Her Christmas Knight

by Nicole Locke

  Cranley had accompanied her and William home. ‘I left that day.’

  ‘Exactly.’

  So her leaving caused him to have a change of heart, when all their lives they’d been separated? ‘Is this a game?’

  ‘No, Alice. I’m here because I know who the traitor is.’

  Chapter Sixteen

  They stood in the alcove by the stairs. Not exactly private, but better. It was quiet enough for him to share his words, to make her understand.

  She was angry now, and should be. But he still had her love—he felt it in every part of his body, in his own soul. So precious to him—though he had almost lost it.

  He knew the moment he told her the truth he would lose it. He was a traitor and without honour. It didn’t matter why he had done it. That was a mere excuse.

  He would tell her, and she would do what must be done. She would need to go to the King and tell him who carried the Half-Thistle Seal. She had to protect her family, to protect herself.

  He would go to the guillotine. His only hope was that she could protect Robert.

  ‘You have got me here,’ she said, gesturing around to the shadows. ‘So tell me.’

  ‘I’m a spy.’

  ‘You’ve already told me that.’

  ‘But not this.’

  He took her hand and placed the Half-Thistle Seal in it. Watched her hand shake before she clenched it and hid it in her skirts.

  He took heart in the fact that she hid it. There was still a part of him that had believed she would loudly proclaim his crime and he would be hauled away before he could give an explanation. He deserved it after his cruel words during the storm.

  ‘This can’t be,’ she whispered, her eyes darting around.

  ‘It is.’

  She took a breath. ‘Not here, then. Follow me.’

  He took comfort in her request, too. As Alice darted around the corner and went up a private staircase. Down a long corridor, her steps ever faster, his own following close. He was trying to quell his heart from gaining any hope. Her wanting privacy only meant that she would listen to him. Nothing more.

  They entered a room. He saw a bed, a fire banked low. The room was dark, but he saw the vague outline of soft furnishings without any frills.

  ‘Your bedroom?’ he whispered.

  ‘It’s the only place I can guarantee privacy.’

  ‘But it’s too private. I could kill you here.’

  ‘You could have killed me without showing me the Seal.’ She turned it in her hands. ‘It’s been yours all this time?’

  ‘Weren’t you curious when you couldn’t find it? I made sure you couldn’t find it.’

  She shook her head. ‘This makes no sense.’

  ‘Why? Because of the boy I was when I left here? It’s true that he saw only right and wrong, but so much has happened since then. I told you that you didn’t know me, that the present was full of lies and deceit. This is what I meant. This is why there are barriers between us.’

  ‘Why would you tell me this?’

  ‘Because I didn’t want you to keep looking. To keep risking your reputation or being forced to marry Lyman because he’d caught you in a compromising position. Or worse, going empty handed to the King.’

  ‘You told me to keep me safe?’

  ‘I also told you I’d help you. Foolishly, I thought I could come up with a plan not to reveal the Seal and also to keep you safe, but I couldn’t.’

  ‘So you have told me even though you are now...not safe?’

  He nodded.

  Hugh. A traitor.

  She had orders from the King to find this man, to report him. If she did, Hugh would hang.

  That was what justice would be. She would be righting a wrong. Except it didn’t feel right. Hugh knew she’d have to report to the King and had told her anyway.

  He wasn’t denying anything now, but telling her everything. About them, about his secrets, and all of it could be the death of him. Still, he did it.

  He was keeping her safe. It was what he did with those he cared for. Loved. Hugh loved her. She knew the calibre of man he must be. He was proving it now. And then she had her certainty.

  Who else in Hugh’s life would he want to keep safe?

  ‘It was all for Robert, wasn’t it?’

  He stilled; his heart hammered. ‘What was for Robert?’

  ‘You have no family to protect. And you respect the King. I can hear it in your voice when you talk about him. This Half-Thistle Seal and the messages it marks has something to do with Robert.’

  ‘Robert’s dead. I told you that.’

  Her brows furrowed then, and there was a moment of hesitation. He wanted her to keep that doubt.

  ‘Then it’s for his family.’

  ‘Robert’s mother and father are also dead.’

  ‘Did he have a wife?’

  ‘Alice, stop asking questions.’

  ‘You had to know I would ask.’

  ‘No, I expected you to—

  ‘Run screaming and report you to the magistrate?’ She shook her head. ‘I might, because you’re still hiding something from me.’

  ‘I’m a traitor—what more do you want to know? Why I did this? A traitor is without honour, Alice. Reasons and excuses have no place. They don’t matter.’

  ‘They do. Reasons always matter.’

  ‘Actions do—and mine are full of lies and deceit.’

  ‘If you are a liar and a thief and full of deceit, you would have continued to be. After the storms were over, after this winter, you would have left Swaffham and never returned. And yet you say you have told me because you didn’t want me in a compromising position? What kind of declaration is that? You told me because you have feelings for me. You love me.’

  He did, and his heart burst with it. He wanted to shout with joy at the happiness it brought him. Instead he fought it. But with Alice in front of him demanding answers, demanding him, he knew it was a losing battle. Though he could no longer deny it to himself, telling her would gain nothing. There was only one resolution to this, and declaring love for her was not it.

  ‘And if I do, what does it matter? The facts remain the same. I’m still a traitor.’

  ‘As I said, reasons matter. You’re telling me this because you’re trying to save me. You’re trying to save me like you did that day at the well. You beat those boys to get to me. There were three of them. Three. They could have killed you. Thrown you down the well and snapped your neck. You did it anyway, because the reason behind it was your feelings for me.’

  ‘They were tormenters and they deserved it.’

  ‘They deserved it long before then. I saw them taunting you about your father and you never lashed out at them. You only did it that day to save me. And now you’re trying to save me again.’

  ‘That’s—’

  ‘I’m not listening any more about why you told me. The issue is why you began sharing the King’s secrets in the first place. You would only go to such extremes to save someone, and I have to know who.’

  She couldn’t guess. She had to not guess or he’d break his vow. It was the only remnant of honour left in him.

  ‘Don’t, Alice.’

  ‘Don’t say any more or don’t guess?’ she said. ‘Is it a woman? Are you...have you married and not told me? Is that what all this has been about?’

  The very idea—after what he felt for her? ‘God. No.’

  Then he knew he had failed. A moment unhinged and two revealing words had slipped out.

  ‘Then there’s only one other you care for,’ she whispered.

  He looked away from her then; waited for the truth to be told through her.

  ‘Robert’s not dead, is he? William talked of how they
never found his body; the Scots never sent his head to King Edward like they promised. Robert’s alive and you’re protecting him.’

  A ragged sigh. Defeated. He was always defeated when it came to her. But maybe if he wasn’t clumsy he could make her understand and Robert could still be kept hidden.

  She’d be lying to the King, and her honour would be blackened like his own. But Robert would live and so would she. Maybe if he told her everything she would fully appreciate why he did it and why he still had to die.

  ‘He’s alive. He’s alive and married to a Scot.’

  Alice gasped.

  ‘So now you see why I had to keep this secret. They met...’ Rueful, he shook his head. ‘If so light of a word could be applied to them, they met when Robert investigated the massacre at Doonhill. Gaira and four children were still alive and surviving there. Scottish children, whose families had died at the hands of the English. He took them under his care, and along the way...’ He shrugged.

  ‘Where were you?’

  ‘I had followed Robert to Clan Colquhoun land, intending to rescue him, only to discover he wanted to stay. To marry. He was happy.’

  ‘And you couldn’t take that away from him?’

  ‘Never. But to ensure he kept that happiness he needed to be dead. So I showed Edward Robert’s ring he gave him, and detailed the devastation of Doonhill. I let him come to his own conclusions.’

  ‘And the Seal?’

  ‘I gained Edward’s trust that day, and I have been spying for him ever since. Inevitably, I was given secrets that would affect the Clan Colquhoun. I had the Half-Thistle Seal made to send a warning message to Robert.’

  ‘So the Half-Thistle Seal is only between you and Robert?’ At his nod, she continued. ‘And you doubt your honour?’

  ‘I’m lying to the King and will continue lying to the King.’

  ‘For love.’

  ‘For...friendship. I gave my word to him.’

  ‘You love him. You told William you fought by his side for years.’

  ‘I did. He lost someone very dear to him, and he left everything behind to fight by Edward’s side, and I fought with him. But we met long before that.’

  ‘When?’

  ‘After my father died, I had enough coin to buy myself into Edward’s Court, but rumours of my father followed me. As a result, I suffered at the hands of men like Allen—except these were well trained men with swords. Robert arrived when I could no longer defend myself. He didn’t say a word, or show his sword. He simply stood there and they all stopped. I immediately knew who he was. He’d already earned his spurs and a property. Can you imagine what I felt that day? I was poor, couldn’t fight properly, and Robert, who was almost a legend, saw me at my worst.’

  ‘How many beat you?’

  ‘I think four took me down and others followed. It felt like there were others.’ Hugh shook his head. ‘I was poor. Disadvantaged. I had dreams of making my mark by defeating all of them. But Robert gave them one quelling look and I realised that whatever skill he acquired, I wanted to learn it as well. I was his shadow after that, and he let me be. Along the way he told me he knew of my father, and then he told me of his.’

  Hugh turned to see Alice’s steady grey gaze. So warm, but determined.

  ‘I know that look,’ Hugh said. ‘You’re intending to fix me. This isn’t a project. There’s nothing to repair.’

  She threw up her hands. ‘Of course there’s something to repair. You have confided a great secret to me. I understand now.’

  ‘What do you understand?’

  ‘You did it for love. You’re not a traitor—you’re a man who protects. Who gave a vow to his friend and has been honouring it ever since, even at the expense of his own life.’

  ‘You don’t understand at all. The facts remain the same. I have been giving information to the Scots. No matter the reasons, my actions make me guilty.’

  Every word hit her as truth. It was how the King would see it. He’d told her that himself. That he didn’t care for individuals, only for kingdoms. He’d given her a hunting horn to solidify his position.

  Her heart hammering, she knew she had to think this through. Had to...fix this somehow. There had been wrongs committed here, but there was no justice if Hugh hung for it.

  ‘I’m a dead man, Alice, and have been since I made that promise. I only solidified it when I began releasing information.’

  Then she saw a way. She went to the box next to her bed, placed the Seal inside and locked it. ‘Only if the King knows about it. He doesn’t need to find out. You can go on protecting Robert and his family. You’re only giving him information to protect the clan, right? Then it’s fine. It’ll be fine.’

  He shook his head slowly, his eyes wide with her actions, with all the storms in all the land. ‘It’s not fine. The King will know because you’ll tell him.’

  ‘Never!’

  ‘You must.’

  She gasped. ‘How could you think I would? Even if I didn’t know you, you have told me of Robert’s family, and of how he saved those children. You know how important family is to me. I’d never betray them to—’

  Two strides and he was gripping her arms. ‘Yes, you will! Otherwise Edward will only send more spies here—or, worse, simply lock you in the Tower and torture you until you confess. Your wealth won’t protect you because you are not nobility. You wouldn’t have the same comforts as a nobleman waiting for the guillotine, and the King would gladly take your family’s coin.’

  ‘Then I’ll lie—like you do.’

  ‘You’re terrible at it. It took me no time at all to realise what you were doing, and I would have realised sooner if I hadn’t been blinded by my past when it came to you. You could never pull it off.’

  She lifted her chin, her eyes watering.

  ‘It’s not your fault you can’t do it well. That’s only because you’re good. You’re good!’

  ‘And someone...good...would kill you and an innocent family?’

  ‘Damn him!’ Hugh wanted to roar, but the silence of the room and the situation demanded silence.

  So he swallowed his raging emotions, tried to calm his tumultuous heart.

  ‘You say I love Edward, and that I respect him. But you need to know how close I am to hating him now, simply for asking you to spy for him. The moment Edward asked you, he made you and your family a target. He put you in jeopardy.’

  But the King didn’t care for individuals. He didn’t care for her life. The King had asked her to serve, and she’d meant to. She’d truly meant to, but now...

  ‘So I’m in jeopardy like you.’

  ‘More than that—you’ve marred your kindness and your decency. All are blackened because of lies and deceit. I never wanted that for you.’

  ‘And yet still you’re loyal to him?’

  He laughed. ‘See how twisted it is? I’m trying to be loyal and protect all of you. There’s no resolution to it.’

  She could see his loyalty. She had seen that when he was a mere child, doing all he could to protect his father.

  Again, she wanted to ease his pain. ‘Edward didn’t mean to put me in jeopardy. It was an accident. I’m the one who happened to win a seal in that game.’

  ‘You think it was an accident? With you and me both from Swaffham? What he had to do to manipulate the game, I don’t know. But it’s too much of a coincidence.’

  She gasped. ‘You think he suspects you?’

  ‘I can’t rule it out. Not when he gave you and I the same task to fulfil.’

  A cunning ruler. Intelligent and ruthless; arranging things to ensure she found a seal first. How he must have worried when it had taken her so long. But the King didn’t know of her fear of the dark.

  He did, however, know how to make her co-operate. ‘He t
hreatened my family, Hugh. I would do anything for them because I love them. I would do anything for you because—’

  ‘Don’t say it.’

  ‘I love you. Always have—’

  ‘A childish vow, and it has no place here now.’

  It was something she had heard all her life. ‘Did you see it that way? My vow to marry you? Did you take it as something childish?’

  He stepped away from her then. And another step. ‘How could I ever see your vow as something childish? As merely a whim? If it was, I had the same one. If I had been worthy of you I would have said it myself.’

  Happiness. It could only be happiness flooding her fast and making her strong. She wanted to run to him.

  ‘Back then you would have said it?’

  ‘Then, and always.’

  Her lips curved. ‘But I was a child.’

  ‘Even so...even then. I was an outcast, and because of it I could see how fiercely protective you were with your family. How you took animals in to shelter them.’

  ‘I don’t remember...’

  ‘How could you not, when your arms were full of the puppies you kept dropping?’

  She laughed. Despite everything, she laughed. ‘Then why...why did you reject me that day?’

  ‘Haven’t we gone over this enough? I wasn’t worthy of you.’

  ‘But I told you—you were. I’ve explained it.’

  ‘I appreciate that now. I didn’t then. But it doesn’t matter.’

  Of course it did, it had to. The room was dim, almost black, but she saw it in his eyes. That never ceasing storm.

  ‘I still have to die, Alice.’

  She felt terror at the mere words. ‘No, you don’t. I won’t let you.’

  ‘This isn’t something you can fix. Your family is in danger. It is better my life than—’

  She rushed to him, placed her hands upon his chest. Felt his heart beating as hard as her own. ‘No!’

  ‘It’s the only way to fix it. Don’t you think I’ve tried to find another way? Since Lyman’s party, that’s all I’ve been doing. But there isn’t. I have to save your family and save you.’

  ‘I couldn’t bear it.’

  ‘Let me,’ he said softly, solemnly. ‘Let me bear it.’