Return to Abundance

by Shanna Swenson

  Finally, after dinner one night, Jordan was really alone with Nate for the first time since their date. He sat there at the table staring off into space as she cleared the dishes. He looked so tired and worn, both physically and emotionally. It tugged at her heart strings knowing she was the source of some of his stress. She could feel his eyes on her as she moved to the kitchen, placing the dishes in the sink then suddenly, he was there behind her. She gasped, startled and turned. He just stared into her face, studying her, before his arms abruptly went around her and he pulled her into his embrace. She stood motionless, not knowing at first what to say or do. His lips came to her cheek and he planted a soft kiss there.

  “Thank you, Jordan,” he said gently into her ear.

  “For what?” she asked, confused.

  “For giving me my life back.” He held her but for a moment more then released her and walked away.

  She stared at his retreating back, feeling suddenly bereft, wanting to follow him. She shouldn’t follow him though, not until her conscience was clear. If he’d wanted her then and there, he could have taken her, but he hadn’t, not sexually anyway. Perhaps he was finished with her in that department then. Just because he loved her didn’t mean he wanted to be with her. Love was complicated that way, Jordan knew. Dammit! Her pride was suddenly incredibly wounded. What if he didn’t want her? Was that his way of saying he was done with her without really saying it? She felt her heart lurch.

  She faced the next day with such anxiety over the encounter that it was painful. Her self-confidence had taken a hit, a hard hit, and that was her one and only security blanket right now. She had to hold on to it; she was utterly terrified without it. So when that evening came and she couldn’t gain it back, she had to escape the confines of her mind. She showered and dressed in her tightest pair of jeans and a silky low-cut top, put too much makeup on, teased her hair, and left to go mend her tattered ego.

  “Have you seen Jordan?” Nate asked Eric on his way back to the house. It was slowly getting dark, and he’d not seen her for hours now. They’d been so busy this past week that they’d worked from sun up to sun down, and he’d not gotten to see her as much as he’d wanted to. He’d been down here at the barn for the better part of 13 hours each day and save for meals, he’d only seen her in passing which was probably for the best… He’d gone and blurted out that he’d loved her on their first official date. He’d probably be running for the hills too if he’d been on the other side of that revolver. He’d felt immense tenderness in those moments in the truck. Without actually saying it, she’d revealed a whole new side of herself. A soft, exposed, vulnerable side of Jordan that he’d felt no one else had ever gotten to see. It was in her eyes, in her desperation for sexual proclamation, in her tears, and he’d recognized it in himself. It humbled him and moved him and he’d felt his heart and soul fall.

  He’d never been in love before. This was a new thing for him, and he sensed that it was for her in turn. Well, he wanted to believe it was true for her too, but he wasn’t so sure. She’d avoided him like the plague for days now and for good reason, he surmised. He wanted to give her the space she needed, so he had. Jordan wasn’t the type of woman to show people anything but her ironclad exterior, so she’d probably felt apprehensive that he’d gone and seen beneath it. She needed time to stroke her bruised ego. Of all people, Nathan Butler completely understood that concept!

  “Yeah, she told me she was going out. I thought she told you…” Eric looked up, semi-amused that he knew something about Jordan that Nate didn’t know.

  Going out? What the hell? Where? With who?

  “No! She most certainly did not.”

  Eric’s eyes went up at that, seeming to say, “Uh, oh, somebody’s in trouble.” Instead he muttered, “Well, you know the pizza place that Zack was talking about yesterday. They said they all wanted to go and told Jordan to take the night off too and go with them.”

  “So, she went with them and didn’t tell me?” He couldn’t hide the sudden hurt that caused him.

  “I don’t know.” Eric’s hands went up in defense. “I thought you heard the whole conversation. I said that I would probably make it an early night, and Jordan said there were leftovers if I wanted them… You don’t remember?”

  Nate shrugged, frustrated and disappointed at the same time. No, he had not been privy to that conversation and even if he had, he didn’t remember it. His mind had been so caught up in his feelings lately that he felt like he was simply going through the motions of his days, his head stuck in the clouds… It ticked him off though that Jordan didn’t bother to at least mention it to him, and it hurt his feelings to boot.

  “Alright. Well, I’m calling it a night. I need a cold beer and a hot shower. I’ll see you in the morning!”

  “Ok.” Eric put the last of the hay in the final horse’s manger and brushed his gloved hands together. “Good night, boss.”

  “’Night.” Nathan ambled off, his pride slightly wounded.

  When he got to the house, he noticed a note lying on the kitchen counter. It was from Jordan stating that she was going out and there were leftovers. There was even a little heart beside her name. Nate crumbled the yellow note in his fist and threw it down in anger. He didn’t know what made him madder- the fact that she was out with all the guys or the fact that she hadn’t bothered to at least talk to him about it. Leaving a note, what a wimp move! He expected more from her!

  “Well fine! She wants to go out then by God, I will too,” Nate mumbled as he headed to his bedroom.

  He took a nice hot shower, washing the day’s work off of himself, the hot spray doing nothing to squelch his anger. Once he was clean, he dried off and combed his hair back. He dressed in a clean pair of old worn jeans, a flannel and his boots, planting his cowboy hat atop his wet hair. He was out the door and headed down the road in no time. Within a matter of minutes, he pulled in to the Rusty Spur.

  Chapter 13

  It might as well have been just another ordinary night at the Spur, but it was Saturday, so the music seemed a little louder and the crowd a bit thicker. Otherwise, nothing was much different than usual, Nate noted. He waved over at Rick and Buck as he ambled to the bar. Damn, some things never change! he thought. He took a seat on one of the old, well-worn wooden bar stools and looked over to Louise. She gave him a withered look.

  “Alright, Nate Butler,” she started. “No broken bar stools or tables tonight, you hear?”

  He tipped his hat and smiled. “No ma’am.”

  “What’ll it be? The usual?”

  “Yes ma’am.”

  Nate sighed. It would be a while before people noticed the change in him. After all, he’d tarnished his reputation to Hell and back, what did he expect?

  He watched Louise pop the top off his beer and his eyes perused the bar as she sat his drink down in front of him. He thanked her and took a swig. He took in the rows of liquor bottles behind the bar, the lights dangling around the top of it, the large mirror. Much to his surprise, he saw two familiar people on the dance floor reflected back at him. Scottie had Jordan pulled into his arms for a slow dance. All the blood in Nate’s body shot to his face. Anger surged through him as he clinched his fists.

  “That son of a bitch,” he muttered as he turned. He quickly ambled over closer to where they were and propped his hips on the end of the bar, just watching them. He stared at Scottie’s hand on Jordan’s curvy hip. Scottie’s index finger flicked at a strand of her hair as he leaned into her, their feet following the rhythm. He saw Scottie’s face come dangerously close to Jordan’s and Nate’s building rage began to take hold of him, rising just beneath the surface. He felt like he would explode with fury at any second.

  Just then, the song changed to “Call me the Breeze” by Lynyrd Skynyrd and Jordan laughed and pulled out of Scottie’s embrace so that she could line dance. She turned to face out and stopped dead in her tracks as she saw Nate standing there. It took her a moment to gain her voice.

&n
bsp; “Nate!” Her cheeks blushed as she approached.

  “Well, well… looks like you didn’t go out with the guys after all,” he cajoled.

  “Uh, no, I…uh…” Jordan stammered. Nate’s eyebrows went up in question, his face solemn. Her beautifully painted face revealed how off guard he’d taken her.

  “I guess you two made up, huh?” Nate motioned to Scottie, who too came over to where they stood.

  “Yeah, well,” Jordan stated and turned to Scottie then, patting his shoulder platonically; a direct contrast to the intimate embrace Nate had just witnessed between them. “Scottie’s our friend. We can’t stay mad at him forever.”

  Nate just nodded and gave a cold, stretched out, “Uh huh.”

  This seemed to further unnerve an already unnerved Jordan. “Uh, do you want something from the bar?” she asked, looking for a way to end this uncomfortable conversation. Nate motioned to the beer already in his hand, waiting for her to give him some reason not be furious with her.

  “Jordan, I would really appreciate it if next time you would just tell me that you won’t be around. Leaving a note is just a bit spineless,” Nate muttered softly.

  “What the fuck is your problem, Nate? Don’t talk to her like that! She’s your employee not your goddamned slave!” Scottie was in his face now, his finger almost touching Nathan’s nose.

  Nate’s livid eyes took in Scottie’s at that moment and he held his gaze until Jordan pulled his arm down to look at her.

  “No, Scottie. Nate’s right. I should’ve told him.”

  “You don’t have to tell him a fuckin’ thing. You don’t answer to him!” Scottie’s furrowed brows looking at Jordan.

  “Yes, I do. Scottie, he’s my boss.”

  Nate’s eyes held some humor because she was throwing Scottie off guard, and he didn’t quite know what to do.

  Buck came up then.

  “Well hey, Nate!” Nate tipped his hat to Buck who sidled up next to Jordan and threw his big arm around her as if protecting her from Nate.

  These men were Jordan’s friends, his sister’s friends, his friends … And now they looked at him as if they feared for Jordan’s safety with him there. Nate looked around to see that all the eyes in the bar were on him. Aside from the music, there was dead silence. They were all waiting…Waiting for the brawl, waiting for the rage to take over him. Well, sorry folks, but the shows over, he wanted to say.

  He gave Jordan’s bewildered beautiful face a somber smile and tipped his hat to Scottie and Buck then walked towards the bar to pay his tab. Louise was ready, and no words were spoken as he forked over a $10 bill and walked towards the door.

  Jordan’s soft manicured hand on his chest stopped him. She looked up apologetically into his hurt eyes and he wanted so badly to reach down and pull her against him and tell her to let him into her heart. But of course, he didn’t.

  “Nate, please…”

  “I’m not going to fight over you, Jordan. I’m done fighting.” He shook his head and shrugged in surrender. “I’ll see you later,” he said and with a heavy heart walked out of the door and into the cool night. He only wished that was to be the end of this harrowing night, but much to his consternation, it was only the beginning…

  He turned just as Scottie Warden burst out of the door and came, fists flying, towards him.

  Nate pushed him away as Scottie yelled, “No, you won’t, you son of a bitch! She’s quittin’ your sorry ass! You like that?”

  Anger revved up in Nathan’s blood, and he clinched his fists at his sides as he tried to calm himself down.

  “Dammit, Scottie, stop it! You’re drunk,” Jordan called, running towards them.

  “You don’t fuckin’ own her, you piece of shit,” Scottie bellowed, coming at him again.

  “I’m not gonna fight you, Scottie.” Nate’s hands came up in truce.

  “Not fight me, huh? Since fuckin’ when? You love to fight!” The look in Scottie’s grey eyes was maniacal; he was itching for it. Hell, truth be told, he probably wanted Jordan too. Nate understood.

  “No, I really don’t!” Nate corrected him.

  Buck came out then and approached them. “Stop it, you two.” He came between them, his big hands on both their chests.

  “I’m going home.” Nate made a move to turn towards his truck and suddenly felt a swift punch to his right kidney. He went down hard as a barrage of punches came at him from different angles. In his surge of anger and adrenaline, he turned. Scottie’s fists pummeled his chest and face, and Nate brought his knee up and kicked him away. Scottie fell hard into the gravel parking lot and stayed down for a minute, giving Nate a moment to rise just in time to bring his hands up for the next onslaught.

  Where had Buck gone in that matter of what seemed to be mere seconds? Nate looked over. Buck was on the ground holding his crotch, rolling in pain. Jordan was crouched over him. Scottie must have kneed him to get away. Others had gathered outside to witness the fight, and Nate shook his head in frustration. “Come on, Scottie. Enough! Ok? Look at what you did to Buck. Just stop it!”

  “You started this shit, Butler. Don’t you dare try and pin it on me! You came out looking for your little maid in high heels, didn’t you?”

  “No! I—” I just wanted a beer, he tried to say, but he was cut off.

  “You don’t deserve her! You worthless piece of crap.” There it was. “She isn’t gonna stick around for you to destroy her like you’ve destroyed yourself. It’s over!”

  “Scottie, I think Jordan can speak for herself…”

  “Shut your mouth! You don’t speak for her.” It wasn’t easy trying to reason with a drunk man, Nathan knew. So, he just stopped talking and stood there, waiting for Scottie to finish his tirade.

  “She’s going home with me!”

  Nat’s head went back aghast, but he recovered quickly. “If that’s what she wants to do then that’s fine.”

  “Yeah, you’re damned right that’s fine! She ain’t going home with you that’s for damn sure. She can do what she likes and who she likes and it’s nothin’ to you!”

  “I never said that it w—”

  “Scottie!” Jordan came over then. “Stop it! Enough! Get away from him.”

  “See what you’ve done! Now she can’t tell who the bad guy is, and it’s all your fault.” Scottie pointed at Nathan accusingly.

  “What?” Nate asked in confusion.

  “Scottie!” Jordan called again and grabbed at Scottie’s arm.

  Scottie’s eye got dark again. “I’ll kill you if you touch her! I swear. I’ll kill you!” With that, Scottie lunged at him again, fists flying, connecting with Nate’s arms and chest and face. He pushed at him, trying his best not to bring his own fists into the mix. He swung Scottie around, and when he did, one of Scottie’s angry punches found Jordan’s jaw.

  It was as if the scene happened in slow motion. Nate saw Scottie’s balled knuckles connect with Jordan’s right cheek, her head whipped around sharply and she flew sideways, landing on the gravel.

  That was when the rage swallowed him whole.

  Before Nate knew what was happening, he was propelled into Scottie’s frame, his fists pummeling him, upper cuts to his sides and jabs to his face as if he were a punching bag. The speed and force behind his fists amazed Nathan as the fury overtook him. Before he could attempt to stop himself, he was being pulled away and suddenly it was over. His searching eyes found Jordan, she was sitting up, a hand to her red face.

  “Jordan?” Nate called. She just looked at him in pity as an EMT pulled her to a standing position, and she dusted herself off.

  He looked forward. He was being pushed roughly into the side of a police car, his arms wrenching back to be put in hand cuffs.

  Dammit, he thought.

  “You have the right to remain silent…” One of the officers began, reading him his Miranda rights. The other office smirked over at him.

  “Well, if it isn’t Nate Butler. I’ll be a sonovabitch. Can’t say I
’m surprised.”

  “Hey, Tony.” Nate sighed.

  “Who will you be calling this time?” Man, he’d forgotten about that.

  He couldn’t call his father. He just couldn’t. There was only one other person who might could understand Nathan’s predicament.

  “My brother-in-law?” Nate ground out. Tony Harper laughed and laughed as he shoved Nate in the back seat of the cruiser. Nate just threw his head back, cursing his luck. He’d only wanted a beer.

  “I know, I know! Hers is so hungry,” Jack crooned to the squalling baby in his arms. He carried his tiny infant daughter over to the changing table and set about the daunting task of changing her diaper. He was always afraid of not getting the diaper tight enough or even too tight. It was tricky, but he managed. All the while, tears streamed down Savannah cheeks as her little fists and legs pumped and her face turned red as a tomato. “Ok, Ok! Daddy’s almost done, sweetie.”

  Once the task was complete, he brought Savannah back over to his wife who had a beautiful bare breast peeking out of her shirt, ready to feed their daughter. He handed the little bundle over as Natalie cradled her little head, guiding her to her breast as she repositioned and got her latched on. Finally, silence followed. Jack sighed and settled himself back into the bed next to them. He kissed the back of his baby girl’s sweet head and stroked the swirl of her hair as she suckled sounding like a purring kitten happily filling her hungry belly.

  His eyes moved up to his gorgeous wife, who looked utterly exhausted. Her brilliant blue eyes had bags underneath them and her face was pale. She’d not gotten much sleep in the last couple days with Savannah waking every few hours needing to eat and be changed. She smiled weakly over at him, her blood shot eyes looking into his.