Endlessly (Paranormalcy)

by Kiersten White

  But unfortunately for my grand plans to turn her faeries against her, the only faeries in the clearing were those that had come with me. The Dark Queen’s court was missing entirely.

  “Sister,” she said, her black hole voice passing through me like a rush of bass too loud and low to register, leaving me shaken and trembling.

  “Neamh,” Reth whispered in my ear, so softly only I could hear it, and I felt myself warming up again.

  “Sister,” the Light Queen answered. “It is time to return home.”

  “You have taken my things. I want them returned.”

  “They never belonged to you. None of this has ever belonged to us. Let us leave it all and go home, together.”

  The Dark Queen tilted her head to the side, a smile pulling at her violet lips. “None of this belongs to us? Have you not brought your own whelp along?” She trained her black eyes on me and I cringed, then tried to stand as straight as possible.

  “I don’t belong to her.” I wished my voice carried power like theirs instead of sounding like a seriously scared seventeen-year-old girl.

  The Dark Queen didn’t respond to me, instead looking back to the Light Queen. “Do not pretend at superiority. All this was for you; I have not forgotten. If I want to go home with a prize for my ages of suffering on your behalf, it is my right.”

  “It is wrong.”

  The Dark Queen laughed, a sound so heart-shatteringly cold and beautiful I didn’t realize I’d fallen to the ground and curled into a ball until Reth was kneeling beside me, again whispering my name. I stood, helping him up.

  “You speak to me of wrongness when you have committed the same sins? You would control me, your other half, your equal in the eternities. You stand here with your very own Empty One after having the gall to take mine away from me? How is this any different, Sister?” She hissed the last word like a knife drawn across skin.

  “Because I choose to be here.” I narrowed my eyes and clenched my fists. “My life, my choice. You didn’t give that to Vivian or to any of the new Empty Ones. But they’re all lost to you now. You don’t have any other options! It’s now or never!”

  She smiled at me, her teeth a straight, sharp white line. “And does the Empty One think it has a will of its own? How precious.” I flipped her off. The gesture was meaningless here, but it sure as heck was my decision to do it.

  The Dark Queen ignored it, turning back to her sister. “Do what you think best; your court will do well to pray it does not destroy them like your last whim that brought us here did. But return to me what is mine first and let me do as I desire.”

  “It’s too late for that,” I said. “If you’d ever stuck around on Earth like the other paranormals, you’d be able to feel that our worlds have moved too far apart, and whoever doesn’t leave now doesn’t leave ever, no matter how many Empty Ones you make. They won’t be able to find the gate.”

  “Come with me,” the Light Queen said, her voice filled with such sorrow and pleading I was ready to throw myself at her and beg her to take me and let me spend the rest of eternity trying to make her happy.

  LEND LEND LEND EVIE EVIE EVIE.

  “I will not,” the Dark Queen said.

  “Even if it means dwelling in this hollow land of shadows and death forever?”

  “Even then.” The Dark Queen’s back was ramrod straight, her eyes depthless pools of rage.

  “So be it. Children, did you hear? She would remain, dwindling and thinning forever, rather than give up this play at creation, and give you no choice in the matter. Will you remain also, or will you come with me?”

  Out of the trees came faerie after faerie, the entirety of the Dark Court, who had apparently been listening to the whole exchange. I looked at Reth, shocked, but he just smiled. I clenched my jaw and shook my head, annoyed. They’d had a plan all along, and it hadn’t involved me. I was here for show—Hey, look! Our pet Empty One! You can hitch a ride back if you join now! Limited time offer!

  “I did warn her you were less likely to come if you thought you weren’t in charge,” Reth said, his voice cracked but his tone self-congratulatory.

  “Did you warn her I’m highly likely to back out of the entire thing if you piss me off?”

  “Perhaps you had better pay attention to what is happening.”

  “Perhaps you had better watch your back, stupid glowy golden faerie man whore.”

  He frowned at me. “That made no sense.”

  “Good! Now maybe I can join your club.” I took a step away from him but immediately felt terrible when he swayed and looked like he was going to fall. Moving back and putting my arm around him, I saw that, sure enough, all the faeries had mixed together, slowly joining hands, leaving everyone flanking the Light Queen and no one with the Dark Queen. The Light Queen held out both hands beseechingly toward her sister.

  “Please,” she said.

  “No.” The Dark Queen smiled triumphantly at me. “She is not even filled, and I know enough of this Empty One to know she will never do what is necessary to gain enough souls.”

  “No,” the Light Queen said. Her voice was heavy with the weight of more time and years than I could begin to imagine, and I felt my shoulders sag. “She is not filled. And this is where I will ask you, once again, to be my sister, my opposite, my equal. To join me in fixing our great and terrible wrong.” She stepped forward, hands still outstretched. “Only a power as endless as the one that formed the original gate can open the new one. Neither of us is what we once were, but together we can give her the strength she will need.”

  The Dark Queen’s eyes widened, then narrowed to glittering points. “You would have me sacrifice myself?”

  “We will both be lost forever. But we will be lost together and set the eternities back in order.” Her voice was soft and sweet, and I was sure the Dark Queen would agree. She had to. No one could resist that much love and pain and desire.

  The Dark Queen cut her hand through the air between them and the sweet, yearning joy and sorrow of the Light Queen’s voice dropped away like a sheet of water, leaving me gasping.

  “I will never.” The Dark Queen’s pronouncement rang through the clearing, final and certain as death.

  “I am sorry,” the Light Queen said, her huge, beautiful eyes releasing a single tear. Then she leaned forward and whispered a name, a name so perfect and strange I couldn’t understand it but knew immediately what I was hearing.

  “Be still,” the Light Queen said, and the Dark Queen ceased moving.

  I felt the shock and agitation ripple through the faerie ranks around me. The Light Queen had broken their rule. Their one rule. I couldn’t quite believe it, but I finally knew I’d made a good choice working with her. She meant to make things right, no matter what it took.

  She turned to me, her smile sad. “Child, you will need everything from both of us to open the gate. I give it freely.”

  My jaw dropped. “I—Wait—that’s what you meant? You want me to suck out both your souls? But that would kill you! You can’t go back to your homes if you’re dead. And besides, you promised! One of my conditions was that I wouldn’t hurt any paranormals.” I’d thought she meant to use their energy to help me. Like, both of them standing next to me or something. Not swirling around inside me.

  The Light Queen held out her hand, beckoning me closer, and it took all my will to keep my feet firmly planted where I was. “I promised you that no innocent creatures would be harmed. My sister and I are not innocent in this. A sacrifice is needed, and only with both our souls will you have the strength to create a big enough gate for all to pass through. It was our folly and pride that brought us here. It will be our sacrifice and grace that will return everyone.”

  I stumbled forward, my brain spinning in a million different directions. “But…I’d have to kill you.”

  “It must be done, and I give you my soul willingly.”

  I stared into her eyes, their rainbow shades of brown shimmering and shifting. To take her so
ul out of the eternities…it was wrong. It was too wrong. Reth I wanted to save because he meant something to me, but the Light Queen I wanted to save because she was and always had been and always should be. I could feel it in my very bones. “I can’t destroy your soul.”

  “Of course you cannot destroy it, child. No one can. You will simply give it a different purpose. A nobler purpose.”

  “But you’ll still be dead.”

  “Yes.”

  “And you’re choosing that?”

  “Yes.”

  I shook my head, overwhelmed. I could…maybe I could. She wanted me to. It was her choice, after all, and she knew exactly what she was doing. I was willing to potentially sacrifice myself to open this gate. I could allow her the same choice. I turned to the Dark Queen, whose black eyes regarded me with hate so powerful I took a couple of involuntary steps back.

  “She doesn’t choose the same thing,” I said.

  “I am making this choice for her.”

  I thought of everything the Dark Queen had done, every life she was responsible for destroying or ending, what she would have done to me if she’d had the chance. But staring at her, proud and cruel and permanent, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t take that choice from her. Not even for her—especially not for her—would I lose myself that completely, would I let myself become a murderer.

  “I can’t do it,” I whispered. “I’ll drain you if that’s what you want, but I won’t do it to her if it’s not her decision. I’m not like her.”

  “Well, good thing I can do it,” Vivian said, a smile on her face as she let go of Jack’s hand, darted forward, and slammed her palm against the Dark Queen’s chest.

  DADDY ISSUES

  I lurched forward, my mind spinning with horror. I watched Vivian get brighter and brighter as the Dark Queen dimmed. “Wait, you—”

  Jack grabbed my arm, and I whipped around, furiously trying to pull it away. “What are you doing? I need to stop her!”

  I’d expected Jack’s big blue eyes to be manic and evil, but he looked…calm. “Evie, this has to happen. Vivian’ll do it so you don’t have to.”

  “But it’s wrong!” I jerked my arm free, only to find Reth on my other side, blocking my way. I could knock him over, the state he was in. And then I could stop Vivian, and—

  “It might be wrong,” Jack said, “but it’s the right wrong thing to do.”

  Angry tears stung my eyes. I wanted to turn around and see what was happening, but I didn’t want to see it if I couldn’t stop it. “What about Vivian? What will this do to her? Was this her idea?” I wasn’t sure I could stop her again. She’d always been stronger than me, and this time she’d be expecting an attack. And the idea of putting her into another coma killed me. Then again, I couldn’t let her hurt my friends.

  Jack shook his head. “No, Reth agreed that Viv and I should follow you, and if you couldn’t do what needed to be done, we’d help you.”

  “You’d help me?”

  “Yes.” He put a hand on my shoulder. “We’d help you, like you’ve helped us.”

  “But…”

  “It was an impossible decision for you, Evie. We made it so that you can concentrate on the things you need to do. In case you haven’t noticed, your delightful sister and I are a bit more ruthless than you.” He grinned, that impish, dimpled grin I knew better than I wanted to.

  “But you don’t know Vivian.” I was scared down to my toes not only for what she could do but also at the thought of losing her to the monster she had been. “You have no idea what she was like before I stopped her.”

  A soft thud sounded behind us, and then I heard Vivian’s voice, altered, both higher and lower than it had been before. “Whew! Don’t you all look so pretty.”

  When I saw Vivian for the first time back when she attacked the Center, she’d looked like a sun goddess thrown down to earth. I turned to find her not quite so bright that I couldn’t make out her features, but it would definitely have been more comfortable to look at her through a pair of sunglasses. I could barely see the thin hospital gown over her body. If she’d gotten almost as much soul from one faerie as she had from the hundreds of paranormals she’d drained, I hated to think what this taste would do to her. At her feet was the dim and infinitely lessened shell of the Dark Queen, now only a body. I jerked my eyes upward to avoid looking at her; it was too wrong to see her ended. She had been cruel and evil, but destroying her was taking something from the universe we had no right to.

  “Vivian?”

  She giggled, not looking at me but at the Light Queen. “That was a rush, Ev.”

  “Why did you do it? I thought you were different. I thought you’d found your own soul.”

  She had her hand half raised toward the Light Queen, who was kneeling next to the body of her sister. Vivian looked up slowly, as though she couldn’t tear herself from staring at the Light Queen’s soul. “Hmmm?”

  “You said you weren’t going to drain anyone else, because you had your own soul now. Because I love you, and you love me. What about your soul?” I wasn’t mad or scared anymore, just so very, very sad. The faeries and their stupid plots had finally succeeded in destroying Vivian’s soul once and for all.

  “I—Oh, Evie.” She jumped off the gleaming silver throne platform and walked to me, putting her hands on both my shoulders, her fingers burning my skin. “I’m sorry. I did this because of my soul. Because of you. I didn’t want you to cross that line. The line and I are best friends by now, but you don’t need to go there. You made the hard choice to free the souls I had taken, so I made the choice to take one last one. I will not let you spend your own soul to open a gate for these idiot faeries.”

  “You aren’t going to…you know, go crazy?”

  She laughed, and the sound was a little unhinged. “Oh, I’m there, stupid. But I’m not going to go crazier. I’m here to help.”

  I nodded numbly. “Do you think—Should you—Do you want to—” I looked helplessly toward the Light Queen. She bent and kissed the Dark Queen’s cold forehead, then stood.

  “I guess I can do her, too,” Vivian said, but her voice was hesitant. “It’s just…this is a lot of soul, Evie. Like, whoa, a lot. I shouldn’t. I don’t want to give this one up already, and I don’t know if I can figure out the gate on my own. You’re the only one who’s ever actually used the souls’ energy to make something. But I don’t want…We need to hurry. Hurry, please?” Her confidence was quickly shifting, and I saw her hands curl into fists at her side—a gesture I knew well from when I was overwhelmed with wanting to taste souls, to make them mine.

  “This is your task,” the Light Queen said. “The two of you together, sisters. It is a lovely parallel, a healing balance.”

  She held both arms out to me, and I swallowed hard. “I don’t want to.”

  “I know, child. But I am asking you to. You will need me to accomplish this.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I am.”

  “I’m so sorry,” I whispered, putting my hand on her chest, hating my stupid, empty shell of a body for being able to take her out of eternity. I steeled myself to ask the channel to open, but instead of having to pull it out, her soul rushed forward, a torrent of light and heat and time and agelessness and regret and hope, swirling and filling me until I was full from my toes to my head, and then filling me even more, not stopping, more and more warmth and energy and light and burning, and I never wanted it to end, I wanted to be connected to this, to feel this forever, just like I knew the soul could. I could feel myself stretching, changing, becoming more than I had been before, being taken out of the tiny stream flow of my time and thrust into the tidal oceans of immortality.

  “Thank you,” she whispered, snapping me back to reality as the last of her soul drained out into me and her eyes changed from the color of life to plain brown, then went dim and cold forever.

  “Hey look! We match!”

  I turned to Vivian, feeling fast and slow and warm and cold, l
ike everything that had ever happened and ever would happen was happening right now, like nothing mattered and everything mattered and I was at the center of it all—

  “You are totally tripping, aren’t you?” Vivian asked.

  I shook my head, looking down at my bare arms that glowed brilliant blue-white. A hand settled on my arm, and though the touch registered I didn’t feel it the same way I knew I should, that I knew I had. It was simply there. I looked up at Reth, seeing straight through to his quickly fading soul and knowing him in a way I never could have. Surpassing him. Finally understanding what he wanted us to be, together.

  “Say your name.” His eyes were serious and oddly sad. Why was he sad? I was eternal now. The girl I’d been, capricious and angry and scared, tossed and turned on the currents and whims of time, that girl was gone. I stood straighter, flexing my fingers, luxuriating in the power that infused my whole body, burning away what had been before, purifying me.

  “Say your name,” Reth said again, his voice insistent.

  I narrowed my eyes, then formed the word; it felt foreign and strange on my tongue, the lip movements forced. “Evie.”

  “No, your real name.”

  “Neamh.” I gasped and closed my eyes, breathing deep to hold on to the flare of my own soul, lost amid the power of the Light Queen’s. “Oh, gosh, Neamh, Neamh, Neamh. Me.” And Lend. The image of him popped up in my brain, the memory of his touch, his laugh, the way he made me feel. I clung to it, our relationship as much a part of me as my own soul.

  “You okay, baby sister?” Vivian asked, putting her arm around me. It didn’t burn anymore—it felt the same as my skin. “I should have figured it’d affect you more since you’ve never built up a tolerance. They can take over pretty fast.”

  “I’m good. I think. I know who I am, at least.” It hadn’t stopped the other feelings, but I could separate from them. I could feel the weight of the faeries’ stares on me, and I wondered how they felt about what I’d done. I dared to look out at them, and was met with equal parts sadness and peace in their faces. I hoped we’d be able to pull this off; otherwise I doubted they’d be so chill with the fact that we’d ended the lives of their queens. “Okay. We need to get to the pond and make this bleeping gate.” Not only were we almost out of time, but I wasn’t sure how long I could keep the Light Queen’s soul from overwhelming mine and making these changes permanent.