High Country Christmas

by Cynthia Thomason

  Noah paid the bill before Sawyer would realize how accommodating she’d been. When they got in the truck, Sawyer said, “I can’t wait to tell Ava about the dress.”

  Noah smiled. That makes two of us.

  * * *

  ON SUNDAY, CHRISTMAS EVE, the Crestview Barn was decorated with the magic of the season. The bride had chosen a color scheme of silver and white with touches of ice blue—perfect for a cold mountain wedding. Twinkle lights adorned the rafters, and trees lined the center aisle and temporary altar. Exquisite white poinsettias decked the podium where the minister would stand to deliver the vows.

  Ava accompanied Kayla and Kayla’s cousin to the barn where the three women dressed for the ceremony. The bride looked beautiful in a dress with a long train adorned with rhinestones and pearls, and both attendants were pleased with their floor-length satiny blue dresses. Nathan, Carter and longtime family friend, Sam McCall, were super handsome in their black tuxes.

  Ava had never seen Sam so happy, and she knew that Allie, the waitress at the Holly River Café, was the reason for his euphoria. They’d dealt with their differences over Allie’s falling into trouble with the wrong crowd a few months ago and now Ava didn’t doubt that there would be another wedding soon.

  Noah had been disappointed that he wasn’t going to pick Ava up, but he understood the responsibilities of the bridesmaids. He and Sawyer would arrive together, and Ava would be with Noah once the vows were said and baskets of glittering fake snow were released from the barn ceiling.

  Shortly before the service, Ava responded to a knock at the bride’s dressing room. She opened the door to see her uncle Rudy. “You came,” she said simply. “I hope this means what I think it means.”

  He thrust an envelope at her. “You win, Ava. I can’t risk losing important clients over this little dispute.”

  Another bright spot in a glorious day. Ava smiled at the words little dispute. She took the envelope. “Thank you. I’m glad this is over.”

  “I wasn’t about to miss my nephew’s wedding,” Rudy said. “But I can assure you that this is the last wedding of Raymond’s children that I will attend.” He scowled at her. “You could have broken this family forever, Ava. I hope you’re happy.”

  “I’m not in the least happy, Rudy. But I am pleased that justice won out for my mother.” She started to close the door, leaving him gaping at her. “Enjoy the wedding.”

  Every wedding is magical. But Jace and Kayla’s was especially so. The processional, classical and sparkling, accompanied Carter’s daughter, the flower girl, and the bridesmaids down the aisle. Ava was halfway to the altar when she spotted Noah in a dark suit and crisp white shirt. Black tie all the way.

  He looked so handsome. And then he smiled at her. She held her head high and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. This was Kayla and Jace’s wedding, and she wouldn’t spoil it by practically swooning at one of the guests.

  Would there be another wedding for the last of the Cahill children? She could almost picture it. But if he asked, it should only occur after she’d told him about Charlie. Ava, always known as the “pride of the Cahill kids,” could not begin a future based on a lie from the past. The beauty of the wedding, the wonder of such a romantic moment convinced her. Tonight would be the perfect time to tell him about Charlie.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  DINNER WAS SCRUMPTIOUS. Roast duck and all the trimmings. Noah sat with Ava at the bride’s table. Sawyer joined Robert at a table for special guests, and they seemed to be talking easily. Robert looked so grown-up in his sport coat and trousers. And he looked something else, too. Proud was the one word Ava could think of. Jace said the boy had been making phenomenal progress at the Blackthorn School.

  Sawyer, dazzling in a knee-length white dress, her hair swept up in curls, seemed to have grown leaps and bounds since coming to Sawtooth. She was learning every day that to get respect she needed to give it. The change had begun with Charlie, with whom she showed extraordinary compassion that now extended to Robert and even her father. Sawyer and Noah still disagreed on Noah’s future plans, but they were talking through the issues, and much of the animosity Ava had witnessed a few weeks ago had been replaced with reasonableness. Sawtooth Home had helped many young people over the several decades of its existence, but maybe none so much as Sawyer Walsh.

  Noah was attentive and sweet. So attentive that Ava wondered at times if the guests might confuse the real bride and groom with them. He whispered often in Ava’s ear and ended one conversation with a soft kiss. She could get used to a life with an attentive man and the bond of a wonderful family.

  About nine o’clock when some of the guests started leaving, Noah asked Ava if she would like some fresh air, a walk in the lush grounds of Crestview Barn. Assuring her that he could make the trek with no trouble, he linked his arm with hers and they stepped into the cool, clean air. The lights of Holly River twinkled in the valley and glowed from the homes of those rugged souls who had built on nearby mountains.

  Ava snuggled into her warm winter coat and stopped at the edge of the property, where the town below looked like a Christmas card. “What a beautiful night,” she said.

  “The only thing that would make it perfect is if I could waltz you around that dance floor.” He chuckled. “But I have to admit, I couldn’t do that with two good legs.”

  “Dancing is not required,” Ava said. “Although all the single women here kept looking at you as if they wanted to rip that cast right off your leg.”

  “Funny, I didn’t notice,” he said. “I’ve only been interested in one of the ladies attending tonight. Think her last name is Cahill.”

  She smiled. “My mother?”

  He laughed and took her hand.

  “Didn’t you think it was a beautiful wedding?” Ava asked him.

  “Absolutely. Your brother is one happy and lucky guy,” Noah said. “He gained a wife and a son just in the last few months, and I think he believes his life is complete now.”

  “He does. There were obstacles in their way, his and Kayla’s, and it was hard at first for him to wrap his head around being a dad and everything that comes with it. But then all the problems just seemed unimportant and he jumped into his role with love and enthusiasm. Jace told me he had a sort of epiphany on the river one day, and he hasn’t looked back since. He and Nathan are as close now as any father and son who’d grown up with each other.”

  Noah took a deep breath. Balancing on his crutch, he slipped his arm around Ava’s shoulder. “So, speaking of weddings, how do you feel about getting married someday?”

  She turned and stared into his eyes. “Is this a question about my general feelings on the subject, or do you have a specific reason to ask?”

  He tightened his hold on her shoulder. “I guess I just can’t believe that you’ve never met the right man. Or that I am lucky enough to have found you in time.”

  “I’ve thought about marriage,” she said. “I certainly have nothing against it. But obviously it’s a big step.”

  “Oh, obviously,” he said with a hint of humor. “I can’t imagine that all sorts of men haven’t fallen for you.”

  “They have, Noah,” she responded with a coy look at him. “Dozens. But I’ve been very selective.”

  “Yeah? How do you feel about a forty-year-old tower climber with a teen daughter, and a motorcycle? His baggage is filled with past mistakes, but he’s trying to do better.”

  She leaned her head on his shoulder. “I would be more concerned about his future than his past,” she said. She held her breath for a moment. She didn’t believe that he was going to ask her to marry him, but they were certainly skirting around the issue, and her heart was racing faster than her mind.

  He tilted her face up and kissed her. “I’m falling for you, Ava. I hope I’ve expressed that in countless ways, but it seems especially important
to say it tonight. In a way, it’s kind of scary considering my marriage track record. In another way, it’s the most exciting thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  She didn’t speak, but she kissed him again trying to answer him with passion, not words. Then she looked out over the valley. “It’s peaceful, quiet here in Holly River,” she said. “At least, most of the time. I wonder if this place could satisfy you.”

  “With the right person, any place could satisfy me. I wonder if you could be satisfied with a man who hangs from towers for a living, if he decided to cut back on the more difficult climbs.”

  She raised her head from his shoulder. “After what happened to you, Noah, I can’t deny that thinking of you doing more climbs is a very scary thing to me. But there is something I need to tell you, and it’s more important than your job.” The words had come from her mouth before she’d had time to think of stopping them. It was now or never.

  “Really? Am I wrong or are you hinting that there is still a secret or two between us?”

  She looked into his eyes. “There is one, and it may alter this conversation we’re having.”

  “Then don’t keep me waiting.”

  She fisted her hands and tucked them inside the long sleeves of her coat. Suddenly, even though she was so close to Noah, she felt chilled. “Remember the other day when you were outside of my office when I was talking to one of our counselors?”

  “Sure.” He glanced down at his crutch. “I was conserving steps that day, not eavesdropping.”

  “I know that. Anyway, it figures that you must have overheard some of our discussion and I’m wondering what you thought.”

  “Obviously what was said was between you and the counselor. But I did hear enough to understand that you wanted a bigger role in Charlie’s life. I’m not surprised. You obviously care about this kid, but...” He paused. His hand around her shoulder slipped to her elbow. “Ava, I just wonder now... I don’t mean to be blunt, but are you thinking of adopting Charlie?”

  “Actually...” She paused, choosing her words carefully, and Noah filled in the silence.

  “I know he means a lot to you, Ava. He must be a very special kid. Even Sawyer likes him. She acts almost like a big sister with him.”

  Ava placed her hand over her stomach in an effort to ease an ache that burned inside her. Noah had no idea how true his words were.

  “If making him your adopted son is what you want,” Noah continued, “then I have no reason to doubt your sincerity or question your desire to make his life better.” He took a deep breath. “But it could complicate things with us, so I don’t know why you didn’t tell me this before now.”

  “Noah. I’m not thinking of adopting Charlie.”

  “You’re not? Then...what?”

  “I don’t have to adopt him.” Ava stepped out of Noah’s embrace, faced him squarely and held both of his hands. “Charlie is already my son.”

  Noah’s brow furrowed. “What? But he had parents. They were killed in a plane crash you told me.”

  “Yes, that’s true. He was adopted by the Marshalls when he was born. They are the only parents he has ever known.”

  “And you’re telling me that you are his biological mother? You gave birth to him?”

  “That’s right. I wasn’t married, and I was scared. Getting pregnant wasn’t what I’d planned at all. I’d set my goals, there was a lot I wanted to achieve, and I wasn’t in the right place to be a mother. A good mother. And I knew my baby deserved much better than me. I chose the Marshalls from among many candidates and only agreed to an open adoption.”

  Noah’s face reflected his disbelieve and even his disappointment. “So you gave him away?”

  “I thought it was the best thing I could do for him.”

  He swallowed, croaked out his next question. “What’s an open adoption?”

  “It means I have had access to news of the child his whole life. I can request pictures, reports. I can’t see him, of course, and I certainly can’t identify myself to him, but I can know that he is okay and happy and being well cared for. That’s how I knew that his parents had been killed.”

  “And his parents agreed to that?”

  “They did, and they kept me aware of the major achievements in his life. They were excellent parents, and as much as I came to regret my decision, I would never have tried to take Charlie away from them.”

  “You regretted the decision?”

  “I did. Almost from the moment he was taken from my arms. I have agonized over Charlie for so long.”

  Noah slowly shook his head. “I have to tell you, Ava, this is a tough one for me to get my head around. You had money. You came from a supportive family. You could have raised the child. But you gave him up.”

  “I could have provided for him, but not in a way that was best for him. I loved him, Noah, from the moment I knew he existed. But I also knew I would not be a one hundred percent mother to him. I would always be lacking. And no child deserves a parent who cannot commit one hundred percent.”

  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Perhaps he was wondering if he had committed one hundred percent to Sawyer for fourteen years.

  “And then...” She paused, breathed deeply. “There is the fact that I wasn’t in a relationship at the time.”

  Noah’s eyes reflected his confusion and his pain. “Ava, knowing you as I do, I can’t imagine you becoming involved with someone you didn’t care deeply for.” He looked up, his eyes appearing dark and guarded in the evening lights. “Ava, did a man force himself on you?”

  “No, no. Nothing like that.” She smiled and realized that probably only confused him more. “Charlie’s father is a good man. I know that now. In fact, I wouldn’t be telling you this if I didn’t totally believe that.”

  “Okay. It was six years ago, right? One indiscretion. I have no right to judge you. I’ve never been one to uphold double standards of any kind. After all, you and I, that one night...”

  She struggled to keep her expression neutral, to wait until she was certain he was ready to hear. But she knew the truth had a way of breaking through the most determined calm.

  He stopped talking, his gaze never leaving her eyes. His face paled. He looked as if someone had sucker punched him. “Ava...the timing. Charlie is five. Are you trying to tell me...” He bit his bottom lip. “Ava, is Charlie my son?”

  Ava’s eyes stung. One tear rolled freely down her cheek. She didn’t know if she was crying from relief that it was out in the open or if a fear of the future now that Noah knew made her regret the confession. But it was done. She had expected that he would figure out his connection to her—and perhaps ultimately to Charlie. But now that it had happened, her blood felt as cold as the wintry breeze rustling through the trees.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  NOAH JERKED HIS hands from Ava’s grasp. He looked around for a place to sit. He needed a seat before his one good leg collapsed under him. But there was no place to rest. He and Ava were on the edge of a mountain. And he felt like he was going over.

  “Are you all right?” she asked him.

  “All right? Are you kidding? How do you think anyone would feel having learned that they’re suddenly a parent...again?”

  “I’ve told you before... Jace went through the same thing.”

  “Well, I’m not Jace, am I?”

  “No, you are not.” The chill in her voice only made her colder.

  He turned away from her, struggled to maintain his balance on the cumbersome crutches. “I’ve only just started to get through to Sawyer, and I find out I have a five-year-old son! I can’t have this now. Not now.”

  Ava rested her hand on his arm. “Maybe we should go inside, find a warm, quiet place to talk.”

  “Right. Let’s go inside where everyone is celebrating. Let’s find a place to hash out the biggest betraya
l that’s ever happened in my life.”

  “Noah, this isn’t a betrayal. No one is asking you to be a parent to Charlie. I haven’t said a word about that, have I?”

  “Then why tell me at all?”

  “You have a right to know. And because you and I are getting close. I have every intention of making Charlie part of my family. And if you...”

  “What? You think I want to be part of the Cahills? No, thank you. I can’t imagine I’d ever measure up.”

  Her mouth opened but no words came out. For a moment Noah wondered if she were even breathing. And then he realized it was the shock. She let out a long, trembling breath, her expression turning cold and hard.

  “Get one thing clear, Noah. I don’t need you to help raise this child. I don’t need your money, or your false compassion for a boy you obviously don’t even want to get to know. And most of all, I don’t need your questionable parenting skills. Charlie and I will be much better off if you don’t become involved at all.” Her voice quavered. Her bottom lip trembled. But she wasn’t done. “I can see I’ve made a terrible mistake in telling you about Charlie. But at least—” she gulped back a sob “—I know without question how you feel.”

  She whirled away from him and hurried back toward the barn.

  He kicked a clod of snow with his good foot and almost lost his balance. Not surprising. And he was nearly freezing to death. He wasn’t a mountain man, never wanted to be. And the woman he’d thought he loved had just delivered about as shocking a piece of information as anyone could ever get.

  So why was he feeling like the heel? He didn’t even know Charlie. Had only seen him a couple of times. One of those times he’d offered to play soccer with the kid. That was the kind of thing a dad did, but Noah had just volunteered his time to be nice. Well, at least now he wouldn’t have to bone up on his soccer skills.

  * * *

  AVA RUSHED INTO the ladies’ room as soon as she reentered the barn. Thankfully no one was in there. And thankfully no one had spoken to her when she beelined for the safety of a bathroom stall. Or maybe someone had spoken to her but she hadn’t heard. And she didn’t care.