Forbidden (Addicted to You Book 2)

by Flatman, NJ

  I was also just happy to be able to look at her without being weird or obvious when I did.

  Her eyes were green. Light green. Not quite the shade of an emerald. They had the same sparkle when the light hit them though. She hid them. Her hair fell across her face and covered them up. Made me want to reach out and brush it away, but I didn’t. Something told me to go easy with her. I had the feeling I could easily scare her away. Or confuse her. I didn’t want either.

  When she bit her bottom lip like she was doing, I wondered if she was nervous or insecure. I hoped for nervous but had the feeling it was the latter. She didn’t seem very confident. But she walked like she was sure of herself. It confused me. Everything about her and the way it made me feel confused me. I wasn’t sure if I loved it or hated it.

  She wasn’t used to attention. I got that much very quickly. She seemed to put too much thought into it. Made no damn sense to me. She was beautiful. Real. That’s what I liked the most. She was real.

  Her hair was natural. Brown. The shade of brown that didn’t come from a box. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen a girl that didn’t dye their damn hair. Nobody opted for natural anymore. Hell, most didn’t even opt for natural colors. She did. Her hair was beautiful. It was long and even a little messy and she didn’t seem to mind at all.

  She didn’t cake her face up with junk. She wore some make-up, but not a lot. Her nails weren’t painted or three inches long. Actually they were short. It looked kind of like she bit them. Another nervous habit. She seemed to have a few of them.

  She had a tan, but not the fake kind. It was very light. Almost natural. I’d have bet money she had tan lines and the more I looked at her the more I hoped I someday found out. Which made me feel like I was betraying my own goals and plans.

  “Most guys don’t,” her answer was short and quiet and made me sad.

  “Most guys are stupid,” I meant it, but I hadn’t meant to say it.

  “It’s okay,” she shrugged, turning her face towards the road and seeming to stare off into the distance. “I’m not upset about it. It just is what it is.” Finally she turned back in my direction and smiled up at me. “I was just curious why you asked me instead of her. I’m not upset.” I nodded, somehow thinking it’d make her feel more comfortable even though I was still kind of unsure of what I was agreeing with. “I don’t really want a man anyway. Relationships aren’t my thing.”

  “How’d we go from a lighter and a walk to a relationship? Did I miss something?” I was trying to be funny. That’s what I did when I felt awkward. I joked. Laughed. Made others do the same. But as usual, Spencer fucked up.

  Her face turned about ten different shades of red and she looked down at her feet. Immediately I wished I could take the words back..

  “I—I didn’t…” she swallowed, still refusing to look up at me again. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “I was kidding Avery,” I wanted to smack myself. I wait all that time to talk and when I do I end up sticking my foot in my mouth. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

  “It’s okay,” she twisted her mouth as if she were trying to keep from saying something that she really wanted to say. “So,” her eyes focused back on me. “Did you still need that lighter?”

  Damn. The lighter. I’d mentioned it, but until she asked me I’d forgotten about my need for it. I don’t know how long we’d been gone altogether, but once we’d left that party I’d totally forgotten about needing to smoke. I’d been so caught up in Avery that I didn’t even remember why we were there.

  “I mean, I wouldn’t want anyone to get attacked with cutlery when we go back,” she grinned, going back to the sarcasm and teasing I’d seen when I walked up to her. I knew it must be her defense mechanism. It was the way she coped. I understood it. Mainly because I was the same.

  As her eyes sparkled when she smiled, I felt something inside I thought I’d forgotten how to feel. Something I really didn’t want to feel.

  “You have a point,” I acknowledged her joke and played along. “We should think of the guests.”

  She was hiding. I knew her game well because I did it myself a lot. She’d gotten uncomfortable with the conversation and decided to go back to what she could handle. I could have pushed her, but I didn’t. I thought it’d upset her and I couldn’t bear the thought. Something made me want to protect her.

  Instead I cracked a few jokes and made her smile again. That was when I first realized that there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do to see her smile. It was also when I realized that I was in trouble. Deep trouble.

  “We should probably head back,” she never had started walking again. It was like the whole idea had lost its appeal somewhere in that doubt in her mind. “Colby will be worried.”

  “She didn’t seem to mind,” I wasn’t ready to end whatever it was I was doing. Especially not for the blond.

  “It’s like her dream come true,” her words were mumbled, so I’m not positive that’s what she said, but I was pretty sure.

  “What do you do Avery?” I asked, hoping to prolong our walk that didn’t include much walking. I needed more time with her. I needed to understand her.

  “You mean my job?”

  “Sure. Or fun. With your boyfriend?” I threw the last part in, terrified I’d find out it was true but hopeful it wasn’t.

  “That’s funny!” she laughed. “I just interviewed with an office. I hope I get it.”

  “And for fun?”

  “Spend time with friends. Watch movies. Read. Parties like this.” She shrugged again, acting as if there wasn’t much to tell. “I don’t know. Not a lot I guess. I’m kind of boring.”

  “I haven’t found you boring yet,” I teased, this time bringing a smile. “Do you go out?”

  “I’ve been a few times,” she nodded. “With Colby mostly. Her favorite place is Serendipity.”

  I felt my body cringe and tighten at the mention of one of the hottest new night clubs in town. That hadn’t been what I meant. I hated bars. Glorified and expensive meat markets. That’s what they were. People either went to get plastered or to get laid. I wasn’t a big fan of girls that did either.

  “Oh,” it was all I could get out. Maybe I’d been wrong about her. Perhaps she was the same as her friend and just appeared different. All I knew was that I didn’t like the idea of clubs. Specifically, I didn’t like the idea of her at the clubs.

  “I don’t go very often though,” she laughed. “I hate the bars.”

  I felt the breath of relief come out and I could have sworn she heard it. Her head turned towards me, a questioning look on her face.

  “I don’t like dancing, I don’t like the people and I can drink cheaper at home,” she laughed again. “What’s the point?”

  “That’s what I say too.”

  “Guess we have something in common,” she smiled again, drawing me further into the idea of what I wanted least in the world.

  “What do you do on dates?”

  “I don’t really date,” she turned to walk back towards the party. I hoped like hell she knew which house.

  “Ah,” I felt disappointment. “Right, you don’t want a man.”

  “Well, no,” she agreed. “But mostly, I don’t get asked out a lot. Once in a while. Tends to be that way when you are always standing next to Colby.”

  “You really feel like she’s a lot better than you?” I couldn’t take it any longer, especially when I saw her nod a yes in response. “I don’t see it that way. I mean, she’s okay I guess, but I prefer the natural beauty.”

  I watched her blush as we kept walking. The silence came again. Neither of us spoke. But as I saw Trev’s car ahead and realized we were close, I knew I had to do something.

  “Because I had to,” the words came out randomly as we approached the party.

  “Had to what?” the confusion was on her face as she stopped again and looked at me.

  “Because I had to,” I was answering her earlier question. I was also
hoping that it didn’t make her feel uncomfortable. “I had to ask you to walk with me. I don’t know why. But something told me I had to.”

  “I see,” she scrunched her face again, thinking too hard on my words. I watched and wished I could read her mind. “And what do you have to do now Spencer?”

  I was lost for words in that moment. I couldn’t understand how she could go from joking to avoiding anything serious to asking in depth and pointed questions. She was a mystery and I wanted to solve it. I wanted to know her and understand her way of thinking. I wanted more time with her. I needed more time with her.

  “I have to take you out,” the idea popped out before I’d really thought it through much.

  “Like, on a date?” if anyone had seen Avery’s face they’d have thought I proposed right there on the sidewalk. It was almost bewilderment. But it broke my heart. She was far too special to feel that way about a measly date. Especially with a man who’d refused women or permanence in his life.

  “Well,” I cocked my head sideways. “I’d prefer a date. But I’ll take as friends if you don’t want to date.”

  She stood there, silent and seeming lost in thought, for a good ten or fifteen minutes. I was almost afraid she was going to flat out reject me. The only thing that gave me hope was she hadn’t done it yet.

  “A date might be nice,” she smiled.

  “Good,” I smiled at her again, thrilled she’d said okay. “But I might need your phone number.”

  She recited the digits to me as we walked around the house and towards the back yard. Our friends were waiting, though surprisingly not together. They’d have made the best looking hook-up at the party. Blondie watched her, seeming surprised to see her still standing and talking to me. I smiled and waved, a gesture she only half-ass returned.

  “I won’t get mad,” she turned to tell me before she made her way back to her friend. “If you don’t call.”

  “I’ll call Avery,” I assured her, wishing I could kiss her cheek but afraid to try. She was too unsure of herself. It might have been too much.

  “I’m just saying….”

  “I’m just saying I’ll call,” I interrupted her. “Trust me.”

  “I’ll try,” she laughed. “But my first impression of you was you saying you’d kill my friends.”

  “I promise I won’t kill them,”

  “Good.”

  “I’ll call you,” I said one last time, hoping like hell she believed me. Or even cared if I did. Wouldn’t that be some kind of shit. I found a girl that I had to get closer to, and she rejects me. That would be my luck.

  “Thanks for the walk Spencer. Even if we barely walked,” she laughed, turning away and walking back across the yard.

  As I watched her take the seat she’d left open beside her friend I knew that this wasn’t done. I would call her. I would take her out. I would do everything I’d refused only a few hours before.

  And in the end, we’d both be hurt. But I couldn’t stop it, even if I wanted to. And I damned sure didn’t want to.

  Chapter 3

  “Jesus Christ Kev” It had to be four in the morning when I’d stumbled out to the kitchen for a drink. “Don’t you ever stop?”

  His knee was hitting the underside of the table as his leg bounced up and down. The pile of powder on the table was divided into lines. I felt my body shudder when I looked at it.

  “Only when I have to bro,” I hated his facial expression and the way he cackled like what he said was the funniest thing he’d ever heard. Mostly I hated what he was doing. “Only when I have to.”

  “You are going to fucking kill yourself,” I snapped at him. I hated watching him. One line right after the other as if his God damned life would end without the next.

  Kev was my brother. I didn’t like what he did. I didn’t like some things about him. But I damn sure didn’t want to see him die.

  “If I’m lucky,” he laughed. “But I’m usually not.”

  “Don’t say shit like that!” his jokes weren’t funny to me. I’d worked so damned hard to keep his stupid ass alive and every day he worked harder to try and end it. “If you feel that way then why bother Kev? Just end it all and save yourself the trouble.” I looked down at the powder on the table. “And the fucking money. Jesus. How much do you spend on that shit?”

  “More than I can afford,” he shook his head. “I need to learn how to make it myself. That’d be the smart thing.”

  “The smart thing to do would be put that shit down and give a fuck about yourself and the people that care about you,” in moments like that I hated my brother. I hated what he was. As much as I understood it, I hated it even more.

  It was hard to remember a day when Kevin wasn’t on drugs. It had just become a part of him. Blond hair. Tall. Skinny. Meth addict. That was Kevin.

  “Right, because there’s so fuckin’ many of ya around,” he waved his arm around the small kitchen. “Why you awake anyway?”

  I knew the change of subject was to prevent a fight. He might not have many emotions left, but he didn’t like to argue. Especially when he knew I was upset. Deep inside of him was still the brother than protected me. Even if it was just from him.

  “Something’s wrong,” I told him, knowing damn well he was gonna laugh at me.

  “Something’s always wrong with you Spence,” he laughed. “It’s like your mission in life to try and find as many reasons to be moping around as you can.”

  “Not me,” I grabbed a chair and sat down across from him, trying to ignore what he was doing. “Avery. Something’s wrong with Avery.”

  “She call ya?” his face shot up, a small piece of hope appearing in his eyes.

  I had to give the guy credit. He fucked his own life up. He had nothing that seemed to matter to him. No one important enough to change his choices. But he always hoped for the best for me. High, sober and everywhere in between; Kevin only wanted me to have what I wanted most.

  “No,” my shoulders sunk as I felt the blow of that reality.

  “Then what the hell ya talkin’ bout bro?”

  “I can feel it,” I told him. “I just know. Something’s wrong.”

  “Jesus Fuckin’ Christ,” He began to laugh. “Who’s on the drugs here?”

  “Nevermind,” I stood up realizing it was hopeless. “I need to try and sleep. I have to work tomorrow.”

  “Ya know Spence,” I turned to see what he was about to say, something in me still hopeful that he would offer me support. “This might make ya feel a lil better about things,” he pointed at the powder he’d lined up on the table.

  “Don’t fucking do that Kev!” I yelled, trying to fight the urge to hit him. “Why can’t you let me live my life without trying to pull me into yours?”

  “I just thought…”

  “You just thought what? That the solution to a bad day is to stuff yourself full of drugs?”

  “Look, don’t ya come in my fuckin’ kitchen and start lecturin’ me. You might think your ass is above mine, but we both know ya aren’t that far removed from where I sit. So go sell that shit to someone else.” He looked back down at what he was doing and I turned to walk out of the room. “If ya keep that shit up, ya gonna have to find another person to play verbal punching bag for your over dramatic outbursts.”

  “Are you threatening to kick me out?”

  “Yea,” he nodded. “I am.”

  “You get more like that fucking bitch every day,” I walked towards the room barely hearing his reply.

  “I’ve told ya this for a while now,” he laughed. “Don’t act shocked.”

  I went back into the bedroom to try and rest. It was hard to do when I was sleeping in his room. He’d given it to me so that I’d have privacy. A place to go. A secluded spot to hide from the world. Not that he needed it. His dumb ass barely slept.

  Having my own space was the only way I was able to keep myself sane living in his world. I hated it. I hated him. It didn’t make sense to me why he’d never cared
enough about anyone to straighten his life out. He was selfish. His own pleasure was all that mattered.

  I knew that when he’d let Kate walk out. They’d been together since high school and she’d stuck by him through every piece of hell he’d had to walk through. She’d waited each and every time he went to rehab. She’d done it all. I never knew if she was fucking stupid or just loved him that much.

  That’s not true. Everyone knew. Kate had thought Kevin hung the fucking moon. She’d have walked on water, or at the least she’d have tried, if Kevin asked her to. She always believed that someday he’d have a reason to stop. Someday her love would be enough to pull him back from the edge. She would be his reason.