“We need to talk.” I pull out the chair in front of the vanity and sit.
“About what? That renegade God guy? He needs to stay away. And if you don’t see to it, I will.”
“His name is Levi. And he’s a really nice guy. Mother, why don’t you get it? He doesn’t want anything from me.”
“Everybody wants something, honey. Don’t you forget it. He may not want what most guys want, but he’s got an agenda.”
I don’t understand why my own mother doesn’t seem to want anything good to happen to me. Unless that good is beneficial for her. Then she’s all for it.
Struggling, I search for just the right words to make her understand. “For the first time in my life I feel like somebody likes me for me. Not for what I can do for them, or what I can give them. He doesn’t need anything from me.”
“I think differently. But time will tell. I never thought your father would leave, but he did. I don’t want to see either of my girls get hurt.”
I stand. I want my voice to sound as confident as I feel. “Levi won’t hurt me, Mother. I’d have to be involved with him for that to happen. And I’m not.”
After speaking, I turn to leave. My heart drops a little as I see her rolling her eyes and shaking her head back and forth.
I certainly hope I’m right this time.
Chapter Seventeen
Sam and I have just finished a puzzle when I hear a knock on the door.
I open the door to Levi. When he sees me he smiles.
“Hi,” I say.
“Hi. Any plans today?” he asks.
“Sam and I are meeting this guy at church at about five thirty, but we are free until then.”
He laughs, I laugh. Boy, this feels good.
Dangerously good.
I have to keep reminding myself I’m not involved.
“Come on. I’ve got somewhere I want to take you. And Sam, too.”
“Where?”
“No questions.”
I turn to Sam. “Let’s pick up this puzzle. We’re going out.”
“Aren’t we supposed to be working?” I ask, as Levi opens the car door.
“Work is overrated.” He offers his hand, which I take, before stepping out of the car. He doesn’t back up so I find myself trapped between him and the car. Trapped here being a good thing. While I’ve become accustomed to his cologne, the scent still turns my senses into a whirlwind. Everything about him crazes up everything in me.
He stays close and holds the door while I get Sam out of the car. I’m so aware of Levi standing right behind me. Just the close proximity of him makes my body tingle. I need to focus on something else.
Sam. I hold onto him tight as I manage to maneuver around Levi and take a couple of steps back from the car. Brushing a strand of Sam’s hair away from his face I switch my focus to him. Nothing is more precious than my little boy.
Levi pushes the car door shut. “It’s a perfect day to catch a waterfall. Blue sky, white clouds. We couldn’t have asked for better weather.”
I set Sam down, grab his hand, then look up. Fluffy-looking clouds dot an amazingly clear sky. The air is still, a total contrast to my racing heart.
Taking Sam by the hand, we start walking. Gravel crunches under our feet, a sure sign I shouldn’t be wearing flip-flops. But I am.
“This way, guys.” Levi gently touches my elbow. I grasp Sam’s hand a little tighter trying to subdue Levi’s touch.
I release a little pressure as Sam wiggles his hand. “Are we going to see the waterfall, Mommy?”
“Yes, honey. That’s where we’re going.”
I would have never agreed to come to the waterfall with Levi had Sam not been here. Face it, when you have a guy, a girl and attraction, waterfalls are romantic. Not so much with a child in tow.
We leave the parking lot and enter into a wooded area. The sound of our footsteps disappears as a soft pine needle path replaces the crunchy gravel. Brown trunks shoot upward as green leaves canopy us, with only slight rays of sun filtering through.
“The temp dropped about ten degrees, didn’t it?” Levi turns and starts walking backwards.
His boyish behavior teaming up with his dark good looks is almost too much for me to take. “It feels great.”
“Mommy, why is Levi walking backwards?”
“Because your mommy is so pretty I just want to look at her.”
Even in the coolness I feel my face turn red. Which isn’t normal. I live to be pretty. I strive to be pretty. But Levi thinking and saying the words gives being pretty a whole new meaning for me.
Suddenly pretty is special.
“Mommy is pretty. I’m pretty, too.” Sam smiles, then starts skipping.
“You’re handsome, Dude. Remember, handsome. Guys aren’t pretty. Got it?”
“I’m hamsdom.”
“Better. Much better.” Levi gives Sam a high five before turning around. Without missing a step Levi follows in right next to me and Sam.
“I can’t believe you’ve been here almost a year and haven’t come to see these falls. These are the main attraction around here.”
“I didn’t really get out much.” I think back to when I first arrived in Lawson’s Ledge. It was a miracle I could get down the stairs from my bedroom to the kitchen on a daily basis.
“You still don’t venture out too often. Sometimes I feel like I’m dragging you places.”
It has nothing to do with places and everything to do with you, Levi. I keep silent as we walk. He doesn’t realize how much being with him is a struggle for me. I struggle to keep my distance. Literal distance and heart distance.
Our silence is comfortable. Sam’s head keeps turning left to right. He seems mesmerized by the sounds and sights of the trail. Levi has set our pace at a level of slow which is perfect for Sam.
And thoughtful of Levi.
I hear the falls before we actually see them. The sound of the rushing water seems distant, yet mighty.
“What’s that noise, Mommy?”
Sam has stopped walking. His fingers grip my hand a little tighter while his expression shows his fear.
I bend down. “It’s okay. What you’re hearing is the sound of the water falling. There is nothing to be afraid of.”
He smiles. “Okay, Mommy. I won’t be afraid. Don’t let go of my hand, okay? I want you to hold it tight.”
Love washes over me. Leaning toward him I place a kiss on his soft cheek. “Don’t worry, Sam. I’m not ever letting go.”
Levi offers his hand as I stand. He’s smiling, too. Love washes over me again, a totally different love than what I feel for Sam. The urge to kiss Levi, his lips, not his cheek, is overwhelming. But I don’t. Instead, I quickly force my attention away from him, and we keep walking on the trail, toward the falls.
The rushing sound of the water becomes louder the closer we get. Sam’s pace slows even more. His hand feels like it’s super-glued to mine.
We step out of the canopy of the forest into an open area.
Levi stops walking. “Here we are.”
“How beautiful.” A magnificent display of nature is the only description I can think of as I look at the falls. One waterfall rushes downward to another set of falls. Slick looking rocks and lush greenery surround them. White froths cap the stream of water as it rushes downward.
“It’s loud.”
I barely hear Sam’s voice. I nod my head in agreement.
“What do you think, Dude? Cool or what?”
I love Levi’s exchanges with Sam. Levi is so relaxed. It’s too bad he doesn’t have kids of his own.
“I like them. But I have to use my outside voice to talk!”
Levi and I both laugh.
“Let’s walk to the base, okay?” Levi points to a set of stairs.
“Okay.” Sam, his hand still gripped in mine, starts walking. “What’s a base?”
“The bottom,” I answer.
“Me first.” Levi slides in front of me at the top of the sta
irs. “Skeet told me always go before a lady when going down the stairs and go behind when going up. That way you’ll be able to stop a fall.”
My heart rocks a little with his use of the word lady again. “So chivalry isn’t dead?”
“Not in my book. Follow me.”
We carefully maneuver the stairs. Sam holding onto me while I hold onto the hand rail.
At the bottom of the stairs there’s a clearing. Several groups of people stand together. The three of us find our own place to stand.
“Summer. Stand with Sam. I’ll take your picture with the falls in the background.” Levi pulls a small camera out of his back pocket.
Sam and I smile as Levi takes a couple of pictures.
“Would you take one of me and Sam?” Levi walks over and hands me the camera.
After a brief camera lesson I snap a picture of my son and Levi. Maybe I can get Levi to email me one. You know, so Sam will remember him. At least for a little while.
“Can we skip rocks, Levi?” Sam asks.
“I don’t think we can get close enough to the water. The rocks are pretty slippery. We want to stay back here.”
“Summer Sinclair, I’ll take a picture of all three of you.”
I turn around to find Blake Anthony standing behind us.
“Anthony,” Levi says. “Are you following us?”
“You? No. Summer Sinclair? Yes.”
I move in front of Sam.
“Well, don’t.” Levi is next to me, so close his arm is brushing against mine.
“Look, I’m not here to hurt anybody. I just need a break.”
“Yeah, we’ve had this conversation. Now you’re starting to get on my nerves. From one guy to another, this isn’t cool.”
My gaze shifts back and forth as Levi and Blake keep their verbal exchange going.
“I promise. I’m not a weird stalker or anything. I want to help Summer.”
“You have a funny way of showing it, Man.”
“Have I printed anything I’ve seen so far? All your secrets are safe with me. So I’ll put my camera down and take a picture with your camera. I don’t want to intrude. Honestly.”
Something about Blake Anthony tugs at my heart. I really don’t have any fear towards him. I feel safe when he’s around. Seeing him here was a shock at first, but facts are facts. He could have printed a lot of damaging items about me recently, and he hasn’t. “It’s okay, Levi. I’d like a picture with all three of us.”
Levi gives me an are-you-crazy look but hands Blake his camera. Sam stands between me and Levi.
Blake takes a couple of photos then hands the camera back to Levi before turning to me. “You know this would be a great layout for you. A family day out. Your son, your boyfriend. This reeks wholesomeness, which could bring you a whole new set of fans.”
I feel my face flush. “Levi’s not my boyfriend. And I don’t think it would matter how many pictures are plastered all over the media, the wholesomeness crowd is out of my reach.”
“What’s wholesomeness?” Sam asks.
“Something your Mommy isn’t,” I reply.
“Anthony,” Levi says. “We’re hanging out here for a few more minutes. When we get to back to the parking lot, you need to be gone. Got it?”
“They say persistence pays off, you know.” Blake waves as he walks towards the stairs.
Levi shoves his hands in his pockets. “You better hope it doesn’t pay you any jail time.”
I keep my gaze on Blake until he’s out of sight.
“I don’t know about him.” Levi looks at me. “He seems harmless enough, really. But I don’t like how he just shows up wherever you are.”
“It should be creepy, but he doesn’t give off the creep vibe.”
“No, he doesn’t. But I’m still not sure about him.”
“Well, he’s gone now. No more worries.”
Levi gives me a sideways glance. “Today.”
“Today,” I agree.
He nods his head. “Let’s take a walk.”
The sun shines through the trees quietly, as if beckoning us into the woods. We walk down a short path. There we reach the top of the bottom falls and the bottom of the top falls.
“Wow. This is so beautiful.” I turn to Levi. “Thanks for bringing us here. This is truly a special place.”
“I think so, too. I found these falls one of the first times I came to visit Skeet. “
Sam stares at the falls. “That’s a lot of water, Mommy. Where does it come from?”
“Good question. Levi?”
“Not sure, Dude. But you’re right. It is a lot of water.”
We stand in silence for a little while. Sam seems mesmerized by the water. So does Levi. Levi, who has no idea I’m mesmerized by him. While they could stand here all day and stare at the rushing falls, I could stare at Levi. His dark hair, his angled face, his fit-just-perfectly jeans. Never mind his smile, which leads to his lips. Which leads to thinking about his kisses.
Kisses that are totally off limits for me. If I want to function, that is.
“Hello. Summer?”
The female voice reels me in. I turn to find Rachael standing behind us. She has her daughter, Faith, and Pamela with her. “Hi.”
“Hi guys. Looks like we all had the same idea. We could have carpooled.”
“Looks like it,” Levi chimes in.
I stare at Levi to see if he stares at Rachael. The eyes can say a whole lot. Do his just pass over her? Or do they linger? Search.
My heart quickens then relaxes as his gaze quickly scans past her to the little girls.
“You young ladies like the waterfalls?”
The girls giggle but don’t answer. I wonder how long my innocence had stayed around. I certainly don’t ever remember acting like they are.
“Faith loves them. I bring her here all the time.”
“Cool. This is the first time Summer and Sam have been. I thought I’d share a bit of the Lawson’s Ledge scenery with them.”
“I’m surprised it’s not more crowded with school being out.” Rachael looks around.
“The crowds are pretty light,” Levi says. “But I’m not complaining.”
“Yeah. In the summer the trail can get really crowded,” Rachael replies.
Sam tugs on my hand. “I’m hungry, Mommy.”
“We’re going to eat on the way home.” I hold tightly onto his hand. Levi, who had been standing in between Rachael and me had slowly inched his way over to me. He stands close now. If I moved my arm I’d likely brush against his.
“I have a picnic lunch in the car. There’s plenty for Sam.” Rachael kneels down to Sam’s level. “Would you like to come and eat with Faith and Pamela?”
My mind screams the word no! “How kind of you to offer, but we’ll eat later.” I hope my voice sounds calm. And it feels funny talking to the top of her head, but I know Sam won’t be interested in Rachael’s offer.
His little hand tugs on mine. “Mommy, I’m hungry now. I want to eat with Pamela and Faith.”
I inhale slowly trying to subdue the fear. The fear of Sam going off without me. The fear of making these ‘mom’ decisions. The fear of being alone with Levi. So many emotions mixing together. “If that’s what you want …”
“Yeah, Mommy. It’s want I want to do.”
Rachael stands. “Summer, he’ll be fine. You and Levi enjoy the falls for a little while. We’ll be at the picnic tables right off the parking lot. They have a playground there.”
She smiles a special smile at me, and at that moment I know then she has no interest in Levi.
Before I can say anything else Sam’s hand transfers from mine to Rachael’s. I stand there not knowing what to say. Sam has never gone with strangers. Although they really aren’t strangers, I don’t know them very well.
“He’ll be okay. Rachael is a great lady.”
Levi’s words float into my ear in a whisper. I rub my arms as a tingle descends down them. “I’m not used to thi
s.”
Let him figure out what I’m talking about.
Then maybe he can clue me in.
Because all this is so foreign.
As we walk towards the woods Levi drapes his arm over my shoulder. I try not to make too much out of his gesture. Try not to mold into him. Try not to think about how we are a perfect physical fit.
No, I concentrate on the scenery. The trees, the fresh air, the sound of the water.. Right.
He steers me toward a bench. We sit, inches apart, facing the falls. The roar of the water provides background noise while the smell of pine hangs in the air.
Between Sam’s departure and now being alone with Levi, my insides don’t know what to do. I’m torn between joy for Sam’s independence and sadness for his wanting to spend time away from me. Regarding Levi, he just makes my insides turn every which way because of who he is. And I vowed not to be alone with him. It’s dangerous.
He’s dangerous. I mean, anyone who can convince me to teach music at a church is pretty dangerous.
“What’s your favorite part about the falls?” Levi asks.
That you’re here, I want to say, but I don’t. “They’re so real. Between the rush of the water, the smell in the air, the whole atmosphere is amazing. I’m loving it all.”
“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. You should enjoy life more.”
“I’m learning. Take it easy on me.”
Before I met Levi I could kiss and leave, no problem. But it’s not like that with Levi. Kissing him means something. And nothing can come of us. Our lives are too different, we are too different.
He scoots really close to me. Our shoulders touch. I tingle. He leans into me. “I know you’re nervous about Sam. But I can pretty much promise he’ll be okay.”
How does he know me so well? “I know he’s fine. I have to get used to Sam having friends and hanging with them instead of me.”
“Friends are good for him. Especially girl friends.” He smiles his amazing smile and winks at me.
“He’s a little young for girlfriends. And here I thought you were a good influence on him.”
“Somebody needs to show him how to treat a lady right.”
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