Once Pure

by Cecy Robson

  “She’s Irish. Sun’s the last thing she needs.”

  “She also likes mangoes—thanks to your ma always shoving them down her throat.”

  “She was just trying to be nice.” Teo’s grin turned sly. “Kind of like your dad giving us whiskey.”

  Killian chuckled. “Yeah, we didn’t need it anymore once Finn stopped teething.”

  I shook my head when they started laughing. Maybe they had bonded after all.

  I tucked my hair behind my ear. “Anything else new?”

  Evie’s and Teo’s smiles faded. “Have you heard from Uncle Lino?” Evie asked me.

  “No, why? He okay?”

  “He is,” Teo said slowly.

  I tensed beneath Killian’s hold. “What about Aunt Flor, and Sol?”

  Teo finished his water before speaking. “Sol’s fine—safe, I mean. But Flor’s not doing so hot. Lino said she’s hearing voices again.”

  Oh, no. My poor Aunt Flor was diagnosed with schizophrenia a few years ago. Growing up, we always thought she was simply quirky. It took her attempting to kill herself following Sol’s quinceañera for us to realize she was really sick. “Is Lino sure?”

  “He sees her nodding as if she’s talking to someone. This time, though, she’s answering back.”

  “How’s Sol handling everything?”

  Teo shrugged. “In denial, like always. She adores her mother—doesn’t want to believe anything is wrong or that she could hurt herself.”

  Lino had cleaned up the mess years ago when Flor had slashed her wrists—trying to protect Sol from the violence and horror behind her attempt. In a way, it had worked against them. Sol tried to brush off the incident as solely depression despite all the time it took the doctors to medicate her appropriately.

  For the most part, Sol carried on like nothing was wrong—cheery and smiley as always. I understood her reasoning. Life was simply too hard to deal with sometimes.

  “Could you try to reach out to her?” Teo asked. “If she talks to anyone, it’ll be you.”

  My hands smoothed over Killian’s arms. I’d been the closest to Sol out of everyone. As the youngest cousins, we were only two years apart. “I’ll see if she can meet me here at the gym. Maybe we can go to lunch and talk then.”

  Evie smiled. “I’m sure she’ll like that. She’s got a lot on her plate.”

  “Sol’s an EMT and taking premed requisites at County,” I explained to Killian.

  His hand skimmed along my hip. As unfazed as he was with showing me affection, my timidity remained. But I couldn’t tame my girly smile. “Is she still planning to be a doctor?” he asked me.

  “Yes, in the ED of all places. I hope she can make it. The curriculum is brutal.”

  “If she’s as smart as you, she’ll be fine.” Killian winked. “Though I doubt she’s as beautiful.”

  He kissed my cheek, making the already scorching temperature of my skin rise.

  Teo rolled his eyes. “For Christ’s sake, Kill, she’s my baby sister.”

  Evie rose, holding Mattie close. “Teo, you can barely keep your hands off me. Don’t judge Killian for showing your sister a little affection.”

  “That’s different—we’re married.” He smirked. “I was a perfect gentleman while we were dating.”

  Evie’s fair skin flushed yet she couldn’t squelch her lovely laugh. “Sure you were, mi amor.” She motioned to the sweet bundle in her arms. “It’s a wonder Mattie or someone else didn’t come along sooner.”

  Teo stood and kissed her. “Yeah. Kind of surprised me, too.”

  Evie smiled against his lips, but she returned her attention to us when Teo gathered her against him. “We should go. Mattie needs to nap, and I need to join him.”

  I slipped off Killian’s lap to say goodbye, surprised when he met Teo with a wide and knowing grin. Something was up.

  “See you tomorrow?” Killian asked.

  “Someone’s got to knock your pathetic ass into shape,” Teo answered.

  Evie and I exchanged confused glances before my eyes widened with understanding. Killian laughed. “Yeah, that’s right. Meet my new trainer.”

  Chapter 12

  Teo spent the mornings doing the rounds of his multiple mechanic shops. Once done, he’d return to the gym, pushing Killian one step shy of his breaking point. Come four o’clock, Teo would return to his home to be with Evie and Mattie, leaving Killian to finish the rest of his grueling regimen.

  At first, I began to work out with Killian to support and spend time with him. Now that Teo was overseeing his training, there wasn’t much time for just us. Killian woke up tired, and collapsed every night completely worn out. What I hadn’t counted on was how much the workout would benefit me. Truth be told, I was getting into amazing shape.

  My legs sped along the treadmill beside his. I wasn’t as fast, wasn’t as tough, but my stamina and strength were improving.

  “Kill! Do you want me to pull the gates?” Finn called from the front.

  Killian waved without turning around. “Yeah, and cut the back lights. We’ll be out soon.” He punched the treadmill controls, slowing his rapid speed as Finn rolled the security gates down.

  I hit my controls, too. If his run was coming to an end, it was time for me to join him in his cooldown. “Did the T-shirts get ordered?” he asked me, his breaths pained.

  “Yes, along with the magnets and bumper stickers.” I took in the gym. It had taken three weekends, but Father Flanagan and company had finished painting the entire space, including the inside of the storage room. I planned to take the final shots tomorrow and update his website.

  Killian glanced up, too, staring at the words I’d carefully painted onto the walls: “Strength is achieved through blood, sweat, and pain. Prepare to find your strength.” “I can’t believe I have a motto,” he mumbled.

  “Every role model needs a motto.” I lowered the speed of my machine to a respectable walk, smiling at him as he continued to take in the words.

  “You’ve got it all wrong. I’m no role model, princess.”

  My thick head of curls bounced along in my ponytail. “You’re wrong on two counts. People of all ages admire you—and I’m no princess,” I said, laughing.

  “You’re my princess,” he responded quietly. He held on to the bars of his treadmill as the machine ground to a stop. “Look, I know I haven’t been paying a lot of attention to you lately—but I swear, that’ll change once this fucking fight is over.”

  I slowed to a stop and reached for my towel. “It’s okay. I know this fight’s important to you.”

  He shrugged and hopped off. “You are, too. I don’t want you to forget that.”

  I wiped my face and passed the towel down my neck and over my developing abdominal muscles, well aware of the regret deepening his voice. I tried to smile. “Don’t worry about me.”

  “Can’t help it. You’re my girl, and you’ll be headed for school in another month.”

  He held out his hand. I clasped his fingers and hopped off, averting my gaze. The sadness continuing to linger in his tone made it hard to meet those deep blue eyes I so adored. With the exception of a few nights here and there, we’d been inseparable for almost two months. But he was right. Our time together was quickly coming to an end. And while I’d taken my sister’s advice about birth control, and the Brazilian, we still hadn’t had sex—the biblical proportions kind, I mean. Despite what Lety had said, I remained afraid to surrender myself completely.

  “Have you given much thought about where you’re going to stay once school starts?”

  I shrugged. “It makes the most sense to stay with Teo and Evelyn, seeing how Villanova is only five miles from their house.”

  “Yeah. Makes sense.”

  We stood in silence for a moment longer until his attention wandered back to his motto. “I do like the words up there. Sorry I lost my shit the day you wrote them in.”

  I shouldn’t have laughed, but I did. For the most part, I continued to
keep my body covered—long skirts down to my ankles and a baggy shirt and sweatpants during my workouts. The problem was, the workouts were grueling, making sweats and T-shirts impossible to stay in. I’d peel off my outer layers until I wore only a tiny pair of shorts and a sports bra. As one of the few young women at the gym, I hadn’t counted on the attention it would earn me, and neither had Killian.

  The days we’d painted were among the hottest ever recorded in Philly’s history. I’d stripped down in the middle of inscribing the words onto the wall, unaware of all the teen boys and some of their dads blatantly staring at me until Killian yelled, “What the fuck? Don’t you have shit to do, you horny bastards?”

  And my goodness, didn’t that earn everyone quite the tongue lashing from Father Flanagan.

  I kicked at the mat. “It’s okay. I know you were only watching out for me.”

  “I don’t want that to change,” he said. “Except I’m not sure how that’s going to work once you start school again.”

  I nibbled on my bottom lip, hoping he wasn’t trying to find an excuse to break up with me. My job would end soon—the program only had a few kinks I needed to work out and his website would be finished tomorrow. I motioned to his office, not wanting to discuss our inevitable end. “I have to check on a few things.”

  “Sofia…”

  “I’ll be quick,” I said, speeding away.

  I hurried into the office, not bothering to sit at my usual spot behind the desk. Instead I remained standing and spun my laptop toward me. I flicked my finger down the mouse pad, clicking on an email marked as urgent from Killian’s bank. My brows knitted as I tried to make sense of the email. Had they separated his business and personal accounts like I’d requested, or was everything still going into one account? I’d need to call them tomorrow to clarify.

  “What are you working on?” Killian asked behind me.

  I typed a quick email to let them know to expect my call. “Just a few minor problems with your bank. I’m trying to keep your business separate from your personal funds for tax purposes. But I think the person I’ve been speaking with is new, and doesn’t understand what I want. Don’t worry, I’ll go over her head tomorrow if necessary.”

  “You do a lot for me, don’t you?”

  I could sense his genuine appreciation. And it was nice. “I try. But it’s no biggie. My mother always struggled with managing her money and keeping track of her bank statements. I’ve been taking care of things for her since I was about twelve.” I shrugged. “It helped me learn a lot, you know?”

  “I get it. But everything you’re doing for me wasn’t what you signed up for. All I asked for was a website and maybe something to help me manage my books.”

  That was true, but I wouldn’t admit to it. If I hadn’t taken over some tasks that Killian had asked me to handle, or taken on some of my own to help his business, my time with him would have ended a month ago. And no way did I want that to happen. “No worries, I’m happy to help.”

  “Yeah. I’ve noticed.”

  I scrolled down to an email from the rep who had offered his investment services. He was following up in regard to the meeting Killian and I had with him. I tapped my fingers on the desk while I debated how to respond. My short time with Killian had taught me a great deal about business terms and legalities; so had the multiple business articles I’d read. And while I’d become quite savvy in some ways, sometimes terms and strategies had me seeing double. Good thing I had an ace up my sleeve.

  Brody’s dad was a tremendous source of knowledge and my go-to guy when I needed clarification and advice. I’d had him on speed dial since Lety texted me his digits. He was a kind man and always available to help. He was also ridiculously brilliant. With Killian’s business taking off as it was, it was an odd day when we didn’t talk, text, or email.

  I was thinking I should ask Brody’s dad to refer me to an investor he trusted when Killian’s hands found their way to my hips. “What are you working on now?”

  I tried to focus, but his touch always distracted me, and his hands felt too good where they were. Our all-night affections had dwindled significantly. Some nights, I’d crawl into bed after finishing the last bit of computer work to find him out cold. “Just some things with that rep we met with.”

  “The asshole from the promo company?”

  I laughed. “No. I meant the guy from the investment company. Billy, the guy from the promo company, wasn’t an asshole. He was very nice.”

  “Billy told you that you had a sexy smile and asked you out right in front of me. That makes Billy an asshole.”

  “He was only flirting so we’d order some T-shirts from him.”

  His hands stopped massaging my hips. “And did we?”

  I stopped typing. “Ah, yeah.” And the magnets, and the bumper stickers, I obviously didn’t admit just then.

  “Seriously?”

  “Killian—”

  “You’re telling me I turned over my money to some asshole putting the moves on you?”

  “It only sounds bad when you say it that way.”

  “You think?”

  I shouldn’t have laughed, but I did. “Baby, his company had the best quality for the best price.”

  “His company has an asshole for a rep.”

  I covered his arms with mine when they reclaimed my waist. “Well, it doesn’t matter. I’m not interested in him.”

  He curled his warm body around mine. “Then who are you interested in?”

  “You,” I said softly.

  His breath tickled my neck as I waited for him to say more. “I don’t want you to leave me,” he said after a moment.

  My fingers trailed along his skin. “I don’t want to leave you either.”

  “Will you stay, then?”

  My hands stopped moving. “I can’t work like I have been and still manage school.”

  “Then work when you can—whatever hours you want. I just want you with me.”

  “Okay.”

  “Yeah?”

  I smiled, though Killian probably couldn’t see it. “I’ll stay,” I promised.

  Killian’s large fingers swept over the curve of my neck to gently turn my face in his direction. “Thank you,” his deep voice whispered before his lips met mine for a brief but sizzling kiss.

  The swooshing sound from my laptop had me turning my attention back toward the screen. The rep from the investment company had emailed me back. “Who’s that?” Killian asked.

  “The guy from the investment company.” I frowned. His persistence made me uncomfortable. “I don’t think he’s the best person for us—for you. I meant you.”

  “I know what you meant.” His fingers splayed down my belly. “Just like I know whatever he wants can wait.”

  My body trembled as his hands traveled upward to cup my breasts and pinched the centers. The need to have more of him made me brave enough to tempt him. My voice dropped to a purr. “For what?”

  “For me.”

  The moment I angled my head, his lips found mine again. One of his hands held the side of my face, helping to draw out our kiss. The other weaved down until it disappeared into my shorts.

  I grunted, tearing my mouth from his when his fingers pushed inward. My teeth clenched as Killian quickened his movements.

  Killian removed his fingers as my hips began to involuntarily sway. He withdrew them slowly to slick my folds, then pushed them back in, resuming his exploration and taking his time to play.

  I threw back my head, gasping as electric currents charged my body. It had been far too long since he’d touched me this way. My hands gripped the edge of his desk when his efforts increased. Killian made me pant, he made my hips rock against his, he made me scream.

  My orgasm reached its peak before I was prepared to accept its full force. Killian caught me when my knees buckled and I collapsed. But when his erection rubbed behind me, that awful fear gripped me and I tore away from his hold.

  My breathing was labored
both with fear and my lingering arousal. I hated being so afraid, but I hated the look of regret on his face even more. “I’m sorry,” I stammered. “This position isn’t the best for me.”

  Killian shook his head. “Don’t apologize. I should have remembered—I should have known better.” He glared at the granite tile floor. “I don’t ever mean to scare you. It fucking destroys me when I do.”

  My hands fell to my sides. I hadn’t meant to upset him, and I especially didn’t want him feeling ashamed for touching me. But that was exactly what I’d done and how I’d made him feel.

  I could have cried. Killian was always careful not to hurt me. As carried away as we sometimes got, he was an amazing and patient lover. His touch felt right—it wasn’t that—it was the trauma from my past poking its way through again.

  But this isn’t the past, I reminded myself firmly. It was the present and something that Killian was a part of. I scoffed. Who was I kidding? Killian was every waking moment of my present.

  As I watched him lose his arousal, I knew I needed to get it back. I couldn’t let my fear push us further apart.

  I pulled off my sports bra and tossed it at his feet, causing his head to snap up. “Let’s take a shower,” I suggested.

  “What—” He lowered his chin, his attention falling to my abandoned bra. “We don’t have to. We’re both tired. Let’s head back to my place and get some sleep.”

  That was how he responded. Except the hardening bulge in his shorts trumped anything his mouth had to say.

  I kicked off my sneakers, slipped off my socks, and stepped out into the center of the gym, freeing my hair from the tie as I waited for him.

  I didn’t have to wait long. Killian prowled forward. When he was halfway to me, I ditched my shorts. He tossed his shirt, his shorts, and everything else as I walked backward into the newly constructed women’s locker room.

  There was one shower that hadn’t been broken in yet. But it was time. I dropped my panties just outside the tile enclosure and blasted the water until steam rose around me.

  Killian was completely erect when he stepped in to join me. A small, impish smile eased across my face. He still wanted me. I’d make sure that wouldn’t change.