Bittersweet: Can she rebuild her life?

by Lyz Kelley

  Dang it. Why did she keep going there?

  Keep your knees locked together and you’ll be fine.

  Heath pointed to the handcart. “We have ice cream for dessert. Do you want anything else for dinner?”

  Besides you? She groaned. Bad, bad, bad. Bad for her heart, bad for her.

  “Nope. I can buy the stuff I need since I’m already here.”

  Remembering his demanding lips and needy hands, her body unintentionally softened. Whoa. Not good.

  About to come up with an excuse to back out of dinner, she caught the look in Ellie’s eyes. So sweet. She reached and cupped her hand under Ellie’s chin and gave her a mocked concern look. “When’s the last time you had your nails done?”

  Her eyes popped wider with twirling excitement. “You’ll do my nails?”

  Anything to avoid your uncle. “Would you like me to?”

  “Do you have blue?”

  “Hmmm. Don’t think so. How do you feel about purple?”

  Ellie’s excitement overwhelmed her ability to talk. Leza’s glance slid up to Heath. His grin measured about as high and wide as the stacked shelves behind him.

  “I guess I should have asked first if a nail-painting party was okay.”

  He stepped closer to invade her personal space. Odd. She didn’t mind him being inside her safety zone one tiny bit. “As long as your parties involve Ellie or me, I don’t mind,” his sexy voice, low and in control, sent a vibration shimmering up her spine.

  “If you think what I think you’re thinking…we shouldn’t go there.”

  “Why not?” He brushed a hand down her arm.

  “You have responsibilities.”

  Heath leaned in a fraction more. “We all have responsibilities, but it depends on what priorities and boundaries we set.”

  A yearning so clear and meaningful filled her soul. The feeling was like watching the fog lift out of the meadow, leaving tiny droplets of dew behind to nourish the plant life.

  “Can we buy these treats for Gunther? I heard Karly and Thad say treats help with training.” Ellie’s voice made them jerk apart.

  “Sure.” Health held out the basket.

  “Gee. Look at the time. It’s almost three.” Leza said a bit louder than necessary. “I need to finish shopping, feed Truman, and make a couple of calls.”

  “Yeah, we should be getting home too.”

  “Wait. I just figured out it’s a weekday. Why is Ellie out of school?”

  Heath ran his hand down the back of his head, giving the impression a simple answer wasn’t possible. “It’s a long story. I’ll fill you in later. Come over whenever.”

  “Hey, you three,” Chase lifted the forty-pound bag of dog food and tossed it over his shoulder.

  Leza took a step back to the just friend's zone. “Hey, Chase. Thanks for the help the other night.”

  “If I see those pricks again, I won’t be so nice.”

  Alarm bells whistled up her spine. “Why? What happened?”

  Chase pointed. “You didn’t tell her?”

  “Tell me what?” Her concern escalated into uneasiness.

  Chase held out his hands and backed off, shaking his head, but he’d already opened the smelly can of sardines.

  Heath hissed out a breath. “Those wedding boys you worked over the other night are suing Jack and the department.”

  “What? You’re not kidding, are you?” Her jaw muscles tightened. “Those guys were jerks the whole night.”

  “Yeah, well, one of them is a lawyer.”

  She placed her hands over Ellie’s ears. “Bastards.”

  “Hey,” Ellie dodged her grip.

  “Maybe we should talk about this later.” Leza slowed and exaggerated her statement.

  Heath caught her hint, and so did Chase.

  “Yeah. Later.” Chase hefted the bag of food higher on his shoulder. “We’re throwing some logs and rounds on the barbecue. You want to come over for dinner?”

  “We’re gonna have mac and cheese. Leza’s cooking.” Ellie smile did a cartwheel across her face.

  Chase laughed and winked at Heath. “Sounds like date night.”

  “Not a date,” Leza said.

  “Nope,” Heath said at the same time, only a bit louder.

  Chase shook his head. “Yeah.” His brow shifted in an I-wasn’t-born-yesterday arc. “If you two change your mind, you know where we live.”

  Leza glared at Heath.

  “What?” he asked, “I told him it isn’t a date.”

  “Next time, try harder,” she glared. “I have shopping I need to do. I’ll see you later.”

  Heath watched Leza scurry toward the dairy section with her phone out, checking her grocery list, mumbling to herself.

  She walked with a stiff limp. Probably from working double shifts the day before. The half-smiles and dark circles under her eyes spoke of exhaustion and distraction.

  Her sweet curves swayed back and forth in counterpoint to her hair. She didn’t have a clue about the impact she made on his male parts. A total beauty, yet she had no idea. He did. He liked the feel of those sensual curves underneath his hands, the breathless gasps when she grabbed hold of his hips and inched closer.

  “What are you looking at?” Ellie asked before staring at the end of the aisle.

  “Ahhh…nothing.” He reached for her hand. “We should go. I need to stop for gas on the way home.”

  El moved slightly sideways as she looked over her shoulder and moved toward the checkout counters. “Why can’t you just admit you like her?”

  “Like who?”

  “Duh.” She completed a perfect-ten eye roll. “Leza.” She drew out the name in a straight, bold line.

  “She’s just a friend and our neighbor,” he fibbed, then instantly felt the guilt pinch his shoulders. He needed to distract El. Fast.

  “Guys are so stupid,” she mumbled.

  “Hey,” he tugged on her hand. “No name-calling.”

  “It’s the truth,” she whispered, and peeked at him. “And, I’m not dumb, you know. I see the way you look at her.”

  “And how do I look at her?”

  “Like she’s some cute little puppy you want to take home to snuggle.”

  Well, hell.

  Kids were too smart. Way too bright. They saw more than they should.

  When she turned sullen, he tugged at her earlobe, and she looked up.

  “Why do you look so worried?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. You always seem happy when she's around. And you're different. Maybe you want to be with her more than me.”

  Double hell.

  He stopped and knelt down. “That's not true. Look at me.” He waited for a pair of sad eyes to meet his. “I love you, El. Nothing will ever change how I feel about you. You’re special. And being with you is amazing.”

  “Because I have a part of my mom inside me?”

  “You have a part of me inside you too. We’re family. Nothing or no one will ever take you away from me.”

  He pinched her nose, and she giggled. “There she is. There’s my happy girl.”

  “I wish you were happy.”

  “I am happy, just tired. You and I have a lot going on. And I’m very sorry I forgot about your science project. That’s on me.”

  “I kept forgetting to give you the teacher notes. I guess that’s my bad.”

  “Nope. That’s on me too. After you get home from school, we’ll review your homework assignments and notes from your teachers together. That way we’ll avoid a repeat of today.”

  He stood and released the butterfly barrette, then grabbed her bangs to reset the clip. “It’s just going to take time. Remember how many weeks it took me to learn how to braid your hair?”

  “You sucked.”

  “Hey.” He lifted her chin. “At least I tried. Right?”

  “I suppose.” She slid out of his grasp and started loading the grocery items onto the small belt rolling toward the cashier. “The ice crea
m is going to melt if we don’t hurry up.”

  “Are we good?”

  El’s lower lip quivered. “I miss mom.”

  Get in line.

  He cupped El’s head to his side and tried swallowing past the pain of loss. “Yeah. I miss her too.”

  “Then why do you never talk about her?” she complained. “It feels like she’s dying all over again.”

  Oh, God. He didn’t talk about Zoe because, what was there to say?

  Every day that Zoe missed out on seeing one of El's drawings or hearing one of her pathetic jokes, or experiencing El's tooth wiggle, pricked another hole in his heart.

  Growing up, Zoe was the best part of his life. She was funny and outrageous, and wasn’t afraid of anything. Her only limitation was her asthma. He protected her. Watched over her. Made sure she didn’t go off the edge.

  He nearly crumpled when he looked into El’s eyes and saw them swimming with pools of hurt. “It’s hard to talk about her.”

  “You couldn’t braid my hair for a long time, but you got the hang of it.” She yanked at the zipper on her purple jacket. “Eventually.”

  He placed a hand on her shoulder. “Tell you what. Before you go to sleep each night, we’ll tell each other one of our favorite memories. That way you’ll know she’s still alive.”

  “Really?”

  “Bumble bee promise.” A buzzing noise rumbled deep in his chest. He folded his fist into a flying object and bounced his knuckles off her forehead.

  The shimmering laughter in her face eased the fear of never knowing what to say or do. God, he wanted to protect her and keep her safe, if only for a little while. “Promise. But you need to remind me if I forget, okay?”

  He paid for the groceries, thanked the cashier, and lifted the recyclable bag handles. “Ready, Squirt?”

  “Ready Eddy,” she giggled.

  At the car, he placed a hand on her head and tipped it back. “Are we good?”

  “We’re good if you’ll admit you like Leza.” She shrugged. “What’s not to like? She’s smart and pretty, and she likes animals.”

  “When you are older, relationships become a bit more complicated.”

  “And you say guys aren’t stupid. It’s not complicated. You like her. She likes you. Simple.”

  “How do you know she likes me?”

  She batted her eyelashes and walked around in a circle swinging her hips. “Oh, hi, Heath. I’ll make dinner.”

  “Okay. Okay. I got your point.” He opened the passenger door while his brain tried to process what a seven-year-old already knew.

  She likes you. Simple.

  Maybe he was making life way more complicated than it needed to be.

  Chapter 16

  “What do you think?” Leza asked while tightening the nail polish lid.

  Gunther leaned in for a sniff, sneezed and clicked across the kitchen floor to lie in the corner.

  Ellie blew on her fingers, then held up both her hands, the fingers fanned out. “I’m glamorous.” She struck a pose. “I’m beautiful.”

  The two image-positive words filled the empty crevices in Leza's soul. “Why, madam, yes you are.”

  Ellie belly-laughed over Leza’s funny voice. “Was that supposed to be a British accent?”

  Leza nodded. The execution might have been weak, but she had good intentions, and elicited the response she wanted.

  “I like the color. The purple reminds me of those flowers on the hill.” Ellie pointed east toward the opposite mountain ridge. “The one’s I saw at day camp.”

  “There are lots of purple flowers. Describe the plant.”

  “Well...” she stared at the front window, her mind traveling to the distant hill. “...when the flowers are closed they look like, you know, um…like purple dragon heads with white tongues.”

  Purple. Dragon heads. Tongues? Hmmm.

  The canister of seeds Mara had wanted to share with her popped into her memory. Ahhh. Her body tingled with excitement. “I bet you’re thinking of a columbine. It's the Colorado state flower. When blooming, the buds look like a dragon head. And the flowers can be red and pink and yellow, although purple and white are the most common.”

  “There were lots of them on the hill.”

  “I bet there were,” Leza winked at her.

  Ellie launched forward to throw her arms around Leza. “Thank you.”

  “You're welcome.” She snuggled the petite girl, holding on until El squirmed, ready to dart to the next thing. Her thirsty soul craved the innocent touch. There were days undercover when Leza comforted children imported from other countries, stolen from train stations, or lured from the suburbs to serve the bleakest part of society.

  She felt helpless to ease their suffering.

  If she took them to safety, she’d compromise her false identity. All she wanted to do was shield them from the devils who’d enslaved them. For the past several months she’d worked to forget those children, even knowing she never would.

  Ellie placed her hands on either side of Leza’s face. Her intense stare made Leza want to look away.

  “You know, don’t you?”

  She scanned Ellie’s features to derive meaning, but couldn't guess where the young mind might be going. “What do I know?”

  “What it’s like when someone leaves and doesn’t come back.”

  She gulped a breath. She comprehended the pain and anger, which eventually eased into a heartwrenching acceptance. “I lost my dad when I was a teenager.”

  A nod and a softening of Ellie’s expression signaled understanding. Ellie pushed up the corners of her mouth. “We have to smile.”

  Heath turned slightly to listen to the conversation. Their eyes met. Leza swept Ellie’s bangs to the side of her temples.

  “You know it’s okay to be sad sometimes.”

  Ellie mimicked the sweeping hair gesture and pushed her hair over her shoulder. “If I’m sad, everyone worries. It’s easier to be happy.”

  “But if you’re unhappy on the inside, but smiling, how will people know you’re sad?”

  The question wasn’t an easy one. Not for her. Not for a little girl struggling to figure out her future, and learning how to do without the person who’d given her life.

  Ellie played with Leza's necklace for a long, quiet minute before glancing up and then away again. “I guess people don’t,” she whispered, then crawled into her lap to lay her head on Leza’s shoulder. “I like you. You listen.”

  “You can talk to your mom,” Leza gently tapped on Ellie’s chest. “She’s in here. She listens too. So does your uncle Heath.”

  “He’s a boy. Boys don’t listen.”

  Leza feigned a gasp. “Who says?”

  Ellie’s sweet, delicate giggle bounced between them. She cuddled closer. “My mom. I overheard her on the phone telling a friend that men were…I’m not supposed to say the word.”

  A whole bank of words came to mind, but she wouldn’t fill Ellie’s head with swear words.

  “Hmmm.” Leza ran a hand over Ellie’s back. “I bet your mom meant a certain person in particular.”

  “No. I think she was talking about all of them.”

  “Nooooo. She couldn’t be talking about your uncle. Surely.” Leza’s question tipped into the skeptical range.

  “Maybe not. My mom loved Heath.”

  Leza’s gaze slid to Heath’s and back. “See? If your mom loved your uncle, and your uncle loves you, I guess he can’t be all that bad.”

  Ellie’s chest heaved, and her eyes turned glassy. Leza bet tears were on the way. She needed a happy distraction.

  “How about we ask Heath to read you a bedtime story, and then I’ll show you my super-secret bed tuck, to make sure no monsters crawl in your bed and wake you in the middle of the night.”

  Heath dried his hands on a checkered brown towel. “Cool.”

  Ellie’s expression brightened.

  “Why don't you brush your teeth and jump into your pj’s, and then I’ll c
ome up. Is five minutes enough?”

  Ellie gave him a slow nod.

  Leza gave Ellie a nudge. “What are you waiting for? The clock's ticking. Tick-tock-tick-tock.” Ellie slid off her lap and raced toward the stairs, and within seconds had disappeared to the floor above.

  Heath scrubbed his face. “And here I thought I was making progress. We talk every night. She’s never told me half what she just told you. You’re really good with her.”

  “That’s because she loves you, and in her own way, is protecting you.” She stood, but he gave her a hard stare. “I have another theory.”

  “I’m listening,” he crossed his arms.

  “I’m a woman.”

  Heath rolled his eyes. “That's a fact. One I'm well aware of.”

  “Think about it. Ellie grew up with your sister. From the sound of it, your sister didn’t have a lot of men in her life.”

  “Make that zero men.”

  “That’s what I’m saying. She’s not used to men, and doesn’t know how to react to them.” Like any women truly knew how to react to men. “You need to connect to your feminine side.”

  “My feminine side.” He looked at her, his gaze steady, like the moonlight streaming in through the kitchen window. “It can't hurt. I'll try anything to put a permanent smile on her face.” He reached back and grabbed hold of the counter like he needed something steady to hold onto, but when he did his T-shirt stretched over his chest and molded against the most fantastic ripples and waves.

  Glory be to heaven. She fought hard not to lick her lips.

  “What are you thinking?”

  “That you look like you need a kiss.”

  He dropped his arms to his sides. “Well? What are you waiting for?”

  Yeah, baby.

  Leza stepped into his arms, plowed her fingers through his hair, and kissed him like she didn’t have a second to spare.

  She didn't mean to attack him the way she did. Honestly, she didn't. But he stood there looking so sad, and ridiculously sexy, she couldn't help herself. Plus his kisses were sloppy and wet, and she loved them. She moved her mouth over his, sliding her tongue across his warm lips, tilting his head closer. She pressed her body in tight.

  She wanted to wrap her legs around and crawl up him like a lineman climbing the pole, but broke the kiss off instead. “I shouldn't have done that.”