Regret (Never Waste a Second Chance Book 2)

by Janice M. Whiteaker

Mina hugged her back tightly. “I’ve been told that I’m quite the ass-saver. You should have called me sooner.” She pulled back and studied Nancy’s face for a minute. “Or told us to throw our own damn party.”

  Nancy laughed shaking her head at one of her closest friends. “No way. I wanted to do it.”

  She needed something to celebrate. They all did.

  Nancy swallowed the sudden sadness biting at the back of her throat and inwardly shook herself. She decided this morning that today would be happy and the only way to accomplish that was to push the still raw pain she felt about Rich to the back of her mind.

  Tomorrow could be different. Tomorrow she could go back to missing him. To loving him because he was her son. And to hating him for what he’d done.

  Unfortunately, that pretty much summed up the current state of her life. Stuck somewhere between love and hate, the guilt of both making it hard to accomplish much of anything.

  “And we appreciate it.” Mina smiled leaned back, giving her a once over. Her amber eyed gaze stalled on Nancy’s chest. “I can handle down here while you go upstairs and put on a different top. That one is covered in…?” She raised an eyebrow in question.

  “It’s butter.”

  Mina grimaced. “I hope you don’t like that shirt.”

  Nancy pulled it out and looked at the greasy streak running down the left boob of the pale pink blouse. She put it on earlier, hoping to save time, confident she could avoid making a mess of herself.

  Another bad decision to add to a long list.

  “Mina honey?”

  Both women looked up at Thomas where he stood in the kitchen doorway, his still a little too lean frame propped against the jamb, leaning heavily on his good leg.

  This time it was harder, with a grim reminder of the tragedies her family suffered staring her in the face, but come hell or high water, she was going to be happy tonight.

  Plastering a smile on her face, Nancy shooed Mina in his direction. “Go greet your guests. I’ll freshen up and be down in a minute.” Thomas took Mina’s hand in his and led her into the living room, now nearly full with guests, pride written all over his face. A tiny bit of the heaviness making her heart sag lifted.

  The only way to get through this would be clinging to any little bit of good, any tiny scrap of joy she could get her hands on.

  Taking advantage of the distraction Thomas and Mina brought, she ran upstairs to rectify the mess she’d made of herself. A fresh shirt, quick swipe with a hairbrush and a coat of tinted lip balm later she was back downstairs in the middle of friends and family.

  Nancy managed a genuine smile and started across the room, greeting guests as she went. If it wasn’t for the people around her, these past few months would have been even harder. They were nearly unbearable as it was.

  She stopped to thank one of Thomas’ classmates for sending food after Rich’s funeral. Then, a frequent customer at the farmer’s market who’d lost a child herself, squeezed her in a hug so tight she lost her breath. Another stopped her to ask about the antiques filling the house.

  “I love this.” The woman slid her hand along the side of the plain-lined walnut cabinet that took up a five foot section of the front wall between the door and window. “Where did you find it?”

  Nancy couldn’t help but touch the cabinet herself. The wood was smooth as glass under her palm. “The back forty. The tree it’s made from fell in a storm and my dad had it milled and made this.” It was as beautiful as it was treasured. Over the years its locked doors kept many a child from getting their little hands on a number of firing weapons. Until recently.

  A movement at the back of the house, outside the kitchen windows, caught her eye. Speak of the devil.

  She excused herself and made her way through the crowd.

  The women of the room were oooo-ing and ahhh-ing over the stunning ring her son gave her friend, while the men were discussing whatever game had been on recently, making it easy to slip out unseen and head to the laundry room off the back of the kitchen.

  Beth, Rich’s widow, was just closing the back door as Nancy came around the corner, obviously surprising her, making the poor woman almost jump out of her skin. Beth’s hand went over her heart as she let out a yelp and leaned back against the clothes dryer behind her.

  “Oh!” She took a couple deep breaths and quickly regained her composure. “Hey. I’m sorry. We’re a little late and I didn’t want to disturb everyone.”

  “Nana!” Little arms grabbed Nancy around the waist and squeezed with all their might.

  An easy smile of genuine joy spread over Nancy’s face. “Hey girls.” She dropped into a squat and wrapped her arms around Kate and little Liza. “I’ve missed you.”

  Kate giggled. “You just saw us yesterday.”

  “I know but I’ve missed you since then.” She leaned in close to their little faces. “Maddie and Charlie are in the front room. I bet they’ve missed you too.”

  Both girls took off squealing, dropping their coats on the floor as they ran. Beth sighed as the girls disappeared into the crowd.

  Nancy turned to her. “Hey.” She hugged Beth tightly for as long as she dared, then did the next thing all mother’s do when one of their own is suffering. “Are you hungry?”

  She knew the answer. She’d been where Beth was, but had to try anyway. Even if only for herself. To feel like she was doing something.

  “Not really.” Beth grabbed the girls’ coats off the linoleum floor and piled them on the dryer adding hers to the top. “Thanks though.”

  “I’m glad you came.”

  Beth leaned against the dryer. She looked tired. Her light brown was pulled back in a loose bun at the back of her head with a few fine strands turning into her face and tucking under her chin. The green of her eyes was still just as clear as ever, but her already fair skin looked pale and dull.

  Beth chewed on her lip as she leaned forward to glance through the kitchen. “I wanted to.” She blinked hard a few times in a row. “I don’t want Mina to think I hate her or blame her for what happened.”

  Nancy wanted so much to hug her again. Squeeze her until the pain was gone, for both of them, but held back. Sometimes things like that only made it worse. No matter how well intentioned.

  Instead, she smiled. “You’re a strong woman.”

  Beth gave her a forced smile back. “It doesn’t feel like it.”

  The voices in the house grew louder as the smell of food lured the hungry crowd to the kitchen. Beth peeked around Nancy and took another deep breath.

  “It’ll be okay honey.”

  Beth nodded quickly, her mouth set in a tight line. Her eyes caught Mina’s where the other woman stood across the kitchen. Beth set her shoulders and headed straight for her.

  The tiniest hint of envy bit at Nancy. If only she’d tackled things head on like that. Maybe her life would be different. Maybe all their lives would be different.

  Nancy watched Mina’s face as Beth headed toward her. The gentle smile she had when she first saw Beth quickly disappeared. Before Beth made it to her, Mina was shoving her cup and plate into Thomas’ hands and stepping quickly to her.

  The crowd edged out, giving the two women room as Mina put an arm around Beth and quickly led her to the front of the house, the sound of their feet on the stairs barely perceptible over the conversations filling the room.

  Thomas crossed the kitchen toward his mother, winding his way through the bodies surrounding the buffet.

  “What’s going on?” His voice was full of concern.

  “Probably the best thing that could happen for Beth right now. She’s with one of the few people who can understand how she’s feeling.”

  “Mina’s having a hard time.” He took a sip of his drink as his eyes moved across the faces filling the kitchen.

  “I can imagine.” Killing to save the man you love was one thing. Having to kill the cousin he considered a brother for the same reason, knowing you’re taking a father from his
children, a husband from his wife and a son from his mother? Very different. “Then maybe this will help her too.”

  They stood silently in the doorway, watching as their friends filled their plates, the sound of conversations filling the house. As the minutes ticked by Thomas became fidgety, shifting from foot to foot, checking his watch and craning his neck to try to see into the front of the house.

  Nancy patted his back. “I’ll go check on the girls.”

  She skirted the edge of the group and headed up the stairs, freezing at the second to last step. Through her closed bedroom door, she could hear Beth sobbing.

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” Her words were choppy, broken apart by ragged breaths. “I never thought he would try to hurt someone.”

  Nancy moved to the door, her hand pausing at the knob. She held back.

  Mina’s voice was soft enough she could barely hear it through the heavy door. “Shhh. You could never have known what would happen. None of this is your fault.”

  Nancy’s breath caught in her throat. She closed her eyes as she rested her head against the door.

  “What will I tell my girls?”

  Tears burned the back of Nancy’s eyelids. The pain in Beth’s voice cut like a knife reopening wounds from so long ago. It was a pain she knew. The worst she’d ever felt. A mother hurting for her children.

  Nancy took her hand away from the doorknob and backed away. She wiped her eyes as she walked to the bathroom, silently closing the door behind her. Pulling a tissue free of the box she blew her nose.

  Nancy allowed herself a few seconds to regroup, but that was all. This was supposed to be a party and she was being a terrible host. It was time to pop her head out of her ass and get it together. At least for a little bit.

  She straightened her shoulders as she walked through the living room and into the kitchen. The first face she saw was her son’s staring at her from across the room, still standing where she’d left him, but now he was surrounded by his buddies who were all laughing and joking.

  Thomas was not.

  Nancy made her way to him, greeting people as she went. The look on Thomas’ face as he waited for her to reach him would have made her laugh if she wasn’t still trying not to cry. She picked up the pace before he started to lose his mind.

  “Everything’s okay. Beth’s just upset.”

  “With Mina?” His voice was loud. Louder than it should have been, making more than a couple of people turn their way.

  “No honey. Beth isn’t upset with Mina at all. If anything she’s worried people are upset with her.”

  Thomas’ jaw clenched and his eyes hardened. “She is just as much a victim as anyone else. Probably more.”

  He stood for a moment, his jaw so tight the muscles began to twitch. “I’m going up there.”

  Nancy grabbed his arm as he started to move. “No. Just give them a little bit.”

  Just then, Mina appeared at his side, a smile on her face that couldn’t hide the sadness in her eyes. He pulled her against him and held her tight. “You okay?”

  She leaned into his side and nodded her head. “Yeah.”

  “How’s Beth?” His voice was low and soft.

  “I told her we could keep the girls tonight and sent her home to take some time for herself.” She leaned back, tipping her face to look up at him. “Is that okay?”

  “Of course.” He pecked her on the mouth. “Whatever you think will help.”

  Mina looked over the packed kitchen then at Nancy. “Sorry I disappeared. I saw her starting to cry and I didn’t want her to feel embarrassed.”

  Nancy patted her arm. “Honey, you did the right thing.” Just like always. Mina was the best person she’d ever known and adding her to their family was one more piece of happiness Nancy clung to.

  Thomas’ friend Jerry, a local cop, wandered over and started asking Mina about some home project he was planning and Nancy took the opportunity to slip away to check and see how the food was holding up to the hungry crowd.

  She opened a couple more bags of chips and filled the waning bowls while chatting with people about her plans for the market this year, what new vendors had signed on, and when the best time to plant their peas would be.

  The conversation helped take her mind off Beth and she started to relax a little, finally starting to enjoy the evening.

  Nancy picked up a couple of empty dishes and headed to the sink, finding Mina was already there, lining up used serving spoons on the counter.

  She set the dishes in the sink and turned on the faucet, hoping the hot water would soften the baked on crust left at the edges. “Are you guys ready for cake?”

  She’d baked Thomas’ favorite chocolate cake. Cakes. Three of them. That way he and the kids could take some leftovers home for later. Each was a triple layer, dark chocolate base with what amounted to a rich, fudgy, almost pudding like frosting. Just looking at it was enough to add ten pounds.

  “We want cake! We want cake!” Kate and Liza came running, coming to a fast stop in front of Nancy.

  “You girls have ears like bats.” Nancy tousled Liza’s hair before turning to get the cakes from the fridge.

  “I want cake.” Thomas stood right behind her a big grin on his face.

  “Holy cow you’re like vultures.” She pointed at the refrigerator. “Pull one of them out and get it on the table. I’ll grab a knife.”

  The first cake was demolished within five minutes. Nancy pulled out the second and set it on the table, leaving it for Mina to cut. She took away the serving disc from cake number one and chucked the silver coated piece of cardboard into the trash can. By the time she turned around, cake number two was halfway gone.

  She should have made more cake.

  Luckily, the sweet richness slowed the crowd down with only a few making it back for seconds. By the time the thinning crowd moved back into the living room, three-quarters of the third cake remained.

  Nancy set the lid of a cake carrier over the surviving desert, protecting it from little fingers, and surveyed the kitchen. It looked like a tornado came through. She started collecting forgotten plates and misplaced cups but the sound of laughter in the front living room made her stop.

  She dropped the trash in her hands onto an already full counter. It could wait. Soon her house would be empty and silent and she’d be wishing for someone to talk to. Might as well enjoy the company while she had it.

  The kids sat on one side of the wide front room playing a board game they found in a large antique cupboard Nancy kept stocked with toys, books, movies and games. Now that she was spending more time with Beth’s girls, it was coming in handy.

  The adults congregated on the two large sofas and matching chairs, one of the few ‘new’ purchases Nancy made when filling her house. As beautiful as antique couches look, they are hell to sit on.

  The group chatted casually about the long winter and Thomas and Mina’s wedding plans until the kids started winding down. By the time the last guests were pulling out of the driveway little Liza was out cold, her chubby cheeks flushed from playing.

  “Why don’t you leave the girls with me?” Nancy tucked a blanket around the sleeping four year old. “She’ll be out for the night and Kate and I can watch a movie.”

  Kate looked at Nancy, her eyes big. “Could I go home with them? Maddie said I could sleep in her bed.”

  Nancy couldn’t blame her. Maddie did have the kind of bed most little girls dreamt of, especially the six-year-old variety. Paul built her a beautiful four poster bed with rails connecting the posts. Mina found lace panels to loop over the rails and wound twinkle lights all around the top. It really was beautiful. Even girls of the fifty-five-year old variety could appreciate it.

  Nancy jumped up and ran to the kitchen. “I almost forgot.” She quickly boxed up most of the remaining chocolate cake and headed back into the front living room, handing the container to Kate. “You can go with them as long as you promise not to eat all the cake for breakfast.�
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  Kate clutched the cake to her chest, her face serious. “I promise.”

  Nancy collected their coats and helped get everyone loaded into Mina’s van. By the time she made it back inside her teeth were chattering.

  After locking the house up she scooped Liza off the couch and headed upstairs, ready to be cuddled up under the covers with her little snuggle bug.

  She tucked the little girl in and quickly threw on her pajamas and brushed her teeth before scooting in beside her and leaning over to kiss her sweaty little head. As she looked into Liza’s sweet face, Nancy wondered how long it would be before she’d be able to talk about her father without breaking down.

  THREE

  Nancy parked her car facing the well-lit, downtown storefront. How did she let Mina talk her into this?

  Dozens of people, all women, milled around the large room lined with long tables, stools and table-top easels. Nancy was many things but creative was not one of them.

  A quick knock on the window beside her made her heart pound and stomach lurch. Autumn’s smiling face was nearly pressed against the glass as she waved enthusiastically at Nancy. “Aren’t you so excited?” Her voice was muffled by the glass but not her personality.

  Autumn was married to Jerry, Thomas’ lifelong friend. One of them anyway. She was as beautiful as she was animated. And bouncy. And happy. Hopefully her optimism about the evening was contagious.

  Nancy shoved open the door and into a strong armed hug. “I’m so glad you came out with us.” Autumn rocked their bodies back and forth as she squeezed. She pushed back but still didn’t let go. “I haven’t been out in so long I can’t even remember. This is going to be the best night ever.”

  “Hey girls!”

  Autumn’s head craned to one side, her hands still firm where they held Nancy’s shoulders. She let out a squeal and finally released Nancy to wave with her whole arm across the parking lot at Mina and Beth.

  Within minutes Nancy was tied into a muslin apron, perched on a stool, sipping wine and staring down a blank canvas.

  She leaned to her right. Mina was already swiping graceful streaks of a darkish green in purposeful strokes over her own canvas.