In the Shadow of the Mountains

by Rosanne Bittner

  Two other young ladies from the Methodist church to which the Kirklands now belonged would serve as the other bridesmaids. In spite of bad times, Bea had managed to raise money to build a new, much grander church than the original small building in which Reverend Stanner had preached. The new minister was older, with grown children and grandchildren.

  Because Irene had led such a sheltered life, she had few close friends from whom to choose her attendants. The two young ladies from church were merely the daughters of close acquaintances of Bea’s. Irene knew them, had talked with them several times at church meetings, but as she made her wedding plans, she realized she had never had much chance to develop intimate friendships.

  She often wished she did have closer friends, or at least one very close woman friend with whom she could talk about her upcoming marriage and what to expect. Charlene was too giddy and childish, and since it had been a year since Irene had left the girl’s company, they were not close enough anymore to share such intimate feelings.

  It embarrassed her to think of talking about sex with her mother, and she wondered how much help the woman would be anyway, considering Bea’s cold relationship with Kirk. Sometimes Irene considered talking to Rose, her personal maid. Rose was nearly the same age as Irene, but this poor orphan, pulled off Denver’s streets, came from such a different world, Irene was not sure how to talk to her. Besides, would Rose understand that Irene might have problems, that she had once loved someone else, that she was a little bit afraid of her wedding night? Once a woman was betrothed to a man like Chad Jacobs, who would have eyes for anyone else? Who would be anything but thrilled about the prospect of spending her wedding night with such a romantic, handsome, nearly heroic figure?

  Irene suffered her fears and doubts alone. Her only relief came in trusting Chad, in believing he knew what to do, how to treat a woman. He was not a cruel man, he didn’t drink, he had always been a gentleman. Chad was her best friend now, she reasoned. He was all she needed.

  The long-awaited wedding day finally came. Kirk was home, as excited as everyone else over his daughter’s marriage. Convinced this was what Irene wanted, he was confident that Chad Jacobs would be a loving, hard-working, devoted husband.

  Chad had invited Ramon to the wedding, but for reasons only Irene understood, the man had declined, insisting that if Chad wanted their new home completely ready when they got back from their honeymoon, he could not take any time off. “Weddings are for family and close friends anyway,” he had protested. When Chad insisted, Ramon had politely told him that because he was Catholic, he could not go to a Protestant wedding. Irene doubted that was true, but Chad seemed to believe the excuse, and Irene was relieved she would not have to walk down the stairway on her wedding day and see Ramon watching her from the crowd.

  She chastised herself for thinking it would matter. This should be the happiest day of her life. She loved Chad, and after today there would never be another man in her life.

  After a great deal of fussing and hours of getting fitted into her wedding gown, the time was at hand. An organ had been brought into the house just for this occasion. People were waiting downstairs, waiting for Irene to descend the circular staircase to the great room, where she and Chad would speak their vows. Afterward there would be a grand reception in the ballroom, and then she and Chad would go to the newly rebuilt Denver Inn for their wedding night. The next morning a Kirkland carriage would take them on their journey south, where they would spend two weeks at another new Kirkland hotel in a new town near old Colorado City. The new town, called Colorado Springs, was where Denver’s wealthier class now went to “get away.” It was a cleaner, more respectable town than Colorado City, although still very small and undeveloped.

  From there Chad and Irene would leave for St. Louis, then take a steamboat to the Gulf of Mexico and board a bigger ship for Europe. Everything was planned, but as far as Irene was concerned, it was happening too fast. Her heart pounded when she heard the organ begin to play. Her father came for her, his eyes bright with tears at the sight of her.

  There she stood, the little half-breed baby girl he had taken from Gray Bird Woman’s arms, now a grown woman of eighteen herself, and the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. She wore a white, low-cut silk dress with long sleeves dropped off the shoulder, the area between the low bodice and her neck filled with a chemisette of delicate white lace. Her tawny, velvety skin showed through the lace just enough to be deliciously enticing to her husband-to-be, and the tight-fitting bodice accented her slender waist and led to a full skirt graced with tiers of hundreds of silk puffs. The puffs were tied with white satin ribbons, and the brocade hemline was decorated with more white satin ribbon, and with pearls. A wreath of orange blossom graced her golden hair, which was swept up into a cascade of waves and curls, and from the circlet of flowers fell a white veil that covered her face. A train of lace-edged silk trailed out behind her for several feet.

  “My beautiful Irene,” Kirk said, taking her hands. “I hope you’ll be happy, sweetheart. That man had better treat you right, or he’ll answer to me.”

  “He’s good to me, Father. I’m sure that won’t change.” How she wished she could ask him what had gone wrong with his own marriage. At the same time he was wishing he could tell her the truth about her heritage, dreading the possibility she could have an Indian baby. Whatever happened, he would love her, protect her. He would not let Chad or anyone else hurt her. How he wished he could have found a wife who would have been as good to him as he knew Irene would be to her husband. How Bea had managed to raise such a charming, gracious, genuinely caring daughter, he would never understand. Perhaps her gentle nature was inborn, inherited from her Cheyenne mother.

  “I love you, Irene. I don’t say such things often, but…you’ll never know how special you are.”

  Does it have something to do with the secret you carry, Father, she wanted to ask. Why do you always look at me that way? Why am I so special? “Do you think we’ll ever get to go back to the mountains?” she asked him.

  He smiled sadly. “You’ll be busy with a new husband and a new home. Before you know it, there will be children to look after.” He leaned down and lifted her veil to kiss her cheek. “But maybe…someday.”

  She knew “someday” would be a long time coming. He lowered the veil and stepped back to look at her once more. “Ready?”

  “I think so.”

  He looked out into the hall, signaling the procession to begin. Bea was escorted down the stairway by her attorney, Robert Slade. Chad’s parents had not come. “My father can’t leave the mill,” Chad had told Irene. “And like I said, my mother won’t come out here.” He had presented Irene with a diamond necklace, telling her it was a gift from his parents and that they sent their love. She had no idea that Chad had never contacted them, that he was ashamed of them, that he hated his mother. He had bought the necklace himself.

  Chad’s best man was Irene’s brother, John, who escorted Elly down the carpeted stairway as the organist filled the Kirkland home with the beautiful music of the wedding march. John was sixteen now, soon to go off to college. Somewhere in the last two years he had finally surrendered his dream of carving and working with wood, drowned it in a newfound love of liquor. So far he’d managed to hide his drinking from his parents.

  The rest of the wedding party followed John and Elly down the long staircase. Then it was time for the bride to make her entrance.

  Gasps of pleasure and admiration came from the crowd below when Kirk appeared at the top of the stairs with Irene on his arm. Chad watched with equal appreciation, every nerve end coming alive. Finally! Tonight she would have no more excuses. Tonight she would be his legal wedded wife, and he would know the pleasures of Irene Kirkland’s beautiful body. He knew Elly was watching jealously, but he didn’t care. Today he had eyes only for Irene, who came down the stairs watching him lovingly.

  Music filled the magnificent Kirkland mansion as Irene descended. Kirk wished Red was
here for this moment, but the man had refused to come. He had acted strangely aloof lately, and Kirk decided it must be because the man’s business had not done well the last few months. Red had lost a lot of raw material in the Denver fire and was having trouble getting in new supplies. Kirk had offered to help but Red had flatly and angrily refused, saying he would make it on his own. “You’ll get your money, one way or another,” he had nearly growled. Kirk had explained it didn’t matter, but Red was adamant, apologizing for not being able to pay off the loan as quickly as he had planned, swearing he would be on his feet again soon.

  Kirk was concerned over Red’s behavior and valued the man’s friendship. But he decided he could not worry about Red today. Today was special.

  They reached the landing, and Irene let her eyes stray from Chad for a moment, noticing that Hank Loring was there with a pretty woman standing beside him and a little girl in his arms. Bea had told her Hank was doing so well with the new breed of cattle she’d shipped in from England, that she now had him breeding them. He was well on the way to developing a whole herd.

  Hank smiled, and Irene smiled in return, startled that seeing him still brought an odd flutter to her heart. She reasoned the woman beside him must be his wife.

  She turned her eyes back to Chad. She must not think about Indians or money problems or her father’s secrets today. She must not wonder about men like Hank Loring or worry that she had caught John with a half-emptied bottle of whiskey the other night. She must not wonder when she would go to the mountains again or worry why her parents’ marriage was not perfect. Most of all, she must not think about Ramon.

  This was her marriage, and she would make sure this one was perfect. She would give her husband and children all the attention her own father and his children had never gotten. She would put hearth and home above all things. She was marrying a handsome, successful, hard-working, gentle man—a man any woman would love to have for her own. Irene watched the glitter in Chad’s gray eyes as she approached him then, saw the love there. No. She would not be afraid.

  Chad walked over and took her arm, and the minister asked, “Who gives this woman to be wed to this man?”

  “Her mother and I,” Kirk answered, his voice choked up.

  Irene felt a lump rise in her throat, and she blinked back tears. She looked at Chad, and he gave her that smile that always made her feel loved and cherished. They moved through their wedding vows, Irene hardly aware of anyone or anything around her now. Chad slipped the gold band on her finger, and she slipped one on his. He belonged to her now. No other woman could have him. And it was the same for her.

  It’s done, Ramon, she thought as the minister pronounced them man and wife. Chad lifted her veil and touched her mouth in a warm, delicious kiss that made her want him.

  “I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Chadwick Jacobs,” the minister announced.

  They turned to greet the guests, and people broke into cheers and claps, some throwing rice as the organ played on. Bea wept, Kirk’s arm around her shoulders. Elly watched with a strange look of victory in her eyes, but a hot pain in her stomach. John congratulated his sister and hurried off to find the whiskey.

  Irene looked up at Chad with tears in her eyes. “I love you, Mr. Jacobs.”

  “And I love you, Mrs. Jacobs,” he answered, anxious for the reception to be over, anxious to see how easily he could bring out the wanton passion he was sure lay just beneath that beautiful, satiny skin. Perhaps he had to swear off other women for a while, but with one like this in his bed, what did it matter? If and when he tired of her, he would find a way to be with the others.

  Irene picked up her train, and Chad kept his arm around her as he led her up the stairs, inviting everyone to follow them up to the ballroom. Hank watched Irene, secretly admiring her beauty. He put an arm around his wife and leaned down to kiss her cheek before he led her up the stairs.

  At the same time Ramon stood on the second-floor balcony of the new house Irene and Chad would soon move into. He could hear the organ music, recognized the recessional that marked the ceremony’s end. “So,” he said softly, “you belong to another now. May God be with you, mi querida.”

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Rain came down in torrents, and Irene wondered vaguely if it was some kind of omen that it should rain so hard on her wedding night. It was late, and after a grand reception, she and Chad were finally alone at the Denver Inn. There had been little time to think or even breathe, and once the door was closed, Chad continued the whirlwind, drowning her in his kisses the way the rain was drowning everything outside.

  She was not sure what to expect, but Chad was gentle, cajoling, tender. She wanted so much to please him, wondered if he understood her fear and apprehension of the unknown. Should she ask him to slow down? No. He was her husband now. He deserved to have his pleasure, and how could she not take pleasure in return with such a handsome, experienced man? She reasoned she had only to let him take control, and everything would be all right.

  He worked his mouth and hands and body in such a way that she wanted him, in spite of her fear of what was to come, in spite of the tiny, lingering misgivings over marrying him at all. She felt her dress coming off, gasped when he was suddenly tasting at her breasts, then kneeling to remove her underwear. She felt herself lifted and laid on his bed, the bed she could not know he had shared with poor Susan Stanner, and twice with Elly.

  She could hardly believe she was doing this, and in spite of Chad’s expert ways, something still did not seem right. Was it that in her heart she knew she would be responding much more passionately if this were Ramon? Oh, how she hated herself for thinking such a thing!

  He slipped her shoes and silk stockings off, then kissed her lightly a dozen times, before pulling the covers over her. “Are you all right?” he asked.

  How kind of him, she thought. “Yes,” she answered, her voice sounding small and far away.

  “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever set eyes on,” he told her. “I want you to be just mine, Irene. You’ll never let another man touch you, will you?”

  She thought the question a peculiar one, especially on their wedding night. “Of course not, Chad. Why would I? I’m your wife.”

  He looked at her strangely, then stood up and undressed to his long johns. She reddened as she watched him, studying his broad, naked chest, seeing him intimately for the first time. He unbuttoned his underwear. “Don’t be afraid, Irene.” He removed the underwear and she looked away.

  In the next moment he turned down the lamp and climbed into bed with her. She felt frozen in time. He was pulling her into his arms, his naked body against hers. It was frightening, yet thrilling. Inside, she wanted to respond with great passion, but outwardly she felt herself freezing up. What was wrong? She loved him, didn’t she? She was his wife now. The poor man expected to get his pleasure tonight, and she had vowed to be the loving, attentive wife her mother had never been. The last thing she wanted was for her husband to have to go running to the whores. How devastating that would be! And babies—she wanted babies. There was only one way to get them.

  She reasoned that once it was over the first time, it all must surely come easier. She just had to relax and let it happen, and everything would be all right. He smothered her with kisses, pressed her naked breasts against his firm chest, moved a hand over her bottom, then around between her legs. It was a startling touch—too soon! This man was touching her in intimate places, awakening desires she had never before been aware of.

  She was embarrassed, yet excited. It seemed wrong, yet why should it be? Chad was her husband now. Still, if this were Ramon…Ramon. The thought of him touching her this way made her respond suddenly. She returned Chad’s kisses, then concentrated her thoughts on Chad, where they belonged. He trailed his lips down her neck, then lower, gently taking a breast into his mouth. The gesture, combined with the way he used his fingers, made her gasp his name.

  Yes, he knew just what to do. She was glad, excep
t that now she felt a sudden jealousy of all the other women who might have shared such things with him. She forced back thoughts of Ramon and decided that once and for all she must never allow them again, not in moments like this. It was wrong. Chad was being so gentle, so loving. He had chosen her for his wife. She was precious to him. From now on she would be his only woman.

  “We might as well get it done, honey,” he whispered, moving on top of her. He licked and kissed at her neck, her ear, her cheek, met her mouth with lips that nibbled and teased. “It will hurt at first, but it gets better,” he told her then. “I promise you. It gets much better.”

  She was lost in another kiss, her stomach tight and on fire, her body suddenly rigid again. She felt so vulnerable, helpless, lying there with his weight on top of her, her legs spread open to him, at his mercy. Something about their lovemaking still didn’t feel right, but she wanted to get over the initial pain of it and learn to enjoy this.

  She felt him press against her groin, felt the panic rise in her. He reached down to position himself, and suddenly pushed hard.

  Never in her life had Irene known such pain. She screamed out for him to stop, but how could a man stop when he had gone this far? Chad pushed again and again, and to his horror, amid Irene’s screams, he realized he wasn’t penetrating her more than an inch or two. Never had he had this problem, and it confused Chad as much as Irene. For the first time in his life he panicked while with a woman. He put a hand over her mouth to smother her screams, and he shoved again, still getting nowhere. Finally her cries and tears destroyed his desire, and he pulled an aching penis from inside her, totally frustrated, at a loss to know what had gone wrong.

  Irene rolled to her side, curling up and weeping. Chad turned up the lamp to see he had blood on himself. He cursed again, getting up to wash and pulling on his long johns, while Irene continued to cry. His mind raced with misgivings. This had never happened to him before.