Pleasured By You

by Steph Nuss

  “Hey,” she said, nudging my arm. “You ready for this? You’re going to love it!”

  She loves skydiving? What is wrong with her?

  “Hey,” I said, smiling weakly. “I didn’t know you were coming with us.”

  “Yeah, Elly and the girls were talking about it yesterday, and I asked if I could jump with you guys. I’ve done it a couple times before, and it is so much fun!”

  “I see,” I said, glancing back at the plane. “Why don’t you guys go ahead to the plane. I’ll just be a minute.”

  “Okay,” Bayler said cheerfully as she linked arms with Elly and started to walk away.

  Elly looked back at me worriedly, giving me one last chance to back out of this. I couldn’t back out now though, especially since Bayler was here. I didn’t want her knowing about my phobia. I didn’t want her to think I was a pussy. Most of all, I didn’t want to have an anxiety attack in front of her. All of which only increased my anxiety. I felt like walls were closing in on me, and my breathing grew rapid and uneven; my heart raced inside my chest.

  “Fletch,” Cash said, grabbing my shoulder. “Breathe, man.”

  “I know,” I said, shrugging his hand off me. Just deep breaths.

  “Look, you really don’t have to do this,” he insisted. Concern was etched into his features where his humor had been before. “No one is going to think less of you.”

  “She will,” I said, nodding to Bayler.

  “No, she won’t,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “This isn’t about winning her over, is it?”

  “No.” I shook my head and looked him in the eye. “I just don’t want her to know, okay? So keep your fucking mouth shut.”

  “Okay, okay,” he said, holding his hands up in defense. “Go. Jump out of a plane. Be fearless.”

  “Fuck you.”

  I took another deep breath and started toward the plane with my friends all standing behind me, waiting for three of us to willingly fall out of the sky.

  “Fifty bucks says he doesn’t jump,” Maverick said.

  “Let’s make it a hundred,” Cash laughed.

  I flipped them off and shouted. “I heard that!”

  “You were supposed to!” Cash shouted back.

  “Guys, stop,” Justin said. He ran up to me and walked with me to the plane, giving me the pep talk I needed. “You can do this, Fletcher. You’re with certified jumpers. You have a friend in there who’s been through two successful jumps, and another friend who is almost as terrified as you. You got this, okay?”

  I swallowed hard and nodded. “Okay.”

  “Come on, Haney!” Bayler shouted from the top of the steps, smiling. “Let’s go!”

  That smile of hers could get me to do anything, so I got on the plane.

  ***

  Once we were up in the air, we were given our instructions detail for detail. We weren’t doing a tandem jump, where the instructor was harnessed to the jumper; we were doing solo jumps. Elly and Fletcher had taken a course that morning on solo jumping. It wasn’t usually recommended for first timers, but they had me with them and I wasn’t a virgin skydiver. I knew they could handle the solo jump.

  We hit our designated spot, and the instructor opened the side door of the plane. A rush of cold air blew inside the cabin and I grew giddier for the jump. The view itself was amazing, but the thrill of falling at 120 miles per hour from twelve thousand feet in the air was even more breathtaking. I’d only jumped in Texas, and now I was getting ready to jump in New York.

  “Are you guys ready?” The instructor asked loudly, waving us toward the door.

  Elly looked back at Fletcher, who didn’t seem too excited about jumping. Why would he write it on his bucket list if he didn’t want to do it? I’d have to ask him about that later.

  “Ready!” I shouted, giving the instructor a thumbs up.

  “Me too!” Elly yelled, smiling. “Fletch?”

  He nodded silently, joining us near the door. I had Elly on my left and Fletcher on my right with our instructor off to the side of the door.

  “Okay!” he shouted, “I’m going to count to three and then we’ll jump.”

  Again, I gave him a thumbs up and Elly did the same.

  “One! Two! Th—”

  “No!” Fletcher shouted, shaking his head.

  I looked over at him and sighed. “Seriously?”

  “Bayler, just give him a minute,” Elly urged.

  “No,” I said, shrugging her off. I wasn’t going to let someone pussy out of one of the most thrilling experiences of his life. The three of us were near the edge of the door. One little push and Fletcher would be thanking me later. “Come here,” I said, grabbing his arm.

  “Bayler, I don’t—”

  “Just look,” I said, pointing out the door. We crept closer to the edge together slowly, squatting low to the ground to keep our feet steady. “Just look at the view.”

  “I can’t see anything!” Fletcher shouted.

  “Exactly!” I gave him one swift shove and he was out of the plane, where he could finally see the amazing view I was talking about.

  “Did you push him?!” Elly yelled.

  “Yes!” I grabbed her hand and pulled her toward me. “Now, let’s go!”

  We jumped out of the plane holding hands, but let go once we were in the air and falling. With my arms and legs stretched out, I screamed out of excitement and allowed the wind to pass by as gravity pushed me back down to Earth. Falling and falling and falling, I felt weightless, like a bird flying through the air without a care in the world, admiring the beautiful patches of land from high above. Fletcher’s parachute opened up below me and then Elly opened hers. I reached for my cord and pulled, and my parachute came to life, but I continued to fall, except like a feather now, slowly but surely drifting to the ground safely.

  Once I landed, I unhooked my parachute and ran over to Elly. She landed around the same time I did and was already unhooked and had her helmet off. I undid my helmet and pulled my goggles off.

  “Well?” I asked, a big smile spreading across my face. “What’d you think?”

  “Okay, that,” she said breathlessly, pointing up to the sky, “was absolutely amazing!”

  “Right?!” I laughed, giving her a high five. “I wish we could go again.”

  “I know,” she said, running a hand over her ponytail. She glanced over my shoulder, and the smile on her face quickly disappeared. “Oh, no . . .”

  “What?” I asked, turning around.

  Coming toward me was a very angry, very different Fletcher than I’d ever seen before. His beautiful baby blues looked like a dark thunderstorm had rolled into them. He had his jaw clenched, and his head shook as he stared daggers into me.

  “You,” he snapped, pointing his finger at me. “You are one crazy bitch. You pushed me out of the fucking plane!”

  “Yeah, well, you should be thanking me!” I threw his disgusted tone right back at him and knocked his finger out of my face with my hand. “You had three parachutes on you! If I hadn’t, we’d still be up there wasting fuel because you were too afraid to jump! Why the hell would you put skydiving on your bucket list if you’re afraid of heights anyway?”

  “Fuck you, Bayler!” He turned to walk away from me and that’s when I saw the rest of our friends and my siblings standing behind him. Fletcher pushed passed them uttering more expletives.

  Carter cleared his throat. “Did you really push him out of the plane?”

  “Yes,” I answered, rolling my eyes. “He was chickening out, and I didn’t want him to miss out on the experience.”

  “Still, you shouldn’t have pushed him,” Harper said, wrapping her arms around Maverick’s waist.

  “He had three parachutes on!” I reiterated. “The odds of something bad happening are really slim.”

  “Guys, she doesn’t know,” Elly said, reaching for Carter’s hand.

  “Know what?” I asked, looking at all of them. “What don’t I know?” />
  The gang looked around at one another solemnly, trying to decide who was going to tell me whatever it was I didn’t know.

  Finally, Maverick looked me in the eye and said, “Fletcher’s parents died in a plane accident when he was younger. Since then, he’s always been afraid of planes and flying.”

  His words felt like a knife to the gut. In that moment, my heart fell into my ass, and I felt like the worst person in the world. “So, why would he put skydiving down on a bucket list then?”

  Elly smiled weakly. “Because when we made the bucket list, I was facing my fear of cancer, so he put something down to face his biggest fear. I honestly didn’t even expect him to get on the plane today.”

  “But he flew to Texas for the wedding, right? I saw him leave and get on the plane back to New York with you guys,” I said.

  “And he was practically a mess the whole way there and back,” Cash said.

  “He gets anxiety attacks over flying,” Justin explained. “It’s like having a fear of spiders. When you see one, you just can’t stop feeling like there’s one on you or around you. Well, when Fletcher sees a plane or he’s on one, he can’t stop thinking that something bad is going to happen. He knows his fear is excessive, but specific phobias like his are hard to overcome.”

  I turned to Elly. “He was getting an anxiety attack up there, wasn’t he?”

  She nodded. “Yeah, more than likely. I can usually talk him through them.”

  “God,” I muttered, running both hands through my hair, “I really am an asshole.” I picked up my things quickly and looked at my friends. “I have to go. I have to apologize to him.”

  “He’s probably already headed back to the city,” Carter said.

  “I know!”

  ***

  About an hour after I got home, there was a knock at my door. I figured it was Elly or Maverick, coming over to rip my ass for being rude to their lovers’ little sister. I wasn’t sorry about what I’d said to her. I wasn’t apologizing for shit. Bayler crossed a fucking line today pushing me out of that plane. Sure, she may have not known there was a line to cross, but she had no right doing what she did.

  Who the hell pushes someone out of a plane?

  But the thing I was most upset about was the fact that nothing bad happened. All these years of worrying about bad shit happening, of constantly thinking about the what-ifs and worst-case scenarios, and I was perfectly okay. My parachute opened when I pulled the cord. I landed safely just like the instructors had taught us earlier this morning. And the view . . . the view from that high above really was spectacular.

  Would I ever skydive again? Fuck no. My heart was still beating in a manic race back to normalcy, just like it usually did after an anxiety attack. My hands trembled as I reached for my doorknob. I was still just a terrified little boy remembering the aftermath of my parents’ accident. It brought to mind the crashed plane that didn’t even look like a plane anymore. How my parents’ caskets remained empty because their remains were never found. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get over losing them the way I did, or overcome the fear that had threaded itself around every bone in my body ever since. Something bad may have not happened today, but it could easily happen tomorrow.

  Before opening my door, I looked down at my feet and took a deep breath. I wasn’t in the mood for a lecture from my friends. Turning the knob, I exhaled and pulled the door in toward me. “I’m really not in the mood, guys.”

  “Hey.”

  I looked up at the sound of her voice and found Bayler standing in front of me. She was in jeans and a t-shirt with her hair pulled back into a ponytail.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, gripping the side of my door.

  “I’m here to talk.” She gestured to the inside of my place. “May I come in?”

  “Sure,” I said, keeping the door open for her as I walked back into my living room and sat down on the couch where I’d been for the last hour, going through some of my mom and dad’s things. I had my mom’s baking portfolio out and my dad’s baseball card collection. Grams had most of their belongings still at her place, but their keepsakes, the things that reminded me of them the most, I kept here.

  I initially didn’t want to tell Bayler about my parents because I didn’t want her pity. Now, I just didn’t care if she knew or if she pitied me. I didn’t have the energy to argue with her. I thought seeing her would just piss me off again, but she had the exact opposite effect on me. She eased my nerves, calmed my racing heart and made the tightness in my chest loosen.

  Bayler moved my mom’s binder to the coffee table and sat next to me on the couch. She kicked off her flip-flops and curled her feet underneath her, resting her elbow on the back of the couch as her green eyes studied me. When she reached over and laced her fingers through mine, I finally made eye contact with her.

  “Fletcher, I’m so sorry for pushing you,” she said sincerely, tightening her grip on my hand. “I knew your parents had been in an accident, but I didn’t know it involved a plane. If I’d known, I never would’ve pushed you out of the plane today.”

  “Really?” I asked incredulously, shooting her a small grin. “What would you have done?”

  She laughed lightly and turned her attention to our linked hands. “I would’ve held your hand, and we would’ve jumped together, once you were ready.” Gazing back up at me, she pursed her lips into a sweet smile. “I feel so bad for what I did. After they told me about your—”

  “It’s okay,” I said, tucking a fallen strand of her soft blond hair behind her ear. “You didn’t know.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, her sad green eyes boring into me. “You could’ve told me.”

  “I didn’t want to see that sad look on your face like the one you’re wearing now,” I said, leaning my head against the back of the couch. “I also don’t like talking about it. I’ve gone to therapy. I’ve taken anxiety medication. Nothing’s helped. Elly and Justin have both told me that some phobias are hard to overcome. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get on a plane by myself.”

  “And there’s nothing wrong with that,” she said, turning my head toward her. She leaned her head down next to mine and smiled. “You were so pissed earlier. Are you really going to forgive me that easily?”

  Grabbing her waist, I pulled her on top of me with her legs straddling me. “Yeah, I am, but I probably won’t let you forget that you pushed me out of a plane.”

  Laughing, she cupped my face and brought her succulent mouth so close to mine. “Fair enough.”

  Then she kissed me, and it was so different from every other kiss we’d ever had that I wanted to bask in this moment; I never wanted her to stop kissing me. Her lips slowly moved over mine, exploring a sensual depth they’d never reached before, while our tongues did a slow, erotic dance that had me craving more of her sweet taste. How could I possibly stay mad at a woman who drove me this crazy?

  I couldn’t.

  Tightening my grip on her waist, I pulled her closer. I needed her close, her warmth and familiarity. I wasn’t sure when or how things had changed between us today, but I didn’t want to immediately tear off her clothes and bury myself inside of her like I usually did. I wanted to take things achingly slow, rediscovering every beautiful, sexy inch of her that I adored, in a torturous way that would put us both on edge. Extending our pleasure until neither one of us could take it anymore; that was what I wanted now.

  She broke away from our kiss looking just as sedated as I felt. Her eyes were dark with arousal, her lips slightly swollen. Could she feel the difference, too?

  She looked away from me, turning her attention to my dad’s baseball cards lying on the other end of the couch.

  “I didn’t know you collected baseball cards,” she said, pointing to the stash.

  And just like that, we were back to our normal banter; a reality that I wasn’t ready to come back to yet.

  “They’re not mine,” I said, reaching for my mom’s portfolio. �
��Those are my dad’s. He collected baseball cards. Some of them are even signed.”

  “That’s awesome,” she said, fingering through his booklet of cards.

  I opened my mom’s binder that housed all of her most-prized baking creations and started thumbing through the pages, admiring her hard work. She was good enough to have her own bakery, more creative than most of her competition. There wasn’t a memory of my mom I had that didn’t have something to do with her baking, whether she was in the kitchen working on a new recipe or at the store buying ingredients.

  “What’s that?” Bayler asked, shifting on my lap.

  I turned the heavy binder toward her and smiled. “It’s my mom’s baking portfolio. I like to look at their prized possessions whenever I’m coming down from an anxiety attack. It helps calm me down.”

  “Is that you in this picture?” she asked, pointing to a younger version of me. I was kneeling on a stool with my elbows on the counter, checking out the cake my mom had made for someone’s wedding.

  I laughed. “Yeah, that’s me.”

  “You were a chubby little thing back then,” she teased, jabbing my stomach.

  “She made me taste test everything for her.”

  “Oh, I’m sure she did,” she laughed, rolling her eyes. “I think it’s cute, you watching her bake.”

  I tightened my hand around her waist and admired the picture more closely. Mom wasn’t even looking at the camera or showing off her cake. She had her hand on my back, admiring me with that big smile of hers. “She really loved what she did.”

  “She was really good, too.” Bayler turned the page and carefully studied the next picture. “I wonder if your Grams has the recipe to this one. I bet it tastes delicious.”

  I slid my finger into the plastic page at the top and pulled out the paper with the picture on it. Turning it over, I handed it to Bayler. “She put all the recipes on the back.”