Unforgivable

by Lindsay Delagair

“I-I just needed to…”

  The smile faded from his face as he rose slowly from the control table and turned to walk out of the booth to the pool area.

  “Micah,” I stopped him, reaching for his arm. He turned and I could see his eyes were filled with hurt and sadness. “What’s wrong? You don’t like the way I was dancing?” Something was upsetting him and I hoped he didn’t think I looked, well let’s just say less than innocent on the dance floor. When I danced alone, I didn’t feel any reason not to be provocative, but he had told me before that it was my innocence he found so alluring.

  Now I could see the tears starting to fill his bottom lashes. I couldn’t let him go out the door. I took his face in my palms and softly kissed his lips, “Please, please tell me what’s bothering you-I’m sorry if I said you were spying on me.”

  “Does being with Ryan make you want to dance this way?”

  I was too stunned to speak at first, but then I realized he took my pent up anger on the dance floor to mean something else entirely. I kissed him again, slower this time and kept my face only inches from his as I told him no. “You crazy-nut,” I whispered, “I was angry. I use dancing for a release when I’m really, really upset.”

  He gave a small sigh of relief, “Then baby, the only thing I’ve got to know is what are you pissed about? You were dancing your ass off out there.”

  “Did you buy that bottle of wine after you left me with Ryan?”

  His eyebrows went up, “You’re angry about a bottle of wine?”

  “Do you drink when you’re upset? You know how I feel about alcohol.”

  “Your mom bought it because last night I mentioned about having wine with dinner. She asked if I’d like to have a glass with her when I got home.”

  “Oh.” That put a whole new light on things. “I’m-I’m so sorry, I thought… Forgive me, Micah, I was so angry. I thought maybe you had an issue you didn’t want to tell me about.”

  “I’m afraid a hit man needs sobriety or he doesn’t last long. I used to drink casually, just one or two drinks a night on weeks when I didn’t have a job to do, but the only time I’ve been…” He stopped and the ‘I-don’t-want-to-tell-you,’ face appeared.

  “We don’t have reasons to hide things, do we?”

  “The only time I’ve been absolutely passed out drunk was about three months ago.”

  “When you went home?”

  “I was so sick over leaving you in the hospital, and I didn’t know when or if I’d see you again. I think that was one of the reasons why David decided he needed to put a stop to Robert before he found someone else to kill you; he’d never seen me like that.”

  He tried to pull me into his arms, but I had to push away, “Micah, I’m gross. I’m covered in sweat from head to…”

  The argument was moot; he evidently didn’t care about the sweat as he pulled me against his clean dress shirt. He smelled so wonderful, he felt fantastic as he wrapped me in those gloriously strong arms and kissed me slow and deep.

  “Dance with me, Micah,” I whispered.

  “I can’t dance like you, baby.”

  “Slow dance with me,” I pleaded as I let my mouth trail from his ear to his neck, “please.”

  “You know I can’t say no to you, baby. You pick the song and I’ll dance with you.”

  I went to the computer and noticed that he had gone on Grooveshark to pick his songs. I typed in ‘I’ll Make Love to You’ and hit the play button, dimmed the studio lights, and took his hand and led him out onto the dance floor. He held me so close and began to gently sway as he pressed me to his body. I inhaled his scintillating scent and felt myself beginning to disappear into his warm chest. His hands slipped low on my hips as I arched my back and allowed my body to swing away from him, pushing my hips against his as I made a slow circle and returned against his chest. He was moaning to the beat of the music as our bodies seemed to become one pulsing rhythm. The song simply wasn’t long enough for me to enjoy so much pleasure.

  “Oh, Micah,” I sighed softly as the song was ending, “I love you.”

  Our lips met as my arms twined around his neck and my fingers went into those silky waves of brown hair. He was so gorgeous and I simply couldn’t believe that he was for me alone. “I’ve got to be the luckiest girl in the entire world.”

  He dipped me low and then raised me to his lips.

  I kissed him once more and then begged to leave his presence to go hit the shower.

  I rinsed off and then slipped on a simple pink, cotton romper that I seldom wore (mainly because I couldn’t wear a bra with it), but it was quick and comfortable. When I came back downstairs, Mom was putting things away in the kitchen, Kimmy was swimming in the pool, and Micah was seated out on the deck watching the sunset, still in his dinner clothes.

  “We brought you back some food,” he said as I sat down by him. “Did you eat?”

  “Not yet. I’ll get something a little later-I didn’t want to miss watching the sunset with you.”

  He smiled and looked away, “So, I didn’t ask earlier, but how was your afternoon with-with Ryan.”

  I wondered if I should tone down all the fun I had, but trust depends on truth, “I had a great time. He put a new engine in his car and I could actually pull the front tires off the ground.”

  He laughed softly, still watching the sunset, “Sounds like fun.”

  “I wish you’d stayed,” I added. “You didn’t have to do what you did.”

  “I’ve got to learn to try things that are uncomfortable for me where you’re concerned so I don’t end up smothering you. By the way, did he kiss you?”

  I was shocked that he threw that question out there like it was an unimportant afterthought.

  “No, but…”

  He turned to look at me as I struggled to finish what I had to say.

  “…I actually kissed him.”

  I watched Micah’s eyes involuntarily grow larger and he swallowed hard.

  “He wanted to know if he could kiss the bride, but I told him these lips belong to you alone. I kissed his cheek and said he could return it, on my cheek, after the wedding.”

  He looked both relieved and upset at the same time.

  “I’m sorry if-”

  “It’s okay, Leese. A kiss on the cheek is infinitely preferable to what I was afraid might happen.”

  “No,” I started to say Ryan wouldn’t do that to me, but Mom came out onto the deck with two glasses of wine.

  “Micah, would you like another glass of…”

  Micah was saying no as I put my hand out for the glass. I could tell she was reluctant to hand it to me, but she did.

  “Leese would prefer if I didn’t drink, Nadia,” he stated without explaining why.

  I knew what impression she would come away with and I didn’t want her to think he had a weakness for it. “He doesn’t have a problem, Mom. I just don’t see why it’s necessary to use alcohol.”

  Mom smiled, “Honey, there is nothing wrong with a little wine once in a while.”

  “I know, Mom, I just don’t like it.”

  “That’s because you don’t drink it,” she added with a light laugh.

  I had enough. Micah asked me to try wine and now it appeared Mom was alluding to the same. I put the glass to my lips as Micah reached for my arm, but I leaned away from him and slugged down the terribly flavored liquid. I couldn’t help the shiver, followed by an immediate grimace that hit me. It must have been at least twelve ounces.

  “Leese!” Mom snapped, taking the glass as I handed it back to her, “you aren’t old enough!”

  “Now I can say that I have drunk it and I still don’t like it. Ah! How do you guys stand that crap-it’s awful!” I shivered again.

  I noticed Micah was angry, but yet trying not to laugh at my reaction.

  Mom turned and headed back into the house, still grumbling about what I’d done.

  “You shouldn’t have done that,” he chided, clearly the anger was winning over the h
umor. He switched from his lounger to seat himself on mine. “Was that honestly the first time you’ve ever touched alcohol?”

  I swallowed, trying to get use to the odd flavor still remaining in my mouth, “Yeah, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about, it’s-”

  “No matter what anyone says, it’s not the taste that draws people in; it’s how you feel after you drink it. If you decide you enjoy the buzz then what’s to stop you the next time? You said you didn’t like me drinking-I won’t touch it again, but you’ve got to promise me to never do something stupid like that again. You pissed off your mother and me.”

  My vision was starting to swim as the tears built on my bottom lashes, “I’m sorry, it’s just that you had asked me to try it and it seemed like-”

  “When did I ask you to try it?” he responded indignantly.

  “Last night,” I reminded him, but could see his face was a blank. “It would make you sleep better,” I repeated his words.

  He sighed and seemed to calm, “I guess I need to pay attention to what I say around you or I’ll ruin you.”

  That was enough to send the tears over the edge. I wanted to run to my room, but he kept me immobile.

  “Let me go,” I said, trying to push him back.

  “No. Why does it upset you if I say I’m ruining you?”

  I looked at him, not wanting to say what I was thinking, but I was starting to get an odd feeling. My legs had begun to tingle, like I had danced too long or had suddenly become scared and they were turning to jelly. My stomach was warm and it was gently spreading through my limbs. The fact that my stomach had been empty and I had been thirsty was giving quick access to the wine’s effects.

  “What happens when you decide I’m ruined, Micah? You won’t want me anymore, will you?”

  “Ah, Leese, don’t think that. I can’t help myself when it comes to loving you, but if I tear off that beautiful innocence, I’ll only have myself to blame.”

  I was playing with the strings of my romper now, feeling a giddiness that was foreign, especially since I was crying at the same moment. “You’re right about the wine,” I admitted, taking the cloth strings and wiping away my tears, “my legs feel funny.”

  “Stop that, baby,” he whispered, clamping his hand over mine as I continued to tug nervously at my strings.

  I didn’t realize at the moment that I had pulled the rim of my romper too low and was exposing excessive cleavage. I pulled it back up and dropped the strings. Kimmy was still swimming and I was hidden by Micah’s broad shoulders and chest. He leaned into me and gave me a tantalizing kiss and then grabbed the strings himself. My eyes were wide, but I offered no resistance to stop what he was about to do, and at that moment I wanted nothing more than to let him take control. He began lowering the fabric. He moved closer to me so no one would know what he was doing. His cheek was against mine as his mouth moved to my ear.

  “Take it down, Micah,” I pleaded. “Don’t stop.”

  “You see what I mean about the alcohol? If I brought that bottle out here right now and asked you to drink with me, would you do it?”

  I knew I’d do just about anything he wanted right now. “No,” I lied, realizing if he had drank a glass my top wouldn’t be teetering on coming down, it would be down and we would be relocating this game of uncovering Leese to a place where I could do the same to him.

  “You want me to keep going, don’t you?”

  “Yes, let’s go upstairs, Micah.”

  “You were right, alcohol is dangerous,” he said pulling my top back where it belonged.

  “Kiss me, Micah,” I begged. The feeling of the wine still traveling through me, and I was ready to forget about the wedding date, the fact that my family was home, none of it mattered. I felt his arms lifting me from the lounger and I was thinking I was going to be carried upstairs and get my wish, but I realized too late he was moving to the pool and before I could tell him no, he threw me in.

  Kimmy thought it was hilarious. The shock of the water cleared my head as I moved to the stairs and began climbing out. He was big, but I was contemplating every possible move I had in my black belt arsenal to throw him in the water as well.

  Mom heard the commotion and reappeared on the deck as I stood there dripping wet and plotting my revenge.

  “Leese!”

  I couldn’t figure out why she was snapping at me-I didn’t throw myself in, but she was grabbing a towel and heading for me. Micah’s face had an unmistakable flush to his skin; that was when I looked down at my outfit and discovered how very inappropriate it was when wet. Mom wrapped me in the towel, as Micah stated he’d be back in a while and headed for the garage.

  “You’d have been better off to have been in your bathing suit,” she criticized, still sounding miffed.

  “I didn’t jump in. He threw me in!”

  “Oh,” she said, suddenly understanding what happened.

  I went upstairs and changed clothes, still feeling a little odd. I was going to wait up for him to return, but he was absolutely right about the wine and sleeping. I was so exhausted I couldn’t keep my eyes open. It was only about 8:45 and I was ready to go to bed.

  Chapter 3

  I woke the next morning to Mom tapping on my door saying to get up and get ready for church. That was when I felt his presence in my bed. I rolled over and he was staring at me and had apparently slept in my bed all night.

  “What are you doing in here?” I whispered.

  “I came in to check on you when I got home last night, and I started watching you sleep. I crawled in just to be close to you for a little while and fell asleep myself.”

  I smiled and snuggled against him, “I’m going to be really glad when we can share a bed permanently.”

  He kissed my forehead, “Me too, baby.”

  I could hear Mom down the hallway knocking on Micah’s door telling him to get up as well. I laughed, watching the grin spread across his face. “You’re really lucky she didn’t open my door,” I stated. “She would never believe that we can behave ourselves in the same bed.”

  “Who said anything about behaving myself,” he moaned as he began to kiss my neck.

  “Come on, Don Juan,” I giggled, pulling his arm, trying to right both of us. “You’ve got to slip out of here before she comes back. We have to get ready for church.”

  “You need another glass of wine.”

  I shot him a nasty look, “I don’t think so!”

  He smiled, “Good girl. But you wouldn’t be shoving me out the door if-”

  I grabbed a pillow and hit him as hard as possible, “Out!” I shout whispered.

  He cracked open my door and peered into the hallway and then he was gone.

  Our wedding planner, Linda Doradee, was a member of our church and she had been working this week on finding the perfect location for the wedding. She said we’d get together after church today and she would present it to us to see if we approved. I would have been happy to have it in my church, but she insisted she would find something very special for our day.

  We went to the fellowship hall after services ended and she brought out her planning book and began.

  “Since you told me Micah’s family was French and Italian, I was looking for something with old world charm; I found the ultimate location. Take a look.” She opened the book to reveal pictures of a beautiful church that appeared to be very old. “It’s Saint Bernard de Clairvaux, a 12th century Spanish monastery that was moved to North Miami in 1925 by William Randolph Hurst.”

  She was going on about the different areas available for weddings as she flipped through the pictures of the impeccable grounds and buildings. I could see by Micah’s face, he was completely enthralled. I would be happy being married anywhere, but I knew how important it was to impress his father and this place would impress the Pope.

  “It’s perfect,” I said, “but I want it all.”

  Linda looked a little confused.

  “Rent the entire building
and grounds for the wedding,” Micah clarified. He knew exactly what I was saying. Simply renting an area wouldn’t do.

  “I-I don’t know if they-”

  “Linda, they may not normally do that, but for the right price, they will,” I assured her.

  “They already said the 15th was clear,” she sighed. “I’ll call them tomorrow and ask about using the entire facility. Here is the design you ask for on the wedding invitation. Does it look good to you both?”

  We nodded.

  “Okay then, if the entire church can be rented I’ll give this to my printer. He is local here in town and he said if I give it to him tomorrow, he’ll have them done by Wednesday and we can mail them out. Then all we have to do is confirm some dinner menus, music and flowers. Leese, did you find a dress yet?”

  “Yes, I ordered a Vera Wang, and it’s supposed to be delivered in a few days.”

  “Perfect! Oh, I almost forgot about the Acqualina.”

  “What’s the Acqualina?” Micah asked before I could form the question.

  She flipped to the next page in her planner and the pictures of a high-rise hotel appeared. “I know you two have decided on Maui, but I was thinking you wouldn’t want to spend your first married night on a thirteen-hour flight. The Acqualina would be perfect for a few nights of relaxation before you leave for the islands. Your guests can stay here as well. It’s a gorgeous facility, they have everything and it isn’t far from the monastery.”

  Micah and I looked at each other. We both wanted that first night to be perfect. I turned the page to view the deluxe oceanfront suite, 1600 square feet of luxury and Atlantic views. I smiled. “It’s perfect.”

  “Sounds good to me, too.”

  “Excellent,” Linda added. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a wedding come together so smoothly. I feel like it could be tomorrow and we’d be ready.”

  “I’d be ready,” I blurted out and then blushed a little, recalling that I was still in church and my thoughts were very unchurch-like at the moment.

  We shook Linda’s hand and then left for lunch. Kimmy went with a friend for the afternoon and we wouldn’t see her again until church this evening. It was nice because it was a chance for the adults to have time to talk. Not everything I wanted to discuss about my pending marriage was suitable for Kimmy’s ears. The problem was when we got to the restaurant for lunch, I realized I couldn’t bring myself to mention it with Micah at the table either. After we ordered our food, he excused himself to the restroom and I was able to ask my mother what had been bothering me.