Ford, Jessie

by Remember Me Love

  Aaron took her hand, and led her to his room. He did not light the lamp, but opened the draperies, letting in the bright moonlight. Pulling back the bed-covers, he motioned to Louisa, who hesitated, then slipped off her dressing gown, pulling her soft nightgown closely around her, as if to conceal herself. She climbed into the narrow bed, feeling incredibly cold and tense, and stared mutely out at him, watching him carelessly discard his clothing. He put a loaded gun on the table beside the bed, and turned to face her. He took a long look at Louisa who at first returned his gaze, but not for long. She rolled over, turning her back to him, grasping for the covers, feeling herself go rigid as he moved next to her.

  Louisa felt trapped, certain some dreadful blow would fall on her. Instead, she felt warm hands gently stroking her soft hair as it cascaded over her body. He pulled some of it to his face, and inhaled its fragrance while Louisa stiffened and turned herself nearly onto her stomach. But again she felt Aaron's hands on her. He touched her hair and caressed her slowly, moving a hand down her back, over her buttocks and thighs. His breathing became slow and heavy, and he drew her against him, reaching for her breasts, rubbing their fullness in his hands. He put his mouth against her ear and sighed deeply eagerly kissing the curve of her neck. His hands moved down her body, pressing her urgently to him. He stroked her thighs which she only pressed more tightly together and he pulled her gown to her waist, pushing his bands against her belly. She arched her back and stiffened even more. "No!" she cried hoarsely.

  Aaron was still for a moment, then pressed his body heavily against her. His breathing was strained; his body taut and eager for hers. He clutched her to him in an almost crushing grip, and nestled his mouth below her ear, gently stroking her throat with his tongue. "I won't rape you, Louisa. But I will have you one day."

  Louisa lay very still, barely breathing. At length, he gradually relaxed and she knew he was asleep. At first, Louisa thought her body and its various limbs would snap under the tension she felt. Then, very slowly, she let herself go, and relaxed under his weight, feeling some warmth return to her, and by early morning, she, too, was sleeping soundly. In their slumbering, they shifted their bodies in the narrow bed, alternately moving close and away. They drew warmth from each other and their dreams were familiar and gentle.

  But just as the sun came up, a knock at the door woke them both. Immediately Aaron was alert. When he heard Carmen's voice, he relaxed. "Señora, baby needs feeding." Hearing an angry baby in another room, Louisa turned to face Aaron and started to rise, but he put his arm over her.

  "Bring her here, Carmen," he called. Louisa just stared at him, too exhausted to dispute him but very uncomfortable in the small bed, and again she tried to get up. This time, Aaron put a leg over her hip, pinning her down.

  "I have to nurse my child," Louisa frowned.

  "What better place than in her mother's warm bed," smiled Aaron.

  "It's too crowded here," she glared.

  "We'll make room." He touched her bursting breasts. "Just what I like," he grinned.

  Louisa's face reddened, her whole body flashed with heat, and her milk began to drip relentlessly. "You're 'crude," she said, gritting her teeth, not believing her position.

  "And you're beautiful, and a little overmatched," he laughed, slapping her bare bottom soundly. She lurched up under his hand, inadvertently thrusting her breasts into his face. "Mmm," he groaned, and laughed loudly. Louisa struggled as he pushed her down, his hands seeking her furiously, but they were interrupted again by Carmen's loud rapping on the door. "Come in," he called, releasing Louisa.

  In her rumpled state, Louisa's face colored as she stared wildly at Carmen. Carmen was nonplused, and quickly entered the room, handing Rachel over Aaron's half-covered body to Louisa. "I'll be back for her," she said, excusing herself from the room. Rachel was furiously hungry and Louisa turned her back to Aaron and snuggled the eager infant, meeting her anxious mouth with her breast. Quickly, Louisa and Rachel were soothed, and not disturbed even when Aaron pressed himself against Louisa, putting his arm around her and the infant.

  Louisa was very weary and dozed intermittently.

  She felt oddly comfortable in the warm bed. Soon Rachel was satiated, and the three of them slept peacefully in the early-morning quiet.

  Later Carmen rapped discreetly on the door, hesitating when there was no response. She rapped again and still there was no response. She fumbled at the door and entered the room to stare pensively at the quiet threesome. She was struck by the handsome little family nestled together, but suspected the tranquility was somehow an illusion.

  Aaron soon sensed someone was in the room and woke with a sudden tenseness which also disturbed Louisa. Aaron realized instantly he was in a safe place and relaxed, turning over leisurely.

  "Sorry, señor. I worried. Nobody answered. I'll take baby back to her bed," she offered nervously.

  Aaron nodded. "Breakfast later, Carmen? But leave us alone for now," he said as he gently lifted the sleeping infant from Louisa's arms, and gave her over to the older woman.

  When Carmen left the room, Aaron closed his eyes again and lay back in the bed. He stretched and sighed, then turned his head to look at Louisa. She seemed relaxed and half asleep as she lay on her back, eyes closed. He smiled at her and turned on his side to face her. Pushing wisps of soft, golden hair from her face, he gently ran a finger over her profile, lingering at her mouth whose soft fullness he slowly outlined.

  Louisa opened her eyes and looked at him tenderly. Oh God, you look so familiar, yet I don't know you, she thought as he stared into her eyes, filling himself with their blueness.

  Like the sky on a cloudless day, he reflected silently, wondering if her eyes promised the same freedom and joy he felt when he looked up into such a day, and before either of them realized it consciously, he began to caress her cheek, kissing her mouth to find her yielding softly to him.

  Then he kissed her deeply, gathering her urgently into his arms, his desire for her obvious and unrelenting. And Louisa met his warm mouth as if she were coming in from the cold, unable to deny the warmth that surged in her body or her desire to respond to him for, though nothing else was certain, she knew their coming together was inevitable.

  Chapter Five

  RECONSTRUCTION of what had been Louisa's room began late that same morning. Surveying the damages, she found very little needed to be done. It would be easily restored. There seemed to be more water than fire damage, and in this dry climate, repairs could be made easily: new draperies, a few panes of glass, new carpet, paint, and all would be fresh.

  But now Louisa had little inclination to re-establish herself in this lonely room where she had spent long haunted hours trying to settle herself on this coast. Perhaps she would make it a sitting room, or Rachel might use it as a playroom one day soon. Yes, that was it. "But we'll want my bed. It's larger, and we could use a bit more space to sleep in," she mused. How quickly she'd adjusted to the new arrangement! Especially after this morning.

  Her body became flushed when she thought about Aaron. She had spent months forgetting the pleasures her body had to offer, thinking its joys might well have been lost to her past. She'd thought the passion she'd felt for Marshall certainly was for him alone. But incredibly she'd discovered life still had lessons for her to learn. Aaron had rekindled a fire in her she only wished to fan. Even now she thought she could still feel the heat of Aaron's body, his mouth seeking every part of her, the warmth that flowed from her, and the eagerness with which she accepted his thrusting body into hers. She had made this disturbingly familiar stranger a welcomed part of her, a stranger no more. At last she had taken the man with the familiar face and met him, separate from the other's identity.

  The familiar face was one thing, his body another. Louisa's memory of Marshall was one of love and tenderness and an incredible sweetness. But Aaron wanted more from her, and would exact nothing less. There was a fierceness in his lovemaking, an urgency in him, an almost dreadful
need she could only wonder at. Marshall had only fleetingly exposed her to that side of him, so these experiences were new to her. Aaron made her want more than she could recall. And she knew she wanted more of him. Louisa had yet to know him fully, she realized, remembering his threats of the night before, weighing them against the wonderful tenderness he'd shown her. And she also wondered over the flashes of violence he'd shown. Perhaps he wanted more from her than she wanted to give, more darkness than she cared to, summon.

  Facing the thoughts among the debris of the night's fire, Louisa looked back to other fires. She sat down in her old rocking chair and began to rock gently, closing her arms around herself, as if to hug a needy child. She wondered why she'd salvaged the chair at all, or the faded baby doll. These things may have held some pleasant memories, but certainly the majority of the thoughts they summoned were nightmarish. In fact, why did I bring any of these things with me to my new life? she thought. They came from an unclean past. But these objects were surely guiltless, like she was, after all. They would remind her, not damn her. And she didn't want to forget entirely, or else she might not be able to salvage anything good of herself....

  Fire, always fire. Like the flames of Hell, she thought.

  The first fire she remembered was accidental enough. A servant had failed to tend a cooking fire properly. Afterward the girl had been publicly beaten within an inch of her life. Just punishment, it was said. Louisa couldn't comprehend it all. The only thing she'd salvaged from her pretty room that night was a china baby doll, and she had barely escaped with that. The flames had traveled fast. The wind was up, and in the dry spell, they were lucky, everyone said, to have lost only the main house. It was then that Louisa began to have nightmares, dreaming of the fire and the face of her china doll, Tessa being consumed in flames. In her dreams, Louisa mourned Tessa as if she were a real person: except for Nanny, she had only her baby doll. Momma belonged to Papa, if she belonged to anyone, certainly she hadn't belonged to Louisa. Momma was so frail, Louisa thought. "Momma is not well today. Go with Nanny. Don't disturb me now. That's a good girl."

  But how Momma glittered on special occasions, if not for Louisa. Everyone raved about her. Her beautiful clothes, her jewels and perfumes, her gay manners. Surely she was lost in this barbarian country, some said. Perhaps she would have been happier in her native France. Papa was gone a lot, which seemed to weigh on Momma, too. But when he returned, he would bring back such wonderful things, not the least of which were the decanters of special liquid Momma was so fond of.

  Louisa recalled Momma's glitter but also her tarnish. After those gala parties they seemed to have whenever Papa's ships came back, Momma would disintegrate. How Louisa worried! Sometimes Momma would seem at death's door, at other times frighteningly agitated; she would laugh and cry and scream until something would calm her. What, Louisa never knew.

  Often, when one of these gala events was planned, Louisa would be packed up with Nanny and sent off to the Hudsons', which certainly suited her, because she would see Marshall Hudson and Andrew Sutton again. She dearly loved those "dreadful boys" as Momma called them. They introduced her to all sorts of things she'd never have learned about if she'd had to stay in Momma's house. Momma failed to understand how Emma Hudson allowed Marshall such freedom, but when it suited her convenience she never failed to send Louisa off to the Hudsons' hospitality And Louisa joyfully shared the boys' freedom. "That child is too confined," said Emma Hudson firmly.

  Then after the fire, they all stayed with the Hudsons while their house was rebuilt. Louisa had never known such delicious, seemingly endless freedom. Momma fretted some, but the fire had left her even more distraught, and she had less inclination than usual to worry after Louisa. Occasionally, she'd warn Louisa about being too friendly with Andrew Sutton because he wasn't "high-born" like she and Marshall, but that made little sense to her. Nanny, dear Nanny, covered up as best she could for Louisa, who guilelessly followed Marshall and Andrew into the swamps and into any mischief they could invent.

  What Louisa loved best was frog-hunting. Momma often expounded on the wonderful delicacy of frog's legs, but Louisa was sure Momma would perish instantly if she knew Louisa, Marshall, and Andrew were regularly catching and feasting on swamp frogs. What enormous fun she had bounding after those creatures, giggling wildly, turning over each of the few she captured to Marshall or Andrew to stash safely until enough were caught for a proper feast.

  Then Louisa busied herself getting fuel for the fire while the boys prepared the frogs for cooking, something she steadfastly refused to have anything to do with, in spite of their insistence that cleaning the "game" was something a girl ought to tend to. She preferred setting up and lighting the fire. It was almost a ritual of absolution for her, but she hardly recognized it as such. She was always totally transported in the act of preparing the fire. Marshall and Andrew merely got used to her fascination with that aspect of their outing, and they paid little attention to the solemnity with which she accomplished her task. After all, Louisa took some getting used to anyway. At eight years of age, Louisa Boyd was a skinny wisp of a girl, taken in hand reluctantly by the boys simply because she refused to leave them. And she never cowered, no matter what death-defying stunt they invented. She merely wore them down, and finally they accepted her.

  The threesome became infamous around the plantation, among the hands as well as the family. For the most part, their mischief was innocent enough, but one night they decided to aid a runaway slave and succeeded in effecting his escape. Infamy and acceptance spread rapidly among local slaves, and, at the same time, sealed the fate of their eventual separation.

  They made a curious trio: one fair fairylike imp of a girl whose nerve was undisputed; two handsome boys, oddly similar in character and alike as brothers in appearance, except that one was blond, one dark. Louisa loved them both, desperately drawn to them as her mother's behavior grew increasingly strange, and as her own dreams grew worse. Often, if they stopped to doze in an afternoon, one of the boys would spend some time comforting Louisa in the timeless way of sheltering a frightened animal in one's arms. But they forgave her her terrors, as children do if they remember the horror dreams can sometimes hold, and the boys' compassion essentially saved the child.

  Chapter Six

  EMMA Hudson was nearly beside herself. Ordinarily she was hard to ruffle, but the strain of the Boyds' lengthy visit in her home was telling on her usually calm nature. Claudia Boyd was increasingly difficult and demanding; "ill" as often as not. "Drunk," Emma pointed out to her husband, Simon.

  Emma was an odd match for Simon, but a lucky one. She had propriety. He had flamboyance. And their match suited his purposes well. She also had enormous wealth, as well as self-respect. And being a man of vision, Simon accepted her worth and her rules, straying only until it was no longer profitable. Perhaps he should have seen the handwriting on the wall even then, he reflected later, but fortunately, for him, Emma had forgiven his transgressions. She knew her power, and his financial position at the time was precarious. His assets were primarily tied up in land and slaves, with very little liquidity for schemes just beginning to prosper. So, when she agreed to graciously overlook his blatant infidelity, exacting his promise of future fidelity or utter ruin, he acquiesced, knowing he'd made a good bargain―a few petty dalliances were not worth the loss of Emma Hudson with her many assets; after all, she adequately warmed his bed, as well as filled his coffers.

  Other financial considerations had prompted the appointment of Simon Hudson as Louisa Boyd's guardian. Since Louisa's father, Justin Boyd, and Simon were often involved in joint business ventures, and Justin was frequently away from home, it seemed a logical designation in view of Claudia Boyd's increasingly precarious health. And so, the families intertwined from the beginning. The guardianship made sense, but, as much as she dearly loved the child, Emma worried over the possible burden of taking her into their home. Louisa often woke the household, not to be consoled when she stirred from
her dreams, and Emma wondered if insanity lurked in Claudia's family background. Little was known of Claudia, except that she was French. A born courtesan, thought Emma. She fascinated men and enhanced any entertainments her husband deemed lucrative enough for his attention. These attributes seemed to be credential enough in this society, thought Emma.

  Between mother and child, the Hudson household seemed permanently unsettled. Even Justin Boyd was more than a little annoyed with Claudia's consumption of alcohol and concerned by the effects of quantities' secretly consumed over the years, readily visible to anyone who cared to look and comprehend. And the fire, and its destruction of the things Claudia regarded as irreplaceable, had not enhanced her disposition. Nor had the fire quenched her thirst. Justin had married Claudia when she was young and beautiful, he recalled. He couldn't quite forget her seductiveness, but it had somehow blurred. Louisa echoed little of her mother's allure, especially in the Hudson household, and Justin grew quite restless as he found himself even temporarily forced to remain in the home, often patron, it seemed, to lunatics. Overseeing the reconstruction of the household was something Claudia would have been responsible for, had she not been floating in a crystal decanter, hour after hour.

  Justin found planning the minor details of restoring furniture and possessions to the household to be beyond his patience and attention span. He increasingly relied on Emma, and whenever possible his principal servants made choices they would never make in another household. He found it almost amusing that one of the highlights of his recent weeks was planning Louisa's new room.

  "I saw some pale blue silk on one of my trips which I think would make a lovely canopy and cover for your new bed, Louisa."

  "Can't it be pink, Papa?"

  "I suppose it could be any color you choose."