Summer's Song

by Lindi Peterson

  “A car will be here in a half hour. And I’ll call the rental company and tell them to pick up the car at the hospital. I won’t be needing it anymore.”

  “What time’s your flight?”

  I haven’t told him about my ‘fight’ with Coleman. My freedom. “Late. And we’ll have a layover, but that’s okay.”

  “Come back to the studio with me.”

  Sam’s eyes are closed.

  “Mother, a car will be here in a half hour. I’m going to talk to Levi. I’ll be right back.”

  I enter the studio. The place where I feel safe. “I can’t believe I have to leave like this.”

  “I can’t believe you won’t let me drive you,” he says.

  “It doesn’t make sense. You drive a couple hours there and a couple back. I’ll just take a car.”

  He shifts his stance. His gaze avoids mine. “I don’t want you to leave.”

  Strength, don’t leave me now. “Levi, something’s changed. Tell me what’s changed.”

  Still looking straight ahead, he speaks. “It’s not what you think.”

  “I don’t know what to think.”

  “Look, this running, hiding, sneaking out has brought back all kinds of memories. It’s just kind of hard to deal with.”

  Kicked. That’s how my heart feels right now. “Oh.”

  His resolve is apparent. His chiseled jawbone seems set. Unwavering. “But I will. I’ll do it for you. I don’t want to be apart from you.”

  He walks to me, then his arms circle me. “I’d do it,” he says. “I’d run all night long for you.”

  His words are so real they root me to the floor.

  My thoughts go back to that night in the forest. My promise to him.

  I’ll guard your past with my heart.

  So this is what it feels like to put someone else before yourself. To put their needs before yours.

  To actually care about someone.

  It hurts. My heart aches because I know what I need to do. I dig deep inside before kissing Levi for the last time.

  I’ll always remember the sweetness of his kiss. The gentle yet urgent feel of his lips on mine. The way my heart swells when we make this connection.

  There’s no way I can forget this.

  My lips leave his, and I instantly feel empty and alone. “Goodbye, Levi.”

  “What? What do you mean goodbye?”

  I’ll guard your past with my heart. “I have to leave. I can’t see you again. It was nice while I was here, but we’re too different. It’d be too crazy. I’m sorry.”

  “No. I don’t get it.”

  I don’t know what to do. What to say. I don’t want to leave him. Yet I can’t lead him into a lifestyle he’s going to end up hating.

  We stand for moments, neither of us speaking.

  “Summer!”

  My mother’s voice booms down the hall.

  “What?” I call back.

  She steps into the studio. “The car is here.”

  “Already?” I start to shake. I mean, I’m really leaving the man I love.

  “Yep. So wrap up the trouble in paradise, and let’s go. I’m ready to be out of here.”

  She leaves. Neither Levi nor I speak. I can’t tell him my heart is breaking.

  “I’ll help you with your bags.”

  His voice is flat.

  “We’d never make it in the real world, Levi. I’m sorry.” I hope I can get into the car without bursting into tears.

  Suddenly being free doesn’t feel so great.

  Chapter Twenty

  Concrete and busy highways have replaced my leased house and leased car in Lawson’s Ledge. Now, back in California, my mind spins with the busyness of it all. The madness of everyday life.

  I want to go back to Georgia.

  And I’m working on it.

  My mother is thrilled yet frustrated. Being back in California is thrilling her. The fact that I haven’t hired any help for Sam is frustrating her. I’ve kept the housekeeper and the pool guy. Otherwise, I’m on my own.

  Oh, except for Bradley. My bodyguard. He’s been keeping the paparazzi away from me, and I must say he’s been doing an excellent job. He’s six foot something, three hundred plus pounds, and he uses it all when it comes to keeping me behind the scenes.

  I park the car. I’m trying to be anonymous. I’ve got my hair pulled up in a bun, sunglasses on and a wide-brimmed hat, nothing too garish as to attract attention, but something just enough to hide my face. The few times I’ve donned this attire I’ve been successful. I’m hoping today will follow suit.

  Despite Todd’s accusations after the hospital incident, I still get Sam on my regularly scheduled visits. After removing Sam from the car seat, we walk into the store. It’s not crowded. We walk over to an aisle with books and replace my sunglasses with regular glasses. Red-rimmed reader-looking glasses that have no prescription to them. Again, just a matter of hiding myself.

  Since I’ve never been in this store, I have no bearings. Holding tight onto Sam’s soft little hand we walk past the books and around some aisles. Then I spot what I’m looking for. The CDs.

  They are arranged by categories. Contemporary Christian. Southern Gospel. Pop Christian. Praise and Worship. Good grief. Where would Levi be?

  “Can I help you, Ma’am?”

  I startle at the voice. “Uh, sure,” I say. “I’m looking for an artist. Levi Preston.”

  “Cool. He’s awesome. He pretty much has his own section. Here.”

  I follow the young man to the next aisle over. Sure enough, there’s a whole section for Levi. Wow. “Thanks.”

  “He was supposed to have a new release in a couple of months, but I’ve heard it’s delayed. I’m bummed about that. But all in God’s time.”

  I’m pretty much avoiding looking at the guy helping me, but I look at him now. He’s probably around his late twenties. Dark brown hair and eyes. Nice complexion. Warm smile. So I smile. “Yes. All in God’s time.”

  His eyes widen. He stares at me in a studious sort of way. “You look a lot like Summer Sinclair.”

  As he speaks, a sort of understanding dawns in his eyes. “I bet people tell you that all the time.”

  “Yes, they do.”

  “My name is Nathan. Let me know if I can help you with anything else.”

  “Thank you, Nathan. I think I can find what I’m looking for here.” I point to the Levi section.

  He backs away.

  I don’t know where to start. I pick up a CD with his face on the front. Amazing angles, jaw, chin portrayed strong. Eyes so dreamy I’m lost in them, never mind it’s a picture. I think away the tears that want to form.

  He’s gone.

  Out of my life.

  We could have never worked it out anyway. I do hate that I never got to tell him I fired Coleman.

  “Levi, Mommy. That’s Levi.”

  “Yes it is.”

  I pick up another CD. Then another. Sam and I head to the front door and spy what I’m looking for. A basket.

  I drop the CD’s into the red basket then head back to the Levi section where I proceed to gather every one of his CDs. I can afford it. I’m Summer Sinclair. Money is not an object. And if I can’t have the real live flesh and blood Levi, I’ll take what I can get. Even if it is photos and audio tracks. Something is better than nothing.

  “Princess!”

  The yelling clashes with Levi’s voice as it blasts out from my CD player in my family room. My relaxed composure as I sit comfortably on my comfy couch tenses as I spy Coleman standing in the doorway.

  Holding the remote out I push a button, and Levi’s voice softens until it almost disappears.

  “Didn’t I fire you?” I ask. “And you don’t need to yell.”

  “I called your name three times, and you didn’t respond. And you know I’m here for thirty days. Contract says so.”

  “I know.”

  I uncurl my legs. My feet hit the floor as I ready myself for whatever
Coleman has to say.

  “I like your new songs. They’re purrr … fect.”

  My eyes roll at his humorous attempt. He must like the Purrfect Man song. He wouldn’t like it if he knew who it was about.

  “Well, now I’m done with Feline.”

  “Feline hasn’t given the final yes yet, but I’m sure they will. It’s classic Summer Sinclair. And don’t throw them out of the window yet like you did me. I’m still working for your good, though. The interview with Meghan Cascade is set up again. Right after the hearing. This is all coming together great, Princess. The band is learning the songs now. Then your interview. Your big comeback is going to be big. Really big. You look great. Sound great. Your life will be back to normal.”

  “Your normal and my normal aren’t the same. And you seem to have forgotten my sister’s tell-all book is releasing tomorrow.”

  “No, actually I haven’t forgotten. The book will actually fuel sales.”

  I open my mouth then shut it quickly before saying a word. Coleman can live in his fantasy world for a few days longer. “Yeah, I guess that’s what you care about.”

  “Have you seen LeeAnn or Candy or any of the girls? Have you been going out at all?”

  His insensitivity amazes me. But I play along with his game just so he’ll leave. “LeeAnn came over last week. I think Candy is touring somewhere in Europe.” No need to tell him LeeAnn left after an hour. She wasn’t interested in my recovery recap, and I wasn’t interested in hearing how many clubs she had hopped the night before.

  “Good. Keep in touch with those girls. They are media darlings. Not on the same level as you, of course, but it doesn’t hurt to have friends the public loves.”

  I stand. “I need to check on Sam.”

  “I’m surprised Todd’s still letting you see Sam. You’d think after that overdose stunt he’d be calling all lawyers and media to keep you away from Sam. It’s a good thing that didn’t go very far. Feline probably would have tried to invoke some clause to sue you for loss of profits because of bad media or something again.”

  “To have an overdose there has to be ingestion. Sam didn’t take any of the pills, remember?”

  “Yeah, well, people believe what they want to. Stuff worse than this has been covered up.”

  I can’t wait for the thirty day clause to be over. “You can see your way out, right?” I ask as I head for the stairs.

  “Yeah, Princess. I’m thinking you’re going to miss me. Maybe even change your mind.”

  Not a chance.

  I can’t wait to get back to Georgia.

  “Higher, Mommy. Higher!”

  My insides tickle at the sound of Sam’s voice as I give him another push on the swing. The park is alive with kids, moms, dads, babysitters, lovers. Beautiful days like this bring people outside.

  Today I’ve got my hair totally covered with a baseball cap shoved on my head. Sunglasses and no makeup complete my natural disguise. Mother was mortified that I would leave the house like this.

  “You have a swing set on the estate,” she’d said as I packed some juice boxes and crackers.

  “Can you say isolation?” I’d responded. “Sam needs to be around other kids.”

  “If you’d sign him up for that Academy I got the brochure for he’d be around other kids all the time.”

  “I’m not sending him to Snob-Nose Academy.”

  The conversation had ended there. She never would understand. And there’s nothing I can do about it.

  “I want to play on that,” Sam says as the swing slows.

  He points to the middle of the playground where a massive jungle gym type of conglomeration is located.

  “Go for it,” I say. “Just stay where I can see you.”

  “I will, Mommy.”

  As Sam takes off toward the playground I find an empty bench. I sit, the sun warming my arms and legs. This is what I want out of life. Time alone, time with Sam, time with God.

  A slow breeze blows, the leaves on the trees making rustling sounds proclaiming God’s creation. How could I have missed this for so long?

  “Summer.”

  My heart steels. I put my guard up. Way up.

  “Valentine.”

  She doesn’t sit right away. She stands, like I’m going to jump up and hug her or something.

  “You look great,” she says. “Even in your disguise. Mother told me how you were dressed and where you were going.”

  My sister is back. Just in time for her book release.

  “Can I sit?”

  I shrug my shoulders.

  “Where is that little Sam anyway?”

  I scan the jungle gym. “Right there. Getting ready to go down the slide.”

  Sam is oblivious to me as he slides down the red plastic slide.

  “I really want for us to be sisters again,” she says.

  “Then you probably should have picked a different career.”

  She’s perched on the edge of the bench, like she’s ready to bolt if needed.. “I’m sorry. But you’ve changed, you know.”

  I laugh. “Really? And what does that have to do with anything.”

  “Admit it. The Summer I knew before she went to Georgia would be all over this book. She would be all over the publicity. You can’t deny it.”

  I try to think back. Is she telling the truth? Would I have enjoyed a public display of all my mistakes? I know I kept making them, but was I enjoying it all?

  I’ve been pulling from the depths of my heart trying to forgive her. I knew she was coming back soon. I knew with the release of the book we were bound to run into each other.

  “I don’t know. I can’t imagine me ever being thrilled with you divulging my secrets to the world.”

  I lift my feet as a Frisbee lands near them. Visions of Levi float through my mind. I miss him.

  A guy comes over and grabs the Frisbee. He barely takes two steps before tossing it to another guy. I hear them both laugh.

  I really miss Levi.

  Valentine taps me on the shoulder. “I feel like I owe you an apology.”

  Finally. “Yes?”

  “I’m sorry I brought those pills to your house. I didn’t even know they were missing when I hit Atlanta.”

  Shock runs through me. “You were taking my sleeping pills? You brought them to my house in Georgia?”

  She shifts uncomfortably on the bench. I see sweat forming on her forehead, and I don’t think it’s the sun causing it. She’s nervous.

  “I had no idea what would happen.”

  “How did they end up under the bed?”

  She didn’t falter. “Remember how angry you were when you came into the room that day you were looking for the book? You threw everything out of the suitcase. The pills must have been in between some of my clothes.”

  We sit in silence as children and other happy people laugh and enjoy the day. I know I’m replaying that day in my mind. I did it. I am one of the reasons Sam got a hold of those pills. “It’s my fault.”

  “No, Summer, it’s my fault. If I hadn’t brought the pills, they wouldn’t have ended up under the bed.”

  Her voice, her demeanor, everything about her indicates she’s telling the truth. That she is sorry for what she’s done. What if no one ever forgave me for the things I did in the past?

  I have to forget they’re going to be reminded soon of those things. I have to move forward in my thinking like I’ve done in my life.

  I have to forgive my sister.

  Like I need to be forgiven for the things I have done. And continue to do apparently. I know this. I’m not sure I know how. How to dig deep inside and let the love of God take over. Because’s that’s the only way it’s going to happen. It’s not going to be because I can do it. I want nothing to do with her.

  But forgiving her is a start.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Bad fluorescent lighting, paneled walls and boring furniture contribute to the coldness of the courtroom. It’s the end of a second day
of hearing what a terrible person I am. How I can’t possibly take care of my son.

  If I hadn’t met Skeet and Levi, I don’t know how I would be sitting in this uncomfortable chair right now. I’m drawing on the strength they taught me about.

  The strength of the Lord.

  I don’t claim to know scripture by heart, but I know there are several proclaiming His strength. Sometimes it’s the only thing holding me up.

  This is one of those times.

  My lawyer, Mr. Powell, sits next to me. Valentine and my mother sit behind me. Valentine and I are delving our way to a new relationship. My mother, well, she’s still my mother.

  It’s just like the television shows. The client and lawyer sitting at a wooden table. The family right behind them separated by a wooden rail which is supposed to stop all contact.

  Even I could jump over the puny railing.

  My heart does warm a little thinking of Valentine. She became a witness for me. Tried to undo any negativity which might have come about because of the book.

  The book which was brought in as a piece of evidence.

  Who knew?

  I can’t pinpoint how I’m feeling right now. All the evidence of who I was took a front seat as to who I am today. The census is I ran away simply for show. Simply to get custody of Sam.

  I roll my eyes as Mr. Powell’s phone vibrates again. He probably has some new girl who won’t leave him alone. The thing has been vibrating almost all day.

  He reads the screen then stands.

  “Excuse me, Your Honor. May I approach the bench?”

  “You may approach, counsel.”

  He maneuvers his phone back in its holder as he walks to the judge. Judge Candace Wilson. An elderly woman who looks at me like I’m the scum of the earth. The minute I saw her I felt doomed.

  Whispers of conversation float in the air. I can’t hear what they are saying, but the judge is nodding her head.

  Mr. Powell turns. As he passes the table, he leans over. “I’ll be right back.”

  I shake my head and shrug my shoulders.

  “What’s going on?” Valentine asks in a hushed tone.

  I don’t turn around. I just shrug my shoulders again, hoping she’ll get the hint. I’m not talking out of turn in this courtroom. Judge Wilson won’t like it, and I’m not doing anything to make her mad.