by Con Template
Jung Min was right.
He had been right all along.
A war was coming, but this particular war was not between herself and Tae Hyun; it was between herself and An Soo Jin.
And for the sake of everything she loved in this world, Yoori prayed she’d win this war. She prayed she’d be able to bury Soo Jin, and not allow Soo Jin to bury her.
“And the weak. . .”
04: Greater Pain
It took Yoori the entire day at the library to recover from the night prior. Tae Hyun, Chae Young, Ji Hoon, and Soo Jin continued to haunt her. The only solace she found was in the stories she escaped into. Reading was like a drug. The instant she took her dosage, she would forget about her pain, forget about the damning world she lived in, and forget about the dramas of her life. Yoori knew she couldn’t dwell in the world of books forever, but she wanted to stay in it for a bit longer. Just a bit longer until she found a job, recovered from everything that happened to her, got on with her life, and continued to keep An Soo Jin at bay. One could only hope, and all Yoori had was hope.
“Can I join you?” asked a tentative voice.
Yoori lifted her eyes from her book.
She froze when she noted that the person standing before her was Kang Min’s girlfriend, and Kwon Tae Hyun’s baby sister, Kwon Hae Jin.
Hae Jin’s black hair was tied up in a stylish ponytail that accentuated her perfect curls. She wore a white turtleneck, black jeans that hugged her tall body flawlessly, and heels. A black trench coat hung off her arm with remnants of fresh snow stuck to it. There were two rosy circles on her cheeks, bringing life to her normally pale face.
Yoori straightened uneasily. She hadn’t expected to see anyone at the library, much less Hae Jin. She glanced to the corner where her unofficial Serpents bodyguards typically sat. They were nowhere to be seen. Yoori had the innate feeling that Hae Jin had ordered them to go downstairs so she could have some alone time with her.
“I know you’re upset with Kang Min and Jae Won because they knew what my brother was doing the entire time,” Hae Jin began apprehensively. She took in a tense breath. “If you think I knew something about it, then I want you to know that I didn’t. I only found out everything after I heard you left. I really thought you were his girlfriend. I had no idea you were his ‘assistant’ and that it was his plan to meet you.” She smiled uncertainly at Yoori, nervously tapping her fingernails on the oak table where Yoori sat. “With all that said, I hope you’re not upset with me as well.”
“No, no. Of course I’m not,” Yoori assured meekly, edging the stack of books closer to her. It was her silent confirmation that Hae Jin could take a seat.
She had time to mull over things further, and Yoori came to the conclusion that she would’ve been pulled into the Underworld some other way even if Tae Hyun hadn’t been the one to lure her in. Ultimately, she could forgive him for that. However, she couldn’t forgive the lies that continued to fester as she grew close to him. She doubted the betrayal of trust was something she could forget.
As though anticipating a more hostile reaction from Yoori, Hae Jin nodded gratefully. “Good. I’m happy to hear that.”
Yoori smiled kindly at Hae Jin. It was her unspoken way of assuring Hae Jin that she did not harbor any ill feelings toward her. Hae Jin had always been in the dark about the realities of Yoori’s relationship with her brother. Out of everyone in their group, Hae Jin and Chae Young were the only ones who were still in Yoori’s good graces.
“Please,” Yoori started gently. “Please sit, Hae Jin.”
Hae Jin smiled again and nodded.
“I just came from seeing Chae Young,” she shared, taking a seat across from Yoori.
Yoori’s heart clenched when she was reminded of Chae Young. She had been such a horrible friend. It had been days since she saw her best friend, and she still found no strength to overcome the guilt that continued to plague her. Yoori wondered if such guilt would ever diminish.
Only when I kill Jin Ae, Yoori concluded crossly.
“How is she?” Yoori asked, truly wanting to know.
Moroseness inhabited Hae Jin’s brown eyes. “She hasn’t been eating much. Jae Won says she’s dazed most of the time and has trouble sleeping. She wasn’t really receptive to seeing guests when Kang Min and I went to visit, but I managed to slip through with a bowl of soup for her.”
Yoori’s voice was hopeful when she said, “Did she eat?”
Hae Jin nodded, earning a sigh of relief from Yoori.
“How’d you manage that?” asked Yoori.
They were on the upper level of the library, right in the corner where the encyclopedias sat. Yoori was thankful that it was late at night and that there were no patrons around who could be bothered by their conversation. They could talk as much as they wanted.
“I told her that I understood what she’s going through,” said Hae Jin. Although her voice remained composed, pain still throbbed in it. “Even though our situations are different, I told her that I still understood.”
Yoori nodded forlornly, recalling that Hae Jin was raped by her eldest brother, Kwon Ho Young, before Tae Hyun killed him. Anguish clawed at her. In that moment, Yoori saw how small her problems were compared to Chae Young and Hae Jin’s. It was one thing to combat life problems, but it was something else entirely when rape was involved.
“Thank you,” Yoori told her gratefully. She was tempted to jump over the table and hug Hae Jin for helping to take care of her friend. She also wanted to embrace Hae Jin as a small form of condolence for everything that she had been through. “I should be the one helping to take care of her—”
“You’re going through a lot, Yoori,” Hae Jin interjected in understanding. “You can’t help someone else unless you help yourself first. It’s better that you’re here, getting everything in order instead of seeing Chae Young and risking breaking down in front of her. That’s the last thing Chae Young needs.”
Though Yoori nodded, she didn’t feel any less guilty (or shitty).
“We’ve missed you,” Hae Jin added once she saw the ache manifest on Yoori’s face. “My brother being at the top of the list.”
Yoori froze at the mention of Tae Hyun. She suspected that it would only be a matter of time before they spoke about him. However, that didn’t mean she was exempt from the emotions that boiled up whenever he was brought up. The walls that she once had lowered for Hae Jin quickly reassembled. She couldn’t allow herself to become vulnerable to the hurt by all of this again.
“Kwon Tae Hyun doesn’t miss me,” Yoori stated steadily, recalling the previous night in which he didn’t even acknowledge her existence. There was conviction in her voice. Yoori may have forgiven him for bringing her into the Underworld—because it was obvious that it would’ve happened one way or another—but she couldn’t forgive him for the rest. She couldn’t forgive him for the lies and the humiliation she felt. Perhaps one day, she would truly be over him. For now, she would simply pretend that she was. “Someone as corrupted as him led a great life before he met me. He’ll be just as fine without me. After all, he has his precious Underworld and all the girls in the world to take care of him.”
Yoori hoped the venom in her words would convince Hae Jin that she was over someone like Tae Hyun.
Hae Jin did not heed the malice in Yoori’s voice. Instead, she changed the subject to ease away all the poisonous thoughts Yoori associated with Tae Hyun.
“Did you know that we were really close as a family?” Hae Jin asked instead.
Yoori collapsed into silence at Hae Jin’s unexpected question. She knew what was to come. She dreaded hearing it, for it would be information that would probably ruin any hope of her ever getting over Tae Hyun. But because she was curious, she kept quiet. She allowed Hae Jin to go on because as much as her rationale told her that Tae Hyun was a horrible person, she knew that there was more to him than what meets the eye. There was more to Tae Hyun and his Underworld persona, and she wanted to hear it
from the only person who knew anything about his past—his baby sister.
Hae Jin continued to speak when it was clear that she had claimed Yoori’s attention. “My parents, my brothers, and I were all once very close. Our father was busy, but he made sure the family spent time together. He made sure we went to the lake house every other weekend, he made sure all of our birthdays were celebrated, and he made sure we bonded as a family and loved each other like family members should.”
The warm glint in her eyes began to diminish.
“Our lives were great . . . like a fairytale until one event changed everything. When Ji Hoon killed our father, our family began to tear apart. Our father was our glue. He was the one who protected us, guided us, and showered us with nothing but love and affection. When he died, our world fell apart. My mother was the first to go. She started to alienate herself while she mourned the loss of our father. She ignored us and didn’t speak to us because she was so depressed. The three of us tried to speak to her—to get through to her—but she was already pushed over the edge. A couple of weeks after his death, she committed suicide and died with him.”
Yoori felt the weight of the world push against her chest. She recalled how much Tae Hyun hated it when she ignored him and gave him the silent treatment. She had no idea it was something his mother did to the whole family before she committed suicide.
“It didn’t take long for the rest of us to fall apart,” Hae Jin continued. “My eldest brother, who was already drinking and taking drugs after my father’s death, started to abuse more drugs. Oppa, who took it the hardest because she died a few days before his birthday, escaped by schooling abroad.”
Yoori took in a sharp breath. She understood now why Tae Hyun was not eager to celebrate his birthday. Who would want to celebrate their birthday when their mother committed suicide just days before?
“And me,” said Hae Jin. “I not only lost my parents, but both of my older brothers too.” Her voice started to become shaky. It was expressive in her face that this was a difficult memory for her to revisit. But to give her brother justice, she fought through it. “There was a time where I hated him too, you know? After my father’s death, my eldest brother started acting strange toward me. It got so bad that I was afraid to even be alone with him. I told oppa this, and you know what he told me? He said he was too busy—he didn’t have time for me and my imagination.” She shook her head, exhaling painfully. “He left for college, and I was left alone with Ho Young. Then . . . Ho Young started doing things to me that I knew were wrong. He was touching me, forcing me to do things with him, and just . . .” She took a moment to gather her breath. “And just made my life a living hell. At that instance, I hated Kwon Tae Hyun.”
She glanced at Yoori.
“We don’t talk about our eldest brother much, but he still haunts us every single day.” Her face grew paler. “I’ll never forget that night, when my eldest brother came into my room, drunk off his mind, and told me that I wasn’t his sister anymore, that he needed me as something else.” As though to prevent tears from streaming down her face, she bit her quivering lips. “That night was hard, but it was harder when oppa came home unannounced and found Ho Young on top of me . . . touching me.” Hae Jin closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing.
“The three of us were close growing up, but oppa and our eldest brother were extremely close. Although the Underworld tried to pit them against one another, they never fell for the bait because they loved each other the way brothers should. Regardless, the poison of this world spreads far and wide. My brothers may not have battled each other for power, but they fought nonetheless because this world corrupted my eldest brother. It tainted all of us.”
She looked at Yoori. Her eyes teemed with conviction. “What Kwon Ho Young did to me was unforgivable. I’ll hate him for the rest of my life for it. But that hatred doesn’t quell the guilt of knowing that it resulted in him getting killed by oppa. The hate didn’t prevent our souls from deteriorating as we watched our eldest brother take his last breath.”
Hae Jin’s eyes rippled with tears that she refused to let out.
“My soul was broken after that. It was broken until Kang Min came into my life, until he lifted the demons away and showed me how I could trust another man aside from oppa. I was saved when I was fifteen, when I had Kang Min to lean on. But my brother suffered the most because he never once let out what really happened that night. He didn’t want me to suffer any further. He took all the blame and allowed people to think he was a monster, that he would murder his own brother for a throne. The worst part was when he started to believe he was ruthless, heartless, and truly fit for this world. It became his survival technique. His weapon in this society was to be ruthless and heartless because it was the only way to survive as a King in this world. It was the only way he could survive the guilt of murdering his own brother.” Hae Jin expelled a weary breath. “If you ask him if he regretted killing our brother, then he’ll tell you that he’d kill him again with no hesitation whatsoever. He’ll tell you that he has no regrets, that he hated our brother. But what he’ll never tell you is how much it hurts him, how it haunts him every day, and how it tears at his very soul. He’ll never tell you that he could have all the best cars in the world, but he chose to keep his Mercedes because it was the last gift our eldest brother gave to him. It was a gift that reminded him of the happier, more carefree times in his life. It was a gift that reminded him of how human he used to be before the shadows of this world enveloped him.”
Yoori’s breathing stilled at this revelation.
His car—the car he loved so much . . .
If it meant so much to him, why would he give it to her?
It didn’t make sense.
Yoori struggled through the undercurrent of emotions swaying within her. It was always much more difficult to hate someone when you learned about their broken past. Unfortunately for her, Kwon Tae Hyun was the only human alive who could evoke emotions that she tried so hard to keep controlled.
Hae Jin smiled. She reached over and placed a hand over Yoori’s. “If you’re wondering why I liked you so much when I first met you, it was because I started to see my brother again. I started to see him come to life once more. I spoke to him on the phone and heard a bit more life to his voice, like when we grew up together . . . before the incident took place. I knew something had changed. That was why I went over to his place to see what was up.” Hae Jin’s smile grew wider at the recollection. “I couldn’t stop smiling when I met you. Even then, I knew you were going to save him from the poison of this world. Just like Kang Min did for me, I knew you were going to be the one who changed everything for my brother.”
She gazed at Yoori, her eyes rippling with a mixture of hope and apprehension. “How he used you in the beginning was inexcusable, and it’s entirely up to you in terms of where you want to go from here. But he misses you, even if he doesn’t show it. He doesn’t show that he misses our eldest brother, and he won’t show that he misses you, but I know that he’s hurting because he probably misses you more than he’s ever missed anyone. He cares about you a lot—you’re not worthless to him. I just came here for him because I wanted you to know that. His feelings for you are genuine. There are few people he lets into his heart, but when you’re there, you’re there for life. ”
Fragmented with nothing but perplexity, Yoori found herself standing abruptly. This was all too much for her; she had to be alone to absorb all of this.
“I really should get going,” Yoori announced. She grabbed her black trench coat from the chair where she sat. She hastily pulled it over her white blouse so that the only clothing visible was her coat and remnants of her khaki pants that were tucked into dark, knee-high boots. Tying the belt of her satin coat into a knot and stacking her books together, she distractedly said, “It was good to see you tonight, Hae Jin. Regardless of what happens between your brother and I . . . I hope we’ll keep in touch.”
“I’d like that,” H
ae Jin replied, running over to hug Yoori. “Just think about it, okay?” she said before gently pulling away and leaving Yoori’s side. Though it appeared like she wanted to hang out with Yoori for a bit longer, Hae Jin knew it was best to leave Yoori alone with her thoughts.
Yoori wasted no time and fled out of the library. She ran into the car that Kwon Ho Young gifted his younger brother, the car Tae Hyun treasured so much. Snow sprinkled all around her as she settled inside the car. A tsunami of emotions thrashed in her already disjointed mind. Yoori took a moment to press her forehead against the steering wheel. The residual snow fell off her hair and melted on the leather seat while she breathed in silence.
The beating of her heart slowed to its normal pace. The world tilted back into place. The silence acted as her companion, and her once inundated mind was cleared of fogginess.
Breathe in . . .
Breathe out . . .
Breathe in . . .
Calmed by the world around her, Yoori’s mind ventured on to a recollection that marked itself in her heart. Her mind replayed a memory that pained her soul to relive, but lifted her heart to reminisce . . .
“I know the right thing to do would be to let you go right now because there’s no future for us. I wish I could be less selfish and just let you go because you deserve better than me. You deserve better than this life. I wish the little soul I have within me would stop yearning for you so I could just let you walk out of my life . . . so I could just go back to being happy with the life I led. That way, things would be easier and I wouldn’t have to stand here . . . never in my life feeling weaker or feeling guiltier for all the things that I’ve done . . .”
He continued to caress her hair, his eyes holding hers with nothing but desperation.
“I’ve made mistakes in the past, Yoori,” he shared, going back to the first concern she brought up. It seemed that this issue had been plaguing him for quite some time. “Mistakes that I was raised to believe were necessary to get me the ultimate power and keep me alive in this world. Mistakes that are irreparable . . . mistakes that will probably disgust you to a degree where you won’t be able to look at me again . . .”
