by Con Template
His features hardened at her obvious ploy to change the topic. Regardless of the reaction, he answered her question nonetheless. “I just had dinner with the Advisors.” There was a short pause before he carelessly added, “And Tae Hyun.”
Yoori’s eyes rounded. “Tae . . . Tae Hyun?”
She was flabbergasted. It didn’t take her long to deduce how awful it would be for Tae Hyun to see her with Ji Hoon, especially after the lie she had told him. She wanted to hurt Tae Hyun so he would stay away from her—she didn’t want to devastate him by having him see her with Ji Hoon.
But it was too late.
Before she could attempt to excuse herself, she heard someone bid goodbye to a patron. She knew instantly it was the person she wanted to avoid seeing and the one person, as much as she hated to admit it, she missed the most.
“Have a good night, sir.”
Yoori saw him when she averted her gaze to the doors leading out of the restaurant. Dressed in light gray pants, a white buttoned up shirt, and a loosened gray tie around his neck, Kwon Tae Hyun emanated nothing but male wonder as he gave a nod of goodbye to the hostess who was clearly smitten with him.
There were men who had faces of innocent angels and then there were men who had the faces of fallen archangels. Tae Hyun was one of those men in life that looked too good to be true. He was beautiful in the most sinful of ways and he made no apologies for it. From his beautiful short black hair to his smooth skin, enticing lips, and perfectly crafted face, he looked like he was born to be adored and worshipped. He was a walking poster of perfection and there were few who would ever combat that statement.
Tae Hyun moved away from the restaurant and turned in the direction she and Ji Hoon were in.
Yoori could hear soft murmuring from the group of girls in the background. Adoration embellished their voices as they whispered about how good-looking and sexy he was. A pang of jealousy spiked within her. When they did that with Ji Hoon, she couldn’t care less; when they did that to Tae Hyun, she felt the unbearable need to smack them upside the head. Tae Hyun had always driven her crazy. It irritated her that he drove other girls crazy too, and it irritated her even more that he had his choice of girls to pursue. It only reminded her that she was nothing special to him, and that he would always be someone special to her.
And then, just like that, the three-week time period of not seeing each other diminished when her eyes locked with his. The agony, the betrayal, the sadness, the yearning, the heartache . . . all the emotions that had been numbed since she last saw him surged through her. She swallowed past her pain and tried to keep a cool exterior. The eye contact was only broken when Tae Hyun flickered his gaze from her to Ji Hoon.
Yoori knew it was horrible that she was standing there with Ji Hoon.
She couldn’t read Tae Hyun’s eyes, but when he quickened his pace toward them, her muscles tensed up. Would he pull her away from Ji Hoon and take her with him? If he did that, what would she do? Yoori wanted to believe that she was strong enough to refuse him. Yet, as she felt her body yearn for him, Yoori was no longer sure how strong she was.
He came closer . . . and closer . . . and closer . . .
His cologne inundated her senses after he walked off the curb. When he was merely a breath away from her, Yoori was certain he would pull her with him. She was thrown off when he simply moved into the tight space between the Mercedes and the Jaguar car ahead of it. He dodged around her as if she were invisible and continued on. Yoori took in a sharp breath when she concluded that he wasn’t even walking toward her. His only goal was to get to his car—his brand new Jaguar XF-R.
Yoori was stupefied that he didn’t even acknowledge her existence. She watched bewilderingly, unknowingly stepping back onto the sidewalk with Ji Hoon. He had pulled her closer to him just as Tae Hyun pulled his car door open. Tae Hyun still wasn’t looking at her. The King of Serpents was primed to get into his car when he noticed the group of girls who were more than eating him up with their eyes.
“Have a good night,” he whispered cordially to them, acknowledging their existence and not hers.
A wave of sighs fell from the girls’ lips after he got into his car. The engine started and Yoori watched him expectantly, a part of her hoping against hope that he would take one glance at her before he drove off.
Just one look, she pleaded the fates in her mind. Just look at me once . . .
Yoori was left stunned when the car took off, merged into traffic, and disappeared into the night.
“Stay out of my life.”
That was the last thing she said to him.
As relieved as she was that he was obliging with her wishes, it was also painful to see how easily he could move on. He really didn’t give a damn after all. They were done. There was no way around it now. They were officially done.
“He told the Advisors that he was completely done with you—that he would no longer be distracted by you.”
She twirled around to face Ji Hoon when his warm breath tickled her ear.
His voice was gentle, but Yoori knew it pissed him off that she was clearly hung up on Tae Hyun. Ji Hoon’s words did not surprise her. It made sense that Tae Hyun was quick to announce to the world that he was done with her in order to get his position of power back.
“Did he now?” Yoori asked serenely, the cool exterior returning to her features.
She gazed up at Ji Hoon guardedly. Yoori had always liked Ji Hoon because he was so sweet to her. Nonetheless, she didn’t appreciate his propensity to be an instigator when it came to trying to pull her away from Tae Hyun. His end goal was for her to be with him. The lengths he was willing to go to for that to happen perturbed her greatly.
“It pleased the Advisors to hear this,” he continued relentlessly. His gaze noted that there was annoyance, but also curiosity, in her eyes. He pulled her to a corner where they could speak privately. “They wanted my confirmation that I was done with you as well.”
“And you gave them your confirmation?” Yoori asked coolly, taking a few steps away from him once they reached the corner. She didn't know why she asked this when she already knew his answer. It was evident that he was still interested in making her his.
“I did,” he confirmed, bringing a hand up. Almost hesitantly, he ran his hand down her cheek, his fingers reveling in the feel of her skin against his. “But it’s clear that I’ve changed my mind since seeing you again.”
No longer able to combat the temptation, Ji Hoon lowered himself, his lips seeking hers. He was quick, but he wasn’t quick enough.
“Ji Hoon, we won’t work out,” Yoori said sternly, tilting her head back just as their lips were about to touch. “Not now. Not ever.”
A frown veiled his face. “He doesn’t even acknowledge that you’re alive and you’re still hung up on him?”
There was no hiding the venom and jealousy in his voice. His eyes rippled with rage. Not for her, but for Tae Hyun.
“This isn’t about Tae Hyun,” Yoori retorted, even though deep down, she knew it was. “We would never work out, Ji Hoon. I told you that night that I cared about you a lot, but that I didn’t have feelings for you like that. I didn’t then and I doubt I ever will.”
Yoori exhaled painstakingly, pressing the to-go box closer to her chest. Soo Jin may have been his girlfriend, but she wasn’t. Yoori would be damned if she was with anyone who saw her as another girl—especially someone she didn’t want to be. She shook her head, pushing past all the thoughts of An Soo Jin and all that had fucked up in her life since she found out she was the Underworld’s infamous Queen. She had to leave and she had to leave now.
“This would never work between us, Ji Hoon. I mean, I can’t even entertain the idea of us being friends because I know that you only see me as An Soo Jin. I’m obviously a different girl. I’m not her. I never have been and I never will be. Having said this, I think we should just part ways and stay out of each other’s lives from now on. It’s better for us this way.”
&nbs
p; Yoori never wanted to be this blunt (or inconsiderate) to Ji Hoon. However, she wanted to get the point across that she wasn’t interested in him romantically. She didn’t want to lead him on.
Hurt engulfed his eyes. He could barely contain his scoff when he turned away from her for a brief moment. It was obvious that something snapped within him when she mentioned Soo Jin. It was clearer to her that he had enough of her bullshit when she said that they should part ways.
“I don’t see you as An Soo Jin,” Ji Hoon replied swiftly, his eyes holding hers again. “I know you’re An Soo Jin.”
Her stomach twisted in knots, but she kept her cool. Surely he was just speaking out of anger. He had no idea what he was talking about.
“I beg your pardon?”
“Don’t deny it,” he snapped at once, his eyes sterner than she had ever seen them. He was at his wit’s end. He had no more patience to beat around the bush with her.
“I don’t know what you’re talking abo—”
“Soo Jin,” he stated inflexibly, causing her to cease with her words. He was sick of this charade. “I was the one who gave you the formula. I was the one who warned you of all the risks—that if taken under different dosages, then death would not be ensured. I told you that it was likely that other effects, including amnesia, would take place instead.” He forged on, his eyes never leaving hers. “I may have allowed you to ‘lie’ to me in the past about your identity, but don’t insult me by continuing with all of this. You may not remember who you are, but I can see in your eyes that you know you’re her.”
Stunned by this admission, Yoori could only gape at Ji Hoon. She hadn’t anticipated any of this to happen.
“You . . . You knew from the beginning when you first saw me?” Yoori stuttered unthinkingly. She recalled all those times when he lied to her, when he told her she didn’t resemble Soo Jin. “Why did you pretend to not know?”
“I didn’t want to be aggressive and trigger anything,” he whispered, his eyes filled with poignancy. He reached out and pulled a dazed Yoori closer to him. “I didn’t want to spark any memory from within you.”
Her mind was still fogged with mystification. “Why didn’t you want me to remember?”
If Ji Hoon had been so pained from seeing her with Tae Hyun, why didn’t he try to reawaken her memories so his Soo Jin could return to him?
“My girlfriend came to me three years ago telling me that she wanted to kill herself,” he answered tightly. “If you were me, what would you do if you saw her three years later, a completely different, but healthier person?” He sighed, the pain imminent in his voice. “I knew who you were, but I was careful not to trigger anything because I didn’t want you to remember. I want you as you are now, happier and healthier than you were when you begged me to help you commit suicide.”
Yoori was speechless with this disclosure.
Ji Hoon framed his hands over her cheeks. “It has only been you, Soo Jin. For five years, it has only been you. And as far as my heart is concerned, it will only be you. I’ve missed you . . . so much. I was ready to tell you that I knew you had amnesia when we were on the roof because I couldn’t stand that you were so in love with Tae Hyun. I could no longer stand the thought of him touching you when it should be me. I didn’t want you to remember anything, but I also wanted you back with me.”
His voice was so aggrieved that it agonized Yoori to listen to him.
Desperation hit her like a ton of bricks. “No, no,” Yoori begged, her voice utterly broken. “Please stop. I can’t do this. I don’t want to remember.”
She was a coward again.
Yoori was afraid that if she continued to listen, then something would trigger inside her and she would be consumed by Soo Jin. And God help her, she didn’t want to risk that chance.
“Please stop this, Ji Hoon. I don’t want to be her.”
“It was never supposed to be like this,” he continued, his hands still framing her cheeks. She could hear the pain magnify in his voice. “Even if you don’t have your memories, I had hoped that your feelings for me would awaken regardless. I had hoped that you would choose me over Tae Hyun . . . yet, you never did.”
Fury filled his eyes.
The remembrance of her with Tae Hyun broke any shred of control he had left.
“What the fuck is so special about Kwon Tae Hyun, Soo Jin?” he finally snapped. The anguish in his voice dissipated. In its place came an inferno of rage. “What the fuck does he have that I don’t have? You hate him and his family for fuck’s sake! How can you even stand to be in the same room as him, let alone sleep in his bed?”
“I’m not Soo Jin!” Yoori cried, having enough of this. She violently pulled away from him, nearly bumping into several drunken girls in the process. Yoori went on, knowing that the girls were too inebriated to eavesdrop on them. “You know this! I don’t have her memories. I can’t help that I fell for him and I didn’t fall for you.”
“It was never supposed to be like this!” he shouted back. Rage continued to spew out of him. “I’m not supposed to be the other guy in this story.” He furiously pointed at himself. “I was with you first. I met you first. I loved you first. I gave up everything for you, and yet now you’re here . . . moping around for Kwon Tae Hyun instead?”
“I can’t control my feelings, Ji Hoon,” Yoori told him, breathing past the emotions emitting from her. “If I could, then I would be with you right now because God knows you’re healthier for me than Tae Hyun could ever be. If it were that easy, then I would’ve given my heart to you already because I feel terrible that you’re here right now . . . like this because of me. But I can’t give you something I don’t have. No matter how much I hate him . . . he still has my heart.” Her chin wobbled. “And I don’t know when I’ll get it back, if I’ll ever get that part of me back.” She gazed at him remorsefully. “But I told you this before . . . I don’t have those feelings for you, and I don’t want to lead you on. I won’t be with you out of pity. I have more respect for you than that. You deserve someone who will appreciate all the things you could give her. I’m not that girl. I doubt I’ll ever be.”
“Don’t do this,” Ji Hoon pleaded, not even listening to her. “I can’t be without you.”
“Soo Jin died, Ji Hoon! She died the moment you gave her that formula and agreed to ‘support’ her while she ended her life! So, please, just stop this because I don’t want to be her!” Yoori shook her head, her heart pounding like thunderous rain. She couldn’t do this anymore. “I’m sorry, but I can’t be here anymore.”
She was ready to run to her car before she felt him encircle his hand around her wrist.
“Never go back to Tae Hyun, Yoori.”
“Stop it!” Yoori cried, suddenly fearing Ji Hoon. The way he was behaving disconcerted her.
“I heard about the eleven gang members you killed,” he whispered, earning silence from her. He saw her eyes widen and continued to speak. “We both know that only Soo Jin has enough power to do all of that. We both know that, but I don’t think you know how much Soo Jin loved her father, how his death made her more vicious. You have no idea what type of person she was. She was loyal to a fault, but she was loyal regardless.” His eyes scrutinized hers. “Do you really think she would let you choose your ‘love’ for Tae Hyun over her loyalty for her father when you fully regain your memory?”
Something stirred inside her when he mentioned her father.
Despite this, Yoori kept her composure.
“Then I guess it’s a good thing that Tae Hyun and I are over, right?” she stated with cool conviction. Resolution saturated her eyes. “I’m done with him, I’m done with Soo Jin, I’m done with you, and I’m done with the Underworld.”
He smiled at her in pity. “You can be done with Tae Hyun, you can be done with me, but can you really be done with Soo Jin?”
Yoori didn’t answer because she knew the truth. Instead, she chose this moment to leave because she knew another emotional breakdown was coming
. She was feeling anguish from Tae Hyun, Ji Hoon, and now from Soo Jin. She was afraid of what would happen to her mental state if she didn’t leave soon.
“I . . . I have to go.”
Yoori knew the truth. She knew as she drove away that she could try all she wanted, but there would be no escaping this world. Whether she wanted it or not, in the end, she would always end up back in the Underworld. No matter how hard she tried to fight against it, the truth was that she had too many ties in this society. If Tae Hyun hadn’t brought her into this world, then someone else would’ve. Someone else would’ve found her because she was living in the very city where this world reigned; someone else would’ve found her because this was An Soo Jin’s world. The only one meant to survive in this society was An Soo Jin—not the poor, weak Yoori who was so broken that she wondered how much longer she could hold on to her own life.
I was never meant to exist, Yoori brooded as she drove in agonized silence. She was never meant to exist and from the look of things, Yoori had the innate feeling she wouldn’t exist for much longer. This was An Soo Jin’s world—An Soo Jin’s life—and when the time arose and Soo Jin came back to reclaim the life that was rightfully hers, Choi Yoori would be nothing but a mere memory.
This thought pained Yoori because despite all the torment she felt (and despite the difficulty of being associated with this vindictive world), she still wanted to live. She wanted to live because she didn’t want to be taken away from the life she had created for herself. She didn’t want to forget about the people she loved. Most importantly, she didn’t want the monster inside her to come out.
Her conversation with Jung Min flashed in her mind, and Yoori knew that she could no longer avoid the inevitable truth. She hated Tae Hyun, but she would never allow anyone to hurt him. And right now, the biggest threat wasn’t Ji Hoon, the Advisors, or the Underworld—the biggest threat was her Underworld counterpart. The Queen of the Underworld may do everything in her power to kill Tae Hyun, but Yoori would do everything in her power to protect him.
Yoori inhaled sharply, finally accepting the reality of her life.
