In the Shadow of the Mountains

by Rosanne Bittner

  He turned and left, and Susan stared after him in total shock. She was immediately deaf to all the noise of the city, barely aware of her surroundings as she half stumbled to her horse, which was tied farther back in the alley. She stopped beside it, bending over to vomit, her chest so pained she could barely breathe.

  Chad! Her beautiful, beloved Chad! How could this be happening? How could anyone be that cruel? How could he have fooled her so perfectly? His eyes had held such sincerity when he told her he loved her, would come for her. He had made love to her with such utter passion and devotion. She cried out at the thought of what she had let him do to her, and she vomited again.

  The horrible reality set in. He had used her in the worst way! In a sense he had raped her, over and over, for if she had known he didn’t really love her at all, she never would have given herself to him. He had lied to her with a smile on his face, had raked over her naked body in pure lust, as if she were a whore! Now Irene was coming home, and he was done with her. She was left with his baby in her belly, left to disgrace her family, the daughter of a minister, soon to be walking around with a swollen stomach and no husband.

  She managed to climb onto her horse and lead it out of town to open land, galloping for the deserted cabin where it had all begun, the place where she had thought she had found the love of her life. When she reached it, the reality of what she had done, what she had lost, overwhelmed her, so that she half fell from her horse. She crouched on the ground, heaving in great, bitter sobs, wanting nothing more now than to die.

  Among Denver’s upper class, those struggling to bring Christianity and civility to that still-wild gold town, the suicide of Susan Stanner was a great blow, especially to Bea Kirkland, who had been personally responsible for bringing the Reverend Will Stanner to town. Bea considered it an immense scandal, but she was close enough to the Stanners to feel their intense grief.

  No one knew why Susan had done what she did. After she had been missing for several hours, her father rode out to the trail she used to frequent. He had found her inside an abandoned cabin, hanging from a rafter by a piece of rope off her own horse. There had been no sign of foul play, no sign of a struggle. His daughter’s body had not been beaten or abused in any way. An old table had been dragged to the spot as though the girl had deliberately and willingly climbed up on it in order to tie the rope over the rafter. The table was overturned, as if she had kicked it away. Officials could draw no conclusion but suicide, and the Stanners’ grief was beyond comforting.

  The funeral was widely attended. Most felt deeply sorry for the Stanners; some judged the Reverend Stanner as apparently an unfit father to have had a daughter who would do such a thing, and therefore perhaps he was unfit to minister to them. Others had come out of mere curiosity, and the town was ablaze with gossip over the reasons the poor Stanner girl might have hanged herself.

  At the funeral Bea wept bitterly, thinking of Irene and Elly, hoping they would never be so despondent as to do something so drastic. She thought especially of Irene, how sick and depressed she had been after Bea had secretly caused Ramon to leave town and marry someone else. Had Irene considered taking her own life? Had Susan’s suicide been over a man? It was beyond Bea’s comprehension that any man could mean that much to a woman, or that any woman could be so weak. But then Susan was not a woman yet. She was still so young, just as Irene was.

  While she wept into her handkerchief, Bea was grateful that at least Irene had Chad, a solid, dependable man who would never allow Irene to be hurt. Kirk was still in the mountains with John. Bea had no one to cling to but Chad, who kept his arm around her.

  Elly watched Chad out of the corner of her eye, suspecting he knew something about Susan’s death that he wasn’t telling anyone. She had not missed the way Chad had looked at the girl and the way Susan looked back at him. Something was very wrong.

  Chad watched the casket being lowered into the ground with a look more of shock on his face than sorrow. Elly had no idea what was really going through his mind. Chad found it incredible that any girl would go to such lengths over a simple affair. She could have told her parents about the baby, could have made something up. She could have gone off and had the thing and given it away. Other women had been known to do such things, and it wasn’t the end of the world

  His stomach tightened at a thousand emotions. He was sorry for Susan, but he didn’t really blame himself. She was young and apparently much weaker than he had thought; and, after all, a girl ought to know how to keep from getting pregnant. If she wanted to sleep around and believe everything a man told her, that was her problem. Still, he had apparently underestimated how much she had truly loved him, underestimated his own power over women. He supposed some of this was his fault, and he breathed a secret sigh of relief that Susan had not left behind an incriminating note. No one but he knew the real reason for the girl’s death, and it gave him a strange feeling of guilt. He was not used to feeling guilty for anything, and he supposed he would get over it eventually. After all, it was not as though he had taken her to that cabin and killed her with his own two hands. At least now there would be no accusations, no explaining to do.

  Bea had invited everyone to her home after the funeral, and two men had to hold onto Mary Stanner to keep her from collapsing. The woman had to be taken home shortly afterward, but Will Stanner stayed on, graciously accepting condolences from all those who came to express them. Young Sam Stanner sat crying in the corner of the parlor, speaking to no one.

  When most of the people had left, Mr. Stanner asked Bea if there was a place where they could talk alone. She led him to her sewing room and closed the doors, turning red, puffy eyes to meet his own. “What is it, Reverend?” she asked.

  A tall, gangly man with head and hands that seemed too big for the rest of his body, Stanner took out an already-damp handkerchief and blew his nose before turning away and lowering his head. “I must tell you something. I don’t want it to go any farther than this room, Mrs. Kirkland.” He turned and met her eyes. “I am taking my family and leaving Denver. You should see to getting a new minister.”

  Bea frowned, stepping closer to him. “Reverend, we can’t always control our children. This could have happened to any one of us, I suppose. It doesn’t make you any less worthy.”

  He shook his head. “You don’t understand. Only the coroner knows, Mrs. Kirkland. Susan…Susan was…pregnant.”

  Bea reddened slightly, feeling a tingle through her whole body. Her first thought was of Irene again, what might have happened if she had not stopped the girl’s young passion for Ramon as quickly as she had. “Oh, Reverend, how terrible for you!”

  “How terrible for Susan. She should have felt she could come to us, but she didn’t. We failed miserably as parents, Mrs. Kirkland. And considering I had a daughter who was seeing someone out of wedlock, let alone that she committed suicide, I simply cannot bring myself to go on preaching. Maybe someday, after I have had time to sort it all out, to pray about it, I will again be able to stand behind a pulpit.”

  “I understand. I’m so sorry, Reverend.” She touched his arm. “We’ll just tell the others you’re too grief-stricken to go on with your duties and that you feel a need to leave Denver for a while. No one needs to know all of it.”

  “Thank you. I just…I wish I knew who the man was who did this to her. It’s a terrible thought, but I keep hoping maybe on one of those rides Susan took…maybe she was abducted…forced. Maybe she felt it was her fault and felt too guilty about it to tell us. I—I can’t believe she would have willingly given herself to a man. She was so young and innocent. Horrible as being forced might be, to think it might have been that way is my only comfort.”

  Bea considered his theory. “Yes, perhaps she was forced,” she said thoughtfully. A worried look came into her eyes. “I think I had better keep an extra close watch on my own daughters. Denver will never be safe as long as we still have drunken Indians and miners on the loose, let alone those Chinese and Mexican
s. And now a lot of Negroes are coming here, freed slaves from the South.” She shook her head. “We have to have more law and order in this town, Reverend.” She sighed, touching his arm again. “There is no sense telling others, since we have no proof Susan was attacked. It would only start a panic, maybe lead to some innocent man being hanged. It’s just something we’ll never know for certain. I’m so terribly sorry.”

  Stanner nodded. “I had better get home to Mary. She—she doesn’t know…about the pregnancy. I don’t want her to know.”

  “I understand.” Bea led him to the door. When she opened it she found. Chad standing not far away, smoking a cigar and looking out a window. He looked at both of them, appearing almost worried about something.

  “Is there anything I can do?” he asked quickly, curious about Stanner’s reasons for talking to Bea alone. Had Susan left a note after all, naming Chad Jacobs as her lover? He was relieved to see no anger or animosity on Bea’s face.

  “No,” Stanner answered. “There is nothing anyone can do, but thank you, Chad.” The man left, and Chad looked at Bea. She read the question in his eyes.

  “The reverend is leaving Denver,” she told him quietly, coming closer. She dabbed at tear-filled eyes again. “It’s worse than we thought, Chad. Susan was pregnant.”

  “What!” Chad feigned surprise. In fact, he was surprised, surprised that anyone else knew.

  “The coroner discovered it.” She took his arm and led him into the sewing room. “I am only telling you, Chad, because the reverend fears she was attacked and was afraid to tell anyone about it. That means someone in this town might have…might have raped her. I don’t like using that word, but I want you to be alert and aware. When Irene gets back, I want you to keep a close watch on her. Don’t let her go riding off on Sierra alone. Don’t let her go anywhere alone.”

  “Of course I won’t,” Chad assured her.

  Bea collapsed against him. “Oh, I’m so glad she has you, Chad. And I’m glad you’re here for this. It seems Kirk is never here when I need him most.”

  He patted her shoulder, relieved that Stanner thought Susan might have been raped. He had not thought of that one. Such a thought could only help save him. Her parents would not be trying to find out whom she might have willingly had an affair with. They were not about to believe she would throw herself at a man with the brazenness she had shown Chad.

  “Kirk will be back soon,” he said aloud, “and so will Irene. Things will seem brighter then.”

  “Oh, I suppose.” Bea pulled away. “I had better go and see to the remaining guests.” She patted his arm. “What I have just told you must never leave your lips, Chad. The reverend doesn’t want others to know Susan was with child.”

  “Of course not. I’ll not breathe a word.” He watched her leave, feeling almost as though he had just escaped the noose himself. He breathed a sigh of deep relief, looking down to brush some lint from his coat. He started to leave the room when Elly suddenly made an appearance, walking out from behind a grand piano. Chad caught the movement and turned to see her standing there. He frowned with irritation. “What the hell are you doing back there?” He almost hated the pesty girl for always sneaking around where she didn’t belong. She was the only female who had ever made him feel uneasy.

  Elly smiled, sauntering toward him in an effort to appear sexy. “I was in here when Mother and the reverend came in. I had a feeling they meant to be alone, so I decided I would hide and listen to what they had to say.”

  Chad stepped closer, eyeing her cautiously. “This is a very delicate matter. Your mother promised the reverend no one would know. I hope you have the sense to keep your mouth shut, young lady.”

  Elly folded her arms. “I’ll keep my mouth shut…about more than Susan being pregnant.”

  Chad reddened slightly, suddenly hating her more. “What do you mean by that?” He found it incredible how much she resembled her mother, especially when she straightened to her full too-tall height and faced him squarely as she did now.

  “It was yours, wasn’t it?” For the first time ever, Elly saw the charm and eternal graciousness vanish from Chad Jacobs’s eyes. The soft gray turned to a steely gray, and his jaw flexed with anger. She distinctly sensed he had a great longing to choke her, but she knew she was safe, and she knew she was right.

  “What the hell is it you’re talking about?” he hissed.

  “The baby. You’re the one Susan Stanner was seeing, aren’t you?”

  He sucked in his breath, struggling not to look guilty. He managed a sarcastic smile then. “You, little girl, are capable of great fantasies. I have better things to do than to go around destroying nice young ladies like Susan Stanner, a minister’s daughter at that. I happen to be in love with your sister, Elly, something you can’t stand. But it’s a fact, and I am going to marry her, and I’ll thank you to stop sneaking around trying to catch me at something and to stop throwing yourself at me. And you can definitely stop thinking up ridiculous lies to tell about me.”

  She put a hand against his chest. “I never said I’d tell. I want you to marry Irene, because it will keep you around. I know it’s the only way I’ll ever be close to you.” She met his eyes boldly. “I love you, Chad, just like Susan did. I’m just not stupid enough to hang myself over it.”

  “Shut up,” he growled, grabbing her arm.

  She laughed. “I knew it!” She turned away. “It’s our secret. Maybe nobody would believe me, but then again, I could make them wonder, couldn’t I? Can you imagine the scandal for this family? Why, people would run you out of town tarred and feathered. And you certainly would never get to marry into the family, would you?”

  Chad hurried over and closed the doors. “You’re a damn liar and a foolish young girl who is so jealous and full of hatred she can’t even think straight! You mention such an outrageous story to your mother, and you would be the one in trouble, Elly Kirkland! You know how your mother feels about me, and I am a lot smarter than you are, so you’d better think twice about such talk. No one would believe it in a million years! You’d be a laughing stock.”

  She pouted, stepping closer to him again. “Maybe. But I think I’m right. I can tell by the look on your face.” She breathed deeply, studying his eyes, seeing the hatred there. “Someday, Chad, I’ll have you for myself. You hate me now, but you won’t always hate me. I could tell on you, but I won’t. That’s how much I love you.” She folded her arms again. “You can marry my sister. Everybody expects it, and I hate her for it. I don’t care if you marry her, because I know you’ll hurt her, and she deserves to be hurt, like I hurt. At least if you marry her, you’ll still be in the family, and when you’re tired of her, and when I’m older and know more about men, you’ll make love to me like you did with Susan Stanner.”

  She daringly reached out, grasping his wrist and placing one of his hands on her full breast. “See? I’m not such a child. You’d like to do it to me right now if I wasn’t Irene’s sister, wouldn’t you?”

  He watched her eyes, gauged her intent. He could handle any woman, or girl, and this one was not going to be any different if he could help it. He gave her a smug smile, lightly squeezing her breast, totally undoing her, he could tell, with just those slight gestures. He moved his hand from her breast to touch her face, leaning down and planting a kiss smack on her lips, surprising her. He drew the kiss out until he felt the hatred and vengeance going out of her, until he knew he had her under his power. He left her mouth then, keeping his face close to hers.

  “Maybe I would like to,” he told her, his voice gruff. “But I truly do love Irene, Elly, and you’re too young for me.” He moved his gray eyes over her, feeling her begin to tremble. She was not as ready for this as she had thought, and he could tell he had shaken her. “You’re wrong about Susan Stanner, Elly, and that’s the God’s truth. But you aren’t wrong about me sometimes wanting you. It’s just a natural manly instinct, because you’re young and pretty, and I know how you feel about me. But I don�
��t intend to act on those feelings, because I want to be part of this family, and I don’t want to hurt anyone in it. It will be easier for both of us once I marry Irene and we have our own place, so I don’t have to be around you so much.”

  He drew back, taking hold of her hands. “I’m flattered you have such strong feelings about me, Elly, but you’ve got to remember you aren’t even fourteen yet. I’ll get over these temptations, and you’ll learn to love somebody else. That’s the way it has to be.” He squeezed her hands, leaning forward and kissing her once more, lightly. “But we’ll always have this moment, won’t we? It will be our special secret. If you really love me, Elly, you’ll let it go at this and not bring me pain by spreading a lie about me or by telling your mother or anyone else that we just shared something so intimate.”

  She watched his handsome face in wide-eyed wonder, finding it wonderful and incredible that he actually did seem tempted, that he had thought about her after all! “Yes,” she whispered. “I won’t ever tell.”

  He gave her his best smile. “Did you think I didn’t know how you felt, the way you were always trying to sit close to me, the way you looked at me? I’m honored, Elly, but it just can’t be. I’m sorry.”

  Her eyes teared as he squeezed her hands again. “I am, too,” she told him, her voice squeaky.

  He let go of her, stepping away. “We had better get back out there with the others.”

  She nodded, all her cockiness and sureness gone. She had almost hated him when she first confronted him, but now love flooded her again. Maybe she had been wrong about Susan. But then if she was not, she could almost understand now why the girl had done what she had done. It didn’t really matter. She was not about to do something so stupid. She intended to live, to learn about men, to wait for the right moment when she could steal Chad Jacobs from her sister’s bed.