[Vankara Saga 03.0] War of Atonement

by SJ West

  “Does my brother have the same powers as us?” I asked.

  “No. He inherited the gifts your mother possessed, not mine. He isn’t as powerful as we are, but he has his own peculiar talents.”

  “Like traveling between realities?” I asked, remembering my trip to an alternate reality where I was still April Pew.

  “Yes,” Dracen said, unsurprised by my knowledge of my brother’s capabilities. “He’s able to transport himself between different dimensions, but he isn’t able to do that within our own.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He isn’t able to travel from Ledmarrow to Iron City within our own world, but he can travel from our Ledmarrow to an alternate Ledmarrow, if he so chose to. However, his ability is limited. Though, I’ve learned that the carriage he made is able to transport passengers in much the same way he is able to transport himself. I have to admit, I never thought he had it in him to be so ingenious.”

  “So I don’t have to worry about my brother destroying the world? Only you and I have that burden to bear?”

  “No, you don’t have to worry about your brother doing such a thing. He can only do what I just described and smaller magical spells such as invisibility and the like,” Dracen answered.

  “When I discovered this power I have, Vincent had to help me bring my emotions under control. My greatest fear is that I won’t be able to do it by myself. Can you help me learn how to control my powers better?”

  “I’m not sure if what I do for myself will work for you,” Dracen said. “Do you mind me asking how Vincent helped you? What was the trigger that made you stop?”

  I briefly glanced in Fallon’s direction before saying, “He helped me visualize a place where I was happy. It isn’t a place that actually exists, at least not yet, but it was one that brought me peace. What do you do to control your power?”

  “I think of your mother,” Dracen said with a wistful smile. “I picture her happy and laughing at me. She was the only one who ever truly understood me.”

  “I wish I could remember more about her,” I told him, feeling an empty void inside my heart for the lost memories of my mother.

  “All she ever wanted was for you to be happy,” Dracen said. “Once the war is over, I pray that her wish for you will finally come to fruition.”

  I noticed Dracen give Fallon a fleeting look and knew he understood the great role the man sitting beside me would play if I were to ever achieve a happy future.

  Dracen cleared his throat as if his next words were going to be difficult for him to say.

  “Have you decided how much of the truth you will tell Gabriel?” Dracen asked me.

  “I plan to tell him everything,” I replied without hesitation. “No good can come from withholding information from him. Eventually, lies always come out in the open, no matter how hard you try to keep them a secret.”

  “Do you need me to be there with you when you tell him the role I played in helping you become April Pew?”

  “I would rather discuss things with him in private. And honestly, for your own sake, I think you should stay away from him for a while after he learns the truth. I’ve never known Gabriel to resort to violence, but he might decide to make an exception in your case. I don’t think he will appreciate the fact that you sent him to look after his own wife and did not disclose such an important detail to him.”

  “No, I don’t suppose he would appreciate that,” Dracen agreed.

  “Do you want me to be with you?” Fallon asked. “I don’t like the idea of you explaining things to him on your own.”

  “I have nothing to fear from Gabriel,” I assured Fallon. “He’s always done whatever it took to protect me. I don’t believe he will stop doing that after he learns the truth. I have faith in his love for Sarah.”

  “And what about his love for his wife?” Fallon asked, a hint of trepidation in his voice. Fallon might not have said it outright, but I knew he was worried that my revelation would stir up Gabriel’s emotions for Kira.

  “I’m not Kira anymore,” I said simply. “Gabriel’s wife died a long time ago, and she isn’t coming back.”

  “He may not see it that way,” Fallon stressed. “Plus, if the child you carry does belong to Gabriel, how can you be so sure he won’t view this as a second chance for the two of you to find happiness with one another again?”

  I shook my head. “Whatever happiness we shared as Kira and Jacob is long gone, John. Those feelings aren’t alive anymore.”

  “Perhaps not for you,” Fallon conceded, “but you can’t really speak for him. If I was in his shoes and given a second chance to right my wrongs, I would jump at the opportunity to make things right with the wife I abandoned.”

  “You should heed Fallon’s words,” Dracen added. “You may not remember how much Gabriel loved you as Jacob, but I do. You need to prepare yourself for his reaction. There’s no way of knowing how the truth will affect his emotional state.”

  “Do you think I should postpone speaking with him until after we’ve set our plans for retaking Iron City into motion?”

  “I would suggest,” Dracen said with measured words, “that you wait until things are settled. We need a clear-headed Gabriel who can strategize with us. Considering the revelations you’re about to set on his doorstep, I don’t think anyone in their right mind would be able to think straight after learning them. Do you?”

  “No,” I agreed, remembering that I was able to take a couple of days for myself to deal with everything I learned about my past. Gabriel would not have that luxury, but he also deserved to know the truth as soon as possible.

  “After we devise our attack plan,” I said, “I’ll tell him right away. I think the longer I delay, the worse it will be for the both of us.”

  “Do what you need to do,” Fallon told me. “I’ll support you in whatever you decide.”

  “As will I,” Dracen promised. “Whatever you need of me, it is yours for the asking.”

  “Thank you,” I told both men.

  I was grateful for their show of support, but I knew telling Gabriel the truth about our relationship would not be an easy endeavor. I couldn’t be completely sure it wouldn’t irrevocably damage our friendship. I prayed it would strengthen us in the end, not weaken us. It all depended on Gabriel’s ability to separate his feelings for Kira from his feelings for Sarah.

  Would he be able to do such a thing? Or would he, as Fallon said, begin to view me differently? The last thing I needed was more complications in my life.

  “Don’t worry, Sarah,” Aurora said soothingly. “Whatever happens, we will face it together.”

  I reached up and gently rubbed Aurora up and down her glossy scales from throat to chest, taking as much comfort in the act as she received. Having her by my side brought me peace. I simply prayed it wasn’t a peace short-lived.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Dracen wasted little time tutoring me about magic. His first lesson began with a short discussion concerning self-control.

  “Magic can be as wonderful as it can be horrible,” he said gravely. “It’s the wielder who decides what form it will take. From the reaction you had during Vincent’s torture, it appears that you are a lot like me when it comes to allowing your anger to seize control of your actions. You will need to learn the art of concealing your feelings, not only from others but also yourself.”

  “That sounds impossible,” I said in dismay.

  Dracen smiled at me understandingly. “It may seem like a daunting task, but with a little practice, you’ll learn that it isn’t as hard as you think.”

  “So how do I practice controlling my emotions without bringing down a mountain in the process?”

  “There’s no guarantee that you won’t cause some sort of destruction as you learn,” Dracen replied with a small shrug, “but you’re aware of your powers now. I believe that, more than anything else, will cause you to consider your reaction to what others do around you with a more critical eye. There are small
slights that people make to others every day, which causes blips of various emotions. As you encounter and deal with those instances, they will help you hone in on what’s worth your anger and what’s not.”

  “So is anger the only emotion I have to worry about?”

  “Yes and no,” Dracen warned. “Anger is the one that will turn destructive.”

  “And what will happiness do?”

  Dracen smiled. “True happiness will allow you to work the best magic of all … live a fulfilled life.”

  As I observed Dracen, I noticed his gaze falter from mine slightly. I had a feeling he was thinking back to happier times when his family was whole and lived in Ledmarrow. My heart ached for the loss of his joy. From what I could remember, it seemed as though Dracen was a wonderful father to my brother and me. We all shared a good life together at one time. Yet, I did have one question.

  “Why did my brother leave Ledmarrow?” I asked.

  “Orin, or Adam. … I suppose I should get used to using his new name,” Dracen said with a shake of his head. “I wouldn’t want to cause confusion by using his given name in front of others. From a young age, Adam wanted to venture out into the world and experience everything he could. After your mother died, he wandered from island nation to island nation. He was able to delve deeply into each culture by shifting into those who died. As I told you before, I didn’t tell him what I helped Kira do until you had transformed into Sarah Harker. He became quite livid with me after I told him the truth about your disappearance.”

  “Why?” I asked, perplexed why my brother wouldn’t want his sister to build a new life for herself. From what Dracen had just said, Adam had lived many different lives on various continents.

  “I think the fact that I wouldn’t disclose your new location was the cause of the rift between us, but I wanted you to have a chance to start over completely. I knew if I told Adam where you were, he wouldn’t be able to make himself stay out of your life. Eventually, he would feel the need to tell you the truth, and that wasn’t something I could allow to happen. Not after everything we sacrificed to provide you with a chance to live a new life.”

  “Then why did you send Gabriel to me?” I asked, viewing this course of action as being just as risky. “Didn’t you worry that he would learn the truth?”

  “I never thought he would, to be honest,” Dracen replied, looking troubled. “I gave him specific instructions that under no circumstances were you to ever come to Ledmarrow Mountain. I feared bringing you back there would awaken your memories of being Kira. If you never remembered who you were, how would he ever find out the truth?”

  “He never questioned your order?”

  “No. He wanted to do whatever he could to make up for leaving Kira and placing the burden of her care solely on my shoulders. He knew he should have stayed to help you through your grief, but he simply wasn’t strong enough at the time.”

  “I’m sure he had a great deal of difficulty working through his own sorrow,” Fallon said, joining the conversation.

  “He did,” Dracen agreed with a small nod. “That’s one reason why I gave him a mission that would not only help my daughter, but also help him heal, even if he didn’t realize it at the time. Gabriel has always been one to help others when he could. I think his inability to help Kira overcome her grief ate him up inside to a point where he lost himself for a while. When I sought him out to ask for his help in watching over you, he had taken on the form of an old beggar man and was back to living on the streets. After I sobered him up and told him that a new shifter had been born and needed his protection, he instantly became a new man, and I don’t mean simply shifting into a new, more respectable body. I think all he needed was a purpose, and you gave him exactly what he required at the time, Sarah.”

  “Knowing that Gabriel and I were once married in our former lives is a very strange concept to me,” I admitted. “I’ve looked up to him for so many years as my mentor and protector. I hope he doesn’t expect me to think of him in any other way after I tell him the truth.”

  “So …” Dracen began, briefly glancing in Fallon’s direction before asking, “none of your feelings for him have returned? None at all?”

  I shook my head. “Not really. I mean, I empathize with how Kira felt about him, but as for me, no. I haven’t felt anything other than what I’ve always felt for Gabriel—friendship.”

  I heard Fallon let out a small sigh. Most likely, Dracen wasn’t even aware of it from where he was sitting, but I was acutely conscious of it. I didn’t want Fallon to second-guess my feelings for him in light of the revelation that Gabriel was once my husband. That life was far behind me now, and I intended to keep it that way.

  The hard, stiff object tucked into the back waistband of my pants reminded me that my time with Gabriel as my husband wasn’t completely lost to me.

  I stood from the couch. “If the two of you will excuse me, I would like to change out of these clothes. I’ve been in them for days.”

  Fallon and Dracen both stood from their seats.

  “Of course,” Fallon said. “Would you like me to prepare a bath for you?”

  “Is that your subtle way of telling me that I have a peculiar aroma surrounding me, Marshal Fallon?” I jested.

  Fallon smiled. “Not at all, your majesty. I simply thought you might want some time alone to relax.”

  “Actually,” I said, “a warm bath would be wonderful.”

  “I’ll see what food Inara and Able were able to dig up from my kitchen,” Dracen said. “I’m sure you could use something to eat as well.”

  “Thank you,” I said to both of them before heading into my bedroom to find some clean clothes to change into after my bath.

  From my wardrobe, I pulled out one of the simpler dresses hanging inside it. It was a periwinkle-colored silk creation with a full skirt, high bodice, and pearl buttons down the front.

  When I walked into the bathroom, I saw that Fallon had taken off his maroon leather jacket and had the sleeves of his white shirt rolled up to his elbows. He was leaning over the tub in the center of the room with the fingers of his right hand gliding across the water’s surface to test the temperature.

  Aurora flew off my shoulder to perch on the edge of the tub. She looked up at Fallon quizzically to ask him a question only I could hear.

  “Jump in,” he told her, having correctly guessed at what she was asking. “It’s warm but not too warm, especially for a fire dragon.”

  I heard Aurora giggle inside my head, which made me smile. It had been so long since either of us had a moment where the weight of the world wasn’t resting on our every decision. It was nice to just relax and enjoy a calm moment together.

  Fallon took a step back from the tub as Aurora did a belly flop into the water, causing a mighty splash.

  I laughed at her antics, feeling her joy as she swam underneath the surface of the water.

  “Oh, Sarah, you have to come in!” she said, sharing her bliss with me through our connection. “It’s simply divine!”

  “I’ll join you in a moment,” I told her aloud for Fallon’s benefit.

  “I wish I could hear her voice,” Fallon admitted as he watched Aurora swim. “I only ever hear half of the conversation when the two of you speak to one another.”

  Not even that most of the time, I thought to myself but didn’t say.

  Fallon walked over to carefully take the dress in my arms from me and laid it out on a nearby chair in a corner of the room.

  When he turned back around to face me, a slow smile spread his lips.

  “I don’t suppose you need help undressing this time. …” he said, gently reminding me of the occasion when he had to bathe me in this very same bathroom. Of course, back then Dracen had cast a spell over his eyes, which kept him temporarily blinded.

  I smiled back. “No, my wounds have pretty much healed thanks to the cream Sora’s healers gave me. I’m afraid I don’t require your assistance in bathing this time, Marshal Fallon
.”

  “You may not need it,” Fallon replied in a low voice as he took a step closer to me, closing the distance between us to barely an inch, “but if you desired it, I would be more than willing to lend a hand or two.”

  I heard and felt a splash of warm water hit both Fallon and I across our legs as Aurora reminded us that she was still in the room.

  “His proposition is not appropriate, Sarah,” Aurora reminded me. Even though I wanted to ignore her reasoning, I felt certain there wasn’t any way she would allow that to happen.

  I took a step back from Fallon.

  “No matter how much I might desire your help,” I told him, “I’m afraid my little dragonling would never allow us a moment of privacy for such an encounter.”

  Aurora flew out of the tub to grasp its edge with her talons. With a little more violence than she probably needed to, Aurora shook off the excess water from her body, causing it to spray us as if to emphasize my words to Fallon with an added warning.

  Fallon began to chuckle as he shook his right hand out to remove the excess water from Aurora’s show of overprotectiveness.

  “Well, that was certainly better than having her breathe fire on me,” Fallon stated good-naturedly. “She’s right though. This probably isn’t the best time for such a thing.” Fallon looked into my eyes as if he wanted to make sure I was listening to his next words. “Though, I hope she doesn’t intend to keep me at arm’s length from you forever.”

  “I don’t think that’s her intention,” I said to Fallon while silently asking Aurora, “Is it?”

  “Of course not,” Aurora huffed as if I shouldn’t have even had to ask the question. “I simply don’t think it’s proper to have a romantic interlude with Fallon, considering your father is in the next room. Do you?”

  “No,” I begrudgingly admitted. “You’re right.”

  “Besides, I’ve already told you that I approve of Fallon as your mate. Whenever you want to be with him, all you have to do is tell me, and I will give the two of you your privacy.”

  “So if we ever do decide to … mate … as you put it, you won’t be listening in, will you?”