[Vankara Saga 03.0] War of Atonement

by SJ West

  “Oh,” he said with a knowing look on his face. “You probably saw the cook. He wears a pair of odd looking pants that have wide legs. They could be mistaken as a skirt if you just caught a glimpse of them. I can assure you we don’t allow women on our ships for their own personal safety. I can’t exactly keep track of all my men at all times.”

  “I don’t sense a deliberate deception by him,” Aurora said.

  “Neither do I,” Vincent confirmed.

  “That must be what I saw,” I told Aleksander. Even with his logical explanation, I wasn’t able to shake off the feeling that I did indeed see a female passenger on the ship. But whether I did or not, didn’t really matter one way or the other. The possibility held no relevance to my mission.

  “I look forward to seeing you again when I return to Vankara,” Aleksander said to me as I walked onto Vincent’s wing. “Perhaps then we can have a private conversation about matters.”

  I nodded my head in agreement, not wanting to say anything and give away my thoughts on Aleksander’s marriage proposal.

  As I retook my seat in the saddle on Vincent’s back, I hoped the King of Chromis would take my refusal to marry him well.

  How could I marry him when my heart now belonged to another?

  “He’ll either accept it, or Fallon will make him accept it,” Aurora said just as Vincent lifted us out of the water and back into the sky.

  “Perhaps I should tell Aleksander the truth,” I replied. “If he knows I’m not the real Emma Vankar, I seriously doubt he will still want to marry me.”

  “I see no safety in him knowing the truth, only danger,” Vincent advised. “If he knows you are not the true queen, he will have no reason not to have you overthrown and take Vankara for himself. I wasn’t able to take a full reading of his character, but that much I am certain about. Power is his main objective. Whatever gains him the most of it is what he will strive to obtain.”

  “Well, I suppose that settles that question then,” I said. “I can’t afford to tell him the truth. Ally or not.”

  “He cannot be trusted, Sarah,” Aurora warned me again. “I’ve told you this before.”

  “The little one is right,” Vincent agreed. “He is a man with many secrets, none of which he will willingly divulge to you. He will try to take advantage of your good heart if you let him. Be on your guard around him and never take anything he says at face value.”

  “So, I can’t even trust my allies?”

  “You can never be certain they are truly your allies or will remain your allies, for that matter,” Vincent pointed out. “Almost every ruler, human or otherwise, that I have ever known has always done whatever is necessary to maintain their power and gain more of it. The only reason you don’t feel that hunger is because you weren’t raised to crave power.”

  “I only want peace and to regain what Nuala took from us,” I told them. “Dena is the rightful ruler of Vankara and when she comes of age, I plan to abdicate the throne so she can rule in her mother’s place. That’s what Queen Emma wanted.”

  “Don’t forget about the child you carry,” Aurora reminded me. “And the children you will have with Fallon are going to have a claim to the throne as well.”

  “Why don’t we deal with one child at a time?” I asked in exasperation. “I don’t really want to have to think about children who may or may not come into existence.”

  “Do you think Fallon won’t be able to father children?” Aurora asked in concern. “He seems like a proper mate. I haven’t sensed any deficiency in him. In fact, I’m sure when you copulate with one another it will result in offspring.”

  I heard Vincent chuckle in my mind.

  “Can we drop the subject for now?” I asked Aurora, feeling my cheeks grow warm from embarrassment. “Let’s concentrate on winning the war first. Then you can worry about Fallon’s ability to produce children.”

  “Well, you should definitely have more children, Sarah,” Aurora said, snuggling deeper into my jacket. “Just think of the beautiful babies you and Fallon can produce with one another.”

  Aurora fell asleep, gracing me with her silence.

  I began to imagine a different life for myself with Fallon, living simply in a small home away from the palace. I knew it could never happen, but it was nice to think about nevertheless. Perhaps one day, once I handed Vankara over to its rightful heir, Fallon and I could build such a life together.

  It was a dream I hoped would come true one day.

  CHAPTER TWO

  The rest of the day was spent traveling, but Vincent insisted on stopping at a small island that we came across so I could stretch my legs and eat the food Queen Sora sent to sustain me.

  “You do have a child to consider,” Vincent gently chastised as he sat next to me on the sandy white beach, observing the bright, yellow-orange sun as it set the sky on fire with varying degrees of reddish hues. “You need to take better care of yourself, Sarah.”

  I tossed a small piece of sausage from my food tray to Aurora who deftly caught it in her mouth, swallowing it whole.

  “I don’t want the other dragons to arrive at Ledmarrow before we do,” I told Vincent. “I feel like I should be there to welcome them. A good hostess always prepares for her guests.”

  “As long as they have a place to sleep and food to eat, my brothers and sisters will be fine. We’ve all lived long enough to know how to take care of ourselves, Sarah.”

  “Still, it seems rude not to get there before them. Plus. …” I began to say but faltered.

  Vincent turned his head in my direction to peer down at me, waiting for me to finish my sentence.

  “Plus what, Sarah?” Aurora asked, never one to shy away from getting to the heart of matters.

  “After learning about my life as Dracen’s daughter, I feel … homesick.”

  “Well, that makes perfect sense,” Vincent said, returning his gaze to the horizon to continue watching the sunset. “After all, it was your home at one time. It’s only natural that you would want to return to it. Yet, I sense that you feel guilt over this desire to reconnect with who you once were. Why is that?”

  “I gave that life up,” I said. “I abandoned my father just so I could forget the pain of losing a child, but I caused him just as much pain in willingly leaving him. How can he possibly forgive me for deserting our life together?”

  “A loving parent will do what must be done in order to provide for their child’s needs,” Vincent said wisely. “Dracen knew the best thing for you was to start over, to have a chance at a different life filled with new possibilities for happiness. He did more than most parents might have under the same circumstances, but I don’t think you should consider the path you chose as forsaking him. I don’t sense that he sees it that way at all.”

  “My hope is that if I go back to Ledmarrow, more of my memories will resurface. I’ve seen the worst of what happened there. Now, I would like to remember more of the happy times.”

  “I’m not certain you can retrieve any more memories from your first life,” Vincent cautioned. “The spell I wove to delve into your mind was a powerful one. The few memories I was able to recover may be all that is left of your life as Kira. Don’t be disappointed if you are unable to remember anything else.”

  Aurora flitted over to land on the hem of my coat in front of me.

  “We can make happy memories together to replace the ones you lost,” she promised me.

  I tried to smile at her but failed miserably in my task. I knew she meant well, but now that I knew about my previous life as Kira, I felt an emptiness inside my heart that needed to be filled. I prayed that something within Ledmarrow would help me find what I so desperately needed.

  Vincent flew all through the night as Aurora and I slept. When I awoke the next morning, I could faintly make out the snowcapped mountains of Ledmarrow in the distance.

  “We’re almost there,” Vincent informed me. “And it looks like we’re the first to arrive.”

  �
��Do you know the layout of these mountains well?” I asked.

  “I can’t say that I do.”

  “Then perhaps we should scout out an area that will be comfortable for you and the other dragons.”

  As Vincent flew over and through the mountain range, I couldn’t help but marvel at the majesty of Dracen’s home. There was a simple beauty in its isolation. Something so hard and so cold shouldn’t radiate those two qualities, but for me, I felt a connection that I could only attribute to being born and raised here. I started a family of my own in these very same mountains once and suffered through great loss.

  Vincent and I settled on a spot nestled between a set of mountains not far from Dracen’s home. The valley had a stream of fresh water running through it and the surrounding mountains provided enough shelter to shield the area from the biting cold winds blowing at the higher elevations.

  Finally, I showed Vincent where to land so I could enter Dracen’s private domain.

  The large piece of gray marble with spiderweb veins of gold embedded in it wasn’t hard to locate from the air. It was the only rock of its kind in the mountains.

  Once Vincent landed, I told him, “I won’t stay inside for too long. I’ll come back out to check whether the others have arrived. I just want to take a quick look around to see if anything sparks a memory.”

  “Take your time, Sarah. If the others come while you are inside, I will show them where to go. Don’t rush yourself on their account.”

  “All right,” I said, turning to the gray stone and placing my hand against its smooth surface.

  Just like the first time I was here, I heard a faint popping sound, and the gold veins running through the marble coalesced to make one vertical line that split in two, revealing a hidden passageway. The tunnel angled downward towards the interior of the mountain in a corkscrew path. The grooves acted as steps, and the interior was lit by small, glowing orbs of incandescent light floating in the air with no visible means of attachment.

  “Good luck,” Vincent said in an encouraging voice.

  I nodded, silently accepting his well-wishes as I stepped inside Dracen’s private sanctuary. As I made my descent into the mountain, the opening closed behind me, cutting off the sound of the howling winter wind.

  The tunnel led down to a large cavernous space where a small lake acted as a centerpiece. The mysterious, floating orbs covered the ceiling of the cave like a multitude of stars. Their reflections against the water’s surface brought to mind the memory of Kira finding the lifeless body of her daughter within its depths. The recollection invoked an ache within my chest but not the debilitating anguish Kira suffered through after the death of her only child.

  As I studied the interior, I counted twelve individual tunnels leading off this central location. I had no idea which one to go down and selected one at random, or at least I thought it was an arbitrary choice. Perhaps the remnants of Kira that remained inside me influenced my decision because I found myself exactly where I needed to be.

  The tunnel I chose led down to a great hall of what looked like a grand estate. A carved oak banister curved up towards a second floor landing like a pair of open hands. There was a front door with bare windows on either side looking out towards a well-manicured green lawn and gravel pathway lined with oversized oak trees forming a natural canopy. Of course, I knew everything I saw on the exterior was just an illusion, but the sunlight filtering through the trees also made its way inside the home, bringing with it a natural glow and warmth.

  Something urged me to walk up the stairs to the second floor. Once on the landing, my attention was drawn down the long hallway to a room at the very end of the left wing. As I approached the door, my heart began to beat a little faster.

  “Are you all right?” Aurora asked worriedly from her perch on my shoulder.

  I nodded but didn’t make a verbal reply.

  When I stood in front of the door, I tentatively placed my hand on the cold iron knob. Instinctively, I knew whatever lay behind the door was something Kira wanted me to find.

  “Be careful,” Aurora cautioned, obviously worried I might discover something within the room that would upset me.

  I turned the knob and gently pushed the door open. I kept my place in the hallway to survey the interior before stepping inside.

  I recognized this room. It was the same bedroom where Kira wallowed in her misery and where she gave up her existence for a chance at a better life. I remembered it clearly from the memory of my rebirth Vincent was able to help me recover. But why would I be drawn to a place filled with so much despair? What good could come from me revisiting such an unhappy time in Kira’s life?

  With care, I took a single step inside the room to look around. The space was immaculately kept. It was logical to assume that Dracen had been the one to put it into order. Deep down within his psyche, had he spent the intervening years hoping I would return one day to reclaim who I was? I couldn’t fault him for such a human desire. Any parent who truly loved their child would yearn for their return home.

  Feeling braver, I walked around the room. To the left of the entry stood a chest of drawers. A single, wooden-framed family portrait stood on top of it. Kira, her husband Jacob, and her daughter Joselyn stood in the trapped moment of time, smiling like people who had their whole lives together to look forward to, but tragedy struck their lives like lightning in a storm, forcing Kira and Jacob apart to seek out their own ways to deal with an unimaginable loss.

  I turned away from the photograph and noticed a writing desk positioned against the left wall in front of a large bay window. As I approached the desk, I saw that the window looked out over a fanciful courtyard with a three-tiered water fountain made of white marble in the center of a geometrically shaped walkway, lined with red and white rose bushes in full bloom. The intermittent chirps of birds could be heard mimicking those found naturally in such a picturesque setting.

  As I ran my hand along the top of the desk, Aurora alighted from her perch on my shoulder and landed on its surface. When she took a step forward, we both heard a distinct click, like a lock’s catch being opened.

  “Hold still,” I instructed her, noticing the panel on which she stood was now slightly depressed with her added weight.

  “Is it a trap of some sort?” Aurora asked nervously as though the desk might have a mind of its own and swallow her whole.

  “I don’t think so,” I answered, slowly picking Aurora up so she could climb back onto my shoulder.

  With Aurora’s weight removed, the panel popped open, revealing a hidden compartment. I peered into it to find a tan, leather-bound journal tied around the middle with a strip of braided rawhide.

  I picked it up and carefully pulled on the cord to loosen its hold on the tome. I flipped the front cover open and found words written in a neat hand on the first page.

  I never considered my life anything but ordinary. Yet, today, something EXTRAordinary happened, and I feel as though I might burst with joy if I don’t tell someone about it. If my mother was still alive, I would confide these words to her in small whispers. With her untimely passing, I lost my dearest and most faithful confidante. She was the one person I felt as though I could share my most personal feelings with. I love my father dearly, but there are certain things a daughter cannot talk easily about with her father. I fear he might consider what happened untoward and make Jacob leave our home. You see, today, Jacob finally kissed me! I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited for him to act on his feelings for me. I’m not sure if he purposely tried to conceal them, even from himself, out of respect for my father or for some other reason. But the cause for the delay doesn’t really matter. I know now that Jacob loves me just as much as I love him. I have freely given him my heart, and I know he is my one true love. I can’t imagine my life without him in it. I’ve decided to keep this journal in secret. I don’t plan to tell my father or even Jacob of its existence. Sometimes a person needs to feel the freedom to bare their soul without wor
rying about anyone else’s opinion. I may not write in it every day, but I do intend to keep a record of the most important moments in my life. Perhaps when I am old and gray, I’ll look back on the words written within these pages with fondness, remembering a life filled with laughter, joy, and a once in a lifetime love.

  I carefully closed the journal and retied the cord around it.

  “Aren’t you going to read any more?” Aurora asked me gently, sensing my melancholy after reading the passage.

  I don’t answer her right away, because I’m not sure what I will do. I wanted to know more about my life as Kira, and the journal would certainly provide that insight. Yet, the passage I just read was written by a young girl filled with so much hope for the future. I already knew how her story would end, and I wasn’t sure I had the courage to read any further. I may have been Kira once, but I wasn’t that enthusiastic young woman anymore. She was gone, and so were her dreams for a bright future.

  “Maybe I shouldn’t have come here,” I told Aurora. “Maybe this was a mistake.”

  “I think you should do what is right for you, Sarah,” Aurora encouraged. “If leaving your life as Kira in the past is best, then put the journal back in its place.”

  “But I think she wanted me to find it,” I replied, knowing deep down that what remained of Kira led me to this journal.

  “I don’t believe the girl who wrote those words would mean to cause you any harm or heartache. Perhaps she believes there is something within the journal’s pages that will help you in the new life you have chosen.”

  “You’re right,” I said, Aurora’s words making me feel better about the situation. “I don’t think Kira would purposely direct me to her journal if she didn’t believe I could learn something useful from it.”

  I pushed the open panel of the desk back into place and turned to leave the room. The family portrait caught my eye again, and I stopped to look at it once more. Without overthinking what I wanted to do, I laid the journal on top of the dresser and picked the frame up. I took the felt-covered, wooden backing off and removed the picture. After tucking the photo between random pages of the journal, I left the room.