Forbidden (Addicted to You Book 2)

by Flatman, NJ

  Just once, he’d said. Just one time to help me through the pain. He knew about pain. He was the one that still lived with memories of bruises and broken bones. He had to know what he was talking about. Besides, the emptiness had consumed every inch of my mind. I needed to get away from it.

  One time. It’d been amazing. For the first time I could remember, I didn’t worry or feel hurt. I was okay. I laughed and meant it. I talked and had a good time. I liked it. So one time became two and then five and then ten.

  Meeting Jamie hadn’t been planned. I didn’t want that. I wanted to get my dick sucked and be on my way. But she fucking said no. So I’d kept at it. She wasn’t that kind of girl. Bullshit. They all were. You just had to know what buttons to push. So I kept working hers.

  She knew about the drugs. She’d figured it out about a week or so into it. But Jamie wasn’t pushy. She didn’t tell me what to do. I knew her opinion. She knew mine. It was what it was.

  Then she started spending more time with me. And soon being with Jamie made me feel better than getting high. She steered me away from my brother and his crowd. Away from everyone really. Except Jason. She liked him so she invited him over a lot too.

  Jamie knew about my family. All of it. I told her everything. She didn’t judge me. She didn’t turn away from me. Instead, she pulled me closer. And I fell hard for her so I gave it all up. The drugs. The hiding. The fear. I walked away from it all.

  She was the last person I’d told about my family. It wasn’t because Jamie was more special than the others. It was because I remembered the way she’d thrown it in my face when she’d left me. She’d used the one thing that hurt me the most to hurt me again. I’d sworn no one would ever have that power and that meant no one would ever have that information.

  We were happy together. We were in love. We were going to get married.

  I fucked it up. As I always did. I couldn’t just live my life.

  Kevin admitted himself. I wasn’t sure why. I never asked. Even years later I didn’t know. But I went to him when he got out. Hoping to reignite a relationship. Jamie begged me not to. He wasn’t stable enough. He’d go back. He’d drag me with him. I didn’t listen. Kevin was my brother and I needed him.

  But she was right. He did. Exactly what she said he’d do. Little by little he dove back into the same life. One push at a time, he took me with him. Jamie never understood. The pull. The desire. It was just too strong. Or maybe she did understand. Perhaps that was why she tried to keep me away from him at all.

  Finally she gave me an ultimatum. Her or Kevin. She thought that’d work. Instead it made me prove her wrong. She wouldn’t leave. She loved me. Even when Jason agreed with her, I didn’t buy it. You can’t just give up on people because they hurt you.

  But they did. They fell in love with each other and they both left me. Broken and with a bruised ego, I had to learn to pick up the pieces and move on without the two most important people in my life.

  The heartbreak and devastation caused me to hide. That led to me walking away from the drugs again. Only when I was around Kevin for long periods of time did I find myself tempted at all. Even then, I never wanted to destroy someone else again. So I wouldn’t.

  But the fear was there. Mostly, I couldn’t tell Avery. She’d never understand. It’d change us. So I only told her half of the story. I didn’t share the rest. Then I talked to her about the importance of friends that care. Why she shouldn’t let even me come between her and Colby. I may hate the bitch, but I didn’t want her to be pushed out.

  And that’s what was bothering me. As I’d drove Avery home that morning, all I could think of was how I was ruining her life. When she’d gotten out of the car, I could barely muster up an I love you— even though I loved her more than anyone in the world. And as I stood there— searching the cupboards for something to eat and screaming at the empty apartment— it was still on my mind.

  I was destroying Avery’s life. I just didn’t know what to do about it.

  Chapter 17

  “Sorry.” I was going to punch him if he offered another fake apology. He wasn’t sorry. We all knew it. He was being a dick and if he kept it up, he’d be a dick without a fucking dick.

  “If you are sorry,” Clenching my fists— I kept my cool as I talked, “then let us see her.”

  “It’s not that you can’t see her,” the pillsbury doughboy smirked at me. “But she’s sleeping. I don’t like to disturb her.”

  I looked at Colby— her eyes pleading with me not to go too far— and I knew that the jackass was simply trying to cause a problem. He was trying to bait me into a fight and if I let him, he’d have us removed.

  “Did you even tell her we’d be here?” I asked what lingered in my mind most. Was he speaking on her behalf with or without her knowledge.

  “Honestly,” he looked at me. “No. She came in about four in the morning and I didn’t bother her.”

  “When can we see her?” Colby interjected before I could respond.

  “I don’t know.” This dude shrugged and it was almost enough to push me too far over the edge to stop myself. “Maybe later.”

  I let Colby talk as she tried to explain that she really needed to see Avery. I listened to her words— my eyes never leaving the reject in front of me. Maybe that’s how it caught my eye. Certainly wasn’t because I was looking for it.

  He was sweating. His eyes were drooping and he couldn’t keep his hands still. Every few seconds, one of his hands would start scratching various parts of his body. And he’d look like he was about to pass out. But then he’d be fine for a few. Talking and laughing.

  He looked a lot like Kev did when he was crashing, but not as happy. Not nearly as alert. This dude looked like he was going to fall over.

  “I understand that, but…”

  His words trailed off as I watched him lift his left hand and start scratching his face. That’s when I noticed the marks. They weren’t very visible. He’d done a damn good job of hiding them. But sometimes it’s not enough.

  I was jealous. So I’d been examining the guy to see why he would appeal to Avery. What I found out was that there was more to him than what we saw.

  He was on something. From what I could tell, it was something pretty fucking strong. It was also something he was shooting. The marks up and down his arms had given that away. As light as they were; I could still see them.

  That explained his weirdness and secrecy. He didn’t want anyone discovering his drug use. Funny how an ex-drug addict could immediately tell when someone else was one.

  “I’m sorry.” I heard the apology again as he tried to explain that he just couldn’t let anyone else in the house that day.

  “It’s fine.” I spoke up.

  “What?” Colby asked— obviously concerned for my sudden change.

  “It’s fine,” I answered again. “I understand. So instead of trying to argue with him, we will just go file a police report.”

  “For what?” this dude asked me suddenly— showing me that I was right. Fear of police would push him to do exactly what we wanted. Let us in. “ You think the cops will search my house?”

  “She’s missing. If they choose to search your place— so be it. But I have to make sure she’s okay.”

  “I told you she’s okay.” Suddenly he wasn’t as confident and cocky as he had been.

  “But if you’d hurt her, would you tell us?” I waited for an answer. “I’d be a horrible friend to leave someone without knowing for sure that they are okay.”

  “Fine,” he snapped. “Come inside.”

  “Thanks — sorry, what was your name?.”

  We walked in the front door and followed him to what appeared to be a living room area. It was far different from my own as it looked like a place you would be afraid to sit down. Everything was nicely decorated and the art work appeared more expensive than my furniture.

  “Luke,” he offered— reaching out a hand for me to shake. I ignored it. “I’ll go and ge
t Avery.”

  “Thanks.” I repeated, a smile across my face.

  Neither Colby nor I spoke. We both stood there, silent and afraid that something would go wrong. I could see the hope in her eyes. The way she looked in the direction Luke had walked as if any moment she’d see her best friend and the nightmare would be over.

  I didn’t have a lot of confidence at that moment. She was asleep in another man’s house. Hell an annoying fucker of a man at that. I still wanted to kick his ass. But I refrained.

  “What are you doing here?” her voice pulled me out of that angry spot as I spun around and saw Avery in the doorway.

  “Ave” the lump in my throat expanded—making words harder to say.

  “Spencer,” she acknowledged.

  “You never came home,” Colby whispered.

  “And you cared?”

  Something about her was different. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I didn’t want to try. I was afraid of what it might be. Just the thought made that idea of kicking the loser’s teeth in pop back into my head. She was mine. But standing there, she wasn’t. She wasn’t the same.

  “I did.” The words popped out. What the fuck. I seemed to have forgotten the whole go easy part.

  “Of course,” she rolled her eyes.

  Avery rolled her eyes at me. Not in that teasing shut the hell up Spencer kind of way. It was that whole sarcastic I don’t believe you way. And it hurt.

  “I deserve that.”

  “I have to ask,” she looked between the two of us. “What the hell put you two together?”

  “Finding you.” I answered.

  Colby stood silent. She was hurting. Avery was angry at her. She’d been worried. Hoping Avery would be happy to see her. She wasn’t. I understood it. She didn’t seem happy to see me either.

  “Funny.”

  Her response was flat. Dry. Cold. This wasn’t Avery. She wasn’t the same. What had this guy done to her. I felt my fists tighten again. My glare focused on him. A couple black eyes would make those horrendous zits less noticeable. The only thing stopping me was Colby’s hand on my wrist. Silently reminding me of the goal. A motion that Avery noticed.

  “Come home with us.” I didn’t want to beg. I couldn’t. I had to tread carefully.

  “For what Spencer?” she directed her eyes back to mine. They were empty.

  “Because you belong there.”

  “Until one,” she looked at Colby again, “or both of you leave me.”

  Colby’s hand tensed around my wrist. The words stung. It was the first time the two of us stood in the same spot. Watching the person we loved give up on us. We were united, but it seemed pointless.

  I felt hot. Sweaty. My hands were clammy. All I wanted was to see her eyes light up with love. I needed to know the feelings were there. But her face was blank. Her eyes empty. She seemed void of almost everything. Why?

  “I won’t leave.” Colby said. “Never again.”

  I wasn’t going to promise. She had been through this before. Me and my word didn’t mean shit. I loved her. I needed her to come home with me. But telling her that wasn’t gonna change what happened.

  It was gone. Her innocence. The part of her I’d loved so much. It wasn’t there. She had changed. And it was my fault. I fucking hated myself. By trying to keep her from seeing the cruelty in the world— I’d fucking shown it to her myself.

  Instinct told me to run. She wasn’t mine. She’d replaced me. I needed to get the hell out of that building before I lost control. I needed to get some air. Mostly— I needed away from him before I made sure he’d never touch her again.

  “Why should I believe either of you?”

  She’d lumped me in. Even though I’d made no declarations— she’d lumped me in. The trust was gone. The feeling was gone. Avery was gone.

  “Come home Avery.”

  Colby was about to beg. Which wasn’t going to go well. Avery was lost. At least for now. I could see it. It wasn’t something she was hiding. It also wasn’t something we could change. Maybe she’d come around. But it wasn’t going to happen in that moment.

  “I don’t think…”

  She was starting to speak. She was going to refuse. Her face showed it. I didn’t want that to happen. I knew what it’d do to Colby so I interrupted her.

  “Can we all have dinner tomorrow?”

  It was the best I could do on the spur of the moment. I needed a way to stop what was about to happen. As much as Colby had pissed me off since we’d met, I couldn’t let her feel that devastation. I didn’t want to see her realize what I’d seen when I looked into Avery’s eyes.

  I also needed to know that I’d see her again. As much as my body wanted to run— I couldn’t. I loved her. I needed her. I couldn’t give up.

  “No pressure. No strings.” I added, hoping that would be enough to make her say yes.

  “Luke too?”

  The knife dug deeper into my gut and twisted. I wasn’t going to survive this. She wanted him there. She requested we include him. Was that because he was her safety net? Or was he more? I couldn’t ask. I also couldn’t risk she’d say no.

  “Of course,” I answered her as calmly as I could. “If you want him there, bring him.”

  I didn’t mean it. I didn’t want that bumbling fucking moron at dinner. I certainly wasn’t paying for him. I couldn’t afford to feed his chunky face. But if it meant that Avery would be there, I’d do it. Well, I’d eat with him, but he could buy his own damn meal.

  “Okay.”

  It was all we were going to get. She wasn’t going to talk. It was my turn to end the visit. I gave her the number at the motel and reminded her she had mine. I grabbed Colby and almost drug her out of Luke’s house. She was devastated. But I had to get us both elsewhere to deal with the impact of that blow. We couldn’t break down there. We had to bring Avery back to us. That meant letting her pull away.

  “What now?”

  Colby’s voice brought me out of my thoughts as I drove the car back towards the room. I didn’t have an answer. She was hurt. I was hurt. Avery was…I didn’t even know what Avery was. But it wasn’t good.

  “We hope.”

  “What are we hoping for?”

  I could hear the pain in her voice. It almost mimicked mine. One thing was for sure— Colby and I had bonded on this trip. We would never be best friends. But we had come to an understanding. Of each other and our place in Avery’s life. An agreement we’d never seemed to be able to find before.

  “We hope she comes back to us.” It was no more simple or complicated than that.

  Chapter 18

  “Not now” I tried to shut the door.

  “I don’t fucking think so!” Her voice carried when she was mad. Her foot slid into the door and prevented it from closing. “I think it’s time we talk.”

  “I have nothing to say.”

  “I didn’t ask, did I?”

  I wasn’t gonna win the battle. She wasn’t going anywhere. Not until I talked. I wanted her gone. Meant I was gonna have to talk to her. Or I was gonna be fighting her all damn day.

  “Fine,” I turned and walked away. There was no invite to come inside. She was a grown woman. She could make her own decisions.

  I went straight to the kitchen, grabbing a drink and heading back to the sofa. She’d already made her way there, forcing me to choose the recliner.

  “What do you want Colby?”

  “You are a fucking asshole.” I waited as she decided on the next words. It wasn’t like I didn’t know that she felt that way already.“I don’t know what game you are playing— but quit playing it with her. She deserves so much better.”

  “You came all the way over here to tell me something I already fucking know?” I wasn’t in the mood for her nonsense. I needed to get on with my day— which prior to her visit had included drinking and sulking. “You think I’m an asshole. Avery deserves better. Yep, all things that I’d already known.”

  “Don’t even try to com
e waltzing into my door again telling her you made a mistake and you love her!”

  “I do love her.”

  “Bullshit!” she screamed. “If you loved her you’d never do that shit to her. Let alone over and over again.”

  “Think whatever you want.”

  “You destroy her. Then you pick up the pieces and glue em back together. Just so you can break em again.”