Here With Me (The Archer Brothers #1)

by Heidi McLaughlin

  I sit on the edge of my bed and clutch at my legs. “I don’t like this, Evan. I don’t want to panic every time someone comes knocking on the door.”

  Evan sits down next to me and wraps his arm around me. “This is my fault; I got you worked up. Everything you said earlier just got to me. I don’t like what has happened to us, and I hate that I have no control over it.”

  I lean into Evan and try to relax. My body feels heavy and it’s so odd to think of how fast your adrenaline starts to pump when fear sets in. I don’t know what I was afraid of. I know Evan isn’t going to let anything happen to us. But the thought that someone might be in our home and a danger to us really gets to me.

  “Why don’t you try and get some sleep? I’m going to go back downstairs and sit with Livvie.” I peer up at Evan, who meets my gaze immediately. I see it. I see it all in his eyes. The love he has for EJ, me and us. I initiate the kiss even though I shouldn’t. I know I’m going to hell and that karma is going to come back to bite me in the ass, but I need to feel him against me even if it’s just his lips.

  He kisses me back, slowly. His lips are soft as they move against mine. “You’re my life,” Evan whispers against my mouth, and I know this is true. I know we can be together if I just allow it.

  Nate…

  He needs to come home. He and Evan need to sit down and figure this out. We need to be a family and figure out why this is happening to us.

  “I used to think I had a pretty amazing life. From the outside I had everything others wanted. I had a wonderful family, and I still do. I had a committed boyfriend who I had a future with. I was doing well in college and on my way to having a career that I could move around when my boyfriend needed to move. Then one day, the rug gets pulled out from under me, and I’m flat on my ass. My family is still wonderful, but they’re walking on eggshells around me. My committed boyfriend, who promised to come home, did, but in a wooden box all the while leaving me with the best gift possible, our son.”

  “Where are you going with this Ryley?”

  I shake my head, not sure where this is heading. “I don’t know, Evan. Tonight, everything just seems…“ I stand and start pacing to get the blood flowing again. “I love your brother and I know you don’t want to hear me say those words, but I do. I always have. But not like I love you. The love I have for you is all consuming. Every fiber of my being tingles when I’m near you, and that’s something I can’t deny.

  “The day we met, I thought you were my knight in shining armor even though I didn’t need saving. Being the new girl at school was something I was used to. What I wasn’t used to was you and all the feelings you were bringing out in me so quickly. That first night, I tried to call you. I couldn’t bring myself to dial the last number. I fell asleep with my stupid pink phone in my hand and anxiety in my heart because I felt my one shot at true love slipping away.

  “I guess what I’m saying, Evan, is that I’m not going to marry Nate.” My eyes focus on his, as his smile grows wide. I shake my head. “I’m not going to marry you either.”

  “What?” he chokes out as his face reddens.

  “We’re not ready. We’ve been apart for six years and I’ve changed. You need to know who I am now, and not live in the past. You need time to get to know your son and be a presence in his life. Nate isn’t going to go away and you need to accept that and accept that he and EJ have a relationship. I’m not going to take that away from EJ.”

  “I’d never ask that of EJ, or of you. It pains me to say that, Ryley.” He stands and takes the few steps to where I’m standing. He pulls my arms around his waist and places his hands on the side of my face. His hands are soft and warm. “I’ve waited a god-damn long time to be with you again and if I have to wait a little bit more, so be it. As long as you want to be with me, I’ll be here waiting.”

  “Will you move back home?” I ask, abruptly. “I want you here. You need to be here with EJ and be a part of our routine.”

  “This is where I want to be, Ry. Everything I need is here in this house. I promise not to pressure you into anything. I’ll be patient and wait even though I’m nursing the mother of all blue balls cases. I really think they’re about to explode.”

  He’s so dramatic, but he makes me laugh. I can’t contain my laughter and end up snorting. “Oh god,” I say, covering my mouth and nose. “I can’t believe I just did that.”

  “Just face it. I bring out the best in you.”

  Nodding. “You do, and I love you for it.”

  Evan leans down and kisses me briefly. “I think I need to stop doing that if I’m going to be a good boy.”

  A good boy? I’m not sure Evan Archer has even been considered a good boy since he turned five. “I don’t mind a few kisses here and there, but what happened in the car yesterday can’t happen again.”

  “But… that was so fun,” he whines. I shake my head and step away from him. EJ is still sprawled out on my bed, but his eyes are open. I lay down next him and snuggle into his neck.

  “No, momma,” he whines just like his dad. EJ rubs his face and pretends to go back to sleep but his eyes are blinking so fast I know he’s awake.

  The bed dips and Evan slides next to EJ. Evan rests on his elbow and stares from EJ to me, back and forth.

  “He’s so beautiful, Ryley. Someone is going to pay for what they’ve done to us,” he says quietly.

  “I know, Evan. I want them to as well.”

  Evan reaches for my hand, pulling me close to EJ while he brings my hand to his chest, tucking it under his arm. We cocoon EJ and this is one of those moments that I’ve waited for, for a very long time.

  SUNLIGHT STREAMS THROUGH THE window. I shift without opening my eyes. My hand feels warm and tight. For the first time in a long time, I’m waking up in a bed next to the love of my life. The bonus is that our son is in between us. My eyes open slowly, so the sun won’t blind me. I wonder why Ryley left her curtain open. So many thoughts run through my mind about the security of the house, about her and EJ. They’re my priority. I will protect them at all cost.

  The first sight my eyes behold, glowing in the morning light is Ryley. She looks at peace. There are no worry lines marring her face, no anger or disappointment in her eyes. No, those emotions will appear later. We can’t make it through a day without those two emotions bringing us down.

  My eyes fall onto my son, who has rolled closer to me. My heart dances a little jig, thinking this is a victory, but I know it will be short lived. He’s only this close because gravity has made the space next to me available to him. As much as I want him to recognize me as his dad, I can’t push him. Doing so would backfire and likely drive him away, unless Nate helps. But that scenario is highly unlikely.

  I’m not sure what to expect when I see him. Will he be shocked that I’m here? Angry? Disappointed? The reunions that we’ve had in the past will not be what this one will be. I want to act like we’re eight again and wrestle him to the ground for the last Twinkie. Except this time we’ll be fighting for Ryley, although I sort have already won. However, I’m not stupid enough to take her not marrying him for granted. I’m going to have to work my ass off. Six years is too long to be without someone and she moved on, like I’d expect her to.

  I didn’t.

  I couldn’t.

  Everything that she and I had built from our teens has to start over. The only benefit is that I can woo her properly without asking my parents to borrow a car or a few dollars for ice cream.

  Ice cream… that is what we need today. My little family needs to be pampered and shown just how much I love them. A trip to the zoo, some ice cream and a walk along the beach with Deefur is what the doctor ordered. Or she would if I told Doc Howard about my plan. I think she’d agree.

  Gazing back down at my family, it’s a shame to wake them, but I want to utilize every moment possible. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that our world is about to be rocked again and I can’t shake it. Whatever it is, whatever’s co
ming, I’ll be prepared.

  I gently move a few strands of hair from Ryley’s face. She startles, but relaxes the moment my fingertips trail down the side of her face. She was made for me and I’ve often thought how my life would be drastically different had I not hit her with the football that day. Or if her mom didn’t get reassigned to Bremerton. Those thoughts make me feel empty and hollow. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be the man I am today without Ryley in my life.

  “You look deep in thought,” her voice brings me back to the here and now. Seeing her like this, no words can describe how sexy I think she is.

  “I was just thinking about how I’m a much better man because of you.”

  Ryley rolls her eyes. She doesn’t believe me and that’s okay. It’s hard for people to take such a meaningful compliment.

  “Hey, I thought we’d go to the zoo, get some ice cream and take Deefur to the beach?” I make it sound like it’s not my plan. Like I don’t need to do this today.

  “Did you just ‘hey’ me?”

  I look at her questioningly and her eyebrow rises. “Um, yeah I guess.” I shrug, not realizing or even remembering what I said to her. I’m too lost in thoughts of holding her hand while we walk barefoot down the beach with our son and dog a few steps ahead of us.

  “Are you okay?” she asks because she can read me like a book. I nod, although it’s not very reassuring.

  “Momma, I’m starving.”

  EJ speaks, but doesn’t open his eyes. This is the second time I’ve seen him do this. I make a mental note to ask Ryley about it later.

  “Aunt Livvie is downstairs,” she whispers in his ear. He bolts right up and rubs his eyes before maneuvering himself off the bed. I completely forgot about Livvie showing up in the early morning hours. Then I fell asleep up here, leaving her downstairs.

  “Shit, Ry. I forgot Livvie was here.” I cover my face and groan. I love my sister and I’ve missed her, but I’m not sure her moving in here with Ryley is an option. She and I are trying to rebuild what we had, and I’m trying to forge a relationship with my son. The last thing I want is for Ryley to feel crowded or EJ to ignore me in favor of my sister. As much as this is my house, I can’t assume it’s going to be okay for Livvie to stay here. Not to mention, Nate technically lives here too.

  “I’m going to go take a shower. I’ll meet you downstairs.” Everything about her telling me she’s going to take a shower seems so real. I watch as she rolls off the bed and into the bathroom. Once the door closes, I stare up at the ceiling and think how natural being here is, yet not forgetting that once Nate returns, shit’s going to escalate quickly. He’s been in love with Ryley since high school. He’s not going to let her go easily. I like to think I have the advantage.

  As much as I want to lie in bed all day I need to be proactive. I have to try and establish a bond with my son before Nate comes home. I never thought I’d have to fight for my family, but I do and I will.

  I shower quickly in the guest bathroom, which is technically mine and EJ’s and head downstairs. Ryley and Livvie are sitting at the kitchen island drinking coffee. It warms me thinking they’re trying to fix things between them.

  “What’s on your arms?”

  EJ is sitting on the couch, his little legs bouncing up and down. He’s ready to go and have fun today. I look down at my arms, moving them around so he can see what I have.

  “They’re called tattoos.”

  “Can I get one?”

  I laugh remembering how angry my mom was when I came home from basic training with one on my arm. I think this is one of those parental moments that I have to craft my answer carefully. If I tell him no, he’ll remember and do it anyway. Chances are he’ll get it done in some seedy shop by some half-assed artist. I tell him yes, and he wants to go get one now and somehow I don’t think Ryley would be in favor of that.

  Sitting down, I take a chance and pull him onto my lap. He doesn’t fight me, and there’s a little pang of hope coursing through my body reminding me that I need to create and steal as many of these moments with him that I can.

  “I bet you that we can find the special kind of little kid tattoos that your mom will allow you to have. When I got my first one, your grandma was so mad at me.”

  “She was?” he looks shocked when I bring up my mom.

  I nod, unable to keep the big ass grin from taking over my face. “She was so angry she threw a pillow at me.”

  His little mouth drops open. “Did it hurt?”

  “Nah. Don’t tell grandma this, but she throws like a baby.”

  EJ starts to giggle and it’s the most amazing sound I’ve ever heard. I quickly follow suit and wish I had a camera to capture this moment.

  “Do you want to frow the ball wif me?”

  I stop laughing and stare at my son. He’ll never know the magnitude of his question. “I’d love to, EJ. What kind are we throwing?”

  He shrugs. “I hab football, baseball and baketball.”

  I fight the urge to rejoice and pull him into my arms. I don’t want to scare him so I just nod and feel the immediate loss of him when he climbs off my lap.

  “Come on, Eban.”

  Boy, doesn’t he know I’d follow him anywhere for these little bits of time? I stand and quickly follow him outside. When I pass Ryley she’s smiling, and I can’t resist the urge to kiss her. So I do.

  “I love you. Thank you for him,” I whisper into her before heading out back to throw the ball around with my son.

  “WHAT ARE YOU GOING to do?” Livvie asks. I shake my head before bringing my cup of coffee to my lips. I’m watching Evan and EJ toss the ball around in the back yard. Evan is helping him work on his stance, showing him the proper technique. To his credit, Nate has kept EJ active in sports. Whether they’re watching games on TV, attending events or playing in the backyard, Nate’s kept EJ interested. Aside from the military, sports are something the twins shared.

  Earlier this morning, lying with Evan and having EJ in the middle was another image I could only project in my mind previously. Watching them outside, bonding like this, is another. It’s like someone plucked all my wishes from the past six years out of my mind and transformed them into real-life.

  I’m not dumb enough to think my bubble isn’t going to burst… explode. It’s going to happen and there isn’t anything that anyone can do about it. People are going to get hurt. It’s already started with Julianne kicking Livvie out. I know Julianne is hurting and confused, we all are. But where she should be embracing the fact that her son is home, she’s not. Maybe she’s like Rask’s parents, unable to believe that the military could do something like this. I don’t want to believe that either, but there’s no other explanation.

  If I were the only one affected I might have a hard time understanding where he’s been, but I’m not. His unit has been dead for years only to show up as if nothing happened. As much as it pains me to say this, I almost wish he were a POW because then we’d have closure. We’d have the answers we need to move on. Right now, all we have are assumptions and fear. Fear that if we ask too many questions, something’s going to happen to us.

  “I don’t know,” I say, honestly. I don’t know what to do. I know I want to try with Evan, but also know it’s not fair to Nate. “What do you think if I ask the twins to not reenlist and we’ll move to some isolated farm land where I can have multiple husbands?”

  Livvie laughs, not because it’s funny, but because of the absurdity of what I just said. Neither man would even come close to agreeing. Both are possessive in their own ways.

  “I can’t believe how much EJ is like Evan,” she says now standing next to me. “I never saw it before because Ev wasn’t here, but now I do.”

  “God, everything is going to be so complicated when Nate gets home. Why would people do this to us… to anyone for that matter?”

  Livvie puts her hand on my shoulder. This is the first time we’ve been able to stay civil in a long time. Maybe it was her love for Evan th
at drove a wedge between us when Nate and I started dating. She’s always been closer to Evan.

  “People are evil. People don’t stop and think about who they’re hurting. They have a goal in mind or they’re trying to cover up something and will stop at nothing to succeed. As long as they’re protected, what do they care if they’re hurting families? What do they care if they’re destroying hopes and dreams? They don’t. They only care about themselves.”

  I push away a tear and tell her she’s right. Livvie steps away when she sees EJ and Evan bounding up the stairs. I move over to the sink to rinse out my mug and wait for the room to start spinning and for my skin to start tingling. I know the moment he’s stepped into the room, and I close my eyes and bask in way I’m feeling. His hands rest on my hips and he leans forward pressing into my backside. I inhale deeply, taking in his fresh scent and cologne.

  “How do you feel about taking EJ and Deefur down to the beach? Let them run around for a bit?”

  I nod, liking the idea. Evan doesn’t give me a chance to turn around before he’s moved away from me. I can hear him faintly talking to his sister in the other room. EJ is upstairs hollering about something, and I find myself laughing. Laughing at the fact that my house is noisy. That two of the people that I love most in life are bonding and forging a relationship. I’m laughing because I feel like I’m in a fairytale romance with a murder-mystery twist. The sad part is I don’t know the ending.

  When Evan and I bought this house, we chose the prime location. While the beach isn’t in my backyard, it is within walking distance. EJ carries his bag of sand castle toys while I carry the beach towels. Evan has a cooler perched on his shoulder, and Deefur is walking two steps ahead of EJ with his leash dragging on the sidewalk.

  Once we hit the sand, I slip off my shoes and hurry to catch up with my boys. Evan finds us a spot where EJ can play safely in the sand without him covering us with water from his sand castle building operation. I love that it’s not overly hot today, but am weary of the dark cloud that looms on the horizon.