When You Came Home With Me: A Secret Baby Second Chance Romance (Blue Shore Book 3)

by Wendy Silk

  By the time I was old enough to understand it, she urged me to stop trying to break up their arguments. She swore to me that it would be better in the long run if my stepfather could get his negative energy out by hitting her ‘just once or twice.’ I knew even then that it was me she was trying to spare. Every memory of my childhood revolved around that contradiction. She’d married him, and she chose to stick with him. And yet I was the one who had to watch what he did to her, knowing that the last thing in the world that she wanted me to do was to get involved and try to stop him.

  I’d been almost an adult before I learned that there was help available to us. There were shelters, there were assistance programs. I could have called the cops. I could have done so many things, but I never did. She told me I was never to interfere.

  And by the time I was old enough to try to fix it, she had slipped into drug addiction and was utterly lost to me. There was nothing I could do for either of them. She had died, alone in a cheap hotel with him, in the saddest picture of overdose and squalor that anybody could imagine.

  So I wasn’t being flippant in any way, when I told Cici that sometimes you just can’t start again.

  Sometimes, there’s nothing left to work with. You might want to come back and fix things, or try something new, or be someone new. But it might be too late.

  I brushed the stray tears from my cheeks as I began to pack my things. The apartment was like so many I’d occupied over the years. It was tiny, utilitarian, and dingy. That described me and my life as well. I looked around the room, and I couldn’t imagine how I had ever thought otherwise.

  When I’d had Cici here with me, when we’d been wrapped around each other in passion, the room had looked different. There’d been a sense of hope to it, a feeling that I could still turn my life around and become a valued member of a community. I could have lived here, in Blue Shore, and fit in.

  Now that seemed like a dream. It wasn’t even like it had happened to somebody else. I had to confront the fact that it had never happened at all. All that had been in my head. The whole town knew that Cici had a baby. Shit, that was why people were always trying to start up conversations about her with me. They wanted to ask me whether I minded about that. Maybe they also wanted to ask whether it was hard for me to be with a woman who had caused the car accident that killed four people.

  My head was aching, but clenching my jaw and lashing out at her in my mind was the only way I could get through this moment. I wasn’t just shoving my clothes into my duffel bag and tossing my cheap dishes into a box. I was forcing myself to let go of the attachment I had to my dreams here.

  Cici had been my dream.

  I hadn’t known, though, that the whole time I had been building fairy tales in my mind in which we lived happily ever after together, she had been hoarding a secret from me because she couldn’t bear to think that I was anything but a convicted felon. I repeated the words in my head, engraving them into my brain. You do you, I told myself. And that’s what you are. No sense in trying to whitewash it.

  It didn’t take long at all to pack up my things. The apartment was small, and I owned little. Once I was ready, I squeezed the key in my fist. I’d tell Mr. Kemble I was out of here. I could hitchhike across the island, no problem. It had been easy enough to do it back at the beginning of the summer, when I’d come back from returning the van and accepted Grant’s job offer. This late in the season, there were tourists everywhere. I could find a ride anywhere around here. I’d try to catch up with Davis and see if he’d take me back on his picking crew. There were still blackberries going, I knew that. If he wouldn’t take me back, I’d hitch right on over to Seattle, and see what sort of crappy building crew I could get added to. It might be dangerous and back-breaking, but at least it would keep my mind off what I’d left behind.

  No, wait. The first thing I’d do was to walk up to the hotel and find Grant. He’d been a solid guy to me. The least thing I could do was to tell him I had to leave town. I’d apologize, sure, but there was no way I would let him talk me into staying. I could ask Jorge, too, if he knew where the picking crew was this week. He talked to everybody, and he always knew everything.

  With my direction resolved, I trotted down the staircase, past the corner store, without even looking around. That damn cookie display in the store had started all of this. If I’d just kept my mitts off them, I never would have seen Cici in there. I shook my head at myself. That wouldn’t have made any difference. I didn’t know why I’d ended up in Blue Shore, but this town wasn’t big enough for the both of us, that was for sure.

  When I reached the hotel, the sun had slipped away, leaving the warm evening dark. The place was bustling with weekend tourists and with dinner guests from all over the island. Those Bedloes sure knew what they were doing. Just as I had that thought, I felt somebody join me on the path leading to the main building. The paths were lit with twinkling lights on the ground, which showed the signature blue pebble edging to fine effect. In that dim light, I could easily make out the heavily pregnant form of Alice Bedloe.

  “Hi, Tim.” She smiled comfortably at me. “It’s a beautiful night, isn’t it? I know I should be helping inside, but I snuck out to take a walk in this balmy evening air. Don’t tell anybody, ok?” She laughed as she confided in me.

  I couldn’t help by return the smile. “Alice, seriously. Look at you. You’re almost to your due date, and it can’t be easy for you to be on your feet for long. I’m sure there’s nothing you’re supposed to be helping out with inside the hotel.”

  “I know. I was just kidding, trying to make you perk up.” She craned her head to try to catch my eye. “Tim, what’s got you in such a black mood? Can I help?”

  “No, really there’s nothing. I just need to catch Grant and tell him that I’m leaving Blue Shore. I’ve got...I’ve got another job offer that I’m going to take. In Seattle.”

  “That’s ridiculous.” What I liked about Alice was that she always said exactly what she thought. “You love it here. You adore the hotel, I know you do. And look at your man-crush on my husband. There’s no way you’d give up a job you love and such a great boss. What’s really happening?”

  “Alice, you are one of my favorite people in this town. And you’re right, Grant is another. But I really do have to go. Sometimes, you just need to pick up and be somewhere else.”

  She nodded, not even needing to answer out loud. She knew the feeling, I could tell.

  When we reached the big double doors of the front entrance, Alice peeled off from me, stepping behind the marble entry desk to stand next to Cindy, the receptionist. With the imposing front desk in front of her, she took on a more official aura, as if now she was speaking for the hotel, rather than as a woman I’d come to call a friend. She cleared her throat and looked directly at me. I suspected that she was enjoying this.

  “Tim, I know you’ve come here to meet with Mr. Bedloe. That’s right, isn’t it?” She spoke with complete seriousness, but there was a tiny gleam in her eye as well. “You want to meet with Grant and tell him that you’re planning to leave town?”

  I rubbed my forehead as I looked at her. “Alice, I just told you that. Why are you making me say it in some sort of official moment between us?”

  She patted the counter in front of her. “Because this is something official, something serious. You came to work for this hotel, for my husband, based on his acceptance of you. He sees you for who you are. He knows that you’re a hard worker who can do great things. That’s why he took you on. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

  I looked down at my callused hands, so clearly those of a workman, as they rested lightly on the marble surface in front of me. “Yes, it does. Now, please just tell me if I can find him here this evening and catch him for a few moments to talk about this.”

  Alice shot me a look of exasperation. “Yes, Tim, I know that’s what you’re after. I’m just trying to show you that sometimes it might be better to take a little time to think over
a big decision before you make it.” She stopped for a moment, as if she was making up her mind, then she continued. “OK, Tim, you want to find Grant. I’ll tell you where he is. He’s in a meeting right now, though, so you’ll need to wait your turn.”

  “All right,” I answered her grumpily.

  Mrs. Bedloe raised her eyes to the ceiling, as if searching for more patience. “Seriously, what’s with you people, needing a slice of my husband’s time all of a sudden? It might be life or death to you, but around here, it’s just another busy night when we should all be focusing on our work.”

  “Should I go find him?” I knew I was being a pain, but I couldn’t let it go on any longer. She was right, this was a stupid time to try to come and find my boss. My soon-to-be former boss. Maybe I was afraid that if I didn’t quit right now, and leave town, I’d reconsider. I stuffed that thought down as deeply as I could into my mind. No time for that.

  Alice Bedloe leaned across the counter and spoke in a low, conspiratorial tone. “Here’s the thing. When I ran into you outside, it wasn’t because I just like taking walks in the evening. Although I do. No, I stepped out because I couldn’t stand to watch the other meeting Grant’s having right now. He’s in the west meeting room. If you want to wait for him, however, you can step into the office that adjoins that room. Nobody uses it these days, since we dropped down to fewer assistant managers.”

  Cindy raised her head from the papers she’d been pretending to study. “Alice, that’s really not appropriate. You know he’ll be able to…” She closed her mouth with a snap and reconsidered. “Well, I see what you mean.”

  I didn’t have time for any more of these prevarications. Why were these women trying to hold me back from the business at hand? All I really needed to do was to quit, to get out of this town forever. I gave them a bland smile as I stepped away from the desk and headed down the corridor to the office where Alice had told me to wait for my boss.

  I found the little office empty and disused, as Alice had said. It had a desk and a chair from a previous occupant, but no signs of any current activity. Sighing and trying as hard as I could to hold onto my resolve that I was going to leave my job, I sat in the chair and began to swivel it idly back and forth.

  Sometimes you just can’t start again.

  Those were the words that had been echoing in my head ever since Cici told me that Maggie was mine. It felt like there was a hand squeezing my heart to think of all the things I’d missed with my little girl. I hadn’t been there for anything in her life so far. She knew me only as a carpenter she’d seen for a few days work around her daycare. And I’d thought she was just a cute toddler. I’d always been drawn to her, though, I knew that.

  In that moment, sitting the chair and waiting for the interview I needed, the one where I was going to quit the best job I’d ever had, I let a tiny sliver of light into my soul. It was Maggie. I thought about her, picturing her unsteady, toddling walk, and her spiky hair as it poked up from her hair tie. And like a ray of sunshine on a warm summer day, she found her way into my sense of self. It changed everything, but it took me a little while to realize what had happened.

  I was still hearing “You can’t start again.” Finally, it dawned on me that the words weren’t in my head. They were coming through the thin walls between the office that I was sitting in and the meeting room next door. I stood from my chair and began to pace the tiny room, needing only a few steps to reach one side and then turn in the other direction.

  It was Cici, of course. Her voice was louder than she knew. She got like that, when she had something important to say. Her clear tones were directed at somebody else in the meeting room, who had been silent thus far.

  “I tried, I did. I was so hopeful that I could come home to Blue Shore and live here again. I wanted to show my baby what it was like to grow up here. But it hasn’t worked. I can’t start again here, no matter how much I might want to.”

  Grant answered her in impassive, icy tones. “Cecily, I don’t know what you want me to say. I’ve tried to give you every opportunity. I’ve been fair to you and your business efforts, although it’s been harder than I can say. I’ve overlooked so much from you, but now I have to tell you, this is going too far. If you leave us in the lurch right now so you can take time off, you can’t come back. It doesn’t work that way.”

  “Oh, I know. I understand that if I quit now, you won’t be able to give me another chance. I’m fine with that. I’m just not able to stay here.”

  Grant spoke sternly. “But what about Kelly? If you let Wildflower Catering fold, think how you’re letting her down.”

  “I let everybody down. That’s who I am.”

  I heard a chair scrape as somebody stood up. Judging from the anger I could hear in Grant’s voice, he had found himself no longer able to sit and listen to Cici’s sniveling. “Cecily, who do you think you are? Why are you such a quitter?”

  “Stop calling me that. I’m Cici.”

  “No, you’re the same Cecily Summers that I knew for years growing up. What, did you think I’d forgotten everything that happened between us? You thought that if you came and asked to work at my hotel, I’d just let it happen without it meaning anything to me?” Grant was almost shouting now. “You’re the same Cecily that confessed to me that it was her fault that my wife crashed my car and killed my parents. I never asked you to tell me what you meant by that. I’ve spent years holding onto that piece of information, waiting for the time I could ask you what the hell you meant.”

  Cici was sobbing now. She must have known this confrontation would happen, after it had been brewing for so many years. She’d let herself in for this conversation in asking for this meeting with him. Even knowing that, I felt her pain as if it was my own.

  “Tell me now.” Grant spat out the words. “Tell me what you think happened that night. Why on earth would you have told me it was your fault?”

  “Grant, it was. You don’t understand. You thought I was just a silly high schooler, and you and Margaret were such adults.” I could hear her chuckle wryly through her tears. “So old, right? You were twenty. Well, I wasn’t that young. I knew all about Margaret. Did you think I idolized her because I didn’t understand that she was cheating on you? I knew all that.”

  Grant cleared his throat, apparently at a loss for words.

  “But it really was my fault, not hers,” Cici pleaded. “You just don’t understand. There was something real that I did. I told her to drive too fast, to try to scare your family. To scare you. I thought that maybe you’d value her more if you thought you might lose her.” Her voice had become ragged as she whispered the last words. “I’m the one that killed all of them, because I was so irresponsible.”

  I couldn’t stay trapped in that little office for another moment. My pacing had taken on the rhythm of a caged tiger in a tiny roadside attraction. I flung open my door and stepped out into the hallway, meaning to step into the adjacent meeting room and tell them to stop before they both said things they’d regret.

  As if I knew anything about holding back hurtful words.

  Before I could place my hand on the door lever of the meeting room, however, I saw that Toby Bedloe had gotten there first. He pushed in front of me, using his slim shoulder to block me out without missing a beat.

  Toby looked at the two sparring partners in the meeting room, both with the panicked air of people rehashing painful memories that they hadn’t expected to have to handle again. His calm voice cut through the shame and anger that filled the room. “Cici, I’m glad you’re still here. Alice just found me. She told me that you were planning to close your business and leave town. You’re here to let Grant know you’re quitting?”

  Cici raised her head and defiantly met his eyes. “Toby, you’re actually the person I should be talking to here. You’re the one I’m most sorry about. The accident was my fault, and you were in it. All that you’ve been through…Did you know that when I was a kid, I wanted to grow up to be a pediatrician
? And then it turned out that I was the opposite sort of person. One whose actions hurt others instead of healing them.”

  Toby shook his head. “Cici, I talked to Grant about this way back when you and Kelly came here asking to work at the hotel. None of that bothers me now. It was a long time ago. And I don’t believe that it was your fault.” He forestalled her interruption. “No matter what you say you did. You were a kid. It didn’t happen because of you.”

  Grant sighed, looking like the loneliest person I’d ever seen. “Toby, I know that’s how you feel. But I just don’t know who to believe. Who else in town is willing to stand up for her? Nobody, as far as I know. Cici showed up back in Blue Shore, and she thought she could paper over the problems she’d left here. But nobody really knows anything about her. I don’t see a single sign that she’s more reliable that she used to be, or than Margaret was. They were always bad news, the both of them.” The last words hurt him to say aloud, I could tell.

  I heard a gravelly sound break into the silence, and I realized it was me, clearing my throat. Apparently, I’d reached my limit in how long I could be still while Cici’s name went through the mud. “Grant, you’re all wrong about Cici.” I pushed my way into the room, so I was standing at Toby’s side. I’d always liked that kid. “You look at her, but you’re not even seeing her. You’re seeing somebody from a long time ago.”

  Cici’s eyes were red and puffy from tears. She looked like she’d been crying nonstop ever since I’d left her house this afternoon. But she looked at me, and when she saw my eyes, she sat up a little straighter in her chair. She lifted her chin and waited to see what I was going to say. Judging from the light that had developed in her eyes, she hadn’t thought she see me ever again.

  I’d been so angry at her just a few hours earlier that I couldn’t believe the way my words spilled out now. “You don’t know anything about Cici. She’s not a quitter. She’s not somebody who leaves things in a mess behind her. She’s the hardest working person I’ve ever met. Did you know she has a little girl?” My voice wavered, but I kept going. “She’s the most amazing, natural mother there is. And it’s not because it’s been easy for her. It’s been awful for her.”