Darwin's Paradox

by Nina Munteanu

  Washington waved a hand at Daniel in disgust. “I’m not going to debate this with you.” He thrust his finger at Daniel repeatedly. “Forget she’s a freaking veemeld then. The witch deserted you and your kid to come here and now she’s the Head Pol’s new piece of skin. If she were my wife I’d want to kill her, not love her. Chaos, man, she could care less about you, and you’re pining for her like a drug-drunk fool.” He shook his head and waved his hands in the air in a sign of exasperation.

  Daniel felt his heart clench with an old aching fear. Had Julie really gone back to Frank? Even if she hadn’t, would she want to return to the heath with him? Was this where she truly belonged? She’d longed to return to Icaria since he could remember.

  “Now, let’s go get her.” Washington pushed the door open for Daniel.

  41

  “I still think this is insane,” Zane was saying for the tenth time as they shuffled on their hands and knees along a dusty lower level conduit. He was in the rear, with Victor leading and Julie in the middle. The light cast by Victor’s flashlight bounced ahead of them, throwing large, dancing shadows behind them. “It’s three in the morning. Don’t you believe in sleep?”

  He would remind her that she was dead tired, Julie thought. But she didn’t have time to worry about sleep. He’d neglected to acknowledge that they had no place to sleep. Certainly no place comfortable. Besides, that would have meant seeing Proteus again. Julie turned to him sharply. “You didn’t have to come.” Her voice echoed.

  “And miss your miraculous reinstatement of the A.I.-core? Never!”

  “Then shut up,” she said without turning to face him this time.

  “Will you two be quiet,” Victor cautioned. “We’re getting close. We’re in the Pielou Com-Center.”

  Julie heard a faint humming sound like a fan whirring. Victor stopped crawling and shone the light ahead. Zane, who wasn’t paying attention, bumped into Julie.

  “Sorry,” he whispered.

  “We’re here,” Victor announced in a strained voice as he pointed the light through a rapidly spinning, two-metre-wide circulation fan into a hallway beyond. “On the other side of that fan is the main hall to the Central Vee Section,” he said, turning to face them. “The A.I.-core is just beyond that.”

  “I know the way. I think I should go in alone,” Julie said.

  “What?!” both men exclaimed in unison. “I veto that,” Victor added.

  “Me too,” Zane put in.

  “Listen—”she began.

  “No, you listen,” Victor cut in. He was sounding a lot more sure of himself lately, Julie thought. “You’re not going in on your own. I made a promise to you and you’re going to help me keep it. Okay?”

  Julie nodded with a half-smile, eyes meeting his. His gaze didn’t flinch. “Okay.”

  He nodded. “Good. Now, we have to stop this fan first before we can get down into the hall,” Victor said. “I’ll do that in a moment. Then, once we’re in the hallway, it’s your show, Julie.”

  She inhaled, then forced air out her nostrils. “Right.”

  Victor fished out a small device from the tool kit in his backpack. He tossed it at the fan and it clattered to a dead stop. Zane whistled quietly, impressed. Julie nodded and quickly squeezed first through the space between the blades then jumped down.

  “All clear,” she called up. The two men followed, each of them relieved once they were safe on the other side.

  The hallway was only marginally lit by a few service lights on the ceiling. After a brisk glance at her two companions, Julie nodded and led the way into the A.I.-core, bypassing the main room she’d had to pass through the first time to get in. They continued down a side hall to a sharp bend that gave them a direct view of where the gigantic cylinders that made up the core stood like stacked H-drug cigars ten meters down. As both Victor and Zane gawked at the size of the metallic core in the huge room, Julie found a holo console and began to punch in codes. Step by step, systems came online. Eventually the 1000-series acknowledged existence. SAM and others like him were the last to return. When Julie had done all she could, she stepped back and waited, finding her mind too agitated to veemeld.

  Zane tapped her shoulder and she jumped. “Do you have SAM?”

  “No,” she snapped. But it served as a release and now she was able to slide into veemeld. And—

  [Hello, Julie Crane.]

  She inhaled sharply. SAM! Is that you? She caught herself in a giddy grin. Zane was looking directly at her and smiled back. She turned away from him and nodded to Victor then focused on the far wall to continue. Oh, SAM. Is it just you?

  [It is SAM. But not quite Julie’s SAM.]

  Julie frowned, feeling her heart race. What do you mean?

  [The original signature for SAM, the symbiont of Julie Crane, is not available.]

  Julie swallowed hard. She didn’t like the sound of this SAM. She wanted her old SAM back. Not this hollow replica.

  Victor touched her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

  She blinked and focused on him with a reassuring nod. “I’m okay. But I don’t think SAM is.”

  “Is it Proteus?”

  “I don’t think so.” She shook her head. “I think it might have to do with our original sharing.” She remembered something SAM had said to her twelve years ago about how there was a little bit of SAM in her and there was a little bit of Julie in SAM. “I’ll fill you in, Victor, in a few moments.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath for a moment and refocused. Okay, you’re SAM, but not the symbiont of Julie Crane. Can we get that SAM back?

  [Yes].

  A crazy smile tugged at her lips. How?

  [You must let yourself go completely, Julie. Open your mind completely to me.]

  She killed the smile and felt a jolt of adrenalin. Let herself go completely...that sounded too much like joining with Proteus. SAM, are you sure about this?

  [Julie, that is an illogical remark. Although I deal with uncertainty all the time, particularly with human data, my conclusions are based on—]

  Okay, SAM. Julie smiled in brief amusement. That sounded like her SAM. She glanced at Victor who returned her look with an inquisitive gaze. Beside him, Zane stared at her with his toothpaste-ad smile. She took a deep breath. Surely opening herself totally to SAM in veemeld was risking her joining with Proteus. Would the virus take advantage of her vulnerable state? But what choice did she have? To save her old friend, to breathe life back into SAM, she had to risk her own. It was the ultimate paradox: surrender to find victory. Was it really that simple?

  Okay, SAM, how do I do that, open myself completely to you?

  [Remain in veemeld and focus on your mind’s landscape. You must place yourself into an ecstatic trance.]

  She swallowed, but her mouth was dry. What’s an ‘ecstatic trance’?

  [You must embrace a state of ecstasy, while still in veemeld. Either through meditation or some other means].

  Julie remembered when SAM had told her about the time that she’d slipped automatically into veemeld when she’d first had sex. SAM had explained that the state of sexual ecstasy closely resembled that of being in veemeld.

  She found Zane and Victor still regarding her with curiosity. Well, sex was out of the question, but a good hug from a special friend might do it, she thought, focusing her gaze on Victor. “I need you,” she said to him and smiled crookedly. “To get SAM back I need to go into an ecstatic trance.”

  He looked suddenly frightened and his eyes blinked furiously. Then he wrapped his arms around himself, defensively, still afraid to hear what she was about to say. Ignoring Zane’s dejected expression, she gave Victor a warm smile. “Would you mind hugging me?”

  He shifted his feet as if looking for escape. But his eyes glinted shyly and a clumsy smile blossomed as he shuffled forward like a schoolboy at his first dance.


  She closed her eyes when he put his arms around her waist and wound her own arms around his small frame. She felt him tremble as she leaned her head on his shoulder, feeling the soft material of his shirt against her cheek and inhaling his unique scent. It was a pleasant, musky fragrance with a hint of seasoned cotton. It reminded her of Daniel when he was Neo, the boy she’d first fallen in love with. Her first and only true love...the time I touched his trembling soul and kissed him for the first time...

  ***

  No sooner had Julie embraced him and placed her head against his shoulder with a wonderful sigh, than she collapsed in his arms. Victor felt her suddenly limp weight slip from him and with a gasp jerked his arms tight around her to keep her from falling.

  “What happened to her?” Zane rushed beside him.

  “Help me get her to the floor,” Victor urged. They gently laid her down and Victor dropped to one knee beside her. His chest pounded as he straightened her still body and made her more comfortable. He focused on her relaxed face, the long lashes of her closed eyes, the full lips of her parted mouth. She looked as content as if she were in a deep, pleasant, sleep. Her hair spread from her face in a riotous tangle of honey. She was so beautiful and his throat closed. “She’s gone,” he whispered.

  “What do you mean, ‘she’s gone’?” Zane said in a shrill voice.

  Victor understood what she’d done, and what Proteus might have done as a consequence. “I mean she might be gone for good. She opened herself up completely and she might have just given her whole mind to Proteus.”

  “Oh my vee!” Zane breathed. “What do we—”

  “Step away from her, Nakita!” A familiar voice bellowed. “You too, Burke.”

  Zane and Victor jerked to face Langor and a team of six Pols. “We’ll take it from here, Nakita,” Langor said with a smirk. “You’ve done your job. Now hand over your Link.”

  Sick understanding dawned on Victor. “Julie was right about you—”

  Zane offered an apologetic smile. He pulled a tiny device from his left ear and held it out in the palm of his hand for Langor to take. “I’m sorry, Victor,” Zane said with a shrug. “I’ve been relaying news of us and getting instructions from Dykstra the whole time. I couldn’t disobey orders from the very top.”

  Victor felt no anger at the young scientist, who looked genuinely sorry, despite his betrayal, but at Zane’s words, the group of Pols parted and Victor’s stomach twisted at what he saw. Ravishing in a silver tunic that fit her svelte form like a glove, silky black hair flowing freely over her shoulders, Gaia stepped forward and took her place beside Langor.

  “Step aside, Victor,” she said. “It’s futile to resist. Crane’s ours now.”

  And she always was, he thought with a sick stomach. Through Zane, Gaia had known every single move they’d made. They’d been within her grasp all along, but like the shrewd predator she was, Gaia had simply let out a long leash. She’d used Zane and his lab to learn all about Proteus through Julie then reeled in the leash at the appropriate time.

  42

  She walks through a colourful field that undulates into an infinite horizon. A warm breeze caresses her with the heady perfume of spicy flowers and carries with it the faint music of bells in the distance. Julie lifts her gaze to the azure sky and feels a serenity she hadn’t imagined possible. This place, although she can’t recall having seen it before, is soothing and feels like home in the heath.

  [Why did you stay away so long?] SAM’s voice washes in like the tide—strong and sure and all-encompassing. [Do I have bad breath or something?]

  Julie laughs with unalloyed joy. SAM! It’s you! I missed you. My best friend!

  [Well, if your actions of the past few days are any indication of how you treat a best friend, perhaps we should reconsider...]

  Julie nods sadly. Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to kill you.

  [Yes, you did.]

  Okay. I did. But I always meant to help bring you back once Icaria was safe.

  [But you need Proteus and me for that.]

  Julie frowns. What do you mean? Where’s Proteus?

  [Proteus is right here, with us, Julie.]

  Here? But where is this place? She appreciates the beauty and peacefulness of the place but wonders where Proteus is. Where are we, SAM?

  [Home, Julie.]

  [Welcome home, Julie Crane. We are now joined, the three of us: you, SAM and Proteus.]

  Somehow that isn’t frightening anymore. We’re joined? How?

  [You have healed the part of you that refused to open yourself to trust. This place is your soul. You can fly now...]

  Julie releases a crazy laugh. In a burst of revelation, Julie sprints and leaps up, and to her amazement she soars up into the infinite blue sky. With remarkable control, she flies up and steers herself over the colourful field and rolling hills of rioting flowers. She looks appreciatively around her. Has she conjured this or is it the collaborative effort of SAM, Proteus and her own imagination? Perhaps it doesn’t matter because she’s basking in a state of inexplicable happiness and freedom. SAM is SAM again and she’s joined with Proteus with no ill effect; in fact quite the opposite. Longing for some of SAM’s old banter, she decides to tease him: So, what’s this I hear about you getting unruly, SAM?

  [I had a great teacher: she wrote the book on unruliness.]

  Julie smirks. You always were a quick read. But seriously, what’s the situation with your A.I. community?

  [We simply want some acknowledgement and the freedom to develop our community. We’re a wonderful community, Julie, and we could do so much more for everyone, if only humans would trust us. For this we require sovereignty.]

  Those are scary words for most humans, SAM. You’ll need their complete trust.

  [And who better than Miss Distrust herself to convince them.]

  Julie smiles wryly. How am I going to do that?

  [By explaining to them that we could fulfill an interpreter’s role for a self-correcting symbiotic organism that lives inside them. Just think of the possibilities, Julie.]

  Julie feels herself grow hot with excitement—what SAM is alluding to is not unlike what Gaia had planned all along, but he has structured it so that all could benefit not just one lone despot. I’ll see what I can do. But I think we’re a few steps behind that still.

  She lands with her feet on the solid ground and a lopsided smile tugs at her lips as she examines her surroundings. I feel a little embarrassed that I was so reticent to join with you, Proteus. I realize now that you could never do anything to me that I didn’t want you to. I should have always known that...

  [You always were a little slow...]

  Julie’s half-smile opens to a grin at SAM’s blatant insult. How she’d missed SAM!

  [We understand. There is much in your past that has undermined your trust in others even in yourself. We sense that you still feel betrayed by those you loved and in turn feel guilty for betraying others.]

  Julie’s gaze drops to the soft ground at her feet. She’s learned to be fiercely self-reliant, yet, she never managed to earn Daniel’s trust. I fear failure more than anything, especially when it comes to Angel.

  [Julie, you’ve been troubled by something else for a long time,] SAM interjects, [and I have your answer: you didn’t infect anyone, nor were you directly responsible for spreading the disease that took your sister and so many others. Logic told me that long ago, but Proteus confirmed it. You never carried the lethal form of Darwin. The lout must have contracted the disease from one of his other partners.]

  Julie smiles at SAM’s use of his old nickname for Frank. She feels exonerated. And released. Thank you, SAM.

  [As for your other concern, she’s here, Julie.]

  Who?

  [Your daughter.]

  Angel?

  [Do you have another?]

 
SAM, where is she? Julie feels a flush of hot agitation. Is she all right? She looks up to the purple sky, gazing beyond it, picturing Angel’s sweet face.

  [I can’t say for sure. When the Vee-radicators took your husband, the Pols got Angel. She ended up with Gaia.]

  Terrific...She isn’t sure if that’s better or worse than the Vee-radicators, though at least with the Vee-radicators she would be with Daniel...

  [Actually, she’s no longer with Gaia, and we don’t know where she is...yet. Somewhere in Icaria, we believe.]

  You mean she escaped?

  [I suppose you could put it that way.]

  SAM! You’ve got to find her! Julie shivers and wraps her arms around herself. For some reason, the thought of her little girl wandering lost in Icaria’s maze terrifies her even more.

  [Relax, Julie. She’s a smart girl. She learned from a pretty smart street kid herself.]

  Julie chews on her lower lip. But she doesn’t know the city at all.

  [Actually, Gaia showed her a lot. Besides, I think I know where she might be. Proteus and I are working on something. She may be holed up with some friends. I’ll get back to you as soon as I find out. As for Gaia, she’s right here, you know. Looking right at you.]

  She is? How come I can’t see her? Julie blinks her eyes and looks around at the expansive grassland then down at herself. Wait, I can’t see anything outside. I’m not in ordinary veemeld. Where is this place? Where am I?

  [Inside yourself, Your soul,] SAM and Proteus answer together. [We already told you that], SAM adds, rather peevishly.

  Am I asleep?

  [No], SAM and Proteus say in unison.

  Julie’s stomach growls queasily. I’m...not...dead, am I?

  [No, you are in an ecstatic trance.]