Defining Moments

by Andee Michelle

  As we leave Sid’s, Tyler kisses my cheek, shakes Cord’s hand, and thanks us for inviting them to dinner with us. He talks to us like we are a couple. I feel Cord’s hand connect with the small of my back as we walk back to his car. The moment feels intimate and my heart begins to pound.

  The ride back to the apartment is quiet and the air thick. I know he feels it too because I see him glance over at me a few times, but I never meet his eyes. I’m afraid he’ll see the mixture of fear and lust I know is in them.

  He grabs my hand when I get out of the car, and we walk up the stairs hand-in-hand. When we reach my doorway, he turns to me, kissing my cheek gently.

  “Goodnight, E. I had a great time today. Thank you.”

  “I had a great time too, so we’re even,” I reply with a wink, hoping to break the awkwardness. Cord smiles lightly in response.

  I turn toward the door to unlock it but freeze when I feel him step up behind me, placing his hands on my hips.

  “Ellie, wait,” he says quickly.

  I turn back to him, his hands skimming my body as I turn, and am shocked at the look of longing on his face.

  He takes another step forward, pulling me against him gently at the same time. His face is just a few inches away from mine and I can feel his breath on my lips.

  “I would really like to kiss you right now,” he says quietly.

  My heart is racing a million miles a minute, and I’m sure I might pass out or throw up, neither of which seems like an appropriate response to the fact he just said he wants to kiss me.

  My eyes must give him some sort of sign because, as if in slow motion and with his eyes are trained on my lips, he slowly moves toward me.

  When his lips reach mine, I realize I’m holding my breath, waiting for the moment his lips connect with mine.

  The kiss is sweet, gentle, and doesn’t last nearly as long as I wish it would. I don’t realize my hands are fisted in his shirt until he grabs them gently, pulling them from their grip on him. I’m almost embarrassed by my reaction, until I hear Cord groan as he tears his mouth away from mine.

  He rests his forehead against mine with his eyes closed. “I’m sorry, Ellie, I just couldn’t go another second without kissing you.”

  I nod because I’m lost for words. I already miss the feel of his lips.

  We both stand still, foreheads pressed together, eyes closed, enjoying the closeness of our stance. He takes a step back and opens his eyes.

  “I shouldn’t have done that, but I just couldn’t help myself. I’ve wanted to kiss you since the day you moved in,” he tells me honestly.

  I smile at him before replying, “Ditto. No apologies necessary.”

  We stand there awkwardly for a couple of seconds, neither of us knowing what to say or do next.

  “Well, I’m going to unwind with a glass of wine before heading to bed. Would you like to join me?” I ask him, trying hard to stop my voice from shaking. Then it dawns on me what I just said. What am I doing? That basically sounded like I invited Cord into my bed. That came out wrong, and now I’m completely speechless and can’t bring myself to try to explain what I meant. I’ll probably just make it worse.

  He looks at me for a moment, before responding, “I think I’ll pass tonight.”

  Okay. That’s good, but it also stung.

  “Oh, okay. Well, thanks for today. I’ll see you Wednesday,” I say quickly as I turn back to my door and try to unlock it.

  “Ellie, wait,” he says very gently, but I continue jiggling the key like a maniac to try to get the damn door open. I’m beyond embarrassed.

  “It’s cool, Cord. I’m exhausted, so I think I’ll just turn in. Have a good night,” I tell him as my door finally gives in and opens. I quickly walk in, shutting the door without looking back.

  I seriously just threw myself at him, after he kissed me one time, and he said no. Maybe the kiss was horrible and that’s why he declined. I didn’t think it was horrible. I thought it was pretty damn amazing. Cord is the only man I’ve kissed, other than Justin, since I was fifteen years old.

  The soft knock startles me from my thoughts. I can’t even move to look through the peephole. I know its Cord, but I just can’t bring myself to face him after that. I can only hope I get over my embarrassment before I’m supposed to be at work on Wednesday for my shift.

  He knocks again, this time a little louder.

  “Ellie, don’t ignore me. Please open the door,” he requests sternly.

  I want really badly to ignore him and just go crawl under my covers, but I know it’s not only rude but will make work that much more uncomfortable later.

  Holding my head high, I open the door and look past him instead of at him.

  “What’s up?” I ask lamely.

  He studies my face for a moment before pushing the door all the way open, grabbing my waist, and walking me backward into the apartment, leaving the door open behind him.

  “I need you to tell me why you just shut down and ran without letting me explain,” he says with conviction.

  I study his face for a moment, noting he seems irritated with me.

  “I’m not sure what you mean. I’m tired and would like to go to bed. I apologize for the way my invitation came out. It was supposed to be an invitation for a glass of wine, not an invitation into my bed,” I tell him in my “professional” voice. I try to step back from his grip, but he digs his fingers into my waist and pulls me closer to him.

  “I knew what you meant, Ellie. I just didn’t think I could keep my hands off you if I came inside with you,” he says just as he crashes his lips into mine again, and I’m immediately lost in the feel of him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pull him closer to me, deepening the kiss. When he slowly backs away, he doesn’t let go of the hold he has on my hips. He presses his forehead against mine before he whispers, “It’s been a really long time since I’ve felt this way, Ellie, and I’m terrified. You terrify me.”

  I press my lips against his once again, giving him a gentle kiss before I close my eyes and respond, “Me too.”

  Because the longer I’m away from Justin, the more things I realize about our relationship. I loved Justin and would’ve done anything to make him happy. But he didn’t love me and that was the problem. He made no effort to be affectionate to me unless he wanted sex, and even that affection was stale. The affection Cord is showing me makes my insides melt. The gentle touches. The slight looks of lust. The little comments about my beauty. No matter my size, Cord has made me feel desirable since the first time I met him, with nothing more than a few words or looks.

  He pulls completely away from me, but grabs my hands, holding them to his chest. “Ellie, I don’t know what is happening between us, but I’m tired of fighting it. I can’t stop thinking about you.” He takes a deep breath before he continues. “But I haven’t really dated since Mal died, so I’m really rusty at this,” he says with a chuckle.

  “I’m scared too, Cord. I’m finally starting to accept being alone and am learning to find my own way. I feel a pull to you too, but I’m not sure I’m ready to take the step toward another relationship when I am still trying to figure out who I am on my own,” I tell him gently. “But I really enjoy spending time with you, so if you’re willing to go at super slo-mo pace, I’m willing to give it a try. Very slowly.”

  He nods his head and smiles widely before pulling me to him and placing another gentle kiss on my lips. “Super slow sounds good to me. We’ll learn together.” He walks to the door and, before shutting it behind him, turns back to me. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, beautiful.” Then he’s gone.

  My heart is going a million miles a minute. I just agreed to date Saint Cordero, one of the most gorgeous men I’ve ever met, both inside and out.

  After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I head back to my room for what I’m sure will be a night of restless sleep.

  Just as my eyes start to close, my phone chimes. Looking over at the clock, I see it’s after mid
night. Who in the hell is texting me this late?

  Justin: Some nights I lay in bed, unable to sleep, and think about where we went wrong and why we didn’t fix it before we became what we are now. Do you ever wonder where we’d be if we’d tried to fix us before it was too late? I miss what we had, Ell.

  Six months ago, hell even two months ago, his words would’ve had me in tears, but not anymore. They just piss me off. I once again don’t respond. I quit responding to his texts weeks ago, though I haven’t been deleting them. They’re random and my guess is they come on nights he is either drunk or had a fight with baby mama. Somewhere deep inside, I feel like I need to keep them to prove to myself I’m strong enough to ignore them.

  I turn my phone to silent and place it on the nightstand.

  WAKING TUESDAY MORNING, I have a new sense of self and drive. I spend almost two hours in the gym, beating the hell out of myself, but it feels good. I’m not sure how much weight I’ve lost, but I definitely feel stronger and my clothes are getting to be too big on me. I need a shopping trip.

  Making my way back to my apartment, Cord’s door opens just as I get to the top of the stairs.

  “Well, aren’t you up and at ’em this morning?” he smiles my way.

  “Lots to do today. You look dressed for work, I thought you didn’t have to go in today.”

  “I wasn’t supposed to, but Bishop called me this morning because Sami and one of the girls is sick, so he’s needed at home today. I’m heading in for a few hours to help out.”

  “Oh, I’ll make a big batch of soup today and take it over to them. Can you text me their address? Also, why don’t you come over for dinner tonight, so you can relax? I’ll even cook.” I wink at him for effect.

  “Sounds good to me, beautiful.” He walks to me casually, placing a lingering kiss on my lips, before turning and walking down the stairs.

  He makes my insides melt.

  I shower quickly, followed by a quick text to Claire that I’m going shopping and letting her know she is welcome to join me. Her response is almost immediate and says she’s “tied up” this morning with Tyler but agrees to meet me for lunch later. I don’t even want to know what kind of “tied up” she’s talking about.

  As I’m perusing the clearance rack at my favorite little boutique, I hear a voice I recognize but can’t place.

  “Yeah, and from what I heard, she had no idea he’d been doing it for years. I mean, seriously, who hasn’t sampled that treat? Julia is just the first one to talk him into leaving her,” the voice says, followed by the most annoying laugh ever heard. I glance back to see if I recognize her and feel the bile rise in my throat. It’s Ashley, Justin’s secretary.

  I’m pretty sure my heart just stopped beating. She’s talking about Justin. I pretend to look at the clothes on the rack, not turning back around because I’m afraid she’ll recognize me.

  “She’s so stupid. How could she think she’d keep a husband who looks like him, when she looks like that?” She snorts like a pig when she laughs.

  My face starts to burn and my heart feels like it’s about to explode; it’s beating so fast. How could I have been so stupid? Because this bitch is right. Justin is gorgeous, and it had been at least a decade since I’d made a strong effort to keep in shape. Had all his work colleagues felt this way about me?

  “Hell, one time, a few years ago, he told her he had to go to Florida for a week, and we spent the entire week in my apartment, banging on every available surface,” she laughs out, just as she looks up and her eyes connect with my face.

  Her eyes widen and she opens her mouth to say something, dropping her phone from her ear and taking a step toward me. I watch her face turn pale and she reaches out to me, “Ellie, wait, let me explain,” she chokes out.

  “No,” I bite, nothing but anger in my tone. “You and all his other whores can have him. He’s not my problem anymore.”

  Turning away from her, I walk quickly to the front door. I can hear her yelling out to me, but my brain cannot focus on anything she’s saying. That cheating bastard. The moment my feet hit the sidewalk I break into a sprint. People are jumping out of my way and looking at me like I’ve lost my mind; maybe I have. I have no idea where I’m running to, my car is parked in the opposite direction, but I can’t stop myself. I run and run and run, until I can’t catch my breath and my lungs burn. All I see is red. You’d think a normal woman’s first reaction to the realization her entire marriage was a full-blown load of bullshit, would be to have a crying fit. I did that in the beginning of this shitshow; now, all I can think about is all the different ways I can cut his dick off and get away with it.

  I had always hoped Justin had been faithful to me and his relationship with Julia was something that wasn’t consummated until after we’d separated. I’d talked myself into believing that. I realize now it was because I was in complete and utter denial. Ashley is completely right . . . I was an idiot.

  But I’ve learned my lesson. Trust is something I’d always given so freely, which is my own mistake. I won’t be doing that again anytime soon.

  I hear the squeal of tires just seconds before pain and weightlessness hits me. I scream out, but it’s cut short when my body hits something hard. I vaguely hear a man yelling for someone to call 9–1-1 and as I try to move to sit up, my stomach rolls and my vision blurs from the pain. Holy shit . . . I just got hit by a car!

  AS FAR AS I KNOW, I didn’t lose consciousness during the “me vs. car” incident, but I don’t remember much about how I ended up in the hospital. I do remember the hot EMT showing up, telling me he was going to have to splint my arm due to a break, and then I remember waking up while they were wheeling me into the E.R.

  The doctor came in quickly, and I vaguely remember him telling me they had to give me morphine for the pain because I have a badly broken wrist and they were going to have to operate immediately.

  And now, here I am, laid up in a bed with my arm in bandages up to my elbow and strict instructions from robo-nurse not to get up. I know the pain killers are flowing nicely through my veins because my pain is minimal and I fluctuate between giggling for no reason and falling asleep. It even dawns on me at one point that I’ve been having a conversation with the chair beside my bed, which is empty.

  The door opens slowly and in walks Justin, looking tense and scared. My guess is Ashley has already told him I know about his man-whore ways. Me being doped up on pain killers is making the entire situation humorous for some reason.

  “Well, well, well. . . . look what the cat drug in,” I mumble.

  “Ell . . .” he starts but I just giggle.

  “Nope, nope, nope.” I shake my head gently, trying to make my eyes focus on his face. “You no talkie.”

  He smirks just a tiny bit at my high state, still looking really uncomfortable.

  “I wouldn’t be smiling if I were you, Mr. Harper,” I slur out.

  “And why’s that, Ell?”

  “Because in my head, I’m trying to decide if I should just punch you in the face or if I could cut off parts of your anatomy and get away with it,” I say with a smile and another giggle.

  “That’s not even remotely funny,” he barks.

  “Well, I think it’s hilarious. That’s something you must’ve forgotten about me somewhere along the way, Justin. I’m a fucking riot!” I basically shout at him, watching his face contort into anger. “Anyway, I guess if you continue fucking your way through Colorado, I won’t need to cut it off . . . it’ll eventually rot off.” I snort, followed by laughter that makes me cry out in pain. Such a bad idea.

  The pain and burning sensation coursing through the left side of my body is mind-numbing. Justin must sense my pain because he rushes to my side.

  “Don’t move, Ellie. I’ll call the nurse.” He pushes buttons on the side of my bed and within a minute a nurse comes in.

  “Ah, my patient is awake,” a bright cheery voice comes through the air. Definitely not robo-nurse from earlier.

/>   “I think the left side of my body is broken,” I tell her softly. “So much pain.”

  “Don’t try to move, ma’am. You had a really nasty break on that wrist, a couple of bruised ribs, and some pretty gnarly road rash,” she replies gently. “You’ll be really sore for a while. You’re lucky though. Most people don’t walk away from being hit by a car like you did.”

  “Well, technically, I didn’t walk away,” I chuckle through clenched teeth.

  “I’m sorry, sir, you’re not supposed to be in here. Visiting hours are over,” she tells Justin sternly when she notices him standing off to the side, trying to look invisible.

  “It’s okay. I’m her husband,” he replies in almost a whisper, like he’s trying to keep me from hearing him.

  I choke, then cough, which makes me want to punch Justin in the face. More pain.

  “He’s my ex-husband and you have my permission to kick his ass out. Buh-bye, Justin Harper. Don’t come back,” I tell him with the biggest smile I can manage, trying to take shallow breaths and breathe through the pain.

  “Out, Mr. Harper,” my favorite nurse bites out while holding the door open.

  “Ellie, we really need to talk about what happened. Ashley called me—”

  “And that’s all I need to hear. Get out,” I grind out.

  My new best friend grabs Justin by the arm and pulls him toward the door she is holding open.

  He nods and leaves without any further resistance. Once he’s gone, I look at my nurse and take in the concern on her face.

  “Why do I have a feeling he’ll be back?” she asks with a small smile.

  “Because he probably knows one of the reasons I may have gotten hit by a car is because I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going because I was upset. I’d just found out from his secretary that he’s been humping everything with a pulse for years,” I tell her like she’s an old friend. “He’s going to want to ‘explain.’”