Damaged
Page 20
“No,” she whispered, shaking her head in denial.
“Yes,” Dominic growled.
Stephanie stumbled backwards, unable to take her eyes off him. She wrapped her arms around herself, starting to shake. “You don’t mean that,” she whispered again, shaking her head. “I told you everything. I told you who I was.”
“Yeah, you did,” he said silkily, his hardened gaze pinning her to the spot. “And you actually thought after you told me who you were, I would still want to be with you? That I would actually love you?” He forced himself to drive the knife in deeper, telling himself this was for the best for both of them. “Christ, I was hoping when I didn’t answer your messages you’d get the hint, but no, you had to come here and make a scene. Get this through your head: I don’t want you. I never did. I just wanted to fuck you, and now I’m done. You’re delusional to think that I could ever love someone as damaged as you. Hell, no one could.”
Stephanie’s hands curled into fists and she frantically dug her nails into her palms, fighting for control. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to block out his words. They reverberated through her mind, and she began to shake. Opening her eyes again, her tears fell freely, but she hung her head, refusing to let him see how much he was hurting her.
Dominic slammed his apartment’s door, leaning against it. Sliding down onto the floor, he leaned forward, wrapping his arms around his bent knees. He pressed his face against his knees, his body shuddering. He couldn’t get the stark agony on Stephanie’s face out of his mind as he’d thrown words at her—words he’d had to force himself to say. Rising to his feet, he staggered to the bathroom, launching himself at the toilet and throwing up.
Pressing his face against the porcelain bowl, he found himself struggling to breathe. It felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest, and he took deep gasps, willing himself to calm down.
Lifting himself off the ground, he stared in the mirror with self-loathing. He hated himself for what he’d done to her; for what he’d said to her. She’d tried to control her emotions. She’d tried to hide how she was feeling from him, but her pain had been too strong, and when he’d told her she was too damaged for anyone to love . . .
He hung his head, forcing himself not to remember her expression. Gripping the side of the bathroom sink, agony sliced through him, and he spun around, slamming his fist into the bathroom wall at the enormity of what he’d done.
Ignoring the pain vibrating through his hand, he slumped against the bathroom tiles, sliding down the bathroom wall. She’d given him everything, and in a matter of minutes he’d thrown everything that mattered to him away, all for the sake of friendship. In destroying Stephanie, he’d destroyed a part of himself. Leaning his head back against the wall, he closed his eyes, telling himself bitterly it had been worth it.
STEPHANIE STAGGERED UP the stairs to her apartment, her vision clouded by tears. She gripped the railing as she forced herself to take one step after another. She’d spent the last two hours walking mindlessly around in the rain as Dominic’s words sliced through her. “You’re delusional to think that I could ever love someone as damaged as you. Hell, no one could.”
Dropping to her knees, she hung her head, sobs racking through her body. Unable to breathe, she fell forward, her bloodied palms slapping against the pavement as she struggled against the waves of pain lashing at her. She’d told him who she was. She’d bared herself to him, and he’d thrown it back in her face. He’d never wanted her. He’d just pretended to.
Hearing footsteps behind her, she struggled to lift her head, flinching when a hand touched her back.
“Stephanie?” Angel’s voice penetrated her foggy thoughts, and she squeezed her eyes tightly shut. She didn’t want her friend to see her like this. She didn’t want anyone to see her in this much pain. She’d always told herself she was in control and that she could hide her emotions from anyone, but right now she didn’t want to. She didn’t have the strength to hide what she was feeling.
“Jesus, Stephanie, what the hell happened?” Angel whispered, sitting down on the steps beside Stephanie. Taking in her friend's disheveled state, she shuddered. She’d never seen her like this. Not even after Katrina’s murder.
“He said he loved me,” Stephanie choked out, lifting her head to look at Angel. “He said he loved me, and he lied.”
Angel bit back an oath when she realized Stephanie was looking at her without really seeing her. Wrapping her arm around Stephanie’s shoulder, she guided her to her feet, biting a gasp back when she saw Stephanie’s bloody hands.
“What the hell did you do to your hands?” she whispered, grabbing Stephanie’s wrist and flipping her hand over so her palms were revealed. Her palms were covered with welts and gouges, and dried blood coating them. “Stephanie, what the hell did you do to yourself?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Stephanie said jerkily, pulling her hand out of Angel’s grasp. “Nothing matters anymore. He doesn’t love me. He never did.”
Wrapping her arms around her waist, she whispered to Angel, “What the hell am I going to do, Angel? Just what the hell do I do now?”
Angel met Stephanie’s pain stricken gaze, her heart breaking at the pure agony on her friend’s face. Holding her tightly, she gulped her own tears back as sobs racked Stephanie’s body. Silently cursing Dominic for causing Stephanie such pain, she swore she would make him pay for breaking her best friend’s heart.
STEPHANIE STEPPED OUT of the shower, reaching over and picking up the folded towel lying on the bathroom sink. Wrapping it around her body, she leaned against the bathroom sink, wiping her hand against the fogged up mirror. Staring dully at her reflection, she was unable to prevent the shudder rippling through her.
It had been three days since Dominic had ripped out her heart, leaving her bloodied, raw and exposed. Three days in which she had barely eaten, spoken or slept. She’d let her guard down, and she’d paid the price. It was something she swore she would never do again.
He had taught her a valuable lesson, just as the Jesus Christ Killer had taught her one all those years ago. He’d taught her never to let anyone get close enough to make her bleed. She wouldn’t make that mistake again.
Her eyes filled with tears as she bent over the sink, gripping the edge of it. Who was she kidding? She could barely survive without him. She told herself it was just a bad dream, and she was going to wake up soon enough, but she never did.
She kept waiting for him to pick up the phone. Even after he had hurt her so deeply, she still craved him. She played old voice messages on her phone, so she could hear his voice. She was a complete mess, and it was his fault. No. She shook her head. It wasn’t his fault. It was hers, for letting him get under her skin.
She should have known better. She should never have let him get so close to her. From the moment she’d walked into Outlaws, she’d known he was dangerous; that he was capable of breaking her heart. And he had. He’d broken her completely. Then he’d laughed about it, as if it meant nothing to him.
She cocked her head, hearing hushed whispers coming from the living room. Her friends were worried about her. After she’d fallen apart in Angel’s arms, she’d promptly shut down, refusing to discuss what had happened. Angel had already pieced some of it together from her sobbing ramblings. Angel knew Dominic had told her he didn’t love her. All of them knew she’d slept with him. She hadn’t hidden the fact when they’d come back from San Francisco. She’d been so deliriously happy, and she’d believed that they would be together forever. That he was the one.
Both Gena and Lyn had pushed her to tell them what had happened, but she hadn’t been able to talk about it. Every time she opened her mouth to speak it had felt as if her chest was tightening, squeezing the life out of her, so she’d stopped trying. Instead, she locked herself in her room and stayed there. She’d still be there, if Ben’s party weren’t tonight.
Ben. At least she still had him, even if she didn’t deserve him. She’d cheated on hi
m, and for what? Because she’d thought someone like Dominic could possibly love her.
Angel had warned her. Even Dominic’s ex-girlfriend had tried to warn her at the precinct, alluding to what he was like, but she hadn’t listened. She’d been so secure in her own love for him, and he’d lied so easily that she had missed all the warning signs.
She should have walked out of Outlaws that first night and never gone back. She had been secure in her relationship with Ben. He was safe. Perhaps she could salvage their relationship.
Rubbing her body down, she dropped the towel and reached for the dress Angel had thrust into her hands. The girls had dragged her out of bed, forcing her into the bathroom. They’d told her she needed to snap out of her funk. She had an exam to study for, classes to attend, and tonight, she had Ben’s party to go to.
She stared dully at the dress in front of her. She’d bought it with Dominic in mind. Angel hadn’t known that when she’d found it in the back of Stephanie’s wardrobe. Nobody knew.
Robotically sliding into panties, she ignored the hushed voices of her friends who were now standing outside the bathroom door. She removed the dress from the hanger and stepped into it. Reaching behind her back, she took a deep breath and zipped it up.
She knew her friends were worried about her, but they didn’t need to be. She would get up every morning, she’d attend all her classes, and she would study her ass off and pass all her exams. She would act as if nothing had ever happened. She would do what she’d done before—bury her emotions so deeply inside that no one could ever touch her again. She would survive. After all, she was the ultimate survivor.
DOMINIC STEPPED OUT of the shower, picking up the towel on his bathroom sink and roughly rubbing his hair dry. Tossing the towel around his neck, he reached for a second towel and wrapped it tightly around his waist.
Taking a deep breath, he wiped his hand over the fogged up mirror and stared grimly in the mirror. Shadows circled his eyes, and his chin was covered with a three-day growth. In the last three days, he’d barely slept. Stephanie’s face was the last thing he saw at night before he shut his eyes, and the first thing he saw when he woke up. Not just her face, but her expression. The pain he’d seen there had been so fresh, so devastating, he would never forget it, as long as he lived. He’d promised never to hurt her, but to save his friendship with Ben, he’d cut her as deeply as he could.
He’d told himself she needed to hate him to move on. Running a hand over his jaw, he breathed deeply. He hadn’t just hurt her, he’d destroyed her. He’d seen it in her shattered expression, and in the way she’d hung her head in defeat when he’d told her he would never love someone as damaged as her.
Dropping his hand to his side, he glanced down at his other hand. The doctor told him he’d broken three fingers. He snorted. The pain was nothing compared to what he felt inside. He had never felt this way before. He’d never loved someone so passionately.
He’d spent the last three days remembering their night in San Francisco. It had been the best night of his life, and he would never forget it. They’d laughed and loved a lifetime that night, and he wished they’d never come back to Los Angeles. Bitterly, he wished they had stayed in San Francisco together. He wished Ben had never followed him to Los Angeles. Maybe then Stephanie wouldn’t have met Ben, and he wouldn’t have had to break her heart.
Turning his head at the footsteps coming towards him, he pasted a tight smile on his face when Sandra appeared in the bathroom.
“Dominic, you’re not even dressed yet,” she chided, placing her hands on her hips. He flicked his gaze over her, taking in the scarlet red dress that clung to every curve, and her matching blood red ruby lips, fingernails and toes. She tapped her foot impatiently. “If you don’t get dressed soon, we’ll be late,” she added, pouting in annoyance.
Dominic scowled, anger suddenly coursing through him. He didn’t want Sandra here, but he didn’t want to go to Ben’s party alone. Hell, he didn’t want to go, period, but since his bar was hosting the party and Ben was his best friend, he didn’t have much of a choice. He’d automatically called Sandra without really thinking about it, and she’d come running. He raked his gaze over her again. She was a means to an end, nothing more and nothing less. He couldn’t have cared less if he saw her again after tonight.
Once tonight was over, he’d throw himself into Outlaws and finding investors for the San Francisco and San Antonio bars. He’d focus on the bar, and eventually his feelings for Stephanie would fade.
Leaning over, he slammed the bathroom door shut in Sandra’s face, ignoring her squeal of indignation. He snorted. He was only kidding himself. He loved Stephanie. He’d continue to love her until the day he died. When you met someone you connected so deeply with that it felt as if your souls were intertwined, you didn’t just fall out of love with them. Your love for them stayed deep within you. If you were lucky, you got to spend the rest of your life with them.
Dominic picked up his electric razor, turning it on. Beginning to shave, he fought against the pain raging inside of him. He hadn’t gotten that lucky. Instead, he’d fallen in love with his best friend’s girlfriend.
You didn’t get shittier luck than that.
Dropping his towel, he reached for his clothes, systematically putting them on. Tonight he was going to have to watch his friend touch Stephanie. He was going to pretend he didn’t give a damn. That’s where Sandra would come in handy. He’d smile and laugh and celebrate the launch of Ben’s record deal.
Even if it killed him.
STEPHANIE WATCHED BEN open the car’s passenger side door, holding out his hand to her. Slipping her hand into his, she stepped out of the car, looking around in surprise. Her heart pounded frantically against her ribs when she realized where they were heading.
“Ben, what are we doing here?” she asked desperately, almost turning around and getting back into the car.
Ben slipped his arm around Stephanie’s waist, oblivious to the tension radiating from her. “Remember how I told you a friend was hosting the party for me? Well, this is his bar,” he said. “I can’t wait for you to meet Dominic. He’s been my best friend since we were five. I know he’s going to love you.”
Stephanie’s stared at the Outlaws sign emblazoned in red, nausea rising up inside of her. “Dominic Delaney is your best friend?” she choked out, turning white when he nodded enthusiastically.
“Yeah, he is. I’m not surprised you’ve heard of him. Dominic has a bit of a rep where women are concerned. All the guys want to be him, and all the girls want to be under him,” Ben said with a chuckle. Shaking his head, he added, “He tends to be a bit of a dog when it comes to women. He loves them, and he leaves them, but he’s the best friend a guy could ever have, and he’s extremely loyal. I know he has my back at all times and vice versa. Both Ty, my other best friend, and I followed him out to California shortly after he moved here. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made.”
Glancing at her, he studied her worn out expression. Reaching out to brush his knuckles against her cheek, he asked softly, “Are you okay? You were awfully quiet on the ride over here, and don’t quite seem yourself.”
Stephanie shrugged carelessly, tearing her eyes off the Outlaws sign to glance at Ben. Her expression softened and she nodded her head, swallowing back the tears that were threatening her. “I’m just tired. It’s been a tough few days, with the fire and all. I’ve got exams coming up and a mass of assignments due. I’m just . . . exhausted.”
“Do they have any leads as to who set fire to your jeep?” he asked, not taking his eyes off her. He’d never seen her look like this. There was an air of dejection surrounding her, and she wasn’t her usual energetic self.
Even when Stephanie was dealing with her demons, there was a restless energy always vibrating around her. She went through life at an amazing pace, and he’d often thought if she stopped for one second, she wouldn’t know what to do with herself. She’d be lost. Like she was now.
“Ben—”
Ben placed two fingers over her lips, shushing her. “No, Stephanie, I’m not stupid. I know I’ve neglected our relationship. Hell, we both have, but I promise that I’ll try harder to make it work between us. I’ve been a shitty boyfriend, working long hours and pushing myself to get this record deal. I haven’t spent enough time with you.”
“Ben—”
“No, Stephanie. I know I haven’t, and it’s caused our relationship to fall apart at the seams. I know you’ve been distant. I know you’ve met someone else. I don’t know if you love him, or what’s happening with him, but I don’t want you to give up on us yet.” His eyes darkened with turmoil. “I love you, Stephanie. I’ve never told anyone that before and actually meant it. I’ve told girls that I loved them to get them into bed. I’ve told them I loved them because it’s what they’ve wanted to hear. I’ve never said it from the heart, but I am with you now.”
Breaking off, he slid his arms from around her waist, reaching up to cup her face in his hands. “I love you, Stephanie Carovella. I have from the first moment I saw you. I know you don’t feel the same. Hell, I expect you to walk away from me after tonight, but I needed to tell you anyway. You have my heart, completely and unconditionally. You always will.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Stephanie whispered, her gaze meeting his emotional one. Taking one of his hands from her face, she held it tightly in her own. “I’m not going to deny that there was someone else, because there was.”
Watching him flinch in pain, she whispered, “I’m sorry, Ben. I know you want me to deny it, but I won’t lie to you. I’ve never lied to you before, and I’m not going to start now. Not about this. I met someone, and for a brief moment he made me forget about all the bad stuff in my life. He made me feel things I’ve never felt with anyone before.”