Fragile Blossoms

by Dodie Hamilton

  ‘I know it’s early. I needed to speak with you.’

  ‘That’s alright. Dorothy, take Mr Masson’s hat.’

  ‘No don’t bother! I shan’t stay. I have business in town. I heard of your news and wanted to offer my good wishes.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  He hovered.

  ‘You are well, Daniel?’

  He shrugged. ‘I could be better.’

  ‘I understand you were delivering food over Christmas to refugee centres, and badly needed I imagine. A camp in winter, I would’ve thought you...!’

  He cut across her. ‘Yes, about that and me not being here over Christmas? I’m afraid I rather left things hanging in the air. The truth is I made a mistake.’

  ‘A mistake?’

  ‘Yes, a bad one. I didn’t realise I loved you the way I do.’

  ‘Oh Daniel’

  ‘It’s alright!’ He held up his hand. ‘I’m not about to make a fool of myself, at least no bigger than already made. These things happen and we don’t know why. Ideas build up, stupid resentment and unanswered questions! We gamble with possibilities and lose the very thing we wanted to keep. Christmas is important. A man should be with his family not fighting impossible wars. Maybe it is the war, I’m getting cynical in my old age and don’t appreciate family as I used to. Whatever, I want to apologise to you and to Matthew.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Staying away helped no one, not me and certainly not my mother. I am deeply concerned about her, Julianna. I see how she has deteriorated. I fear for her sanity and physical wellbeing. I aim to get her away from Greenfields as soon as possible. The house is not good for her. It never was.’

  ‘I am sorry.’

  ‘Me too. I didn’t want to come here. It was never my plan to stay for more than a month but then I met you, and while I still didn’t care for England and that darned house, I cared for you. I still care, most passionately, dearest Julianna, and while I know I shouldn’t be talking this way, it hardly the behaviour of a gentleman, I can’t seem to stop. These are the words I should have said, words that filled my head day-after-day morning til noon but that for some dumb reason never got beyond my lips. We all make mistakes. Mine was in believing I had time on my hands and love to waste.’

  At the door he paused. ‘One other thing, Callie has made some ridiculous plan regarding a meeting at the house this evening. She has invited one Madame Leonora, a so called medium to conduct a séance.’

  ‘I did hear about that.’

  ‘I can’t get her to cancel. She says she’s sent out invitations, and as it is her birthday she’ll not give way.’

  ‘I received an invitation in the morning post.’

  ‘And do you plan to attend?’

  ‘I’m sorry I can’t. You see I am rather busy tomorrow and had thought to have this evening to myself, just me and Matty.’

  He smiled bitterly. ‘Of course you’re busy! Tomorrow is your wedding day. I had hoped you might attend as she specially asked of you.’

  ‘It is difficult.’

  ‘I don’t suppose you could spare an hour this evening? I’m pretty desperate.’

  ‘Well yes I could pop in for an hour.’

  ‘I would be grateful.’

  ‘Very well then.’ Julia walked him to the door. ‘Thank you for dropping by.

  ‘Thank you for listening. The pity of it all!’ Daniel shook his head. ‘Between us my mother and I have made a mess of things. My Strawberry Girl going one way and me another, this isn’t how I had my life planned.’

  ‘Things do change rather suddenly.’

  ‘So they do. And when I said pity I wasn’t referring to your wedding. I do most sincerely wish you well. There cannot be a more beautiful bride or a luckier groom. I just wish your wedding day could’ve been mine.’

  *

  Lunch time Julia was shepherded into the back parlour, the maids giggling.

  ‘You are not to come out yet!’ said Mrs Mac.

  ‘Alright.’ Julia sat with her back to the door.

  ‘You are to stay and not to peep until we collect you.’

  Such a mystery! It’s been going on all week the whispering and secret meetings on the lower landing. Resigned, she gazed out of the window. Whatever they are up to she can’t sit for long, she’s things to do. As of tomorrow the maids are on a week’s leave. Tomorrow evening after the celebration meal they descend en masse to the Lord Nelson, a room each courtesy of Nan and Albert.

  ‘We’ll put ‘em up for the night then they can go their ways without worrying you. It’s Luke’s idea,’ said Nan. ‘He reckons they’ve looked after you and deserve a treat. I can’t see it myself. I think it’s you who’s looked after them.’

  Luke is so considerate. After much discussion of where to live he suggested the cottage. ‘It makes sense. I’ve such business commitments I’m likely to be away from Norfolk at least two nights a week. I don’t want you alone in a house you don’t know. Stay put. Then if you’ve a mind we can go live on the moon.’ Hands clasped about her waist he drew her close. ‘Do you think you could be happy with me on the Moon?’

  Julia thinks she could be happy in Hell if he were with her.

  ‘Come now, madam! We’re all done!’ Julia’s eyes covered they lead her up the stairs into her bedroom. They drew away the scarf. ‘You can look now.’ A nightgown of pale ecru silk and matching peignoir lay displayed on the bed. ‘Leah made it. She chose the material and did the cutting and sewing. We all embroidered a rose at the hem.’

  The silk liquid in her hands Julia gathered it up. ‘It’s beautiful!’

  ‘We thought it a pity you changed your wedding dress for a darker colour,’ said Dorothy. ‘We wanted you to have something light and pretty.’

  ‘It’s lovely.’

  ‘All this heavy black,’ Mrs Mac sniffed. ‘It’s quite unnecessary.’

  Leah nodded. ‘It’s not as though her death was unexpected.’

  Maggie chimed in. ‘I heard the vicar’s wife wore her old grey coat to market and was spat on and called unpatriotic.’

  ‘Rubbish, Maggie!’ said Mrs Mac. ‘You heard no such thing.’

  ‘I did! I heard it.’

  ‘Well, nobody is able to see this nightgown and complain,’ said Dorothy.

  ‘Mr Luke will see it,’ said Maggie.

  ‘Oh Maggie!’ They fell into a quarrel, Maggie accused of being coarse and Mrs Mac challenged by Maggie as to why Ben Faulkner always gets the best slice of beef at supper and why the other night did he get off with half a leg of lamb under his coat when it should’ve been shared.

  Julia left them to it. They are anxious about the future. She’d like to reassure them but can’t. It’s certain there will be changes. Nan suggested Julia move to Fairy Common, the cottage remain a business venture, and the maids paid a wage but then to pay board. Julia sees the sense of that but while she likes the house on the Common is not sure she wants to live there, or for that matter anywhere in Norfolk. It hasn’t been the easiest place. There are memories here that should stay here. Last week she received a letter from the American, Robert Scholtz, who in two or three sentences offered a way out. ‘I and Mrs Scholtz admire what you have done. We think you a talented lady and not altogether appreciated. If you and Mr Roberts care to visit the States we would like to see you. We have a nice place here in Quincy and would make you comfortable should you choose to honour us with a visit.’

  When she mentioned it to Luke he smiled. ‘He said the same to me.’

  ‘America?’

  ‘Uh-huh.’

  ‘Would you consider it?’

  ‘I would if you would. It’s not as far as the moon and it seems we have friends there.’

  Ten o clock Mrs Carmody was at the back door. Joe died in the early hours of Sunday morning. Now Bertha comes ever
y day and sits in the kitchen.

  ‘I hope you don’t mind me comin’. I know you’re busy but you’re the only one I can talk to. I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know where to go or what to say because there’s nothin’ to say and nobody to say it to. I miss his voice. I’m so used to him complainin’ about this and that. He was always complainin’ but then so was I. Fifty years of marriage what else is there.’

  Julia mourned with Bertha. His step revered she’d loved Joe as a grandfather. So loyal! He braved the village to come to the opening of the Tea-Room. She misses him and believes his passing another reason to leave.

  Bertha didn’t stay; she said she came to bring a bowl of hyacinths. ‘Joe meant them for you so I thought to bring them.’

  Julia can’t bear to think of Joe or Stefan. Such friends are irreplaceable. The newspapers appear to have dropped the Adelman tragedy. And so they should! Stefan is no murderer, a post mortem revealed the poor darling died of a heart attack, and Karoline, as it is now believed, took her own life. No longer newsworthy the papers are silent though one did say ‘the tragic pair was found in the snow, locked in a last embrace.’

  Reunited with their son they rest in the family vault. Julia grieves for them all. A lawyer in Dresden has written declaring Matty a benefactor in Stefan’s estate, Julia believes that like her Matty would sooner have the Bear.

  Nan called at the cottage to look at the change of wedding gown. Grey silk and chiffon it hangs in the closet ready for tomorrow.

  ‘Is this it?’ said Nan, clearly unimpressed.

  ‘Yes, it was the best I could do at short notice. I know it’s not nearly as nice as the other but it is dark.’

  ‘I think the nation in danger of overdoin’ it. Albert wanted to drape the Victory sign with a black shawl. I wouldn’t let him. I told him we’ve a Queen to mourn but a handsome and brave King to welcome. Ooh!’ Nan pushed out her toes. ‘I’ll never forget that day.’

  ‘It was a day to remember.’

  ‘You were often in His Majesty’s company last year. I seem to recall you dined at Sandringham more than once.’

  ‘Yes it was an interesting time.’

  ‘Do you think it likely you’ll dine at such places now?’

  ‘I imagine not.’

  ‘And why is that?’ Nan snapped. ‘Is it because you’re to wed an ordinary, decent hard-working chap and not some tight corseted fellow who dies his hair orange and lisps when he talks? Is that why you’re not welcome?’

  There was anger in Nan’s face, real bitterness. Julianna let the moment pass. There’s nothing she can do other than see such anger as another reason to leave. She held the gown against her. ‘Do you think this right for tomorrow?’

  Nan stroked the collar. ‘It’s not the brightest thing but it’s elegant, very Frenchified. What hat will you wear?’ Julia brought the grey velvet cloche out of tissue. ‘That’s a cracker! That’ll sit well on your hair. Where did you get it?’

  ‘I’ve had it a while.’

  ‘Put it on!’ Nan stepped back. ‘Oh yes! I like the way the feathers curl about your cheek. That’s a good hat, the sort of a hat your friend Eve Carrington would wear. She’s another you don’t see these days.’

  ‘Evie is always busy.’

  There was a brief taut silence both ladies thinking their own thoughts.

  ‘I take it they’ll not be comin’ tomorrow.’

  ‘I wrote and told of our news but as yet haven’t had a reply.’

  ‘A strange woman,’ said Nan, ‘I could never pin her down.’

  ‘Incredibly kind.

  ‘I’m sure. Ah well people come and go in life.’ Nan dug down in her bag. ‘I’ve brought you a gift. I wanted you to have it now as there won’t be time tomorrow. It’s a little somethin’ to welcome you into the family. It’s a journal. I thought you might like to keep track of events. Time moves so fast, and folk always on the move, if you don’t have some way of remembrance of your weddin’ day you might think it never happened.’

  ‘So what do you think?’ Julia stepped back from the closet. ‘Is there enough room for more clothes?’

  Matty shrugged. ‘A Wolf doesn’t have clothes. He has fur.’

  All week Julia has been rearranging the first floor. She moved the bed three times and strained her shoulder trying to manoeuvre the chiffonier into a better position. ‘You don’t have to shove things around, ‘Luke had said. ‘I can do that when I’m here.’ She’d flapped her hands. ‘I want things to be right.’ ‘Right?’ he’d snatched her up and in a rare public show waltzed her from room to room the maids smiling. ‘If I’m with you how can anything be wrong?’

  Now, her heart already full to bursting, she makes room for him in the closet.

  ‘Matty while we are here, and you in a relatively good mood, I want you to understand after tomorrow you may not refer to Mr Luke as Wolf.’

  ‘But he’s not my Papa yet.’

  ‘And when he is, which is tomorrow and you in your new suit with a lovely bright boutonnière, what will you call him then?’

  ‘My new Papa.’

  ‘Your new Papa?’

  ‘Yes. He said I may. What boutonnière will I be wearing?’

  ‘I’m not sure. White I think.’ She knelt before him. ‘Matty, you are happy about this? I mean us all being here together?’

  ‘I don’t like Kaiser being kept away. ’

  ‘Well he can come up the back stairs to your room but not to this.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because his fur makes a mess and while I don’t mind a mess in your room we don’t know your new Papa will mind it in his.’

  ‘Mister Wolf won’t mind. He sleeps with stars.’

  ‘Even so until we know how he feels keep Kaiser to your room. Now as I said I’m across the way this evening. I won’t be long. Mrs Mac and Leah are out at a meeting but Dorothy will be here, and Maggie, so you’re not to worry.’

  ‘Can Kaiser have a boutonniere?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘A white one?’

  ‘Yes, probably.’

  ‘Are we going to Bostonia?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Maggie says we’re going to Bostonia in America. Mister Wolf is taking us.’

  ‘Good heavens alive!’ Julia was furious. ‘That dratted girl has been reading our mail. When did she say this?’

  ‘Yesterday. She told the boot boy.’

  ‘And the boot boy told Nanny Roberts! No wonder she was cross.’

  ‘Are we going?’

  ‘I don’t know. Would you mind terribly if we did?’

  ‘Is it far away?’

  ‘Yes, it is.’

  ‘Further than black crows and Susan?’

  ‘Yes but we’d be together, you and me and your New Papa, and you’d never have to worry about black crows again. New Papa?’ Julia smiled. ‘Isn’t it nice that Mr Luke says you may call him that?’

  ‘He didn’t say.’ Matty took off down the stairs. ‘My Papa in heaven said.’

  She didn’t go after him. Matty has some secret worry about Kaiser. He came this morning and climbed into bed. ‘Can we snuggle after tomorrow?’

  ‘Of course! You’ll be able to snuggle us both.’

  ‘I snuggled my Papa in heaven last night.’

  ‘Did you?’ Julia had felt a sudden yearning. ‘How did it feel?’

  ‘It was nice. We snuggled with Kaiser.’

  ‘Well after tomorrow I’m sure there’ll be times when we’ll all snuggle together, Kaiser and the cats, and who knows, Poppy and Betty included .’

  ‘No.’ Matty had shaken his head.

  ‘We might! Bits of fur don’t always matter.’

  ‘No!’ Again Matty shook his head. ‘Kaiser won’t be here.’

  The he’d burst into tears weepi
ng as though his heart would break. If Julia thought the wedding making him weep she’d have cancelled there and then but it wasn’t that. Neither did she think it the possible trip to America. It was something else, a painful thing and dark.

  Sighing, she hung the wedding gown back in the closet. Then she leaned against the door. ‘Oh hurry and come to us, darling Luke,’ she whispered. ‘I don’t think we can survive longer without you. We seem to be falling apart.’

  Luke took a deep breath and walked into the public bar.

  ‘Here he is!’ A cry went up and pint pots were thumped on the counter. ‘The man of the moment!’ shouted Albert, already three parts cut. ‘The man about town and maker of empires, his Royal Highness, Senor Lucca Roberts!’

  ‘Oh hell!’

  It’s obvious what kind of evening is ahead. A free-bar, Luke picking up the tab, the place bulges at the seams. On the other side of the counter everyone is known and yet not, a rare assortment of faces, the casual drinkers, the bar-flies and the open-handed drunks, the whimsical type and the tight-fisted misers always waiting for another to put his hand in his pocket.

  ‘Hello Pa.’ He bent to kiss Albert and Albert dragged him close. ‘You’re a good lad, the best. I couldn’t have wished for a better son whether or not.’

  Luke smiled. Albert does this now and then, has a kind of break out. It’s about Jacky, how his son died before he never really got to know him. In those days struggling to pay bills and save it was a busy life with no time to spare for anyone. ‘Work hard and one day this will be yours!’ It’s a good philosophy but you can’t work all hours and know your children, and you can’t always be there when they need you.

  Everybody blamed anybody for Jacky’s death, Albert carried it all and silently. This break out, maudlin hugging and skating close to the truth, is the result. Love of Nan ensures he never tips over the edge, never says ‘this is not my son! This is the bastard son of an Italian peasant,’ but Albert gets close.

  ‘What d’you wanna drink lad?’ He breathed warm Pipers Best into Luke’s face. ‘You must have a drink. It’s a groom’s duty to get drunk the night before the weddin’. It acts like a fog, stops him seein’ what he’s lettin’ himself in for.’