“What were you worried about?” she questioned.
“Getting you pregnant. It wouldn't be fair to you, I should have thought about it.”
“I'm on the pill, Matt.” She paused, considering her words and Matt watched emotions flicker over her pretty features. “I know you don't like what I do for a living, but I can assure you I'm safe to be with. I'm tested regularly for STD's, birth control is covered, and my clients are tested regularly too. And… in every other situation, I've always insisted on using condoms.”
Matt lifted her gently to the ground, still holding her close. “You've never gone bareback with a man before?” Ridiculous as it was, his heart swelled with pride. She'd had unprotected sex with him, and him alone?
“No. I've always been very careful.” She rubbed her fingers across his chest. “With you… I wanted it, Matt. If you'd wanted to wear a condom, I would have agreed, but when you didn't mention it… I was happy to go without one.”
Matt didn't know how to respond to her admission, only knew it created warmth in his chest that he hadn't felt for a long time. He glanced at his watch and groaned. “We should get back.”
He dressed quickly, bemoaning the fact he hadn't even taken his shoes off. What kind of man made love with his shoes on, for God's sake? He helped Emily pick up her clothes, felt a rush of regret as he watched her slipping back into them. He wished he could keep her naked all night long, sleep with her, hold her against him, and wake up in the morning with her. But she'd made valid points about his kids and he couldn't sleep with her at Paul and Mandy's – not when the kids were likely to launch into his room first thing tomorrow morning.
Matt captured her hand in his and walked her back to Paul's house, already wishing he could find a way to make her stay, knowing it wasn't possible tonight.
“I should be going,” she said, when they reached Paul's house.
“Come in for a coffee. Please.” Matt wasn't ready to say goodbye, wanted the chance to spend a little more time with her.
He was disappointed when she shook her head. “I'd love to, but I really should go.” Her eyes were lit by the overhead lamp; he could see the regret in them and knew she was genuinely torn.
“You left your purse inside, I'll get it for you.”
He strode into the house, subjected to some good-natured ribbing from Paul as he collected Emily's purse. In a way, he was glad Emily hadn't come inside; he didn't need his partner embarrassing her.
Handing Emily her purse, he drew her into his arms and dropped a gentle kiss on her lips. “When can I see you again?” he demanded quietly. “Do you have plans tomorrow night?”
“No.”
“Good. We're going to my parents for dinner.”
Emily's eyes widened. “Dinner? With your parents?” He could see the doubt in her eyes, the concern mirrored in them.
Jesus, where the hell had that suggestion come from? He hadn't even thought it through, before he was suggesting it. Idiot. But it was too late now, and he wouldn't back away from the plan. “Sure. It's my Dad's birthday. We'll pick you up on the way through, about five thirty.”
“Matt, I'm not sure…” she began quietly.
“It'll be fun. Emily, I want you to come with us.” And he did. He wanted to spend more time with her, wanted the kids to get a chance to know her. Wanted his Mom and Dad to meet her, wanted their opinion. Was he moving too fast? Probably. But somehow, with Emily it didn't seem that way. He wanted her to meet his family, get to know his kids.
She was silent for a long moment, contemplating his request, and her fingers clenched and unclenched nervously. “Alright,” she finally agreed and Matt released the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. “But I'll meet you there; you can't pick me up at Salacious with the kids. It wouldn't be right.”
“Have you got a pen?”
She nodded, opening her purse and handing him a pen and a small diary and he scribbled down the address of his parents' home. “We'll meet there at six, okay?”
Chewing at her lip, Emily agreed. “Alright.”
Matt handed her the diary and the pen, watching as she put them back in her purse and when she looked up, he drew her into his arms, kissing her longingly. He knew she could feel his erection, wanted her to know how much he wanted her. Again.
He stood for a long time after Emily's car lights disappeared at the end of the street, thinking about the petite young woman who was getting completely under his skin.
* * *
Chapter Ten
“Daddy, can we have the ice-cream with the jelly beans in it?” Millie questioned, tugging on the hem of his t-shirt.
“Dad, we've run out of yoghurt. I want blueberry this time, Courtney chose last time and she got strawberry. I hate strawberry,” Harper announced, her small features militant and her arms crossed as she stood in front of the array of yoghurt in the fridge section.
“Can we get more fish bites?” Brandon questioned. “Coach Manning says I need more protein.”
Matt closed his eyes, wishing he were anywhere but here. Saturday morning was traditionally grocery shopping, but given the events of last night, he was finding today's grocery shop a nightmare. To start with, he'd drunk too many beers and he was suffering from a mild headache. Secondly, he'd woken this morning to find Millie in bed with him, her little elbows (which were remarkably sharp) digging into his lower back.
Lastly, and probably the most demoralizing aspect to his shopping expedition was the memory of making love to Emily last night. Each time he thought about her, his dick reacted dramatically to the recollection and he was grateful he'd worn a loose t-shirt and left it untucked, hiding the evidence from not only his children, but also the other shoppers around him. The last thing he needed was someone noticing the persistent bulge in his jeans and thinking he was some sort of goddamn pervert.
“Daddy? Please can we have the ice-cream with the jelly beans?” Millie whined, tugging at his shirt yet again in an effort to get his attention.
Matt leaned over, resting his forearms on the handle of the cart and sighed heavily. “Brandon, get two boxes of fish bites from the freezer. Millie, we can have one small tub of the ice cream you want and get a big tub of vanilla. Too many jelly beans will rot your teeth.” He turned his attention to Harper. “Get eight tubs of yoghurt, Harper. Two for each of you and you can have blueberry. Get two strawberry for Courtney and ask your brother and sister what flavor they want.”
“Daddy,” Harper stood by the cart and eyed him speculatively. “That's a lot of yoghurt and I noticed the price had gone up by twenty four cents a tub since last week.” She glanced around the crowded aisle and lowered her voice conspiratorially. “Does that fit into our budget?”
Matt banked down a smile and regarded his daughter with a serious expression. “It's okay, honey. I think the budget will stretch enough to cover the extra buck ninety two for yoghurt.”
With a little smile of relief, Harper marched off on her yoghurt expedition and Matt allowed the smile to break over his face once her back was turned away from him. Only Harper would know exactly how much items had increased in price from one shopping trip to the next. She was exactly like her mother in that regard – how many times had Caroline come back from the store to announce indignantly how much extra one item or another had increased in price since her last visit?
A wave of regret washed over him as he watched Millie strolling back – a large tub of jellybean ice cream clasped in her chubby arms. He missed Caroline, missed her deeply every day. Every time he looked at his children, he saw their mother. Every one of them had some facet in their personality, some aspect of their features, which reminded him of his wife, and he was grateful for it. Somehow, it made the impact of Caroline's death a little easier to deal with, knowing she'd left part of herself behind in each of their children. Caroline had been so many things to him – his wife, his lover, his best friend. She'd been the core of their family, quick to laugh, a bright intelligent woman taken too soon.
It was Caroline he had to thank for his financial stability after her death – it was her insistence which had seen them both take out life insurance when they'd married – the same life insurance which had paid off the mortgage on their dream home and left him in a financially stable situation to bring up their four children alone.
Alone. He'd been alone for so long now and last night, with Emily – he'd felt a sense of belonging which had been missing from his life for eighteen long months. A twinge of guilt gnawed at him, but he tried to look at things rationally. Making love to Emily was not cheating on Caroline. Caroline would want him to be happy, would want him to move on and continue his life. She'd be happy if he found someone else to love.
He was glad he'd invited Emily tonight. He wanted to see her with his kids, his family. The doubt about whether he was rushing things was still there, but he didn't regret asking her to attend. His biggest doubts revolved around the kids, how they would accept Emily into their lives. Courtney, in particular, could be a real pain in his ass if she decided to be. Already she'd quizzed him about Emily, her voice rising in anger when he'd admitted he liked her. Christ only knew what she'd say if she discovered they'd had sex. Hopefully, that situation was a long way down the track.
Speaking of sleeping together, he probably needed to do something about his bedroom. He'd baulked at the idea of Emily coming back to his place last night – he didn't want that to be the situation always.
The thought of Emily being in their bed, the same bed where he and Caroline had conceived their four children, was unthinkable and he knew it. He hadn't changed much about their bedroom since Caroline's death. The only thing that had altered was the removal of Caroline's clothing – which his Mom and Caroline's Mom had packed up when he requested it, a couple of months after Caroline's death. Opening the closet and seeing her clothes, smelling her perfume on them – while it had initially been a comfort, after a while it had been a constant reminder of the loss of his wife and he couldn't bear it any longer.
The kids arrived back and dumped their selections into the cart, Millie looking tremendously guilty as she dropped the large ice-cream tub in the cart and then gripped the edge, keeping her eyes averted from Matt.
“Millie, we talked about this,” Matt said firmly. He pulled the ice cream out of the cart as they passed the freezer section, dropping it back in and pulling out a small tub and then selecting a large vanilla. “Too many jelly beans. Your teeth are gonna fall out.”
“Yeah,” Brandon agreed seriously. “You'll end up with false teeth, like Great Aunt Hilda.”
Matt couldn't help but chuckle as Millie looked up at Brandon in undisguised horror.
≈≈◊◊≈◊◊≈≈
Emily pounded the footpath alongside Bud, matching her pace to his longer one. The steady beat of her heart was the only sound she focused on, shutting out the sounds of the city around her. It was cathartic to run, a time of her day when she could focus on her thoughts, analyze her plans, thirty minutes she took each day to contemplate her life and nut through problems which might be bothering her.
This morning she was feeling the kind of peace that usually eluded her, a peace that came from the memory of being with Matt Pendleton last night. A sense of satisfaction welled deep in her heart – while she'd initially doubted Matt's ability to be the kind of man she was looking for, last night in the park had confirmed it was possible he could be what she wanted so desperately. He was kind and gentle, thoughtful and sincere – and it was entirely possible he could locate the heart of a Dom within himself. Emily's heart skipped a little in her chest as she thought back to their lovemaking and she felt the pleasant clutch in her groin as she remembered the details. He'd treated her with both respect and domination, two things that didn't always go hand in hand. With a tiny shiver, she recalled how badly her last relationship had ended, but despite her fears, she was positive Matt was different. While she loved being submissive, she needed respect from her Dom. It was a requirement she couldn't live without, she needed to feel as though she was important and cherished in a man's life, that he adored her and wanted to protect and care for her. In turn, she lived to provide everything her man wanted, to submit to his every desire. There was a very real chance Matt Pendleton could provide what she needed, if only he could learn to embrace his inner Dominant, the one Emily was certain he had hidden away.
“Hey, Em, you're slowing down,” Bud grunted. Sweat was pouring off his shaven head and the back of his t-shirt was damp and sticking to his heavily muscled torso.
“Sorry,” Em apologized, picking up the pace. After Bud's interruption, Emily drifted straight back to her daydreams and she wondered what Matt was doing. A little thrum of concern bloomed as she wondered whether she'd made the right decision, agreeing to go to dinner at his parents' home tonight. Spending time with Matt's children was nerve-wracking enough – meeting his parents? Was it too soon? Would they be nice, would they like her? What if they didn't? And was getting involved with a man like Matt Pendleton a good idea?
He had any number of issues in his own life, what with the loss of his wife and having four children of his own. Maybe the thought of her lifestyle, her kinks would be too much for him. With effort, she pushed the thought away, not wanting to spoil the memory of last night. She would keep an open mind, not start worrying about something before it even happened. There were only two choices –his kids and his parents would accept her. Or they wouldn't.
“Em, for fuck's sake! Usually it's me dragging my ass on a Saturday morning, not you,” Bud grumbled, slowing to a steady walk. “You wanna talk about whatever the hell is up your keester?”
Em smiled warmly, slowing down to a walk beside him. “Not particularly.”
Bud glanced up and down the mostly deserted street, instinctively scanning the area for danger. “Does this have anything to do with the guy in the Sequoia who picked you up last week? Or the fact that you stayed out until after midnight last night, without letting me know when you'd be getting back to the club? I was worried, ya know. It isn't like you to forget to call.”
Emily felt the blush spring up across her cheeks. It was true; she always called Bud to check in; a practice they'd started when Paul had first brought her to Salacious. Bud had instantly taken over her personal security, probably because he'd seen the perpetual terror in her eyes. When he couldn't accompany her somewhere, he expected her to call and let him know when she would get back to Salacious, so he wouldn't worry needlessly. “Might do.”
Bud grinned. “He's a cop, Em. Reckon he'll probably treat you better than the last bastard did.”
Emily looked up at Bud in surprise. “How do you know he's a cop?”
Bud rolled his eyes. “Come on, Em. This is me – remember? Of course I picked him for a cop,” he said scornfully. “Can pick 'em from a mile off. God knows I've been arrested by enough of 'em in the past.”
Emily giggled. “I suppose that's true.”
“So what gives?” Bud questioned as they paced along the quiet road. “You've been in a fucking dream all morning. Not often I have to come and remind you we're going running.”
Emily shrugged, brushing her fingers through her damp curls. “Nothing gives. He invited me to meet his parents tonight. Guess I'm a little nervous.”
“You're perfect. His parents will love you,” Bud said automatically and cuffed her shoulder gently. “Why are you so worried?”
“I've only seen him a couple of times.”
“And you're worried they'll find out about your job?” Bud guessed.
“It's a little more complicated than that,” Emily admitted. She briefly outlined what she knew of Matt, including the death of his wife and his four children.
For a long time Bud was silent, processing what she'd told him. “That's a lot for a guy to deal with,” he began cautiously, “particularly if he isn't a Dom.”
“I think he could be,” Emily admitted and she hoped Bud didn't hear the wistfulness in her voice.
“Don't get your hopes up too high, Em,” he warned gruffly, confirming he knew exactly how she was feeling. “I hope you're right, but I'm just sayin', with a dead wife, four kids – the guy's probably got a few hang-ups.”
Emily burst out laughing and Bud stared at her in bemusement, until she controlled herself enough to talk. “He's got a few hang-ups? I'm a submissive who works as an escort and you're an alcoholic and ex-addict who works at a kink joint and likes to tie his women up. Who do you think has got the bigger hang-ups?”
“Yeah, okay,” Bud admitted with a grin. “So we're probably about even.” He inclined his head towards the hill, which elevated in front of them. “Now, are we running, or not?”
≈≈◊◊≈◊◊≈≈
William Collado hunkered down in the luxurious leather seat of his Mercedes, although the reaction was unnecessary. The dark tinting ensured the two people running along the pavement couldn't see him, and he knew Emily wouldn't recognize this car. There had been one moment when he'd wondered though, when they'd paused for a few minutes, and the huge man had scanned the street. He looked as if he could be military, the bearing with which he stood, the ramrod straight back leaving William in no doubt that the bald guy would be a formidable enemy.
No matter – it wasn't going to be an issue. Eventually, he would be out of the way, one way or the other. William had been keeping an eye on Emily for weeks now, knew that she generally had the goon with her when she left that club she was living in. Grayson had come through with the information he'd wanted, and last night he'd been able to put together the details of that fucker she was seeing. He'd followed her from a bowling alley where she'd been with a woman and the cop's bunch of brats, to a house in the suburbs, and seen her wandering along the street with the cop later in the evening. They'd had a rendezvous in the local park, and William had nearly lost control and dealt with Emily there and then. That bitch would pay for what she'd done, but he'd bide his time. After two years, she'd begun to get comfortable enough to go out on her own – something William would use to his advantage.
Contrasting Lives Page 11
