A Star Pilot's Heart

by Eva Delaney

  “I need any partner that’s not this Supremacy scum,” Rux said. “You’ll do.” He glanced at me and curled his lip as he said it.

  I laughed at him. “Have you heard of please?”

  “What’s that?” he said. “Let’s see if you can actually fly.”

  “I don’t need to prove myself to you,” I said. “I’ll watch the ship while you dick-wag at each other.”

  Orion chuckled. “If you want, I can dick—”

  “No,” I said.

  “You didn’t let me finish…is it because you know what I’m thinking?” He raised an eyebrow.

  “Because I don’t care what you’re thinking.”

  Maddeningly, nothing I said wiped that naughty grin from his face.

  “Be polite to the commander,” Hamal said. “I’d be honored to serve as your gunner in this game.” He smiled. Something about the way it softened his eyes made me want to smile in return. “The best pilot and the best gunner. Together, we’ll destroy them.” His voice turned cold in a way I didn’t know it could.

  “I need to watch the ship,” I said.

  “The alarms will go off if anything happens,” Polaris said. “I could use a lesson in flying or shooting.” He half-raised the control towards me.

  I sighed, feeling cornered, and glanced at them one-by-one. My gaze rested on Antares. He hadn’t said anything yet. He blinked as though startled I had noticed him. I looked away.

  “I’m fine on my own,” he said. “I can fly and shoot you all down.”

  “There you go. You don’t need a sixth,” I said.

  “You’re worried that I’ll show you up,” Orion said. He flashed that smirk he used when challenging me in simulators or in the bedroom. He knew I could never back down from a challenge, and that was what he hoped for now.

  I was going to disappoint him just for the fun of it. “I prove myself in battle, not games,” I said coldly, crossing my arms. “I’ll be in the cockpit.”

  “There’s not enough people for teams then,” Polaris said.

  “Free-for-all,” Antares said and grinned like a cat who spotted a mouse.

  “There’s a measuring tape in the tool box. It’ll save you time,” I said and strolled down the corridor before they could answer.

  “Cali!” Orion called, but I ignored him and didn’t turn back. I plopped down in the pilot’s seat.

  Why should I care if he was disappointed in me? I shouldn’t. But I did.

  I thought I was over his charms, but that was because I hadn’t seen him. It was easy to be impervious to memories tainted with rage. The real flesh-and-blood Orion was another matter. Some small part of me wanted to melt under his warm gaze and his rough hands.

  I couldn’t ever let him know that. He’d have fun with me during this mission and then disappear again.

  It was better to be alone. Then no one could let me down.

  “Those guys are too loud,” Polaris said, startling me from my thoughts.

  Though their noise put me on edge, I was glad they were loud. It made it easy to eavesdrop to see if Antares was selling me out.

  Polaris settled into the co-pilot’s chair and gave me a tired smile. “It’s barely quieter in here. But at least Rux isn’t cursing right next to my ear.”

  I grunted in response. So much for being alone.

  Polaris awkwardly cleared his throat and spun his chair to face the console. “I’ll run a check on the engines.” His mouth quirked almost into a smile. It wasn’t easy to make him smile but the Firebrand did. “She may be small with a strange layout, but she deserves thorough care.”

  I smiled a little despite myself. I’ve spent more time with Polaris than any of the others over the last few days. We ran systems checks and performed basic maintenance. I’ve always done it once per day. He insisted on doing it twice.

  I appreciated that—and the fact that he was happy to work in silence. We both knew the Firebrand so well that we worked without exchanging a word. He made my job easier.

  After everything was checked and double-checked, we sat in silence watching hyperspace. Star light was stretched and blurred, creating a solid wall of light. Blue, white, yellow, red, and orange streaked through it in random patterns.

  “Doesn’t watching it drive you mad after a while?” Polaris asked quietly in that smooth, deep voice.

  “It’s like the galaxy is broadcasting a message, only we don’t know how to read it. Like a book of poetry in another language.” I didn’t answer his question, but he didn’t call me on it.

  The view hadn’t driven me mad, though it had broken others. But if I was truthful with myself, the silence had.

  Still, it was safer than the alternative. The silence didn’t break your heart.

  I expected Polaris to fall into awkward silence or tell me why I was full of shit. Instead, he smiled wide enough to show perfect teeth.

  It sparked my perverse desire to make him blush. I couldn’t do that to anyone else with flirtatious comments—only with truly filthy ones. So, I winked and said, “You shouldn’t hide a smile like that, Po.”

  He blinked and ducked his head.

  I snorted gently.

  Sitting in silence with him was as comforting as being alone, but without the pang of loneliness. He’d be the hardest to leave behind. Maybe I wouldn’t leave him. We’ve been friends for years, after all.

  “Don’t you get lonely out here on missions?” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

  “No,” I said. But I was lying.

  “I do in Mission Control. I talk to everyone who comes through the base, but they don’t ask about me. I feel like a disembodied voice, like a computer without a personality or body because nobody notices either.”

  “Being lonely in a crowd is the easiest thing. Being lonely out here is difficult,” I lied. “There’s all the stars and planets in the universe to keep me company. And the Firebrand always listens.” It should have been enough. But it never was.

  “I volunteered for the mission,” Polaris said suddenly in a hushed voice as though telling me a secret.

  “Okay…Thanks for risking your life for the rebellion,” I said because I don’t know what else to say. Thankfully, he wouldn’t have to sacrifice anything. His soft voice and cute smiles solidified my decision: I was leaving him at Vinera Space Port. I couldn’t risk his safety even if I wanted him around. He wasn’t a solider. He didn’t belong here.

  “I volunteered…for you.” His voice became steady and strong. His blue-black eyes were wide and hopeful and scared. “This was the first chance I’ve had to go somewhere with you.”

  My mouth dropped open. “What?” For the first time in three years, he was making me stammer.

  “Nobody’s been so kind and friendly to me…you actually notice me. Nobody brave and smart ever does. And…have I mentioned that you have the most beautiful eye color? Like late twilight on my home world. Like home.”

  Panic flooded my blood. My mouth fell so far open that I think my jaw unhinged. I must have looked like I was about to swallow him whole.

  He might want that.

  “I…I don’t know what your home world is,” I said, and even I heard the shock on my voice.

  Polaris didn’t answer, and I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to drive him away before he found out that I wasn’t perfect and realized he didn’t want me. But he looked at me with wide-eyed hope that sent a tremor along my spine and made me crave a touch.

  That would end in disaster for both of us.

  I only flirted with him for fun and I thought he knew that. I didn’t know he was taking it seriously. How could I tell him that without crushing him? Worse, a part of me wanted to encourage him. If I did, I wouldn’t have to talk to my own voice echoing in the halls.

  “I’m sorry,” Polaris murmured. “I’m not good at this like Orion.”

  I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “Orion is only good at—” I stopped myself before I could finish that dirty thought. “You’re goo
d at many things, Po. You’re smart and kind—”

  “Can I kiss you?” he said, quietly.

  I startled, though I should have seen this coming. Maybe on some level, I liked him back and that was why I kept teasing him. After all, he was there for me after Orion left. He had been my only friend for three years. But kissing was a bad idea. It would mislead him.

  “You’re sweet, Polaris, but…” I wasn’t sure how to tell him that I didn’t do relationships on missions. Or ever.

  “It’s okay,” he said, but he sounded so tiny and confused. He didn’t look at me as he leapt from the co-pilot’s chair and fled the room.

  I squeezed my eyes shut. I was losing another friend, but this time, at least, I was ready for it. I knew everyone left eventually so I hadn’t expected otherwise. Still, I felt like I had made a mistake.

  Eighteen

  Polaris and Orion confirmed what I already knew. I couldn’t focus on navigating through Supremacy space when I had to worry about these men. The mission would only succeed if I was alone.

  Before that could happen, I needed to get info from Antares. I wanted nothing more than to corner him and shake the truth from him. But it was nearly impossible to be alone with someone on this tiny ship. Every time I tried, Rux eyed us with narrowed eyes.

  He thought I was plotting with Antares, and any moment alone with the bounty hunter would fuel that suspicion. The problem was: he was right. I had plotted with Antares.

  As we ran laps around the hold, I found myself next to Antares for the first time. This was perfect. If we talked in the open, it wouldn’t be as suspicious.

  “Fall back,” I muttered.

  “Never,” he whispered back.

  I rolled my eyes at his pride. “That’s an order.”

  “Yeah, well,” he huffed quietly, “I have problems with authority.”

  “Not with me you don’t.”

  He hesitated. “Yes, ma’am.” He slowed his steps, and I followed suit. Rux made a sound of derision as he raced past us.

  I was supposed to be getting info from Antares. But now that we were semi-alone for the first time, my rage seeped out. “You lied to me.”

  His eyes widened, breaking his usual impassive expression. “I didn’t know they were here.”

  “Bullshit,” I hissed.

  “I’ve been covering for you all week.” He almost sounded indignant.

  “Don’t take that tone with me—”

  He scoffed. “I’ll take any tone I want.”

  “Screw you. I won’t be blackmailed.” But I didn’t have a way to prevent him, except to ditch the men before he betrayed me.

  “I haven’t done a thing to harm you.”

  I hesitated. He was right. This bounty hunter hadn’t tried to harm me since the initial lie—that bothered me more than anything. Why had he covered for me?

  It didn’t matter. I still needed answers. “Where do we go after Etrea? What do you know?”

  “You trying to get rid of me?”

  “I can’t lead this mission if I don’t know what’s going on.”

  “Sure you can; you just need me.”

  That was the problem. I needed to be rid of him. More importantly, I needed to be rid of Polaris and Orion before they got to me. But Antares knew I wanted to ditch them. Of course, he’d suspect I’d try to do it again.

  This damn bounty hunter knew me better than anyone else on the crew.

  “Do you even want to be here?” I murmured.

  He didn’t answer for a long moment. “Maybe.”

  “For fuck’s sake. Tell me what’s going on.”

  “Tell me where we’re going,” he retorted with a sidelong glare. “It doesn’t take six days to get to Etrea. You’re taking us somewhere else.”

  I glowered back. “I’m an expert at getting in and out of Supremacy space, but only if I know our final destination. Help me do this right.”

  “I’m an expert at this, too,” he said with a grin.

  I fought the urge to shove him. “If this mission is going to succeed, then you have to trust me.”

  “What’s trust?” he said, seriously. I wasn’t sure if he was joking or not.

  “Fucking hell,” I said.

  “Arguing about something?”

  I whirled. Rux and the men had circled the hold and come up behind us. They stopped running and stared.

  Rux sneered. “Problem, Trix?”

  “Yes,” I said, taking on a jovial tone. “You’re standing around like Mr. Pancake rather than finding out who rules the balls.”

  He blinked at me. They all blinked at me.

  “The dodge balls…The game.”

  They silently watched me. Hamal coughed.

  “Let’s go!” I said.

  “Do we have balls?” Polaris said.

  Rux snorted. “She’s trying to distract us from whatever she’s planning with the traitor. She’s not even good at it.”

  Before I could answer, Hamal jumped in. “It’s not okay to speak to your commander like that. Besides, Calpurnia’s record is flawless. She would never betray The Uprising.”

  I swallowed. That wasn’t exactly true, and I felt terrible for making this sweet, strong man into a liar.

  Hamal’s dark eyes flashed over me from feet to eyes. He did it quickly, but I still felt the warmth of his gaze seep into my skin, making me flush.

  “You lovesick puppies can’t see the walking disaster in front of you,” Rux said.

  Hamal’s chestnut eyes met mine. For a dizzying moment, I felt the world fall away as though I were falling into him. “I see a woman courageous and kind enough to defend the weak no matter the cost.”

  He meant Sule. He didn’t say it, but he didn’t have to. I knew what he meant. He thought I was attractive because of that disaster? Because I had stood up to the prince and failed?

  He must be addled. He didn’t seem it, but that was the only explanation for that look he gave me.

  Nineteen

  For the first time in six days, I felt normal.

  I was safely strapped into the pilot’s chair with my hands on the controls. Polaris sat in the co-pilot chair, but I tried to pretend he wasn’t there. I’d be doing all the piloting, so it should be easy to ignore him.

  But I couldn’t stop watching him from the corner of my eye. What was he doing? Was he watching me back? Was he smiling a rare, shy smile?

  He didn’t look back at me. He hadn’t since he ran out on me yesterday. He hadn’t said a word, either, as though I didn’t exist.

  I sighed, but it didn’t relieve the tender ache in my chest. I didn’t expect to feel hurt by Polaris’s silent treatment. After all, it was what I wanted.

  The dashboard’s clock reached zero, and the autopilot eased us out of hyperspace. I gripped the controls, ready to maneuver around any trouble that might be waiting.

  The lights of hyperspace vanished. Vinera Space Port hung motionless in the near distance like a gray mushroom. Its hyperspace gate rippled like a shock wave hitting a glass building. A dense knot of patrol, cargo, and passenger ships crowded before it, waiting to pass through. Beyond Vinera, hung the white orb of Dante Star. Its energy had been used many times to open jumpgates and the star was starting to die because of it.

  Vinera was Supremacy, but its residents were not happy about it. Like most places, they were conquered. And like most places on the frontier, they were only Supremacy when the authorities were watching.

  That made their hyperspace gate a great way to enter Supremacy space—after stopping at the base to spend cash, as was required of all proper smuggling ships.

  Vinera was where I’d be leaving the men. The thought filled me with a strange sadness.

  Polaris gasped. I started and followed his finger to a cluster of red and black ships. Even from this distance, I saw the massive guns jutting from their sides.

  My breath stopped. No. It couldn’t be.

  Please be anyone but him.

  Anyone but Supremacy
crown prince Castor Rigel and his fleet, The Sky Demons. The last time I saw him was on Sule when he shot my ship out of the sky. Castor may have gotten his position through nepotism, but he kept it through skill. Any military in the galaxy would be happy to give him command of a fleet.

  Polaris glanced from the Supremacy fleet to me. “Can we flee?”

  “No. Only people with something to hide run.”

  “We have a lot to hide.” His voice went high with panic.

  “They don’t know that. Besides, there’s nowhere to run to. We can’t enter hyperspace without the gate.”

  The Firebrand beeped to warn us that Castor’s fleet was hailing us for boarding.

  “Shit, shit, what do we do?” Polaris says.

  That was why he shouldn’t be here. Panicked people screwed up. I took a deep breath and pushed the Firebrand straight towards the Supremacy fleet.

  “What…why are we going closer?” Polaris yelled.

  Footsteps pounded in the corridor behind me. “What’s going on—” Orion’s voice choked off. Castor shot him down on Sule too. I’ve never heard him sound afraid before now.

  Did he leave because he was scared and didn’t want to admit it?

  Antares stomped into the space next to my chair. “Why the fuck did you take us to Vinera Base?”

  “Why the fuck would I set course based on the words of a Supremacy bounty hunter?”

  “Because I’m the only one who knows what they’re doing!”

  “Arrogant bastard. We’re going to Etrea, but not by the course your masters want.”

  He clenched his fists. “Do not call them that,” he growled.

  I laughed at him.

  Orion grabbed Antares’s shoulder to yank him back, but Antares broke his hold. He stabbed a finger at the viewport. “This is why I told you to go to Etrea!”

  Rux snorted from somewhere in the back of the cockpit. “You’re not following the general’s orders, are you? Because of your failure, we’re going to be captured.”

  I ground my teeth. The asshole was right, but how dare he think that? This arguing was eating up my focus and would get us killed. How could I have been so stupid to think it would be pleasant to keep the men around?