And We Danced

by Toni Mari

  There was anguish in his voice. “No, no,” I said. “You don’t know that. Jet colicked here at home, too. Something was wrong with him. He was just such a hero that he didn’t show us any signs. No, neither of you could have done anything better. I am sure of it.” And I was. If nothing else, they were both exceptional horsemen.

  His troubled gaze met mine. “You know, Cory will come back. He’ll realize all that and come back some day. He has to.” Despite the strong words, there was still doubt in his voice.

  “Maybe.” I gave a little head shake. I didn’t think so. “Riding bulls instead of horses, huh? He’s crazy.” I grimaced.

  Chase nodded. “A bull is the furthest thing from a horse that a man could ride.” He patted my hand and walked out of the barn.

  I thought about what Chase said. If, he, a grown man with lots of experience, could feel so awful and responsible for Jet, what kind of guilt and pain must Cory have been going through? Jet was Cory’s first horse, and magically, they had accomplished so much and gone so far. The anguish of losing a friend like that and thinking that he was responsible must have torn Cory’s heart to pieces. Tears rolled down my cheeks in silent rivers. Poor, poor Cory.

  After that conversation with Chase, my bitterness about Cory’s behavior evaporated. I loved him because he was such a caring individual, and he left because he felt broken and destroyed. It really had little to do with me. I would keep loving him and cherish the memories of the time we had. But life moved on, and I would too.

  Windsong didn’t suffer any real consequences from getting kicked, so when Kate got back from vacation, we went straight to work. I was walking Windsong around the indoor letting him have a breather one day with Kate walking next to us.

  “So, Jane. I spoke with Robert about coming back for a few training sessions with you. I don’t want to bring him all that way, though, if you aren’t committed.”

  “I am. I really would like to ride with him. I don’t want to just qualify, I want to make the team and be the one they can count on. I’m sorry for all my craziness. I promise, that’s all done.”

  “I understand some of what you went through with Cory. Do you ever talk to him anymore?”

  I pressed my lips together. Sometimes I went days before something reminded me of Cory. “No. He left without talking to me at all.”

  “Ooh. That sucks. He is screwed up good over Jet.”

  “I know. I actually had a talk with Chase that made me realize that. I’m not mad anymore. He helped me so much, he doesn’t deserve any grief from me.”

  “Maybe he’ll come back some day.”

  “Maybe, but I’m not holding my breath. I have Windsong and I have goals. I really want this. I will do whatever you tell me.”

  “You sure about that?” Kate grinned, looking sly.

  I laughed. “Whatever you say.”

  Windsong was also on board. It seemed like the more we worked and challenged him, the more focused he became.

  I concentrated on improving my own position and responses. I stopped worrying about who liked me or who was going to be impressed with my horse. Instead, I zeroed in on the basics of the movements and how to improve them. Windsong was a workhorse. He did not fool around or try to avoid his job. He put his heart into doing what I asked, and a little more. When Kate and I decided to end a lesson, Windsong wasn’t even tired. He would barely be blowing. If we set a goal, he would crush it and still be ready with more positive energy.

  When Robert came, we worked hard. We also traveled to three clinics with well-known trainers, trying to get as much training in as we could before the first spring show. I approached each clinic with a serious work ethic and an open mind. I was in a great place mentally, ready for the competition season, ready to handle anything.

  “Jane, I just want you to know that the last few months training you has been the best time of my career,” Kate said one day after a lesson. “You have become such an amazing rider! You are so easy to teach and get along with. No matter how this season turns out, I don’t think I will ever forget how well this winter has gone.”

  “What?” I stopped Windsong and stared at her. “Shouldn’t you wait until I win something to say that?”

  “Haven’t you figured it out yet? It’s the journey that means more. The ribbons are icing on the cake.”

  I put my hand on Windsong’s neck. My heart swelled and I grinned. “I never thought I would be able to ride this horse. Now, I think we can do anything. Thank you, Kate, for believing in me. Thank you for everything!”

  We grinned at each other. “We are going to rock this show!”

  “Look out, dressage queens. Here we come!” I punched my fist in the air.

  Chapter 40

  I leaned my forehead against the cool window of Kate’s truck. The highway gleamed in the soft dawn light. Only a few cars and trucks were out at this time on a Saturday morning. The scene was familiar to me. We were on our way to the same show grounds where Windsong and I did our first big show together. If I closed my eyes, I could practically feel Cory’s arm around my shoulders and hear his voice in my ear: “Remember, Jane. No one else matters, only you and Windsong.” I smiled.

  This was it. I was enjoying the butterflies in my stomach and was humming with excitement. I felt prepared and ready. I was proud of my horse, his talent but also his loyalty to me. He might be high strung and over reactive, but he wanted to please me. We would put in our best efforts and whatever the results, it would be a success.

  Kate drove the trailer carefully down the dirt driveway of the show grounds. Anything—dogs, horses, children—might have jumped out into the lane. This was the first big show of the season, and the grounds were mobbed. She found a good spot, parked the trailer, and we got out. It was just me and Kate in the cab; my parents would drive up later in the day. I walked around the side of the trailer and opened the window for Windsong. He immediately poked his head out and hollered. He did this every time. I was ready for it and had my hands over my ears.

  “Windsong has arrived!” I laughed out loud. “As if you weren’t sure who was in the trailer, he just had to let you all know.” I patted his head.

  “Jane, leave Windsong on the trailer and head to the secretary’s stand to get your packet,” Kate directed as she was busy stabilizing the trailer and setting up.

  “’Kay.” I strode off in the direction of the secretary’s booth. My envelope would have my number, the final show schedule, and sometimes they threw in a treat for Windsong.

  I was waiting in line at the window when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to see Melinda Kratz beside me. I steeled myself for whatever nonsense would come out of her mouth.

  “Hey, girl,” Melinda greeted me pleasantly. “Did you have a good winter? How’s Windsong doing?”

  My mouth fell open and I almost forgot to respond. “Grrreeat. Really great. How was yours?”

  “Good. I wanted to tell you, I heard what happened to Cory at the Games. I couldn’t believe it. That truly sucks.”

  “Yep. It was bad,” I replied neutrally. When was the ton of bricks going to fall?

  “I also heard Cory left. He’s out West or something. I’m sorry you guys broke up.”

  Here it comes—the smarmy comment in a genial tone designed to make me feel like shit. I braced myself for it. “Yeah, we did.”

  “He was great. Listen, we actually parked right next to you, so I’ll see you at the trailer. And good luck. It would be cool if we both made the team together.” Melinda smiled.

  I took my packet from the woman behind the window and started to turn away. But I turned back. “Wait a minute, Melinda. Last year, you were trying to slit my throat. Is this some new mind trick you’re playing on me?”

  Melinda laughed. “No. You were just such a goody-two-shoes, I couldn’t stand it. But you’ve been through hell, and you must feel like shit already. I feel sorry for you, really.”

  In her twisted way, Melinda really was trying to be nice. W
ould that all change if I beat her today? I shook off that negative thought. Time would tell, and meanwhile, I wasn’t going to rub her apology in her face. “Okay, then. I see. Good luck to you too. See you at the trailer.” I cocked my head and smiled.

  I avoided puddles on my walk back to the trailer. The sky was a brilliant blue, not a cloud to be seen, but the rain from yesterday had left the grounds glistening wet. Windsong wasn’t that fond of puddles, so hopefully the arenas were dry.

  This time last year Cory and I had just gotten together. He made me try harder, reach further, and feel great. I had come a long way from the rider and the girl I was a year ago and Cory was a giant part of my accomplishment. My heart ached for a minute with the love I still felt. I shook my head and blew out a breath, trying to focus on the arenas I walked past. I put my mind on the day ahead.

  Windsong’s body hummed. Our warm-up went smoothly, and we power-walked from the warm-up to the show arena, leaving Kate and my parents behind. Just as I predicted, he stepped sideways, avoiding every puddle like a ballet dancer on his toes. I let him pick his own way, chuckling. Big baby.

  We only had to wait a moment before the ring steward waved us in. I rode through the gate and picked up a trot. I nodded to the judge and the scribe sitting in the judge’s box as I passed. Kate, my parents, and Robert arranged themselves on the bleachers. I smiled at them. Robert was here. I sat up straighter, I would make him proud this time. My gaze drifted to the spot on the rail where Cory had stood last year. A shimmering ghost image tipped his hat and pointed his finger at me. Only you and Windsong.

  A golf cart zoomed behind the people on the rail, sending a spray of water up. They shrieked and leaped around, waving their hands in the air. Windsong’s body tensed and he careened sideways. I rocked back in the saddle, my mind slamming back to the present. Damn!

  The shrill scream of the judge’s whistle pierced the air. Double damn. I took a deep breath. I had sixty seconds to get in there. Calm. I gathered my reins, adjusted my feet in the stirrups, and gave my posse an eye roll. I smiled. No worries. We picked up a canter and turned into the arena.

  Windsong halted, I dropped my arm and nodded my salute. The judge nodded back, her face full of anticipation. Watch this. Let’s go, rock star.

  I didn’t let my mind wander. I prepared well for each movement and I heard everything Windsong said to me. We were in tune. I ended the test with a precise halt and a snappy salute. My chest lifted, an almost painful grin on my face. The judge returned my grin. She wasn’t allowed to speak to me, but her pride rippled out of the box.

  We nailed it! I rode out of the ring bent over Windsong’s neck with my arms wrapped around him. His nostrils flared and he cocked his head, catching my eye.

  When I sat up, Kate was beaming and my mom had tears in her eyes.

  “That was beautiful,” Mom sniffled.

  Kate nodded. “Enough said.” She patted my leg and stepped back to give Robert room.

  “I think you just made the team. Well done, girl.” He held out his hand for me to shake.

  With my lips stretched into a paralyzing grin, it was hard to spit out my thanks.

  I stood next to Windsong at the trailer, stroking his neck and giving him a handful of treats. I couldn’t get enough of touching him. He didn’t seem to mind, especially as I kept presenting treats.

  Kate appeared on the other side of Windsong. “I have your test.” Her voice was quiet.

  “Mmmhmm.”

  “Don’t you want to know?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess.”

  “Seventy-two point six percent! You deserve this.”

  “Not me. Windsong. He did it,” I said softly around the lump in my throat.

  “Congratulations! You won the class.” Kate slipped under his neck and hugged me.

  “Thank you so much, Kate.” I squeezed her. She patted my shoulder and then went to the tack room.

  I lifted Windsong’s head with a hand under his chin. I looked him in the eye, kissed his soft velvety nose, and whispered my thanks. Then I wiped my tears of joy on his mane.

  As we stood motionless beside the low rail of the show arena, I took a deep breath, preparing to lift my arm to signal the music for our freestyle. Was that a cowboy hat behind the stands? I whipped my head around to stare. A dapper older gentleman wearing a straw fedora climbed into the bleachers.

  I put my hand on Windsong’s warm neck, adjusted myself in the saddle, and lifted my right arm.

  The familiar notes boomed out of the speakers. I opened myself to the music, let it flow through my body, and asked Windsong to canter. He settled into the beat of the music as we turned down the centerline. He halted exactly when the music paused. In the moment of silence, I saluted. The music started up and we danced.

  Chapter 4 1

  I didn’t try to curb Windsong’s energetic walk back to the trailer. We were jazzed, humming with the buzz of athletic accomplishment. What a team! We left my parents and Kate in the dust. I jumped off Windsong by the tack room of the trailer and slipped off his bridle and buckled on his halter. I immediately offered him a drink from the bucket we had left on the ground. He took a few sips but was more interested in his hay net.

  My tight knee-high boots weren’t made for walking; I had to get them off. I held Windsong’s lead rope in one hand as I fitted my heel into the V of the boot jack. I stepped on the tread with my other foot and began wiggling. Heel. Toe. Heel. Toe. When I had it halfway off, the boot still dangling from my foot, Windsong’s head flew up, his nostrils flaring. The lead jerked out of my hand and swung out of reach when Windsong turned his head to look down the lane between the rows of trailers. Tail lifted, he danced a little sideways jig and gave a nicker.

  “Shit!” I said, as I hopped on one foot trying to grab hold of the lead without falling on my ass. The boot folded and tripped me, and my ankle twisted when I tried to put my foot down. Arms flailing, I fell to my knees.

  Windsong gave a full-blown whinny and took off, lead rope trailing behind him.

  “Shit, shit!” I exclaimed. I rolled onto my rump and ripped the boot off, flinging it back toward the trailer. I jumped up, limping forward. Windsong galloped headlong down the row of trailers dodging people, and I started after him. A woman managed to snag his lead rope as he ran past her, but her tug on the lead made him rear straight up and paw the air. The woman let go and backed away. Everyone near Windsong backed off too. When he landed and flung his body into the cleared path, I froze. In the lane a cowboy hat appeared. Windsong made a beeline for it.

  Cory lifted his arms to block Windsong from running past. But Windsong ran straight as an arrow, sliding to a stop right in front of him. The big horse lowered his head and bumped Cory in the chest as Cory’s arms wrapped around Windsong’s head.

  Cory took hold of Windsong’s lead rope and they walked toward me. I hadn’t moved, couldn’t have moved.

  I drank in the sight of him, refusing to blink in case I’d miss something. Black hair curling under his hat, jeans and t-shirt snugly showing off his long, lean body, blues eyes boring into mine. I tried not to, but the smile just happened.

  Windsong followed behind Cory like a puppy, bumping Cory’s shoulder with his nose every couple of steps. Cory stopped in front of me, eyes never wavering from mine. His chest lifted as he blew air out with a whoosh.

  He hadn’t even spoken and he had me. All was forgiven. Then he smiled. A fist squeezed my heart and I nearly fell on my butt.

  “Hi, Jane.” Cory said quietly. “You look beautiful.”

  I glanced down at the wet mud spots on each of my knees. I pushed the loose strand of hair out of my mouth and shook my head. I couldn’t speak.

  “Elton’s up to his same old tricks, I see.” He nodded to someone over my shoulder. “Hi, Kate.”

  Cory’s face sobered. He lifted my hand. I realized it was covered with mud and tried to pull it back. He held it tighter.

  I started chewing my lip but still couldn
’t say a word. My heart jolted to a start and blood rushed through my body. My ears were buzzing and I told myself to keep breathing. He was here!

  He sucked in a breath and squeezed my hand. “I want to get this right.” He pushed his hat back with the hand holding Windsong’s lead rope. Windsong bumped his shoulder. “When I lost Jet, I thought I had lost everything that mattered. I fucked up and he died. I couldn’t stand thinking I would do that again to anyone, so I left. But I finally realized that I hadn’t lost everything that mattered, I had left everything that mattered. The barn, my friends, you. Just like riding, if you fuck up, you just work harder and try again. You were all I thought about out there. How tough, forgiving, and good you are. I’m back for good. And I love you. If you want this horseless, unemployed, dumb-ass cowboy.”

  My jaw dropped, but I found my voice. “You were always right here, Cory.” I patted my heart with my palm. “Want you? I never was without you.” I took a wobbly step closer and lifted my shaking hand to his cheek. “I love you.”

  Windsong gave Cory a hard nudge in the back and Cory stumbled forward into me. I threw my arms around him and held on.

  “I am so proud of the man you are. Jet would be proud of you, too,” I whispered.

  Joy spread over his face and he pulled me close. His sweet, familiar lips met mine, finally.

  There was clapping and cheering from a small crowd that had gathered. I hid my face against Cory’s shoulder.

  Kate took Windsong’s lead rope and gently patted my back. “Welcome back, Cory. We all missed you,” she said. He didn’t let go of me, just grunted and found my lips again.

  Chapter 42

  My eyes kept slamming back to Cory’s hat. He walked next to Windsong’s head, tickling Windsong’s lips each time the horse turned to him. He’s here! My chest swelled every time I remembered.

  We were heading to the arena for the awards ceremony. Windsong was dressed up, tight black braids knotted in his mane, blinding white leg wraps, snowy saddle pad, and his coat gleamed. My white-gloved hand resting on his black neck glowed brightly. I had changed my breeches to a clean, new pair. Besides the brown mud circles on each knee, my butt had been mud-stained too. I adjusted my top hat, tucking a strand of hair in.