Nate started to lift his hips. He’d throw Kellan a towel and finish himself in his hand in the shower, giving Kellan time to freak out and get the spunk off him—maybe time enough to fall asleep.
Hands spread across Nate’s ass, Kellan slammed Nate back down. “No. Finish, damn it.”
The growl in Kellan’s voice rushed pressure from the hands on Nate’s ass, to his balls, to his cock. Nate shifted up, aiming his dick for the groove on Kellan’s hipbone. So fucking close and he didn’t want to come, didn’t want it to be over when he was looking down at those eyes glittering in the dark, the flash of teeth as Kellan bit his lip and urged Nate harder.
Kellan lunged up and nipped at Nate’s neck, catching a tiny bit of skin right over his throat with a sweet spark of pain. He moved his lips to Nate’s jaw, sucking, using his teeth.
“Don’t leave a—fuck.” It tore through him hard and quick, no way to back off and make it last. Nothing to stop those perfect spasms of pleasure breaking through him, firing off arcs of come from his dick until he was dry and his balls were still trying to work up one more shot. He caught himself on his arms before he fell against Kellan’s chest.
“What? Do I have bad breath all of a sudden?”
“No.” Nate slid off and sat on the edge of the mattress, rubbing his jaw. “You’d better not have left a hickey.”
“What’s the problem? Everyone where you work knows I’m crazy for you.”
“Right.” Nate pulled his underwear off the rest of the way and wiped at the come on his dick, in his pubes, on his belly. “Do you want to get cleaned up first?”
“Is that the way it works? You get each other off and then take turns scrubbing off jizz?”
Nate felt like he’d run straight up from the harbor, exhaustion sparking and shuddering in his muscles, twisting his gut with nausea. He wasn’t in any shape to take on another one of Kellan’s challenges.
“No.” He turned and gestured between them. “That’s how this works. Unless you want to lick it off.”
“The way you’re acting, you’d probably bite it off. Don’t you get mellow and happy after you come?”
“You want to cuddle?”
“Guess not.” Kellan rolled off the bed and went into the bathroom, shutting the door quietly behind him.
Chapter Fifteen
KELLAN SPENT about eight minutes in the bathroom, three cleaning up and the other five wrapping his head around the fact that what he was cleaning up was his come mixed with Nate’s because they’d kind of had sex together. So you had gay sex, he told the guy in the mirror silently. And you really liked it.
It had been a lot rougher than he’d thought it would be, which he liked, but then again, he’d never had that kind of sex with a girl, at least not since he’d convinced any of them to take their pants off.
So would he like it with another guy not Nate? He only really knew Eli. He couldn’t see doing it face-to-face like that with Eli. Maybe if he was facedown and Kellan put his dick in the crack of Eli’s ass? That made his balls try to stir shit up again. So maybe anything could get him horny. No surprise there. He’d fuck until his dick was raw any day.
At the moment, Kellan was going to have to come down on the side of being bi. He whispered it at the mirror. I’m bi. And that was all right so far. Or it would be all right if the actually gay guy Kellan had had sex with wasn’t the one freaking out and acting like a dick. He would have thought Nate might show a little concern about what Kellan was thinking, about whether he was freaking out.
But when he got out of the bathroom, though it had only been eight minutes, Nate was in bed, curled up on his side.
Kellan tried to burn a hole in Nate’s back with a glare and didn’t get so much as a twitch. Then he turned on some soft needy eyes, and Nate still didn’t move.
“I’m the one who should be freaked out, you know, dude.” Kellan climbed in and lay on his back, arms folded across his chest.
Nate didn’t say anything.
“Is this some kind of payback for me being a dick to you in high school?”
“No,” Nate said, without turning over.
“What is it then?”
“It was sex. You wanted to know what it was like. Now you do.”
Now Kellan knew, but now he also had a whole shitload of fresh questions. One new piece of info was that Nate was a different person when he was—fucking. There was probably another word for what they’d done, but fucking was close enough.
“Is that what happens most of the time? Is it like that usually? Or blowjobs? Or do you usually do the butt thing?”
“Sex for gay men is a lot of different things—like it is for anyone who isn’t convinced penis-in-vagina penetration is the ultimate expression of human sexuality.”
Now Nate sounded like one of his columns. Kellan had read some back issues online. “Hey, Gray, I’ve been reading your column for a long time, and I hope you can help me.”
Nate shifted but didn’t roll over.
“I always thought I was straight, but there’s this guy I’ve been friends with for years, and we just had sex for the first time. He seemed really into it when we did it, but now he won’t talk to me or even look at me. I’m really confused because I thought we were friends even without the sex stuff, and I don’t know if I’m bi or straight or what. I just wish he would talk to me. Are all gay guys only in it for their dicks? Signed, Bi-Curious Friend.”
Nate flopped over on his back.
“Hey, Bi-Curious, that guy is a major asshole. Run. Right into the arms of a guy who can and wants to help you figure this out. No, not all gay guys are in it for their dicks, any more than all straight guys are, but sometimes we’re more honest about it.”
Kellan tipped his head to see Nate’s expression in the light from the bathroom. There’d been a trace of a smile, but now Nate’s eyes looked serious, staring back at him as Nate went on in the same tone.
“You say you were friends for a long time before the sex stuff. Maybe he’s the one freaking out because you’re the one who changed the rules. Maybe he doesn’t like to think of himself as your test drive on a stick shift. But if he’s not talking to you, I guess you’ll never know. Good luck. Gray.”
“Run. You say that a lot.”
“A lot of people are in really shitty relationships with selfish assholes.”
“And you don’t think assholes can ever change?”
“People are who they are. Someone who fucks up is usually going to keep doing it. Cheaters cheat and liars lie.”
Kellan rolled onto his side facing Nate. “That’s your philosophy of life? For an advice columnist, you’re a big downer.”
Nate shrugged. “Try seeing some of the mail I get. People suck. Sometimes they just want me to give them permission to be bigger assholes to the people they love.”
“I know what Gray would say to that. ‘Run.’ But you know what? I think he’s full of shit.”
Nate rolled away again.
ON HIS way into the offices of Brooks Blast Energy Drinks’ CEO, Kellan stopped to say hi to Tina, his dad’s secretary. She probably knew more about Brooks Blast and the Brooks family then any of them. She gave him a sweet smile. “He’s waiting.”
The man and the office seemed smaller than they had the last time Kellan had been summoned to stand in front of his father’s desk.
Geoffrey looked up as if he was surprised to find Kellan standing there, like he hadn’t sent Shep out to bring him in. He hoped Shep would also be bringing him back. Kellan was going to need a map to find buses back to Nate’s apartment.
“Kellan. Take a seat.”
“I’ll stand, thanks.”
“I wanted to have our meeting in person so that I could be sure I have your complete attention, but to help you focus, this”—his father slid a computer-printed check across his desk—“is a cashier’s check made out for five hundred thousand dollars. And here is your phone, the account reactivated.”
Of all the things
Kellan missed—money, cars, having underwear that didn’t give him a wicked wedgie all day—he missed his phone the most. He’d spent the first week reaching for it constantly. It was insane that with all that money on the table, Kellan was thinking more about his phone. The fact that his father had put it there said he knew it too.
“And is this payment for my time taking the meeting?” Kellan reached for the check, but his father put his hand over it.
“Not quite. I must say I’m impressed.”
Kellan couldn’t help the burst of pride that heated his chest. He couldn’t remember the last time his father had given him any kind of compliment.
“And what’s so impressive?” Kellan folded his arms across his chest.
“That despite your previous habits of chasing everything in a skirt, the Gray boy managed to turn you queer in barely a month. I have to hand it to him.”
“I thought you’d decided I was faking it for attention.”
“Initially I did, yes. But other information has come to light.”
Holy shit. Did his dad have the apartment bugged? How else could he know what had happened last night?
“At least you have the decency to feel ashamed of it.”
“I’m not ashamed.” Not of that. Not one minute of it.
“Then why are you blushing?” His dad’s disgusted tone made the uncontrollable burn on Kellan’s cheeks sound like Kellan was fucking some guy right in front of him.
“Why are you such a bigot?”
“Name-calling. The final refuge of the loser in an argument. I hardly think it makes me a bigot to want my son safe, free of an unhealthy lifestyle.”
Kellan tried to explain that he knew enough to not take risks, but his father cut him off.
“Don’t tell me about your practices; I don’t want to hear it. I’m not only talking about disease. Do you know how many men have lost careers and families by giving in to this? This kind of lifestyle is never going to be accepted. Perhaps I drove you to this, but I’m willing to have you back home, provided you abandon this thing with Leonard’s boy.”
“His name is Nate.” When Kellan swallowed, it felt like there was a gigantic sandbag in his throat. “And you’re wrong.” Damn, that came out too soft.
“What?”
“I said you’re wrong.” Kellan’s voice was stronger now. “You and a bunch of old guys aren’t going to get to decide what people are allowed to do. People don’t think like that anymore.”
“That’s wishful thinking by homosexuals and some deluded liberals. I’ve spoken to senators and governors. I’ve had to hear their concerns about my inability to manage my own household, let alone my business. I’m not going to get into a debate with you. This is unacceptable.”
“Wow. For a minute I almost thought this had something to do with me.”
“It has everything to do with you.” His father opened an envelope, spilling out full-page pictures of Kellan and Nate. Not last night, when they’d actually been doing something, but Kellan resting his hand on Nate’s shoulder as Kellan swung off the scooter; a trip to the market, Kellan waving a zucchini suggestively at Nate, the next shot showing Nate punching Kellan’s shoulder and grabbing the vegetable away; an afternoon too hot to wait in the apartment, Kellan sitting on the steps outside, Nate’s guitar over his knees. Kellan knew exactly what had made him look up and smile like that, the gasping cough of the scooter coming around the corner on Boyer Street. Hell, Kellan was smiling in every shot.
Kellan pulled one of the pictures closer. They were in the laundromat, Nate folding jeans while Kellan was telling some story, hands making some kind of measurement in the air. Nate was watching him, a half smile curling his lips. But it wasn’t what was in that smile that made Kellan want to hide this picture from his dad, from anyone who wanted to judge Nate for that look on his face. There was something softening Nate’s eyes, something different from all the times Kellan had seen him this past month.
Kellan’s chest got tight and hot and cold all at the same time, and he grabbed the picture off the table. He couldn’t stop the smile from breaking on his face, so wide his jaw—even his ears—ached, the crush in his chest making him dizzy. Careful not to crease Nate’s face, he folded the picture and stuck it in his pocket.
“Well?” Geoffrey asked.
“Pictures don’t lie, Dad. I’m gay. I’m in love with another man.” Holy shit. And he’s in love with me.
His father picked up a brass paperweight and slammed it down on Kellan’s phone.
Kellan jerked away, but there was no shrapnel. “Now who’s losing the argument?”
“If you leave now, Kellan, it’s not just the money. You’ll really be on your own. No protection.”
“That almost sounds like a threat.”
“Of course it’s not a threat. Do you think I want something to happen to you? After Keegan?”
“Well, either way, I guess you get your wish. It’ll be like I was never born.”
“You’re a hell of a negotiator.”
But there was a tremble in his father’s voice Kellan wished he couldn’t hear. “I’m not negotiating anything.”
“I’ll put another zero on the check. Five million, Kellan. That’ll go a hell of a long way. I’ll set you up with a financial manager, and you won’t ever have to ask me for money again.”
It wasn’t the money but the desperation in his father’s voice that held him there when all he wanted to do was get back to Nate.
“Dad, look at this.” Kellan held up the picture of him playing the guitar. “Look at me. Couldn’t you just be happy because I’m happy?”
Geoffrey slapped the picture away in a flash of rage, and Kellan wondered if his father would hit him. “Fooling around with some boy is not going to make you happy.”
“Wrong again, Dad. It already has.”
KELLAN KNEW where the BBE offices in Dundalk were in relation to Nate’s apartment, but he had no idea what buses to take to get there. He had a twenty in his pocket, but in a rainy rush hour, he couldn’t spot a cab anywhere.
He’d started slogging his way west when a car pulled up on the curb, slow enough to spare him the gutter douche. When he recognized the black Town Car, hope loosened some of the knots in his stomach. Maybe his dad had finally listened. Maybe his dad actually cared if Kellan was happy, instead of under control.
But when Shep rolled down the tinted window, Kellan could see the rest of the car was empty. “Need a ride?”
“Did he send you?”
“No. He’s working late. I’ve got maybe forty-five minutes, so if you’re getting in….”
Kellan jumped into the passenger seat. “Thanks, Shep.”
His father’s driver nodded and pulled away, whipping through traffic toward Butcher’s Hill.
When Shep pulled up on the corner near Nate’s apartment, Kellan tried to hand him the twenty from his pocket.
“No, thanks. I think you need that more than I do. Tina said to tell you good luck.”
Kellan climbed out and then leaned back in. “Thank her for me.” His father’s secretary had always been nice to him, despite the way Kellan used her like his own travel agent when he was too lazy to book his flights and hotels. “And thank you.”
“He’s not a monster, Kellan. He does worry about you.”
Kellan shrugged. He wasn’t even that pissed at his father anymore. All he wanted was to go see Nate, to find out if what he saw in that picture was true.
Shep tipped his hat and pulled away.
Chapter Sixteen
NATE HAD a definite plan about wallowing in sheets that still smelled like Kellan, so when Eli pressed the buzzer for Nate’s apartment, he thought twice—and then three times—about letting him in, but Eli kept pressing the buzzer.
At last Nate tapped the intercom.
“I’m not letting you freak out over this alone.”
“I’m fine. Go home.” Nate switched off the intercom, and Eli pressed the buzzer again. With a win
d-tunnel-force sigh, Nate let him in.
He knew why Eli was there. After a few people in the Charming Rag office had politely inquired about the bug up Nate’s ass, Eli had been dispatched to get the truth out of him. Eli had set up an ambush when Nate left his office to pee.
And Nate had never been good at lying.
The brush-off Nate had given him at the office didn’t stop Eli from appearing in his doorway now. “Of course he’s coming back,” Eli said, dropping his soaking umbrella in the hall.
“No. He’s not.”
“He loves you, the poor deluded soul.”
“Eli, it was only a scam.”
“What was?”
“The whole star-crossed lovers thing. Kellan’s dad did toss him out, but for fucking everything in a skirt, not for being gay. Kellan just wanted to embarrass his dad, so he pretended to come out. I’m sorry. I should have told you.”
“Bullshit. I know you too well. You’d never have gone along with that.”
“I did.” And he told him about their parents, and the formula, and the promise of exposing the Brooks Company’s so-called cleanup bid.
“But I saw you. You guys—I mean, he did come across a little weird at first, but I thought that was because he’d been so closeted, but Kellan’s not straight. Fuck, Nate, he had his tongue in my mouth.”
Nate shook his head. He didn’t really need the reminder right then. It was going to be hard enough to see Kellan on the gossip sites with his hands all over his next bimbo.
Eli grabbed Nate’s arm. “I’ve seen him look at you. And that sure as fuck told me I wouldn’t be getting another chance with you.”
“Yeah, well, he’s one hell of an actor. He should have stayed on TV.”
“Oh, honey.” Eli pulled Nate into a hug.
Eli couldn’t help spilling his emotions all over any more than Nate could help wanting to give the guy a shove out the door so he could brood about this on his own. He tried to extricate himself from the comforting hug that was only making him more uncomfortable, when he heard the sound of big feet on the wooden stairs.
Bad Company Page 11
