I Found My Friends

by Nick Soulsby

  Unfortunately for Dan Peters, there had been a change of plan. On August 3, Cobain and Novoselic saw Dave Grohl play with Scream. Grohl was invited to audition and accordingly flew to Seattle on September 21. The next night he was in the audience and on September 25 Cobain announced on KAOS Radio that Nirvana had a new drummer. Seven weeks from first glimpse to closure. This was a band that knew to snatch at the hand of chance, and the choice met with approval among the Northwest’s musical cognoscenti.

  RYAN LOISELLE: [I] saw Scream and I was like, Oh my God! That drummer is incredible! That guy’s crazy! And we used to hang out with Krist Novoselic when he lived in Tacoma; we’d go to his house and hang out with him and his wife before they were popular. I remember Krist coming to me super-excited, “Dude, we got a new drummer, the guy from Scream!” I didn’t even know his name I was just like, Yes!

  PAUL KIMBALL: I do remember meeting Dave Grohl the first time at a bar downtown called King Solomon’s, and Kurt seemed as animated as I’d ever seen him when he introduced us. Scream had played in Olympia not too long before then, and after that show Dave was somebody a lot of people had noted for his awesomeness on drums. I’m guessing Kurt felt like he’d scored pretty big.

  BEN MUNAT: I remember being somewhat incensed: How could they get rid of Chad?! Then I met Dave and found out that he was one of the nicest, coolest musicians I’d ever met. I still felt sorry for Chad, but Dave was awesome.

  DUANE LANCE BODENHEIMER: Dave Grohl, never had a problem with him … I think he had sex with my girlfriend, but I dunno and I don’t hold a grudge. I loved Scream; the guy was a great drummer.

  Photogenic, personable, just twenty-one but already a powerful drummer, Grohl made a real difference to Nirvana’s live persona.

  SLIM MOON: I would not characterize them as “professionals” until Nevermind came out. They were just a good solid underground band. The main leap forward was the addition of Dave Grohl, but also Kurt’s songwriting evolved, and they did become more practiced with their theatricality and consistency over time.

  Though Channing had already played half of what would become Nirvana’s great triumph, Grohl perhaps freed Cobain to finally embrace his pop urges wholly.

  STEVE MORIARTY: Chad, quite a good drummer I thought—for what they were doing. He was really solid; that Bleach record was a slow dirgy psychedelic style—he was perfect. He plays a little behind the beat, while Grohl plays in the pocket but just a tad faster, just above the beat: that’s what created that pop sensibility for the masses—the drums. It went from being sort of a very dark sound to having something that was driving and more Killing Joke, less Black Sabbath.

  Nirvana’s pressing priority was that arrangements were under way for them to tour the UK. With four weeks to get the lineup prepared they wedged in practice runs at a surf club and on friendly turf at the Evergreen State College, where Grohl’s presence was immediately felt.

  SLIM MOON: It was a leap forward. After their initial shows with Dale Crover as drummer, the drumming was always a disappointment in Nirvana until Dave showed up.

  MARK ROBINSON: Unrest was on tour with the DUSTdevils and we were holed up in Olympia in between shows … Calvin Johnson’s K Records is there, and it was a friendly place. We were staying at the Martin Apartment Building downtown, which was essentially a dorm for indie rockers … We performed in a small common living room in a dormitory complex. Just fourteen by fourteen feet. Maybe smaller … There was a vocal PA, and that’s it. Just amps and a microphone in a very small room. No sound checks, this was a party. No stage, just play in the corner of the room … Dave Grohl had just recently joined Nirvana … He’s a pro, and from what I remember, they didn’t seem shaky or like they hadn’t played together before. This show was the first and last time I saw Nirvana perform … I don’t think I even watched their entire set. Only a small amount of people could fit into that room along with the band performing. Probably not more than fifteen or twenty … At some point during our stay there we met them at the Martin. I don’t remember much about it and I don’t think they said much, but I do remember Kurt Cobain had eyeliner on. At any rate, we were asked to play the show and we did. It was just a normal American college keg party. I’m pretty sure we didn’t get paid, nor did we expect to, as there was no admission price.

  This time in the UK, Nirvana was the undeniable star and played the UK’s great cities like … Er … Norwich.

  SAM MARSH, Jacob’s Mouse: We very nearly didn’t play it on the night—our shit heap of a van broke down on the way and we literally made it to the venue in time to set up and perform! Bloody typical! However, with all the adrenaline of running late we went for it once we got onstage and released all that pent-up energy!! Nirvana’s performance that night was storming—it was a reasonably small venue and Kurt spent half the time in the audience. No after-party stuff, everyone did seem tired, but Nirvana were really friendly and gave us lots of praise!

  JEBB BOOTHBY, Jacob’s Mouse: I remember that we almost didn’t play the gig because Hugo had an A-level re-sit the next day. Both Hugo and I still lived with our parents and although they were massively supportive of the band and our music they had got a bit pissed off that the band was distracting us from our studies leading to some pretty poor exam results in the summer. In the end we played the gig, but Hugo had to drive home early. Rock ’n’ roll! Nirvana all seemed pretty tired, as you would be after a long European tour in a Transit van. Maybe Kurt was a little more aloof than the other guys, but they were all really welcoming. Like all the bands we played with at the time, you just talk about music and I guess because our van had broken down that was a good icebreaker … There did seem to be a bit of an end-of-term feel to the tour party. I think they were heading home after the Norwich gig. I got the feeling it had been a bit chaotic. I think the tour manager had jumped ship and the booking agent, Russell Warby (who later took us on), had taken over for the last few dates … While we were playing I saw two guys sitting down in the front of stage really getting into it, sort of head-banging and rocking out. When we came off stage these two guys came up to us and it was Krist and Dave from Nirvana. They were really enthusing about the gig, which blew us away. I remember Krist wanted a record. We had just released our first EP, The Dot, and had a box with us to sell. But he explained, “Being the end of the tour, I don’t have any money!” I think I swapped one for a T-shirt. I still have the T-shirt. I wonder if he still has the record! I remember them playing songs from Bleach and “Sliver” (I think they were over to belatedly promote “Sliver”). I also remember them playing a load of more melodic songs that I didn’t know but more in the style of “Sliver” than Bleach. I guess these were the songs they were about to record for Nevermind.

  HUGO BOOTHBY, Jacob’s Mouse: Kurt came onstage afterwards when I was packing my stuff away to say hello. He shook my hand and said he enjoyed the show and that we were one of his favorite support bands from that tour. We had a viola player at the time and I can imagine that this reminded him a bit of the Raincoats. We met both Krist and Dave briefly. They were nice, down-to-earth people, and I was very excited to meet this band that already seemed very famous and exotic to me, although this was pre-Nevermind. A year later we joined Nirvana’s booking agent and he told us that Kurt remembered the show and was glad that we were with the same booking agency as them. Some years later a friend of ours was wearing a Jacob’s Mouse T-shirt in Seattle and Courtney came over to say that Kurt liked the band.

  After a week on the road Nirvana couldn’t even spare enough cash for a twelve-inch single. However, their increasing sway did mean they were able to request support acts.

  NAOKO YAMANO, Shonen Knife: We made a contract with a management office in Tokyo in 1990. The office got an offer from Nirvana about touring with us … I didn’t know Nirvana when we got an offer to tour with them. I saw their photo and they looked wild. I was a little scared about them, but they were real gentlemen.

  TIM SOLYAN: All the shows were crammed to t
he rafters with people!… When we got to the UK, we were told by our booking agent that when we get to Leeds, we will be playing at the Leeds Polytechnic College with Nirvana … better off getting on the gig with Nirvana than try to compete with it the same night. So it was arranged that our support band, Arm, would play first; L7, who were on the current tour with Nirvana, would play second; Victim’s Family would fill the support slot … we were informed that Nirvana and L7 were not happy with the lineup arrangement … We arrived at the gig and loaded in and Nirvana were just finished with their sound check and Krist was still onstage and saw us and gave a big “Hello!” and talked with us and told us where he found good cheap pizza just outside the venue.… We set up to do sound check and I saw Kurt come toward the stage. He leaned right up against it and looked right at me with a blank expression. I said, “Hey Kurt! What up, man?!” He blankly nodded at me and turned and walked away. I figured he was upset his support band was not in the support slot. Oh well. He wasn’t ever really too friendly with us, as I don’t think he liked our music in the least bit.

  MARCUS GRAPMAYER, Arm: We had no personal contact during the whole thing. To us they were just long-haired rock stars with no interest in their environment and the people around. Why I remember is ’cause it was the only time in my life I played on a hundred-square-meter stage with no PA, no engineer, and our showtime right at the opening of the doors.

  TIM SOLYAN: I watched Nirvana’s set that night, which was the first time I saw them with Dave on drums, and quite frankly I thought his perfect drumming was a bit too slick compared to Chad’s fumbling coolness. I am not saying I disliked it; it just was a whole different band.

  Another new factor in the band’s future experience was also arising.

  SLIM MOON: I saw the depression. I didn’t know about the heroin use, but one time he helped me move house, and while driving across town he opened the door to his car and vomited. So now in retrospect I’ve always wondered if he was having withdrawals.

  While being interviewed for this book, numerous individuals were open about their history with drugs. I admire those who have come through fire and can look back with honesty.

  DUANE LANCE BODENHEIMER: It was kind of a secret—just between us junkies, but everybody knew. Not proud of it. No glamour. It definitely came through in my lyrics, something I wrote about openly. I was the only one in my band that did that—I want to make that clear. But we had a lot of issues. It was sort of social in the beginning but in the end I was doing it alone, definitely an isolation drug. There were all kinds of drugs around … I first met Kurt at the Hollywood Underground, I never really got personally involved with those guys—Kurt and I shared a lot of the same … er … y’know … We had the same dealers.

  BLAG DAHLIA: Kurt and most of us were part of a drug subculture. If he didn’t do dope before 1990, I’d be very surprised. Downers and booze are closely related to dope as well. Courtney’s love of dope is well documented, and Kurt lied about that all the time … I know lots of folks who shot up with them. If I would have been a dope fan, I’m sure I would have shot up with them too. Believable, but unverified, reports of ODs were numerous, but again, I wasn’t in the room. I did see Kurt, eyes pinned, having a siesta on the roof of the Terminal Building around 1990. Nothing conclusive there, but where there’s smoke …

  DANIEL RIDDLE: Kurt had lots of dark eyeliner on because he was a musician and didn’t give a fuck what people thought!… But really those of us with blue eyes knew that was more about hiding your eyes with pinned-out pupils when you’re doing dope.

  Still, Cobain was just dabbling; he was fine and if he was in a good mood all knew about it.

  SAM MARSH: Kurt was amazingly friendly and approachable on the night. You meet so many bands who are right prima donnas, but I always found everyone on the alternative music scene is generally friendly—all the bands were friendly that night … The band looked tired, as is often the way when you’ve been touring for ages—I wouldn’t have got any impression he was a heroin user by his appearance and demeanor.

  Nirvana was nearing triumph; their next show at the Off Ramp in central Seattle was a victory dance.

  JOSEPH ARONSTAMN, Holy Rollers: That period of time was special because the “Seattle sound” was breaking nationwide … A lot was going on in Olympia, so there was a lot of crossover and intra-town support. Basically, a convergence of time, place, and great bands and other musicians (in the audience) that form the backbone of a “scene” … While you live it, you don’t realize that you are actually part of a historic and memorable social moment that is greater than the sum of its parts and outlasts what we were all there in the first place for. For us, to play and hang with a friend [Dave] and his very cool band mates, while also knowing there would be people there. For the audience members, it was a homecoming of sorts and a chance to support the cross-pollination between DC’s Dischord bands and Seattle and Olympia musicians … a lifetime highlight!

  ROBIN PERINGER: The Off Ramp was great for a twenty-one-and-over bar, plus we could walk there from Capitol Hill … As far as what I think makes a top band or not, at the time, I didn’t really know what that meant. I had yet to have any friends who were able to even sell out the Off Ramp. I did feel that Nirvana should be making a living off playing music as much as Jane’s Addiction or Nick Cave did, but that was about as high as I could imagine any Seattle band going … Nirvana was an excellent band, but there were a lot of excellent bands at that time. These were guys you’d see at local shows, and it just didn’t seem like future rock stars would be checking out Girl Trouble on a Tuesday night. Plus, the only bands that achieved crazy levels of fame were together for more than three years.

  After months just ticking over, having a permanent drummer meant Nirvana pushed on toward the destination they had set early in the year.

  PAUL THOMSON, Midway Still: I think the single “Sliver” was a game changer that hinted at the brutal pop they were capable of and was played to death everywhere in London. After that single, I think there was general excitement at what the new album would be.

  The band even played a New Year show in Portland to crown 1990.

  DANIEL RIDDLE: I booked the show that night. I got Krist’s phone number from the booking info and when I called he had remembered hanging out with us at the Blue Gallery … they set up most of their own gear. They had some new gear that they were getting used to … They knew they had an explosive, powerful new lineup and an amazing batch of songs. The sound check brought tears to my eyes. It was so fucking powerful, filled with melody and raw emotion. They used sound check to rehearse most of the set. It very much felt like the lineup was fresh and most of the tunes had never been played live … After the show I paid them in cash from the door. I think I promised them 60 percent and it was a $10 cover charge. I think they made $1,800. We totally oversold the door. It was so fucking packed in there, people were leaving because after a few drinks and getting pummeled by an insanely loud PA system that I rented—most folks couldn’t handle it.

  RENÉE DENENFELD: Nirvana was pretty popular on the West Coast at that point. The club was packed. But they were certainly not popular to the point where anyone foresaw their future fame. They were just some nice guys in a punk band that everyone liked, just like they liked other bands. I didn’t feel intimidated, because I had been around Nirvana before, working in the Blue Gallery, and they weren’t any different than anyone else … the audience was over-the-top, like always happened on busy nights at Satyricon … there was no backstage to speak of, just a tiny room that stank like pee. So band members always just hung out in the bar with everyone else … I remember after we finished, I was soaking wet from people spraying me with beer. I climbed with a friend into the sound box above the pit. It was amazing to watch and see Nirvana in all the melee.

  Still … while Nirvana’s popularity was going from strength to strength, the atmosphere around Cobain showed his keen awareness of the darker consequences of success.


  DANIEL RIDDLE: With Kurt it seemed like the right thing to do was say hello and look down. He was not very interested in engaging anyone in an up-close and personal way. His band was gaining momentum and it was understood that this brings on unwanted insincere affection. When that happens, you give those people space and let them come to you or you end up on a mental list of assholes and suck-ups. I had a few nice conversations with Krist and Dave that night. Kurt and I did not talk much.

  Cobain later confessed, in the liner notes of a reissue of The Raincoats’ first album, that in this period of triumph he was “extremely unhappy, lonely, and bored.” The underground music scene was a place he finally belonged among those people who had seen poverty, who had been alone—they all found friends among the injured. Portland was sympathetic to Cobain because those who played there were much the same as him.

  DANIEL RIDDLE: Most of us came from broken homes and were picked on a lot in school. Humor was a defense mechanism, and playing music was a cathartic release of pain and a way to get the approval of our peers. In all my years of playing music outside of the pop culture, I’ve never once met a player who had a “good” relationship with their father. Every stripper, every junkie, and every musician had that pain. Why else get up onstage and jump around like an idiot? Those cats in Nirvana where just like us. We were all kids/people who just wanted to belong to something, be good at something, have a sense of community.

  RENÉE DENENFELD: I “sang” for a hardcore punk band when I was sixteen. I was fresh from living on the streets and frankly, the punk community saved me. I was crashing in a house where the Wipers were recording their last album. A hardcore punk band was practicing in the space. They asked me to front them, probably because I was sixteen and could scream really loud. That band was called Sin Hipster, and we opened for Black Flag. Henry Rollins himself told me how much I sucked … I hear the scene has changed a lot … I’m not sure how much that has to do with the music getting popular. I think a more important factor is how expensive it has become to live in this city and others. At the time of that New Year’s show, you could rent a run-down house in Portland for a few hundred dollars. It was possible to live and play music while working part-time. You could be someone from a terrible background, alone and in pain, and the punk community was a place to find friends and solace. Now I am not sure how musicians afford places to practice and I’ve heard the whole community of punk houses has died. That, to me, is sad. I don’t know where the lost kids end up anymore. Those homes were havens for many of us, places where we discovered friends and art and music, and hope.