliment to her heart-shaped face and high cheekbones and those eyes a color somewhere between honey and whiskey. Her hand swiped at a runaway strand of hair and in that moment, he wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anything in his whole life and that terrified him.

  Just then Mitch ambled over, and Nate tried to wipe the smirk from his face as best he could.

  “Explain it to me, Jefe. How can you do it?” Mitch’s tone was amicable, and he patted Nate on the back as he spoke.

  Nathan was perplexed. “Do what?”

  “Sleep in the same house with a woman that looks like that and not end up in bed with her?” Indeed, Nathan thought but just smirked instead, which sent up a boom of laughter from Mitch.

  Later that evening before nightfall, Nathan sat alone on the back porch craving the cigarettes he’d given up just weeks ago. He’d not really had the urge for one until today.

  He watched the glowing orange ball, the sun’s last wink, sliding behind the barn and made up his mind. He was going to have to let Jordan go. It was for her own good. She couldn’t stay here with an unstable man like him to harass and embarrass her each chance he got. She didn’t deserve it. She was a good person, but it was high time she found out exactly what she’d gotten herself into.

  He both anticipated and dreaded the sound of the screen door opening. He sighed as he looked up into her whiskey colored eyes.

  “Nate?” She looked at him, confused. “Where is everyone?”

  He looked away, his cold, hard stare focused on the sunset. “I let them go early… They were talking about some new wing place that they wanted to try, so I told them to go try it.”

  “Oh?” Disappointment was evident in her voice, and he thought of the way she had flirted with Zack today.

  “Do you have a problem with that?” His tone was sour with contempt.

  “No.”

  He turned toward her and hated himself for the look he gave her. “Good. Is dinner ready?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then let’s eat.”

  He followed her into the dining room where a spread of food sat. It was both large and plentiful, and again, Nate hated himself for making her feel bad when she’d worked so hard. She took a plate and scooped him some vegetables and a large slice of the pork loin that she’d prepared. He thanked her and waited as she made her own plate before he sat. She sat in the chair furthest from him at the opposite end of the table. They ate in silence, and as it stretched out, Jordan seemed to become more and more rattled by it.

  She’d been an only child, a spoiled brat. She’d never known what bad cards life could deal a person. She’d been blessed to be smart and beautiful and content with little conflict in her life save for the kind she’d brought on herself. She never knew what it was like to truly hate someone or to have her life destroyed by something that was out of her control…

  Once he finished his plate, he began to stare at her, knowing good and well exactly what he was doing to her poor nerves. Finally, reluctantly, she looked up at him. He engaged her in a stare off, and, of course, she was the first to look away.

  She cleared her throat then and with a bravery he hadn’t known she possessed, she confronted him. “Ok Nate, you’ve done what you set out to do. You’ve intimidated me, now what?”

  He crossed his arms over his chest and studied her for several moments before he spoke. “I’m still trying to figure out why you’re here?”

  She sighed in exasperation. “Are we really gonna go through this again? I already told you why I’m here…”

  “Maybe I don’t believe your motives.”

  She threw her hands up, defenseless. “You really think that your sister would expect me to give up my job to come work for you?”

  “No.”

  “Then why can’t you take my answer at face value.”

  “You don’t belong here.”

  She looked surprised to hear that and her brows drew in confusion. “I don’t agree with you.”

  “I didn’t ask you if you agreed with me! I think you should go back to the bank, Jordan.”

  “What?”

  He’d offended her and he should feel satisfied, but instead, he felt really small.

  “Before you get too attached to the ranch and the guys… Before it’s too late to go back to your real job.”

  “I don’t understand… I’ve done nothing wrong.”

  “No, you’re perfect. That’s the problem.” He paused and smirked. “Don’t you see how miserable you will be here in the long run? There is no opportunity for advancement, no retirement plan, no kind of future for a woman with your potential. Besides, you deserve to be treated better than you are.”

  He watched the realization come over her, and her shoulders sank. She then looked him square in the eye as anger spread across her cheeks.

  “I’m not leaving! I like it here and I don’t intend to leave… not for the lack of a 401K or for any other reason. I’m a big girl and I’ll be damned if I let you, Nate Butler, bully me around.” She stood and pointed her finger at him. “If you think, for one second, that I’m going to let you sit there and tell me what I should do with my life, you’ve got another thing coming.”

  Nathan sighed and brought his hands up slowly, palms facing her. “Look, I’m just trying to make you see reason here. I don’t want you to end up hating me in the long run. You’re a friend of the family for God’s sake.”

  The angry eyes that were riveted on him cut through him like lasers. “It’s because I’m a woman, isn’t it?”

  “What?” he asked, surprised.

  “You want me gone because I’m the only woman on this ranch and you’re afraid that I’m a distraction to your ranch hands. The hands that you pay your hard-earned money to. That’s it, isn’t it?”

  “NO,” he practically yelled. But what she was accusing was absurd.

  “Then tell me why you want me gone! The truth, dammit!”

  “I don’t want you gone! I just don’t want you to make a big mistake and I feel that if you stay here, you’ll be making a big mistake.”

  “Why do you care?” She crossed her arms over her chest and waited. She had him there and she knew it.

  “Jordan, you’re my sister’s best friend… you don’t know what’s at stake if this ends badly,” he rambled off.

  Once again, she surprised him as a devious look came over her face, and her voice dropped lower.

  “Don’t you worry about that, Mr. Self-righteous. Besides, you should’ve thought about that before you hired me.” She picked her plate up, pushed her chair in and turned toward the kitchen. “I’m not leaving, Nathan. You’ll just have to find a reason to fire me.” With that, sh
e pushed through the kitchen door.

  Damn, was she ever feisty!

  By the next evening, Nate was at odds with himself. He wasn’t sure exactly how she’d done it, but Jordan Tate had gotten under his skin. All day, she’d been minding her p’s and q’s. The house looked great, the office was organized, she’d run into town and ran the errands she needed to do. He couldn’t find one single thing to encourage her termination. Even more than that, his desire for her was eating him alive, and the sexy little dress she’d wore today hadn’t helped one bit. He was going to have to go to Plan B, although he wasn’t quite sure exactly what Plan B was.

  He loved having her there, but he hated it at the same time. She was a great cook and secretary down to the very end, but the way she flirted with the other guys and walked around like the “Queen of Sheba” had him spitting nails. She was doing it on purpose, he knew she was. She knew how good she looked… She had to know how her appearance affected him, and his sex-deprived ranch hands. Dammit, she was a cold-hearted woman down to her very core!

  On the contrary- she was actually very caring and nurturing, filling any role she needed to. She took care of them all; making sure that the guys had cold water to drink when the sun rose high in the heat of the day, playing the perfect hostess, making sure everyone got their fair share and had plenty to eat before retiring for the night. She’d even succeeded at being a nurse and brought antiseptic spray and a band-aid out for Billy Bob when he’d cut his finger on a piece of barbed wire.

  Nathan couldn’t ignore how perfectly she fit in at the ranch, but he didn’t know quite how to embrace these emotions that she conjured in him. He’d almost enjoyed being oblivious to the world around him, hard and unfeeling, but he also hated being the local jerk; the one that people whispered about when he left, always drinking and in a piss poor mood. He was the town hellion and a disturbance to the peace. He’d be another Ebenezer Scrooge. When he died, everyone would say, “Good riddance”, including his poor sister. Natalie, of all people, didn’t deserve his coldness to her, but he hadn’t been able to open himself up to her since... since Troy. It wasn’t something he could talk about. Not to her, not to anyone.