Fragile Blossoms

by Dodie Hamilton

  ‘Of course not!’ Julia hung onto him. ‘It only sounded like a child.’

  ‘No,’ Freddie shook his head. ‘It was a child. I heard it and so did you.’ He squeezed Julia’s hand. ‘Was it an angel? D’you suppose that’s possible?’

  ‘Your little boy is in heaven with his mother, ‘said Julia desperate to ease his pain. ‘If we are to hear anything it would be an angel.’

  ‘I wanted to keep them. I wanted to take care of Bella. People do, don’t they. She could’ve stayed with her mother and I maintained them. After all it’s not every day one has a son. I wanted to but the more I thought the more difficult it became.’ He shrugged. ‘Such a thing, gossip, don’t you know.’

  Julia held onto his hand.

  ‘You saw him, didn’t you? You held him. Was he beautiful?’

  ‘Oh yes, so beautiful.’

  ‘I sent a Christening robe, well, Evie sent it. It was my baptismal robe. I sent flowers, pink roses, ever so many.’ He sighed. ‘It was too late to do any other.’

  ‘Freddie?’ Julia squeezed his hand. ‘I think it best we stop now. You’re tired, as are we all. We should go home.’

  ‘No, Ju-ju! I haven’t said what I wanted to say. I haven’t said sorry.’

  ‘Then say it, dear boy, and be at peace!’

  Freddie began to weep, great tears sliding down his gaunt cheeks. ‘I am sorry, Susan. I thought I could do it, I really did. I thought I could love a woman like any other man. You were sweet and kind and you liked me. It is easy to love when all the person wants is to love you back.’

  For a moment there was silence, and then from far away a voice echoing, ‘love you back...love you back...love you.’

  It was wet out and cold. Runners were sent to bring the carriages. Madame Leonora having drifted away they waited with Hugh Fitzwilliam. No one spoke, all were numb, and then in need of conversation Hugh turned to Julia.

  ‘I understand you’re not coming to the funeral Tuesday.’

  Julia shook her head. ‘I can’t. I am otherwise engaged.’

  ‘Pity. Sir Arthur was a popular man. It should be quite a spectacle. Did you know he wanted to be buried with his mother but Her Majesty thought St Pauls the only rightful place for our eminent composer?’

  ‘I didn’t know.’

  ‘I think it right decision, people able to remember the man. Do you like his music, Mr Roberts? I seem to recall seeing you at the Savoy.’

  ‘I don’t know too much about it.’

  ‘Do you have a favourite of his operas Julianna?’

  ‘I quite like the Pirates of Penzance.’

  ‘Indeed. I think Gilbert’s bark worse than his bite. One would have to be a real misanthrope not to love those lyrics. Pinafore is my choice though I have a liking for Patience. I wonder if Schwenk will attend on Tuesday. They had a falling out, you know, but then they were always at one another’s throats. Clashes of temperament, I suppose. Awful pity really.’

  ‘Pity?’ Eyes blazing Evie swung round. ‘You talk of pity! I’ll tell you what is a pity you prattling of Gilbert and Sullivan and my poor Freddie in bits!’

  ‘I say draw it mild, sister mine,’ Freddie sighed. ‘Don’t be rattlin’ at them. It’s not their fault I can’t fire a straight arrow.’

  ‘I’m not saying it is. I’m simply asking for a little understanding. All this chatter of operas! Don’t they realise you never meant to hurt Bella?’

  ‘Forget it, Evie,’ Freddie turned up his collar. ‘It’s done and dusted.’

  ‘I can’t! Why won’t people see you didn’t mean it to end this way? It was a horrible mistake that cost us all peace of mind.’

  ‘I think you should leave it, Evelyn, and go home,’ Hugh’s expression was bland. ‘This is neither time nor place to scrape the bowl clean.’

  ‘I’m not scraping the bowl, Godfather, I am trying to speak for Freddie.’

  ‘I’m sure there’s no need to speak for anyone. We’re all grownups here or pretending to be. From what I’ve heard it’s best no one says anything. We should all repair to our various caves and lick our wounds in silence the better to begin again tomorrow.’

  ‘I have no wounds to lick, Hugh, and resent the idea that I have. This vile mess is not of my making. All I did was try picking up the pieces.’

  ‘Let go of it, Evie!’

  ‘I will when people stop pointing their silly fingers. What is it the bible says, ‘let he who is without sin cast the first stone.’ You’d think this time of the year, Christmas soon upon us, people would be kind. They’re not. They’re busy grinding meat cleavers ready to slice our good name to ribbons.’

  ‘Oh that’s nonsense, Evelyn!’ Hugh snorted. ‘Our name’s been mud for centuries. How d’you think your Grandmamma acquired the addendum Fitz? It wasn’t for serving Holy Orders, though on her knees was the likely position. We are what we are. If mud is thrown we’ve plenty to throw back.’

  ‘It’s so unfair.’

  ‘Nothing is fair. And no one is grinding cleavers. Civilised people, and they’re the only ones that count, are busy looking the other way. I suggest you do the same. This night needs to be sat upon not drawn out for the love of drama.’

  ‘Are you saying I am dramatising this?’

  ‘Well it’s not me flinging my cloak about and it’s not Freddie. I don’t know what occurred in that room. I caught a whisper and thought it nothing we didn’t already know. It seems your tame parrot majors in Speaking in Tongues which caused some of your company to take offense.’

  ‘There was no speaking in tongues! There were several messages, some of which were very illuminating. There was a mysterious German lady who for reasons of her own Mrs Dryden chose not to identify.’

  ‘Bully for Mrs Dryden! It sounds a silly business that if you’re not careful will gather in silliness until it is downright dangerous. In this as with all misalliance least said soonest mended. So please, Evelyn, go home!’

  ‘Good advice.’ Luke took Eve’s arm. ‘The carriage is here. Let me help you. The steps are wet and you might slip. ’

  She shook his hand away. ‘Thank you, I am quite able to walk to the carriage unaided. I’m not so in my dotage I need lean on you.’

  ‘Take my coat you’re shivering.’

  ‘That’s because in all the fuss I left my shawl behind. I like that shawl. It was a gift from my late husband and I wouldn’t want to lose it.’

  ‘I’ll go and look for it.’

  ‘Thank you, Roberts.’

  Luke looked at her. ‘Roberts?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said eyes cold. ‘That is your name, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes that is my name. I must remember it and not imagine any other.’

  He turned back to the house.

  In silence they watched him go. Freddie shook his head. ‘God, Evie,’ he said. ‘You really are a mad bitch. You want to lose him along with everyone else?’

  Evie slapped Freddie. ‘How dare you call me a mad bitch! Three years I’ve put up with you bemoaning your sins. Three years trying to stop you doing what you did tonight and twenty-odd years before that trying to keep you from hurting and being hurt.’

  Freddie shrugged. ‘Oh well, now the whole world knows.’

  ‘The whole world doesn’t care, and thank God it doesn’t, that way people will tire of you and your silly ways. I am ashamed of you Frederick Carrington. You’re like your father. You don’t care who you hurt.’

  ‘And neither do you!’ Freddie turned away. ‘I’ll go help Luke look for the shawl. Who knows we might find your heart while we’re at it.’

  ‘It’s true!’ Evie shouted. ‘You are like your father! He loved serving girls, especially if they were on the silly side and Bella was certainly that.’

  ‘Her name wasn’t Bella,’ Julia could stand no more. ‘Her name was Susan.’
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br />   ‘Julianna!’ Hugh’s fingers tightened about his wrist. ‘Let’s not add to this.’

  ‘I hope I’ll not do anything to add to this tragic tale but I beg Evie to remember Susan by her name and not that of a servant.’

  ‘Oh wonderful!’ Evelyn turned. ‘This is all I needed! You sanctimonious deceiver! If anyone is cause of blame it’s you! You brought Bella to Norfolk. You cut her off from friends and family. While she was with me she was well and every reason to stay so. Yes she was with child. I didn’t ask the father and she didn’t tell. She was a maid! Why would I ask her anything! You brought the problem about by smuggling her away in that questionable manner.’

  ‘Questionable?’

  ‘Yes questionable! I’m sure I’m not the first to wonder at the propriety of that decision and the tragic outcome. There was no need for her to leave. Had she stayed I would’ve helped.’

  ‘Really? You would’ve helped? I wish I’d known!’ Julia held back anger. ‘When Doctor Adelman found Susan she was not in your employ. She was drudge and maid-of-all work in a slum with other half-starved children. No one forced her to come to Norfolk. She was happy to come, at least that was my understanding. Clearly we remember events differently.’

  ‘You remember differently and to your advantage. Why am I surprised? As Hugh says people prefer to look the other way. A girl and her baby die in your care? One can only hope your other protégés are better served.’

  ‘Protégés?’ Julia frowned. ‘What are you talking about?

  ‘Oh I’m sorry have I got it wrong? I heard you and Stefan Adelman were responsible for the Girl’s Home in Cambridge. Isn’t it you rehabilitating the fallen, caring for girls until their babies are born and helping them find employment? I thought it was you working in that direction, Julianna. You capturing the attention of goodhearted souls even that of our own dear Princess of Wales. Why do you do it that’s what I want to know? What is your hope, a place in history alongside Florence Nightingale, is that it? Are we looking at a burgeoning angel, our very own Lady of the Lamp? ’

  There was a moment of silence, words digested, and then Julia spoke.

  ‘I am not going to enter into an argument with you. We are at odds over Susan Dudley and always will be but I ask you not to malign Stefan Adelman when as you know a kinder man does not exist. He lives only to serve those less fortunate than himself and deserves to be remembered so.’

  ‘Is that why you sleep with him?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I said, is that why you sleep with him? Do you hope in so doing some of his goodness will rub off?’

  ‘Freddie is right Evelyn. You are cruel. You say such ugly things.’

  ‘Ugly?’ Evie shrugged. ‘That depends on your point of view. The things I say become ugly only if untrue. I don’t hear you rushing to defend yourself. Do you deny when you visit Bradbury you stay overnight at his house? And that you are alone, the two of you, no maid servant and no man?’

  ‘I deny nothing. My life and my doings are my own. I answer to no one.’

  ‘You see world?’ Evie spread her arms and turned in a circle. The truth is not ugly. Every word is honest and clear and simple.’

  ‘Evelyn, that’s enough!’ Hugh barked. ‘You are letting yourself down.’

  ‘I’m not letting anyone down. I am sick of hearing of Julianna Dryden, how good she is and how kind and how beloved of Prince Albert. I said you and Lillie had much in common. You’re both superb actresses. Bravo, Ju-ju! The beloved ingénue strides the boards declaiming innocence and every word is a lie.’

  A crowd had gathered, ears twitching.

  ‘I’m sorry, Hugh,’ said Julia. ‘I can’t stay.’

  ‘Of course not! Wait and I’ll see you to the carriage. I must settle Evelyn first. I can’t leave her like this.’

  ‘It’s alright!’ Luke pushed through the crowd. ‘It’s best you go. Julianna needs to be away. I’ll stay with Lady Carrington.’

  Evie rounded on him. ‘Don’t try managing me Mister Wolf! I’m not one of your kind to be restrained. What will you put a choke about my neck for fear I’d sink my teeth into the face you adore? You know what I say is true. Ju-ju Dryden is a liar and a cheat! She promotes homes for fallen women when in fact it’s she that is fallen! She cheats the helpless! Yes she visits a hospital for the insane and tends a sick woman. Then she beds the sick woman’s husband. Ask her if that is not true. Ask!’

  Twenty

  A Big Question

  Sick and sorry Freddie kicked his hat out into the darkness. ‘I have to talk to Julianna. I need her to understand I never meant it to end this way.’

  ‘I’m sure she understands that.’

  ‘I’m sure she don’t! She’s a parson’s daughter and a Puritan at heart. You see, she’ll be harkin’ back to her pastoral roots and damnin’ me to Hell. I’m tellin’ you, Luke, she ain’t the softie she was. It comes of mixin’ with the Marlborough Set. They’re brutes beneath the ermine.’

  ‘Julianna Dryden is the opposite of hard and if you do this, go at her hammer and tongs looking to offset blame, it’ll be me damming you to hell.’

  ‘I’m not lookin’ to offset blame. I know where that lies. I’m just sayin’ she doesn’t understand me or Evie.’

  ‘Who does? You two are crazy! You live in a crazy world. The only people that understand you are more crazy people!’

  ‘Oh don’t you have a go at me, Luke. I couldn’t stand it.’

  ‘Then stop whining! It doesn’t help. What’s done is done! You must try to make a new life.’

  ‘A new life!’ Freddie pulled his hair. ‘I’ll never have any kind of life with this is hangin’ over me. The best thing I can do is run. I’m done with London and I’m done with England. I’ll go back to Italy or to Johnny in Paris, anywhere so I won’t have to listen to Evie tellin’ me what a sorry arse I am.’

  ‘I shouldn’t worry about that.’ Luke watched the carriage pull away, Evie inside, a hood over her head and face turned away from the window. ‘There’s no one to tell you anything.’

  Freddie swivelled. ‘Is she going?’

  ‘She’s gone.’

  ‘And she’s left you as well? God damn it, Evie, must you always fly off the handle! I’d better find a place to stay.’ Freddie looked back to where guests stood at windows watching. ‘I can’t go back in there to be gaped at. ’

  ‘You can stay at my house.’

  ‘You have a house?’

  ‘Yes I have a house. No need to sound so surprised. Contrary to Carrington opinion under all of this dirt there hides a civilised brute.’

  ‘Where is your house?’

  ‘Not far from the Julianna. Come on!’ Luke whistled up a cab. ‘I will take you to her but you need to sleep on it first. ’

  ‘What about Evie? Can we leave her alone?’

  ‘Your sister’s an enterprising woman. We were booked into the Swan at Sudbury. It’s a popular Inn. No doubt she’ll find a way of passing the time.’

  Freddie’s laugh was hollow. ‘You are learning.’

  ‘Yes and not before time.’

  ‘I wouldn’t take any of this to heart,’ said Freddie boarding the cab. ‘Evie is a lesson in survival. She’s seethin’ now but come the mornin’ she’ll have waved her wand and this night and its absurdities will be washed clean.’

  ‘And how will she do that?’

  ‘She’ll contact friends. She’ll laugh and lie and the damage will be mended.’

  ‘Can such damage be mended?’

  ‘Yes if you know the right people. Our name still carries weight in certain circles. Since her marriage to a Yankee Eve’s less of heavyweight but there’s always the Pater to call on if things get sticky. The Baines Carrington have weight enough to sink the whole of the British Empire. A whisper to HRH and other whispers are mute. But that’s not the damag
e you’re referrin’ to.’

  Cold, Luke buttoned his jacket and his mouth. He’s in no position to condemn another’s weakness. He forfeited that right the day he met Evie. This thing about Susan Dudley is a shock. Freddie is an idle spendthrift, a talented dreamer sucking on a silver spoon, but never a spoiler of kitchen maids. He prefers men, a Mary Ann as Albert would say.

  Luke knows he should be outraged for Susan but all he feels is a desperate sadness for everyone himself included. There was a moment during the séance when his mind was open to Other Worlds and he had hoped for of a loving word from brother Jacky, but with Freddie’s disclosure and Evie’s jealous rage, Other Worlds dropped into oblivion heavy with the shit of this world. Now hope is again replaced with suspicion. Why would his father speak from the dead? What purpose did it serve? Better to assume in moment of weakness he mentioned Justine Newman to Evie and she’s made use of the information.

  The mud heavy the horses were having to struggle and the cab is slow.

  ‘Is it far your house?’ said Freddie.

  ‘Not too far.’

  ‘Is it a comfortable house?’

  ‘I like it well enough. I’d as soon live there as any other place.’

  ‘You’re a liberal sort of fellow, aren’t you, Luke. Independent, no ties, free of mind and opinion, able to come and go as you please, I do envy you. ’

  Luke closed his eyes. If that’s how Freddie sees things he really is a sorry arse.

  Truth is he could not be more unsettled. Business thriving, money in the bank and plenty opportunities to make more, yet with every passing day England is more a prison than a home. ‘I’m thinking of leaving England.’

  ‘Where will you go?’

  ‘Italy.’

  ‘Of course! Everyone has their spiritual birthplace. Yours is Italy and sepia-tinted walls. Mine is Rhode Island and Jamieson with a pistol in his pocket.’