Protector

by Michelle Horst

  I order some pizza. I make sure Charlie has enough water and food, and then I pour us some juice.

  When the pizza arrives, I place the two boxes on the coffee table and then hand Riley a plate.

  “What have you picked?” I ask while loading my plate. I sit down and watch as she takes two slices.

  “If I Stay,” she says.

  She curls up in the corner and takes a bite of her slice as the movie starts.

  I have to force myself to watch the movie. All I want to do is watch the emotions play out over her face.

  As the sun starts to set, soft yellow beams fall over her.

  Some of her hair has fallen forward, hiding her face from me. I reach over with my right hand and tuck the strands behind her ears.

  Riley’s eyes find mine with a shocked look. There’s a tear gliding down her cheek, probably because of the movie. Even though I know I shouldn’t, I can’t stop myself from wiping the tear away.

  I don’t pull back but instead brush my fingers down the line of her cheek to her jaw. She doesn’t tell me to stop touching her but just stares at me with those wide, green eyes.

  My fingers whisper down her neck and brush along the curve of her shoulder. Her skin is just as soft as her hair. Everything about her is soft and feminine.

  Riley begins to breathe deeper and her lips part. She wets her lips and then looks back to the movie.

  Something is different between us. It’s been like this since the night I scared her and she spilled the glass of water all over herself. It’s as if the level of heat between us has gone from hot to inferno.

  I keep telling myself to pull back. The timing is all wrong. We can’t be more than friends. I have nothing to offer her. All the usual reasons are on an endless loop in my mind.

  But, then there’s the part of me that’s saying, fuck it all. There’s the part of me that wants her. There’s the part of me that wants to make her mine before someone else comes along, stealing her away from me.

  I pull my hand away and let it fall back to the seat between us.

  My eyes keep finding their way back to her, though. I have no idea what the movie is about. I know exactly where Riley’s jaw curves into her neck. I know exactly how many brown flecks she has in those green eyes of hers. She’s imprinted on my soul but still I keep staring, not being able to get my fill of her.

  I know that just before a tear falls, she always takes a quivering breath. I want to kiss her eyelashes and taste her tears before they fall.

  Absent-mindedly, she runs the tip of her tongue over her bottom lip, and everything I am focuses on her. I hear her breaths. I’m aware of every single time she blinks, how her eyelashes flutter. I can almost imagine that I can hear her pulse race. I’m aware of every single thing about her.

  “Griffin,” she whispers. Her eyes find mine and she shifts nervously under my gaze. She lowers her gaze to my mouth and I see the spark in her green eyes. She’s feeling this moment.

  It would be the perfect moment to kiss her. The need I have for her intensifies until I can feel myself hardening. I want her. I want her so fucking much.

  “Be careful, Riley,” I warn, my voice gruff from having to restrain myself from taking her right here, right now.

  She needs to be sure that she really wants it. I can’t take this step only to have her turn around and say that it was a mistake.

  For a moment she looks uncertain, but then she nudges closer to me. Her right hand grips the top of the couch tightly as she starts to lean into me. I see her eyelids fall shut and I close my eyes.

  This time I don’t have the strength to stop her. How can I stop this from happening if I want it with all of my heart?

  Her breath whispers over my lips. Her lips hardly touch mine. It’s a feather, soft caress.

  The first kiss is cautious. I don’t blame her. I’ve been pushing her away, and all of a sudden I’m giving her the green light. Fuck, I’m playing with fire.

  She pulls back and I look into her eyes. She’s tense all over, and I know it’s because she’s unsure of what the next move would be. She’s totally out of her comfort zone.

  I know that I’m risking it all, but fuck it. I can’t stop this from happening between us. I don’t want to.

  I’m so tired of fighting a losing battle that I just don’t have the energy to fight this attraction between us, and at the end of it all it might be the only good thing I have going for me.

  Without even trying, Riley has reached into my chest and taken the shattered pieces of my heart.

  If she wants it, then I’ll gladly hand it to her.

  Riley~

  It feels weird not having a home.

  It’s early in the evening and I can’t even remember what I’ve done today. I’m brushing Charlie. Lately I’ve been spending more time with him. He needs to know that I love him. I don’t want Charlie to feel abandoned.

  “We have each other, right, boy?”

  Charlie wags his tail lazily as he soaks up the attention.

  I’ve been thinking about my parent’s house a lot. I don’t think I’ll ever have the strength to go back there. I can’t face the emptiness and memories that live between those walls.

  The safe house belongs to Griffin. This house belongs to Griffin. I can’t go back home. I feel homeless.

  I get up and walk to the living room. Griffin is typing on his laptop, deep in thought. He’s been working the whole day.

  I feel a magnetic pull to him. As long as I can just stand and watch him, I don’t feel as lost.

  My mind goes back to the night before. I really thought he was going to kiss me after I kissed him, but he didn’t.

  I’m scared he sees me as a little sister. I don’t need a big brother. I had two and no one can ever take their places.

  Griffin looks up as if he can feel my eyes on him. His hair is longer than when we first met, and it suits him. There’s still a hard look on his face from whatever he is working on. I watch as the tightness eases around his mouth, and then his eyes soften.

  “You okay?” he asks.

  I realize I’m just gawking at him like a crazy creeper. I walk closer and he quickly closes the laptop. He gets up and stretches with his hands linked behind his neck.

  My eyes travel down his well-defined chest to where his shirt is lifting a bit, exposing a smooth strip of skin. I get a peek at the panty-melting V that dips into his jeans.

  Flustered, I clear my throat and look out the window.

  “I was thinking...” Charlie comes up next to me and nudges my hand with his head. I walk to the sliding door and let him out. I watch as he inspects every corner of the garden.

  “You were thinking?” Griffin asks, reminding me that I wanted to talk to him.

  “Yeah, have you heard from Camden and Skylar?”

  He nods and walks over to the kitchen.

  “Camden let me know that they’re safe. I’ve also been in touch with Carson. You haven’t met him officially yet, but he was the one that got to you first.”

  It’s funny how you get used to the pain. It’s not as sharp after a while, like time somehow manages to dull it. It never fully goes away, it’s just not as intense any more.

  I take a seat on the edge of the couch.

  “I have to do something. I have to start taking care of things. I have to keep busy or I’ll go insane. So I was thinking that maybe I should get all the paperwork done for my parents insurance. I …” The thought of selling my childhood home, and Josh and Logan’s places almost kills me.

  “You don’t have to do any of that now. Why the rush?” Griffin shoves a hand behind his neck and it makes him look stressed.

  “I can’t just leave it.” I push away from the wall and turn to watch Charlie outside. “But I can’t face the emptiness of their homes. It will make the reality too final … it will mean that they are truly gone. I’m not ready to that yet.”

  Griffin sits back down, turning his body towards me. I feel his eyes on my face
but I can’t look up at him, not when I’m so close to crying.

  “You don’t have to face it. We could get movers to pack everything up, and then we place it in storage until you’re ready to deal with it.”

  I haven’t even thought of that as a possibility. I don’t want to get rid of anything, so a storage facility would be something to consider.

  “How about this? I’ll set up an appointment with an attorney so we can sort out their last wills. I’ll get a moving company to store it all. I wouldn’t recommend that you keep all three properties. Maybe just keep your parent’s home.”

  “I haven’t even been to Logan’s place yet.” I feel a lump push up my throat and I swallow hard to keep the tears back. “My car and handbag is still at Josh’s place.”

  “First thing tomorrow morning I’ll go get your car and handbag. Make a list of stuff you want from your house, and I’ll stop by there, too. After that, we can have a meeting with the attorneys.”

  I glance up at Griffin as the first tear falls.

  “Why would you do all of that for me?”

  “Because I care, Riley. You’re my person and you need someone to help you with all of this. It’s too much for you to do it all on your own.”

  Most people bury one family member at a time. I had to let go of them all at once. Griffin is right, I can’t do it on my own. I won’t survive this. I’m not ready to say goodbye to them yet.

  Charlie comes back inside and after drinking some water, he goes back to the bedroom.

  I give voice to my darkest thoughts.

  “I just feel so burned out and alone, like a shooting star that’s faded away and there’s no one left to notice.”

  I get up to go to my room so I can cry my sorrows out into Charlie’s fur, but Griffin takes hold of my hand, pulling me back. I make a lame attempt to pull my hand from his, but instead he tightens his grip and pulls me down onto his lap, my legs hanging down the side of his.

  My hands land on his chest and my eyes dart up to his, not sure what he’s doing.

  “You were never a shooting star, Riley. You’re my northern star. Without you I have no direction in life. So let me do this for you. Let me help make it easier for you. Let me be a part of your life.”

  My chest tightens, and silent tears fall down my cheeks. How can I not cry when he says something like that? Those are the most perfect words I’ve ever heard.

  He keeps saying stuff like that - like he won’t let me go. That I’m his person. That I’m his northern star. But does he only mean it in a friendly way?

  He brings his hand to my cheek and he brushes a tear away with the tips of his fingers.

  “Hey, don’t cry. You’re not alone,” he whispers, pulling me closer to his chest.

  It’s awe-inspiring how amazing and absolutely stunning he is. Just the fact that he’s here with me, taking care of me, makes my heart swell with warmth.

  My arms have a mind of their own as my right one slips behind his neck while the other clings to his shirt. All I can do is hold onto him, hoping all of this pain will go away. I want to stay in this safe bubble with him.

  He’s my protector, and for the first time since this nightmare started, I feel like I might actually belong somewhere again. I cling to him because he makes me feel not so entirely lost.

  His hand slides to my back and he starts to rub slow circles over my shirt. I place my head on his shoulder and snuggle closer to his chest, wanting to absorb as much of him as I can. I can’t get enough of the feel of him against me. The touch of him chases away the chills.

  His breathing speeds up and it’s telling me he feels the same as me. There’s an electric pulse between us that can’t be ignored.

  I tilt my head back until my cheek brushes against his neck. I can feel his pulse beating strong and fast.

  Does he feel the heat that’s building between us, or is it all just my imagination? Maybe he’s only being nice? Why does he keep pushing me away if he does feel something?

  He dips his head just the slightest bit and it his chin brushes against my lips. A tingle zaps all the way from my lips to between my legs like a lightning bolt.

  I can’t deny it anymore - I’m head over heels for Griffin. He keeps saying we’re both in a bad place, that it’s not the right time, but will there ever be a good place?

  I’m just scared that I’ll lose him if I act on my feelings. His friendship means so much to me, but I can’t ignore my heart anymore.

  Griffin turns his head some more and I feel his warm breath against the corner of my mouth. It makes my insides flutter and my skin tingle.

  I want him to touch me. I want him to love me. I want this strong man to own every inch of me. I want to belong to him so badly there’s a constant ache for him inside me.

  I move my face another inch until I can feel his breath on my lips. I may lose him if I take this chance but I just can’t stop myself. I want him so badly. I want all of him.

  If you don’t take the chance, you’ll never know.

  I’m well aware of the fact that he’s all man and that he might see me as a little girl. It’s the last thing that’s keeping me from throwing myself at him and begging him to take me.

  He moves his right hand, dropping it to the curve of my hip. His fingers brush against the exposed strip of skin between my t-shirt and leggings. His left hand settles on my bottom, and the touch alone makes my insides clench with want.

  He pulls me closer by my hips. A groan escapes his lips as they part, and there’s a tortured look straining his face.

  He leans in more, closing the distance between us, and then his mouth is on mine.

  Finally!

  I lose all train of thought as his tongue skims over my lips. I part my mouth as I remember to breathe and his tongue slips inside, softly brushing over mine.

  The taste of him is intoxicating. My hands find their way from his chest to his abs. I feel his muscles ripple under my touch.

  His breathing gets faster as my one hand trails just above his belt.

  His hands move from my bottom and they slip under my t-shirt. Feeling them on my bare skin makes more tingles race to the aching spot between my legs.

  His hands start to move up and then he breaks the kiss so he can pull the t-shirt over my head. He drops it to the floor and then his hands circle my neck. His touch is soft as he leans in, placing equally soft kisses to my throat.

  His fingers trail over my skin, leaving tiny sparks behind. His mouth brushes over the tops of my breasts and then his hands cover me. It feels way more intimate than I thought it would.

  One hand returns to my hip and he pulls me right against him. I place my hands on his shoulders and quickly turn my body into his, straddling him so I can get as close to him as possible. I feel his hardness right between my legs and it’s the best feeling ever, knowing that he’s hard for me.

  He rocks his hips into me while moving in a slow circle, and it feels amazing. He caresses my breasts as he continues to rock into me, making the ache between my legs grow until I feel like I might explode.

  I gasp for air as his one hand slips behind my neck, and then he pulls my face towards his. He takes my mouth again, but this time there’s more hunger in his kiss.

  He bites at my lower lip, giving me one last quick kiss before his mouth finds my breast. He bites my nipple, making my hips rock against him.

  I can’t believe this is happening. It feels so good and I don’t want him to stop.

  He nips at my nipple again, sending streaks of pleasure down to between my legs.

  “Ah!” I gasp, grinding down on his hardness.

  I arch my back, pressing my breast into his mouth.

  Please, don’t let him stop. I won’t survive it this time.

  His teeth scrape over my nipple and it makes me grind down on him again. His fingers trail along the edge of my leggings and then he starts to pull them down. The way I’m sitting is stopping him from taking them off, and I can’t have that.

/>   I move, and relief fills me when he follows. I lie down on the couch and lift my hips in invitation. He takes hold of the sides of my leggings and then he pulls them down. He moves in between my legs, and I open them wider to accommodate his bigger body.

  He hovers over me for a second and my heart almost stops. His eyes roam over my body and then he settles himself on top of me.

  “Fucking beautiful,” he growls. Those two words almost make me lose all control.

  His larger body is heavy but I love the feeling of him pinning me to the couch. His one hand slips under my head as he brings my mouth to his. His kiss turns hungry as his tongue caresses mine. His teeth nip at my lips. He leaves my mouth and bites his way down my jawline and neck. I get the feeling he would eat me if he could.

  Griffin reaches behind him and then he pulls his shirt over his head, exposing all of his delicious chest to me.

  “You’re so beautiful,” I whisper, totally awe-struck by his hard body.

  He leans back down and kisses me urgently, making wonderful tingles spread through my body.

  I feel so alive in this moment, as if nothing can touch me ever again.

  I hear him kick off his shoes, but he doesn’t stop kissing me.

  My breaths rush over my lips, and my heart is beating wildly. I let my fingers trail over his back and then to his hips, and I trying to pull him down so that I can feel his full weight on top of me. I want to get rid of my underwear and his jeans. I want to feel all of him.

  All of a sudden he pulls away from me, hovering over me again.

  He closes his eyes and it makes me feel instantly cold. No! No, he can’t stop now.

  Shit! Please, don’t let him have second thoughts.

  “Griffin?” I whisper, feeling smaller and smaller by the second.

  He looks so tense. I wish he’d open his eyes.

  “Fuck it,” he snaps suddenly, and then he crushes his mouth to mine. My hands go to his face so I can keep him there. I don’t want him to pull away again.

  He rocks his hips into me and I feel the roughness of his zipper brush against me.