A Star Pilot's Heart

by Eva Delaney

  I gritted my teeth. “All of you shut up. I need to focus.” I gripped the controls tighter, eyeing the gate. I had to time this maneuver exactly right. Wait for it, wait for it…

  “I can’t die without you knowing the truth,” Orion was still talking, damn him.

  “Not now!”

  Hamal shouted something about a missile going down, but I barely heard him over the sound of the alarms.

  The jumpgate’s jagged machinery vibrated with raw power; lightning flashed from its peaks. I yanked the controls down. The Firebrand rattled as though she were about to come apart. She might; my poor smuggling ship wasn’t built to withstand this kind of abuse. It was like skimming the atmosphere of a sun. Ships weren’t meant to do it.

  Come on, girl, you got this, I urged my dear ship as I bore down harder on the controls. The edge of the jumpgate was close enough to touch. Polaris gasped. Orion cursed. Antares laughed as though he loved every moment.

  The Firebrand groaned as she slid upwards, so that her bottom was aligned with the gate. To stop us from crashing, my hands flew across the dashboard to send extra power to the lower thrusters.

  “Supremacy ships coming in from above and behind,” Orion said.

  “No shit,” I said. My voice sounded calm and steady, but my heart was pounding loud as thunder.

  “Another missile down,” Hamal said. Rux kept cursing and I couldn’t tell if it was because he was succeeding or failing.

  The jumpgate’s equipment stretched far ahead, curving away from the canyon that trapped us and towards Supremacy missile ships swooping in. Both trembled against the gate’s power.

  And I flew towards them.

  The Firebrand and I dodged machinery like a bird around spires of rock. I turned the ship sideways to squeeze between canyons of machinery. Lightning crashed around us from the raw power escaping the gate.

  “I didn’t leave because I wanted to,” Orion said.

  His words were like a kick to the gut. They stole my breath and opened a fresh ache in my chest. I wished I could close my ears against him. But I didn’t have the focus to spare to block him out or to tamp down my rush of emotions.

  “You think you can waltz back into my life and demand fucking forgiveness? All that matters is that you left,” my voice cracked on the word. “Like everyone else.”

  “I didn’t choose to!” he snarled.

  The Firebrand shuddered. A blinking black light told me we’d been hit by a plasma blast.

  “You didn’t tell me the shields were down,” I yelled at Orion.

  “I have more important things to say.”

  “Nothing is more important than staying alive!”

  “This isn’t the time to argue, lovebirds,” Rux growled. “Just fly.”

  I laughed, half at him, half in nervous panic. I yanked the Firebrand up on her side and zigzagged around a mountain of machinery. “I’m no lovebird. I’m a fucking falcon on the wind.”

  Orion kept talking as though nothing had happened. “Enforcement officers showed up, right after the Battle of Sule.”

  “Don’t mention that day now.”

  “You’ll curse us,” Hamal said.

  “Don’t distract her,” Polaris squeaked.

  “Polaris,” I ordered, “see if you can get the overloaded shield battery back up.”

  A blast of lightning flared ahead of us, bathing the cockpit in white light. I blinked wildly to clear my vision, but saw only blurs and shadows. My stomach clawed its way up my throat and panic choked my breath.

  “Look out,” Orion shouted. His strong hand grabbed the control wheel.

  I blinked my eyes clear and remarkably, we were still alive. Better yet, we had left the merchant ships behind. To starboard, the center of the gate rippled like stones in a pond. Only a canyon of equipment between it and us.

  The Firebrand shuddered. The red flashing light meant it was a missile hit. She wouldn’t be able to take much more.

  I took a deep breath. It was just a short flight and a careful maneuver. Then we could jump to hyperspace. We’d be free. Safe.

  “Missile down, fuck yeah,” Rux said. “Aiming for those scum ships.”

  We’ll escape. Together. With Hamal and Rux manning the guns, Orion on systems check, Polaris repairing the blown battery, Antares acting insane, and my flying. We’ll make it.

  I claimed the controls from Orion and raced straight towards the gate’s center.

  The alarms wailed. Hamal and Rux shouted dibs on targets. Polaris and Orion yelled about system overrides and rerouting power. Antares muttered calming words to Mr. Pancake. The Firebrand groaned and shuddered and dashed for freedom. I was certain my crew would keep the engines running and would prevent missiles from blasting us to dust.

  Almost there.

  “The Supremacy ships are closing in,” Hamal said, calmly.

  Almost there.

  The Firebrand shot free of the machinery.

  “Fuck yeah,” Orion cheered.

  I leaned on the controls, turning the bow to face the rippling center of the jumpgate. It was so close that the Firebrand’s nose was nearly touching its surface. We were seconds from freedom.

  “Let’s jam,” I said, and thrust the Firebrand forward.

  Ahead, the jumpgate went still. Its colorless surface vanished to reveal still darkness and the pinpricks of stars.

  “What happened?” Hamal said.

  “Incoming Supremacy fighters,” Orion shouted.

  I whipped my gaze to the jumpgate’s machinery. The lightning was gone, dead.

  “Castor ordered the gate shut down,” I said, stunned. There was no escape.

  Twenty-Nine

  The men fell silent. Though I had wanted quiet, this felt wrong. Eerie.

  “It takes the power of a sun to open a gate,” Polaris said softly. “You can’t just shut them down.”

  “You can if you’re the crown prince,” Antares said. His tone suggested that he knew exactly how much Castor could get away with.

  “Hear that?” Hamal said.

  “I don’t hear a damn thing,” Rux said.

  “Yeah,” I said, my voice flat. “The alarms have stopped. They’re not firing on us.”

  The Firebrand’s comms flashed red. Someone was hailing us. So, Castor wanted us alive. I could work with that.

  Maybe.

  My heart was in my throat as with one shaking hand, I reached for the comms.

  “What are you doing?” Orion said.

  “The shields are down, and we have nowhere left to run to or hide. This is the only chance we have.”

  “You can’t surrender,” Rux yanked my hand away from the control panel.

  Before I could react, Orion, still in his briefs, leapt to his feet and shoved Rux back. “Don’t you touch her.”

  “I can handle him,” I said.

  Rux rolled his eyes. “Getting overexcited, lover boy?”

  “Getting tired of your bullshit,” Orion said.

  “Take a deep breath,” Hamal said and did just that to demonstrate. His wide bare chest rose and fell. “This isn’t the time to argue.”

  Rux laughed. “This is the only time we have left. Your dear commander is leading us to the mind melters.”

  I turned my back to the men and faced the blinking comms light. The prospect of confronting Castor and his fleet terrified most everyone. Half my company left because of it; they feared him more than they believed in me or in The Uprising. Well, I had learned my lesson. These men wouldn’t have to leave to save themselves. I’d let them go. They could run away or try to save The Uprising in whatever way they thought best. They wouldn’t have to put their trust in me.

  “I’m giving you a chance to save yourselves,” I said. Before they could answer and before I could second-guess myself, I flicked on the comms. That should end their bitching.

  “Are you ready to surrender?” Castor said. His voice dripped with acid. He didn’t send the same bolt of panic through me that he used to.
After all, I had held a gun to his throat and ordered him out an airlock.

  “Who is this?” I said. Orion stifled a laugh.

  Castor fell silent. I could almost hear the veins in his forehead throbbing with rage.

  “Your captor, dear girl,” he drawled.

  I clenched my fists, but feigned nonchalance. “You still haven’t said who this is.”

  “Should we be angering him?” Polaris muttered. Someone shushed him.

  “You should listen to your nervous boy.”

  “The prince remembered me,” Polaris squeaked.

  “Oh yes, I remember every single one of you.”

  “Oohh, so this is our passenger. Did you enjoy your flight?”

  Orion laughed out loud.

  “The views are invigorating this time of year.” To Castor’s credit, he was quick. “Now, listen carefully. I won’t transmit this by text as you people probably can’t read.”

  “I’ll show you who can’t read,” Rux lunged for one of the Firebrand’s guns. My heart leaped into my throat. If he opened fire, Castor’s fleet might blast us to dust.

  Hamal grabbed Rux’s bare shoulders and hauled him back.

  “Quite a commotion,” Castor said amused. “I guess this crew doesn’t follow your orders any better than the last one.”

  I ground my teeth to stop myself from hissing or cursing.

  “We have full faith in Commander Bellatrix,” Orion said. “We always have.”

  More lies. If he always had faith in me, he wouldn’t have left.

  “Indeed. You’ll fly to docking part 8B at Vinera to meet me. Enjoy your flight,” Castor sounded like he loved this. The line cut off.

  He didn’t threaten us because he didn’t have to. He had shut down a jumpgate to get to us. It was clear that we didn’t have the resources to fight him or escape.

  I flicked off the comms. My throat was dry as I grasped the controls and guided the Firebrand toward Vinera. Castor’s ships closed in around us.

  “We’re going down like cowards when we should go down fighting,” Rux snapped. “Let go of me!”

  “Pfft,” Antares said.

  “Pfft?!” Rux raged.

  “The brave find a way to survive,” Antares said coolly.

  “What’s your way of surviving?” Rux growled. “Betrayal?”

  I glanced over my shoulder. Antares leaned in the cockpit doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. Unlike the rest of the guys, he was still fully clothed, and unlike the rest of us, he wasn’t sweaty or bothered.

  And he didn’t so much as twitch under Rux’s jabs.

  He looked like he was hanging around a fancy club, rather than a cockpit of mostly naked, damp people who were facing death by brain melting.

  Maybe he wasn’t in danger. He knew Castor. Maybe he had a way out of this. Maybe he was the reason Castor tracked us twice. Did he plant a tracker on the Firebrand’s hull?

  But neither Castor nor Antares looked glad to see each other. Had they been acting, or had Antares lost something to Castor, too?

  “The commander has a plan,” Antares said, breaking my thoughts.

  I took a shaky breath and turned back to the control panel to lock the Firebrand on autopilot for now. If I told them the full truth, Orion would never go for it. But this plan was the best chance we had of someone escaping alive to find Agent Winters. That was all that matters. “We play along with Castor for now—”

  “Surrendering, you mean,” Rux said.

  I ignored him. “When we near Vinera, I’ll crank the Firebrand to full speed and race into the docking bay. If people are there, Castor won’t risk blowing us to shit and killing all of them with us.”

  Orion choked on a laugh. “This is the Supremacy we’re talking about. They’ll kill anyone.”

  “Castor surrendered to protect his guards. He picked their lives over his massive pride. Trust me. I know what I’m doing,” I lied. I had no idea if I was right about Castor or not. “The Firebrand will take the docking bay in a mad rush. I’ll slow down enough for us to jump out and run for the door into the station. The Firebrand will cover our retreat from view and act as a shield should they open fire after all.”

  “Then what?” Polaris said. His voice shook a little.

  “With the jumpgate closed, Vinera will be in chaos and less friendly to the Supremacy than usual. We’ll split up and hide. Stowaway on other ships when the gate opens. One of us should be able to escape and continue the search for Agent Winters.”

  “We’re splitting up?” Polaris said.

  “Finally,” Rux said. “Now I can do things right.”

  “Enjoy being captured after picking a fight you can’t win,” I said dryly.

  “I win every fight.”

  I snorted. Antares laughed.

  “I don’t want to leave you, Commander,” Po said, so softly that he made my heart ache. I tried not to look at him, but I saw him from the corner of my eye. His shoulders drooped, and he stared at the floor.

  Hamal heaved a sigh. “We all knew that we’d each be re-assigned to new ships and companies when this was over. I didn't think it’d be this soon,” his voice fell to a whisper. “It’s too soon to lose someone again.”

  “We do what’s necessary for The Uprising,” I said, forcing my voice to be cold and flat. Forcing the lump in my throat back down.

  “That’s life,” Antares said. “Nothing lasts, but if you can still walk away, it was a good day.”

  I nodded, glad for his stoic attitude. “Polaris, you have the best chance of escaping,” I said. “Castor wasn’t after you before this, and you’re not careless enough to start a fight like Rux. Hide and wait. When the gate reopens, hack a ship and escape. We’re counting on you to save The Uprising.”

  He nodded drawing his bare shoulders back, the muscles flexing under his dark skin. “I can do this.”

  “Nobody ever doubted it,” Hamal said, clapping him on the shoulder.

  I could feel Orion’s gaze on me, and I tried not to glance at him. Whatever his eyes held—regret or reassurance or sadness—I didn’t think I could stand it.

  “I can keep Prince Richie Rich Ass busy for a while,” Antares said.

  “We can’t risk you being caught. You know exactly where Agent Winters is.”

  “Who says I’ll be caught?” Antares grinned.

  “Hide. That’s an order.”

  “Yeah, well, I have a problem with authority.”

  “The galaxy will have a bigger one when Castor chains you in the mind reader,” I snapped. “Tell us everything you know. At least one of us will get out, find Winters, and stop the Supremacy.” I met each of their eyes in turn to make sure they understood the importance of this.

  Polaris nodded solemnly. Hamal flashed me a small smile, despite it all. Antares looked vaguely amused. Rux glanced away. And Orion…

  His gaze was steady and determined. His thick lips pressed into a hard line. Did he plan to stay by me, or split up like I ordered? I hoped he did as he was told like a good soldier. If I sent him away, I’d never have to face him dumping me. I’d never have to know with certainty that everything he said and did over the last week had been a lie.

  But Orion never made things easy for me. “I’m not leaving you again,” he said. “You and me stay together through this.”

  “If anyone’s going with the commander, it’s me,” Polaris said. For once, his voice was strong and forceful. I rose a brow at him.

  Orion blinked at him.

  Hamal cleared his throat. “It would not be fair for either of you—”

  “You too, Hamal?” Orion snapped.

  He shrugged. I gaped at him. Hamal wanted to go with me? But a man as gorgeous and kind as him could have anyone.

  “Lovesick puppies,” Rux muttered, shaking his head.

  I glanced at Antares, who frowned at everyone and no one in particular. Mr. Pancake cocked his head at me and wagged his little butt.

  I turned back to the controls so
I could avoid the men as they argued over me. It was a strange thing. No one had fought over me before.

  But in the end, it didn’t matter. I was walking away from them for the sake of The Uprising and for my own sake. It was better to believe they would have stayed with me if I had let them than to wait for them to abandon me and break my heart.

  I had been looking forward to ditching them. So why did my hands tremble when I grasped the controls? Why did I think of Orion’s cocky grins and clever tongue? Polaris’s sweet stammering. Hamal’s calming voice and strong arms. Antares’s flashes of mischief and his cock rising to meet me. And Rux’s…well, he was no loss. I supposed he was brave at least and pleasant to look at.

  And why did I slow the Firebrand to a crawl rather than racing toward Vinera?

  Thirty

  I gripped the Firebrand’s controls so tightly that my hands ached. I wanted to feel every vibration and hum of her engine. I didn’t want to miss a moment, as this might be the last time I was with her. I let my gaze go blurry so that the convoy of Supremacy ships circling my ship turned to harmless smudges.

  In the corridor, Hamal and Rux were telling Polaris how to hide in a busy space port, where to slip into the station’s infrastructure, and how to steal supplies.

  Polaris, always the clever one, pinpointed every problem and demanded answers. There wasn’t always one.

  “You have to do it anyway and hope for the best,” Hamal said kindly.

  “Make a decision, turn off your brain,” Rux said. “That’s how you survive.”

  “But what if I make the wrong decision?”

  “Accept it and make a new one, then stop thinking again.”

  “That makes no fucking sense!” Polaris snapped.

  Orion laughed at them as he settled into the co-pilot’s seat, breaking my solitude. I still didn’t like seeing him there. At least he was dressed for once. But that didn’t help much. He didn’t realize how tempting he was in battered jeans with a t-shirt pulled tight over his chest and shoulders. He looked like he did during our off-hours in the air force. He looked like a safe, warm past that I could never go back to because I never truly had it in the first place. Everything we had was a lie. Orion proved that when he left me.