When He Falls

by Michelle Jo Quinn

"He begged me to stop. He pleaded. My father, the once and mighty, cruel King of his own palace, pleaded for his life. What did I do? I gave him the chance to live." Zach stopped. Then Zach took one of my hands and ran it over the curve of his left ribs, stopping over a large black rose tattoo. Using his thumbs, he dried my tears. But when I felt it—the scars on his skin, hidden by the ink—I began crying again. "I shouldn't have. He managed to grab hold of a knife, and as I turned away, he stabbed me. That's how much of a coward he is." I continued to outline the scars with my fingers. I counted two lines the length of my thumbs. "My lung collapsed. I nearly died that night. But I was lucky that Rick had suspected I was going to do something and he...well, he found me. Even when that bastard of a father tried to sue me for assault and battery, Rick made him drop the charges, and made me claim self-defense. Rick had saved my life far too many times. He'd become my father more than my own ever had."

  His words pulled at my heartstrings. I grabbed his arms and wrapped them around me and brought him closer to me. I cried on his shoulder. I kissed the scars on his side. I breathed him in. He could have been lost, gone that night he saw his father. This moment with him wouldn't have been possible if he didn't live... If it wasn't for Rick's help.

  "Maggie, I'm sorry for what I did. My shrink..." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "My shrink said that I suffer from PTSD. Just my luck, when I feel like my life is at its highest point, it hits me. The fear of what I could have lost, the fear of not having been able to see Ma anymore...it breaks me. It turns me into...him. But I'm not him, Maggie. I am not my father. I didn't mean to hurt you."

  With my hands cupping his jaw, I pulled him toward me. For that moment, it wasn't enough for me to say I forgave him. It was more important that I let him know I was there for him. That he had me. That he could depend on me. That during whatever he was going through and whatever he needed to do, I would be by his side.

  "I love you," was all I could say and at that moment, I hoped that it was enough for him.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Zach

  I never thought I knew what real love was, but I was wrong. Maggie proved that. I was glad she did.

  Even from the time we were young, she'd shown me how precious it could be, how it could change a person, how it could make a difference in someone's life.

  Maggie witnessed the ugliness in me, one even I couldn't face myself. The anger. The hatred. They were all in there...in me. Despite all of that, Maggie loved me.

  She didn't see a boy who was traumatized by his childhood. Or a man who'd almost given up on the world. Someone so angry that he had let angst and fear take over, and turn him into something hard to swallow...hard to love.

  Despite all of me, Maggie loved me.

  For the next two days, she didn't just say what I wanted to hear, she showed them to me. We visited Ma at the home, we read her books, even had lunch with her both times. The days weren't perfect. Ma had her ups and downs. One moment, she would be laughing at us at something ridiculous and embarrassing I'd done when I was younger; the next moment, a dark cloud would mask her face, and she'd be gone. Every time Ma's condition seemed like it wouldn't get any better, when she'd forget who I was, when she'd throw a fit because all she saw in front of her was someone who looked similar to the man who'd beaten her up, who'd treated her like trash, Maggie was there for me, for us.

  In the mornings, Maggie came to the gym with me, watching me train for hours, laughing and getting to know my friends and trainers. Every time after, I'd jump off the ring and face her. She didn't want to show it—the concern for me, the worry—but there it was, etched on the edges of her beauty.

  "How do you feel?" Maggie reached up and brushed sweat off my forehead with a towel.

  "Never better." She winced. I knew she didn't believe me, after all, I'd just had a two-hour work out with Travis in the ring. Dude's a beast, and he loved to get one up on me whenever Maggie was around. He'd gotten me good on my ribs in the first ten minutes, but I didn't give him another chance after that.

  I took Maggie's hand and kissed the tips of her fingers, and she gave me a small smile. She was my kryptonite. My gut turned into a swirling pool of who knew what as I locked gazes with her. She wanted me to do more—hug her, kiss her, make love to her, but I couldn't allow myself to get any closer.

  I missed holding her. I missed the taste of her lips, the warmth of her.

  For a second or two, I just looked at her. It was all I could do until I was sure I wouldn't wake up with my hands clasped around her neck. That person wasn't me, but my demons wouldn't let me believe it.

  "I'm gonna hit the showers." I let go of her hands and stepped back.

  "You're done?"

  I nodded and kept my gaze lowered. "Rick gave me the afternoon off. He wanted me to see my shrink." Head ducked, my eyes trained on a speck on the floor until Maggie's painted toes came into view.

  "Will you look at me? Please?" Her voice was barely a whisper.

  I stepped closer again, and she nudged my chin up with her fingers. I breathed her in, swam in her sweetness, and once my eyes hit hers again, my gut clenched. I loved her, and I was breaking her.

  "That's a good thing, Zach. I'm glad you're going. I'll go with—"

  "No," I said a little too abruptly. "I mean...I know you want to go see Ma. It's a whole hour, and his office is all the way on the other side of the city. You'll get bored." As pathetic as I felt, I tried for a charming smile. When her brows drew together, I knew it didn't work.

  "Zach, can we talk—"

  "Hey, Zach!" Rick came bounding our way, and clapped my shoulder as he got closer. "You headed out?"

  "Yeah." Facing Rick, I grabbed a fistful of my sweat-soaked hair. "I was just telling Maggie."

  "Good." He smiled and winked at Maggie. She didn't reciprocate. The worry on her face deepened. "I'll give you a ride back to the apartment if you want."

  "I'm going to see his mom."

  "Oh, right, right." Rick rubbed a hand over his overgrown beard. "I can get one of the boys to drive you there." He returned his attention to me. "I'll take you to your appointment."

  "Sure." I didn't have much of a choice. Rick was worried about my...condition. It didn't only have to do with Maggie, but it could hurt my future career in MMA. He was concerned I'd lose everything if I didn't nip this in the bud.

  "I'll get Travis to drive you. I think he has to pick up Bailey from work anyway," he told Maggie before walking away.

  Before I could change my mind about not letting Maggie come with me, I jogged to the showers without another word to her.

  I stepped out of the office, red-eyed. Rick saw it right away, but he didn't say anything. He wouldn't. He stood and slid the magazine he was reading back on top of a stack on the table. He gave my shrink a curt nod.

  "I'll see you in a week, Zachary," Dr. Surgeson said, shaking my hand. "Take care now."

  "Yeah."

  Rick didn't say shit until we were back in the car headed to my apartment. "You're good for the...you know."

  "Yeah, he said I should be fine. If you want clearance, I can get him to write a note or something." Sometimes Rick could make me feel like I was back in my early teens.

  He waved a hand and gripped the wheel again. "No. Not necessary." I could tell he wanted to say more when he cleared his throat twice. With Rick, much like with me, everything was a waiting game. We didn't offer information right away. I'd rather stick a pencil in my eye than talk about every emotion I felt. But he needed to believe I was okay. Otherwise, he could pull me out of the fight. Everything rested on that one event. My mother's life depended on it.

  I could never afford her treatments if I didn't win the fight. No, not just get in the ring and let some toothless fucker beat the shit out of me. I have to win. If I didn't, I may as well let her wither, let her memories stay lost. She was all I had for a long time. Now, I was all she had.

  With a deep exhale, I began talking. "There's nothing to worry about,
Rick. I'm fine. I'll be back to normal by the time the fight even starts."

  "What about Maggie?"

  "What about her?" Keeping my eye on the busy road, I grabbed the side of the seats and tightened my grip.

  "Will she be okay?"

  "Yes," I replied quickly. This time, I faced him and saw judgment in his eyes. Whether he meant for me to see it or not, it didn't matter. He wouldn't have asked about Maggie if he wasn't truly concerned. "I didn't mean to hurt her."

  "It's not just that..." He threw me another quick glance before focusing back on the road. "You guys are going a little fast there. She doesn't live here, Zach. How long is she staying? What happens when she has to go back home? Is she sticking around until the event or..."

  "I don't think Maggie is any of your business!"

  "Hell yeah, she is. If it has anything to do with you, she is."

  "That's bullshit, and you know it."

  Rick shook his head, his jaw muscles twitching. I ground my teeth together, let go of my seat and dropped my head in my hands. I was livid, because Rick had a point. Maggie and I hadn't talked about what would happen when she went back home. "Fuck, Rick. I can't lose her, any more than I can lose this match."

  I couldn't very well leave Vegas. Ma was here. Once she started her treatments, I would have to be around more. She'd need me. But Maggie...she had a life back in Fresno. Her mother was there, her home, her friends, school, work, everything. And she was always the responsible one. She'd want to finish school and start a career. I couldn't ask her to uproot and move here for me. Could I? Would she?

  Rick reached over and patted my back. "You guys need to talk about that. Maybe not tonight, but soon."

  I nodded my head in agreement, but I was lost in my own thoughts.

  Could I ask Maggie to drop everything for me, even though inside I was just another monster threatening to wreak havoc in her life?

  Even before I unlocked my door, I knew she wasn't in. Grabbing my phone out of my pocket as soon as I entered the dark apartment, I sent her a message, asking what she'd like to have for dinner.

  Too tired from the events of the day, from everything that had happened the past three days, I dropped on the couch. An hour with my shrink was a lot more exhausting than any underground fight I'd ever been a part of. Not bothering to turn on the lights, I scrolled through my phone and checked if I'd somehow missed a message from her. Nothing. I slipped my wallet out of my pocket and took out her picture.

  She was beautiful. Like an angel. Like a star.

  I'd spent my whole life searching for peace, and found it in her...and with my screwed-up life, I lost that for a moment. I looked at my hands, ones that had wrapped around her throat just a few nights ago. She could've run. It would have been wiser. But she stayed.

  She listened. She understood. She stayed.

  Maybe, just maybe, if I asked her she would never leave.

  Maybe.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Maggie

  I slipped in the apartment as quietly as I could, taking off my shoes before I headed to the bedroom. The lights were off, but he'd forgotten to shut the blinds in the living room, and a full moon shone through the windows. Zach had been going through a lot, physically, emotionally, and mentally. If he'd fallen asleep, he needed it.

  We had a lot to talk about, but he could use the rest. What I had to say could wait.

  Then I saw him sprawled on the couch. His body barely fit in it. His head rested on the armrest, and his legs hung over the other side. Kneeling, I crept closer, leaning down to admire him.

  He looked peaceful, despite the fine line on his forehead.

  His lips were parted slightly, and I could hear each inhale and exhale from his mouth. I missed kissing him. I leaned my head lower, and stopped a breath short from his lips. With a soft, subtle touch, I grazed my lips over his, and inhaled his scent. A quiver erupted in my belly.

  As I drew back, his eyes slowly opened into slits.

  My heart hammered in my chest as he raised a hand and it hovered over the side of my face.

  "Maggie," he whispered. The moon's rays illuminated his face as he lifted his head off the couch. With the pads of his callused fingers, he drew a line from my temple down to my jaw. I ached for this. I ached for him.

  I closed my eyes, committing how it felt. He hadn't touched me like this since the incident. I hadn't pushed it, but god, I missed him. Zach continued to explore the angles, the dips, rises, and grooves of my face—the edges of my eyelids, the tip of my nose, and when he reached my lips, I captured the tip of his thumb between my teeth, and tasted him.

  He groaned, and thinking he was in pain, I opened my eyes. I saw hurt. I saw pain. But I also saw desire, need, want. I couldn't let him suffer any longer. Releasing his thumb, I pressed my lips on his and accepted everything he was willing to give.

  His hands threaded through my hair as I knelt closer to his body and wrapped my arms around his neck. When he released me, he rasped, "Maggie...I can't...I..."

  I stopped him, pressing a finger over his lips. Tonight, he didn't have to explain anything. He didn't have to warn me. He didn't have to try to convince me that he was all wrong inside, that I should be afraid, and I should keep my distance.

  He twirled a lock of my hair around his finger while he studied my face. He wasn't anyone I should be afraid of, not when all I felt for him was love. I took his hand and stood, waiting for him to understand whatever I didn't say, and led him to the bedroom.

  I let him sit on the edge of the bed, while I turned a lamp on. Then I stood in front of him, not hiding.

  I started with my shirt, followed by my shoes and shorts. Then I reached for him and helped him with his clothes. Slowly. My hands shook in anticipation. My breath came out in ragged whispers. The chill hit my exposed skin, and goose bumps spread all over.

  "Maggie." It almost sounded like a plea. A tear rolled down my cheek when I bent down and removed his shoes and socks, one after the other. I fumbled over his jeans, but he still wouldn't touch me. Zach just let me undress him, and after every breath, he'd whisper my name.

  After I was done, I straightened again and removed my bra and underwear. My gaze met his. I didn't cover my body. I left myself exposed. I let him see me before I claimed his lips again.

  I trapped his face between my palms as we kissed, the type of kiss that burrowed to my soul. With eyes closed, I ran my hands down his arms and intertwined my fingers with his. I lifted both our hands over his head as I nudged him down on the bed, stretching my body along his. The hard planes of his body didn't feel rigid to me. With my lips, I roamed over his jaw, feeling the roughness of it on my lips, and continued down his neck. I kissed the lines of his collarbones, down the center of his chest. Then I pressed my ear to hear his heart beat for me, for him.

  Every single second, a tear would drop, and I would sob.

  When I slipped lower, Zach let go of my hands, and he held my shoulders, stopping me from moving. Instead of putting a stop to it, like I thought he would, he rolled me onto my back, and braced his arms along my sides.

  Zach brushed the wet trails on my cheeks and placed soft kisses on them as he slid in me. His body rocked, and I waited until my body adjusted to him. His lips continued to move against my skin, like he was saying something to me, but I couldn't hear them. Or maybe, he didn't want me to. I didn't take a moment to figure out those soundless words. All I could do was feel him, every part, every breath, every beat. My hands were everywhere, on his back, gripping his arms, through his hair. The heat of his lips felt as though they left burns on my skin.

  Time didn't matter. All I had was Zach, and he had me, all of me. We went on like this until I was pushed past the edge, and with him, I fell...and fell...and fell...

  For the next few days, Zach and I got into a comfortable routine. He even let me use his truck to travel to and from his mother’s nursing facility and I was able to visit her whenever I wanted to. Lisa’s mood remained unpredictab
le, but Zach swore he’d seen positive changes since my first visit. I wasn’t a miracle worker, as he claimed. All I thought was if Zach was happy, his mother was as well. But he had difficulties seeing that.

  He continued to focus on his training for the fight of his life, which helped take his mind away from any concerns on his mother, or so he’d told me. I knew in the back of his mind he had his mother’s condition, that he wasn’t just fighting for him; he was fighting for her. I’d watched him spar with some of his friends and oftentimes, I had to look away. There was nothing but determination in his eyes, in each purposeful move he’d make. He was a beast, a warrior in the cage. He executed each step with careful thought, and even though I’d never really seen an MMA match, there wasn’t any doubt he could win.

  However, there was one day I’d overheard a couple of the guys training talking about Zach’s opponent. Lucas St. Honore had been a pro-fighter for much longer, and he’d been undefeated in the ring. I’d asked Zach about Lucas and all he did was smirked at me, called his opponent an asshat and asked me not to worry about it.

  That proved difficult the next day when I attended a press conference and had the chance to watch Zach face his opponent in person. Lucas was taller than Zach, with broader shoulders, tattooes from head to toe, and an angrier demeanor. Throughout the media craziness, Zach kept a slight smirk on his face. I couldn’t get used to the flashes of the camera. I didn’t know how he did, but Zach kept calm, almost cocky. Questions were directed at them and either man answered or some rep replied for them. When it came to facing Lucas toe to toe, Zach kept his head high, proud, mighty, unmoveable. Somehow he spotted me in a back corner and winked. Then I caught sight of Lucas staring at me, and a slow intimidating grin spread on his lips. With the microphones out of the way, I couldn’t hear what Lucas said to Zach, but it was bad enough that Zach lost his cool. He’d charged at Lucas, snarling profanities at him. All the guys on the stage came between them and I could hear Rick yelling to save the fight for the octagon.