Dark and Stormy

by Shayne Silvers

  “Wait, the girl?” I asked, both baffled and pissed off to be described so simply. “Why me? And how d’ye even know I was here?”

  A third individual stepped into view from behind the Huntress. “I was keeping tabs on you,” Robin Redcap said, his blood-drenched Red Sox ballcap hung so low I could barely see his face.

  “On my orders,” the Huntress added, peering through the cell’s keyhole, although being extra careful not to touch it with any part of her body. “Turns out I was right to have you followed. Of all the moronic things you could have done, coming to Fae…” she snarled under her breath, still not looking at me directly.

  I stared down at the redhead, still having trouble understanding what she was even doing here. I’d learned not too long ago, from both Othello and a bastard named Hansel—yes, that candy-smuggling Hansel from Grimm’s Fairy Tales—that the Huntress had been watching me from the shadows and keeping me out of the Chancery’s crosshairs, but I still had no idea why. As far as I had known, until she and a few other Faelings had come to my rescue a few months back, she and I had never even met.

  But I’d been told she’d been guarding over me my whole life.

  Or trying to.

  Which meant her interest in me was still a mystery.

  And I hated mysteries.

  “Redcap!” the Huntress hissed, before I could interrogate her further. “Do you have anything that can eat through iron?”

  Robin shook his head. “Not quietly. We don’t keep stores of acid here.”

  “Why don’t you ask the vampire to get them out?” Cassandra offered, eyeing Alucard up and down, her hands tilting her head so that it looked like anyone else cocking their head thoughtfully.

  Creepy.

  The Huntress frowned, then turned to Alucard, eyes narrowed. “That’s a good point. Why haven’t you gotten out on your own already?” she snarled, prepared to pounce on him for not offering his services earlier.

  “Good to see you, too, Huntress. Um…could you do me a favor and not tell anyone about this?” he asked, too casually.

  Huntress began tapping her foot, the sound oddly reminiscent of a murderer cocking a gun.

  “I can’t,” he finally replied, frustration dancing in his eyes. “I had to swear on my power…to keep Quinn safe,” he said, muttering the last few words so only I could hear them. I elbowed him in the gut.

  “It’s fine,” I said, rolling my eyes. “He’s havin’ performance anxiety, that’s all.” I approached the edge of the cell, keeping a wary distance from the bars. “Robin,” I said, keeping my voice low.

  The redcap glanced up at me in surprise at hearing his name come out of my mouth. I didn’t blame him for being a little startled; he probably knew I’d planned to gut him at my earliest convenience. The last time we’d met, I’d learned that he’d lied and nearly gotten me killed in the process. And he knew I had a reputation for holding grudges. But that wasn’t important right now. What mattered was getting out.

  Getting home.

  Grudge match later.

  “I need a knife,” I said. “Preferably an iron one. Got anythin’ for me?”

  Robin’s eyes widened in surprised. He opened his mouth, then closed it, and shook his head. “Weapons aren’t allowed here. Especially not iron ones.”

  I cursed. Of course, that would be too easy.

  The Huntress grunted, reached back, and drew a six-inch blade from a sheath at the base of her spine I hadn’t even noticed was there. She held out the blade by the handle, clearly unwilling to touch it herself. “If you’re planning on sacrificing the vampire, make sure you take his heart,” she said, voice devoid of empathy.

  “Really?” Alucard asked, cocking his head, nonplussed.

  The Huntress shrugged. I chuckled, and shook my head. “No, we’ll need him in a moment. But first, I need to do this.” Then, before I could second guess myself, I slid my wrist savagely across the edge of the blade. And yes, before you ask, it hurt.

  A lot.

  A chorus of shocked noises greeted the action, and the Huntress immediately withdrew the blade, staring at me with wide eyes. “Are you insane?” she asked, although it was clear from her expression that the question was rhetorical.

  I grimaced and dodged Alucard, who’d already stripped off his raggedy shirt to use as a tourniquet. That, or the sight of my blood on the floor had made him want to take some clothes off… I was banking on the former. “Maybe, but,” I answered her, clamping one hand over my wound as the blood began to drip on the floor, joining the puddle already there, “at least now the dumbass fanger can get us out of here.” I glanced back at Alucard. “Because, so long as I’m bleedin’ out on this floor, I’m not safe,” I said, meaningfully.

  Alucard’s eyes widened. He lifted one hand, and flames began to emerge from it, licking at the tips of his fingers. “Cher, you’re a fucking psychopathic genius.”

  I shook my head. “No, I just really hated when it took a whole coliseum fallin’ on Meg for Hercules to get his power back. Silly girl could have simply twisted her damn ankle and he’d have been good to go.” I glanced around and realized no one knew what the hell I was talking about. “Oh, come on, ye Fae bastards, it’s fuckin’ Disney. Everyone watches Disney.” I wobbled, the rapid blood loss making me dizzy.

  The other members of Team Quinn shared a long look, and then disregarded me entirely.

  Alucard helped lower me to the ground, then stepped up to the bars. With a savage growl, he yanked the metal apart, the noise deafening. The guards, shoddy though they may have been, would definitely have heard that. Things were a bit of a blur after that; Alucard picked me up and carried me through the portal, only to set me down on a chilly tile floor. A few faces hovered over me, and I heard Cassandra muttering as she strove to shut the rift she’d created. Someone snatched my arm and began applying pressure, halting the blood flow long enough to stitch it back together. Or try to, anyway.

  “Something’s wrong,” Robin said, drawing the attention of the Huntress.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  “I’ve got the bleeding under control, but every time I try to sew up the wound, this happens.” I felt something press against my arm, like being jabbed by a ballcap pen with the lid still on, unable to break the skin.

  The Huntress cursed. “That’s why she asked for an iron knife. Of course.”

  “What’s wrong?” Robin asked.

  “Silly Redcap,” I said, feeling much better now that I’d had a few minutes to rest, “always slow on the uptake.” I sat up, ignoring his protests and the half-dozen or so steel needles lying in a pile on the ground, each sliver bent nearly in two—having been unable to do much besides prick my flesh. Because apparently—along with the iron allergy—I’d become nearly impervious to steel.

  You win some, you lose some.

  I glanced over at the Huntress, who’d risen to her feet. “I’m guessin’ me wound will heal on its own, aye?”

  She gave me a curt nod.

  “Glad to hear it,” I said. I pried my arm free from Robin’s grasp and took a good long look at our surroundings. They were eerily familiar, I realized; the walls were coated in precious stones, forming a mosaic depicting creatures—trolls and goblins and elves and sprites and many more—dancing from one wall to another. Dancing—no, hunting each other, I decided. Definitely hunting. I didn’t know how I could have missed that my first time here, but, regardless, I knew the place.

  The ridiculously gaudy bathroom outside the El Fae—a bathroom I’d used a few months back to change into a ridiculously gaudy dress as a condition for entering the infamous speakeasy run by the Faerie Chancery.

  Which meant we were in enemy territory, more or less.

  I spotted Alucard, still shirtless, standing watch behind Cassandra, who had finally sealed the portal, although not—apparently—before the guards had arrived; a pile of their severed hands lay at the vampire’s feet alongside a small stack of broken weapons. I grinned, appreciati
ng the grisly scene, wishing only that I could have sliced and diced a few goblins myself. I frowned at the thought. “Oy, Alucard! Where does your wild side go?” I asked, prompting the vampire to turn his attention to me. He stared down at my arm, brow furrowed as he took note of the already knitting flesh.

  “It doesn’t go anywhere,” he replied, meeting my gaze. “Far as I can tell, anyway.”

  Ah. So I had a sex-crazed savage along for the ride at all times from now on.

  Perfect. That was just perfect.

  “We need to get you away from here,” the Huntress interjected, taking me by the wrist. “Far away.”

  I jerked free. “How about ye tell me just who the fuck ye really are, first? For starters, ye can tell me why ye had the Max Cady impersonator over there track me down in Fae.”

  “Actually, that was me, dear,” Cassandra said, winking and waving with her free hand, simultaneously. “The Redcap’s been keeping tabs on you, but lost track of you after you and the vampire used your portable Gateway. Which is something I’d be very interested in knowing more about, once you two have finished your little row. But, anyway,” she flicked her fingers at us, “as you were.”

  The Huntress glared at me. I glared back.

  “Are either of them going to talk, or…?” Robin asked after a few moments of brittle silence, arms crossed.

  “I can never tell with women,” Alucard drawled thoughtfully, as if the two were watching a National Geographic show together about some fascinating foreign creature.

  See the woman in her natural habitat…

  “I’m not a woman,” the Huntress snapped. “I’m Fae.”

  “I stand by my statement,” the vampire replied.

  “I’ll ask ye one more time, what is it ye want from me?” I asked, ignoring the boys and their mindless banter.

  Confusion flitted across the Huntress’ face. “I don’t want anything from you.”

  “Then why? Why the interest in me?” I asked, exasperated.

  “Because your mother asked me to look after you,” the Huntress replied, heatedly.

  The bathroom was eerily silent for a moment. Then, somewhere in the bathroom, a showerhead turned on. Soon, a warbling voice joined the sound of spray, singing a discordant song in an operatic manner that made all of us wince. Apparently, we had company—although it was entirely possible they hadn’t noticed us; the bathroom was uncommonly spacious. I shook my head and folded my arms. “Explain.”

  “We don’t have time for this,” the Huntress said.

  “Make time,” I countered.

  She huffed. “Spoiled child! Fine. Before you were born, your mother came to me to request a favor. I owed her. She asked me to watch over you and keep you out of harm’s way. There, are you happy?”

  I took a deep breath, fighting against a whirlwind of emotions. Disbelief. Anger. Confusion. In the end, however, I settled on the biggest of them all: amusement.

  I began to laugh. And I mean hard. Gut-busting laughter. The obnoxious, snot-bubble kind.

  “What’s so funny?” the Huntress demanded.

  I waved a hand at her, barely able to breathe. “Have ye…seen me?” I asked, gulping in air. I held out my arms, which were still covered in tiny cuts, not to mention scar tissue and a fresh flesh wound running down the length of my arm. “Ye…had one job!” I doubled over again, the sight of her vicious scowl driving my mirth to new heights. “Nailed it,” I added sarcastically.

  Alucard coughed to cover a chuckle, earning a fierce look from the Huntress. He held up a hand. “Not to interrupt, but I noticed there aren’t any urinals in here. Could we take this discussion outside the ladies’ room, perhaps?”

  “Fine,” she snapped.

  Alucard grinned and skirted around her, hands held up in mock surrender. “Much obliged.” He headed towards the exit, while the rest of us made to follow him. Once I had control of myself, however, I realized that something wasn’t right, although it took me a moment to realize what it was.

  The singing and the shower had stopped.

  A squeal, so loud it threatened to break sound barriers, erupted down the corridor to the left of the exit. Then, with a suddenness none of us could have anticipated, a great big, hairy foot came hurtling at Alucard, who’d turned towards the sound without thinking. The impact was jarring, like watching a career-ending hit, all of us wincing and shying away as one.

  A heavyset ogress, wearing nothing but her birthday suit, stepped out into the corridor, looming over the vampire she’d booted into the jewel-encrusted wall. “No look.” She poked him in the chest with her index finger, hard enough to crack the ribs of any Regular. “Bad man.” She reached up, grabbed an industrial-sized towel that would have made an excellent blanket, and wrapped it around herself—completely oblivious to the rest of us. Then, without another word, she headed down another corridor towards the locker rooms, muttering in a basso grumble about how tired she was of being objectified.

  Alucard groaned, the sound piteous, and fell forward onto the tile. “That really hurt,” he ground out.

  The Huntress sighed, stepped over him, and opened the door. “Alright, let’s go.”

  I grunted, realizing—despite everything—that I rather liked her.

  “You aren’t planning on leaving him here, are you?” Robin asked, staring down at the crumpled mess on the floor.

  “You’re right,” the Huntress said. “We should nurse him back to health with our copious amounts of free time.”

  Robin glanced around at us, as if trying to decide if she was joking or not.

  Here he was, a killer of the highest order, facing the toughest decision of his life. His default setting was being challenged.

  Never leave a bro behind.

  Cassandra frowned and shook her head, one eye half-lidded. “Definitely kidding, I think.”

  I nodded. “Definitely.”

  Robin sighed. “Well, I can’t just leave him here.”

  “I second that,” the vampire wheezed.

  “Then you take care of him,” the Huntress said. “I’ll let you know where to meet us.”

  Robin looked down at his new charge and nodded, but unenthusiastically, like he’d been told to clean his room or do the dishes. I reached down and mussed Alucard’s hair. “Make sure he gets plenty of sunlight,” I said.

  “You want me to kill him?” Robin asked, sounding shocked.

  “Just do as she says,” the Huntress interjected. “Let’s go.” She stepped out, and Cassandra followed. I trailed them, glancing back only once to make sure Alucard’s body wasn’t completely crushed; that would be one hell of a waste.

  After all, we liked that body.

  Chapter 29

  The Huntress ushered us down the hallway beneath the light of the will-o-wisps hovering along the walls. “Cassandra, can you make another Gateway?” she asked, falling in step with the Dullahan, the headless horsewoman’s official title.

  “Into Fae?” Cassandra asked, one eyebrow raised.

  “No, here in the mortal realm,” the Huntress replied.

  “Oh, sure. That’s much easier,” she said, our quick pace causing her head to jostle a little as she walked. “Where did you have in mind?”

  The Huntress flicked her eyes at me. “St. Louis. She’ll be safe there.”

  I halted in mid-stride, causing the other two Faelings to do the same. “Whoa,” I said, crossing my hands back and forth to clarify how not okay I was with that idea, “that’s so not happenin’.”

  “You agreed to leave,” the Huntress said.

  “I thought ye meant leave here,” I said, waving a hand at the tunnel beneath the law offices of Hansel, Hansel, & Gretel. “Not leave the damned state.”

  The Huntress took a step closer to me, the top of her head threatening to brush against my chin. “The Fomorians are coming. Balor knows you’re here, and he’ll wipe out this whole city to find you. You need to go somewhere further inland, where he can’t reach you.”

 
; “Why me?” I asked, flabbergasted.

  “Because your mother was the one who defeated him the first time,” the Huntress hissed. “He can’t have her, so he’ll settle for you.”

  I shook my head, struggling to understand. The one-eyed fucker was after me now? I thought he just wanted his damn eye back. And all because he had a grudge to settle with my dead mother? Seriously, if she weren’t already dead, I’d strangle her, myself. “And what happens to Boston, if I do that?” I asked, trying to get back to the subject at hand. “What about the Chancery?”

  “The Chancery’s been evacuated,” Cassandra replied in a soft voice, as if she couldn’t quite believe it herself. “Well, mostly. There are a few stragglers,” she said, clearly referring to the ogress who’d laid out Alucard. “But they’ll be gone before the storm hits.”

  “And me city?” I pressed.

  The Huntress at least had the guts to look me in the eye when she said it. “The city isn’t my problem.”

  “Look here, ye—” I began, prepared to unleash a tirade.

  “But,” she interrupted, “it’s possible that if we can hide you, Balor won’t strike right away. Which means most will have time to get out. He’s already delayed, sensing you weren’t here. But he’s coming, no matter what you decide. At least this way, the damage is minimal.”

  I ground my teeth, weighing my options. If what the Huntress said was true, then maybe St. Louis was my safest option. Of course, that would likely mean being at the mercy of The Wannabe King of St. Louis, Nate Temple—not exactly an ideal condition. Still, if Balor did follow, it might help to have a wizard with Temple’s experience to fend him off. I could always change destinations and ask Callie for help, but somehow, I doubted she’d have the resources to take on something this big. Plus, I liked her. If I was going to put anyone in danger, Nate Temple was my Huckleberry.

  “Fine,” I replied, to the Huntress’ obvious relief. “But I’m not leavin’ without me aunt, Dez.” I didn’t care what the Huntress claimed about the city’s inhabitants or their chances—Dez was coming with me. I wasn’t about to gamble with her life. She’d hate it, I knew, but Dez could be pissed at me later. Once we survived. Besides, I had questions only she could answer.