An Officer and a Gentleman

by Rachel Lee

  Gradually his violent shuddering began to taper off, and feeling began to return to his fingers, toes, and nose. He still felt cold, deeply, internally cold, but his body signaled that the worst was over by letting his muscles relax between bouts of shivering.

  “Dare?”

  “Hmm?”

  “What have you got against cowboys?”

  He almost smiled. “Nothing. I just don’t like to be called cowboy. My ex-wife used to call me that when she was in one of her bitchy moods.”

  “How long were you married?”

  “For five endless years way back when. Maureen wasn’t cut out for either me or military life. She was a city girl, a socialite. Being a lowly lieutenant’s wife drove her crazy. She should have married a general.”

  “Was she pretty?”

  He considered. “I guess. I thought so at first. Later I thought she was pretty ugly. I got so I hated the sight of her, the sound of her. To this day I can’t stand the perfume she used to wear.”

  “Must’ve been rough.”

  “There’s nothing quite like the ugliness that can happen between two people who know each other well. You get so you know what really hurts and how to use it. Maureen was especially good at it.”

  “I’m sorry.” Andrea’s voice was soft.

  “I recovered a long time ago. It’s a mistake I’ll never make again, though.”

  “Marriage?”

  “Not marriage. Marrying somebody without thinking about just what they’ll be giving up. If I met Maureen now, I’d know better. I’d know it would sour her. Love doesn’t conquer all, you know. It doesn’t conquer anything. Sooner or later you’ve got to deal with the real world. There’s always a trade-off.”

  “How unromantic.” With her cheek against Dare’s chest, she listened to the sound of his heartbeat. He was hardly shivering now, and the earlier rapid rhythm had slowed to normal.

  “Oh, I believe in romance,” he said. “Moonlight, wine, roses—”

  “Skip the roses.”

  He chuckled. “Quiet candlelit dinners, then. But I’m a realist, too, Andrea. Think about it. How would you feel if some man told you to choose between him and your career?”

  There was a silence. “Yeah,” she said quietly after a moment.

  His hands began to move in slow, soothing circles on her back, and a kittenish purr escaped her.

  “You’re all tense,” he said.

  “It’s the shoulder. I seem to be stiff all the time from trying to protect it. Mmm.” His fingers were kneading gently, working the tension out.

  “Andrea?”

  “Sir?”

  “I’m getting a nearly irresistible urge to kiss you again.”

  She surprised him with a low throaty chuckle. “I thought you’d never mention it.”

  It was crazy, it was insane, and he kissed her anyway. Outside, the wind howled and the snow whipped icily, but inside the blankets warmth began to grow.

  It was a curiously sweet and tender episode. Between Andrea’s shoulder, the confinement of the truck, and the deadly threat of the cold, their kisses could not evolve into passion. Instead they savored the warmth and closeness, the gentle, lingering comfort of lips and tongues. It was enough to hold and be held, to kiss and be kissed. They both began to realize what they’d been missing.

  Finally they simply leaned against one another, content and comforted. There was a world of difference in Dare’s mind between an embrace and a hug. He was hugging Andrea, and she him. It occurred to him he couldn’t have picked a worse person to make the object of that kind of affection. Andrea was a career woman, determined to pursue her goals. There was pain waiting for him at the end of this road. Sighing, he drew her a little closer. He was old enough to understand that all good things had a price. You just had to decide whether something was worth it.

  “Penny?” said Andrea from where she was nestled against his shoulder.

  “I was just thinking how huggable you are.”

  “Mmm. I like the way that sounds. You’re huggable, too.”

  “Am I?” He’d never thought of himself that way. It pleased him.

  “You are.” She snuggled closer. In their warm cocoon, cut off from the world, it was easy to forget everything, and Andrea let herself do just that. She understood that eventually reality would intrude, but for the moment she refused to care.

  He raised his hand to cradle her cheek. “Was it rough being Charlie Burke’s daughter?” he asked.

  The perception of the question amazed Andrea. People who knew her father always assumed he was a great dad, that he’d encouraged Andrea’s independence and her Air Force career. In fact, he’d seized every opportunity to try to grind her down and turn her into a submissive, dependent female. There wasn’t anything personal in it. It was just the way Charlie Burke thought women ought to be. In fact, the only thing in the world tougher than being Charlie Burke’s daughter was being Charlie Burke’s son.

  It was her brothers who had saved Andrea from her intended fate by treating her as one of them, by expecting her to play their games and take part in their escapades. Being kids, they just didn’t know how else to treat a sister, particularly one whose competitive spirit was fierce. She never hesitated, so it never occurred to them to balk.

  “Sometimes it was rough,” she admitted, intensely aware of Dare’s thumb stroking her cheek. His gentleness continually amazed her. He looked hard, tough, competent, yet when he held her, he made her feel precious and safe. He managed to treat her as if she were fragile without in any way diminishing her strength and independence. It was a dangerously addicting sensation.

  “You have so many contrasts, Andrea,” Dare said suddenly. “That night I was in the accident, you were so easy and boyish. I distinctly remember deciding that you were going to be a handful. Then there’s the prickly pear cactus who glares at me when I step on her toes. And there’s the smartmouth who slips her zingers almost unnoticed into the conversation. There’s the cool, capable officer with a steady gaze, and there’s the tough cookie who can dress a trooper down with all the punch of Patton. And then there’s this Andrea.”

  “What’s this Andrea?” There was a smile in her voice.

  “This Andrea is a soft, warm, wonderful woman who can put her arms around a man and make him feel like he’s come home.”

  Andrea lifted her head. “Dare,” she said uneasily.

  “Leave it alone, Andrea,” he said gently. “I’m old enough to know what I’m doing. You’ll forget your damn career long before I do.”

  She was surprised to realize that she believed him. He would be the last one of them to forget all the obstacles in their path.

  For Dare, the night was endless. He had wadded a blanket and slipped it between him and the door to provide insulation, then stretched out, his long legs on the passenger side floor, his back wedged against the blanket and seat. Andrea lay half over him, her face burrowed into his shoulder, one hand tucked into the warmth of his armpit. His own arms were wrapped snugly around her waist inside her parka. Every time he drew a breath, her warmth and sweetly feminine scent wafted into his nostrils. They kept each other warm, but it was more than Andrea’s body heat that raised Dare’s temperature.

  Andrea slept, but Dare kept watch over her, so there was no escape from the tingling in his loins that kept trying to turn into a full throbbing. He’d never been a promiscuous man, had never indulged in casual relationships. Such things just didn’t appeal to him. Consequently the span since his last relationship could be counted in years. Too many years, to judge by his present discomfort.

  The fact that Andrea really wasn’t his type made his attraction to her all the more serious. Like Andrea, he’d been raised in a large family of boys, but on a ranch in Montana, where life had been hard. His mother had died while he was still very young, so there had been no female influence in his life. It was the femininity of women that usually attracted him, their softness and gentleness, their ruffles and frills, their p
erfume and long hair. He was attracted to all the things that his life had always lacked.

  Andrea enticed him with none of those things. In so many ways, his relationship with her was no different from his relationship with his male officers. He could easily see her becoming a poker buddy, or a drinking buddy, or even a hunting buddy. He could not, hard as he might try, imagine her in any typical female role. Yet on those rare occasions when they gave free rein to the man-woman urges between them, he found her incredibly feminine, irresistibly sexy. Why?

  Why did she feel so right in his arms, even now, when it was sheer torment? Why did he take such delight at the spark of annoyance in her eyes, or the way she bedeviled him and zinged him? Why, when she was being cool, collected, competent Captain Burke, did she make him feel like he was a man in possession of a wonderful secret?

  Sighing, he shifted just a little and then nearly groaned when the movement brought her hip into more intimate contact with him. If he weren’t a gentleman, he would slip his hands up inside her uniform blouse and find out if her skin was as satiny as it looked. It probably was, damn it. And those better-than-standard-issue breasts were probably high and pink-tipped. And her fanny, which he’d eyeballed from time to time, was gently rounded and ever so slightly fuller than average in a way that made him want to—

  He muttered an oath and forced his mind from such thoughts. He might be going crazy, but there was no point in being masochistic about it. The woman had made it clear that she would do nothing to risk her career, so he’d better just focus his thoughts on something safe, like work.

  Rescue arrived before dawn. The winds had quieted enough that the blowing snow snaked along at ground level, leaving visibility unlimited. A drift had grown against one side of the truck, nearly covering it, but Sergeant Nickerson was able to walk around and open the door on Andrea’s side.

  He found the two officers shivering and exhausted but otherwise all right. Andrea never wanted to see another candy bar.

  “We’ll send someone out for the truck later, sir, ma’am,” Nickerson said. “Right now, let’s just get you two to the hospital.”

  “Forget the hospital,” Andrea snapped. “Just take me to the chow hall. I’m gonna drink a gallon of coffee.”

  Dare and Nickerson eyed one another over Andrea’s head, sharing a look of masculine patience.

  “Chow hall,” said Dare after a moment.

  Nickerson nodded. “Yes, sir.” He reached up to help Andrea down, but she brushed his hand away, insisting that she could get out of the truck under her own steam.

  She managed it, too, in spite of nearly tripping over the blanket, being able to steady herself with only one hand and discovering that hypothermia had affected her coordination. When she climbed into the crew cab of Nickerson’s truck, the blast from the heater was painful to her cold skin.

  The sun was just beginning its slow rise when they cleared the main gate and drove onto the base. This far north, it didn’t have all that far to lift. It was going to be a clear, bright, cold day.

  Nickerson pulled into the parking lot near the chow hall, and the three of them went inside to begin the day the way Andrea thought it should begin, with a gallon of coffee, bacon and eggs. She was still shivering somewhat, but it didn’t take long for the coffee to thaw her.

  Gradually the world began to return to normal. The night had been an aberration, she told herself. It was the danger that had brought her and Dare together in a brief time of openness and gentleness. It was over, and time to forget it.

  “How come you decided to go out to Romeo, ma’am?” Nickerson asked.

  Andrea looked up from her plate, telling herself that it was her tiredness that made Nickerson’s question seem out of line. She lifted one brow and paused before answering. Nickerson had been working with her for two years, she reminded herself. Like a lot of high-ranking sergeants, he treated young officers in a somewhat fatherly fashion. Or maybe it just seemed out of line because she couldn’t answer truthfully. Dare had made it clear that no one but he and Andrea was to know about the OSI investigation.

  “Why do I ever go out to the sites, Sergeant?” she asked coolly.

  Dare noticed that Nickerson didn’t miss Andrea’s zingers, either. The sergeant, who was accustomed to Andrea calling him Nick, retreated instantly.

  “None of my business, ma’am,” he said.

  Andrea ate a piece of egg. “No, it’s not,” she agreed. “In point of fact, I hadn’t been out to a couple of those sites in too long. My timing was atrocious, I guess.” She was aware that that left the question of why Dare had gone with her. “Nick, have you heard anything about a crap game out at Romeo Four Two?”

  Nickerson looked surprised. “No, ma’am,” he said swiftly. “I can’t believe—no, ma’am, I sure haven’t. Wouldn’t be much of a crap game with only a couple of guys.”

  “There are mobile units, too, Nick. It would be easy enough for them to get in on it.”

  Nickerson nodded slowly. “I’ll sure keep my ear to the ground. But ma’am, I just don’t think—”

  “Unthinkable things happen, Nick.”

  Let him put that in his pipe and smoke it, Andrea thought. He probably figured she’d gone round the bend. That was fine. He would quit asking questions, and after a week or so he’d probably decide this had been a temporary aberration on her part.

  She shoved back her chair. “I’m still starved,” she announced and took her plate back to the chow line.

  Dare saw the look on Nickerson’s face and gave Andrea high marks for redirecting his attention.

  Andrea returned with a heaping plateful of home fries and scrambled eggs. Dare’s lips quirked in amusement, and he wondered how she stayed so lean if she ate like a football player.

  “Do you always eat like this?” he asked her.

  “Like what, sir?” She didn’t even look up, occupied with peppering her potatoes.

  “Never mind,” Dare said. “Just finish so I can get you safely dumped off at the BOQ with orders to stay in bed today.”

  “That’s really not necessary, sir,” she said coolly. Of course, she couldn’t see the purple rings under her eyes.

  “I don’t recall asking for your opinion on the subject, Captain.” Dare’s voice had suddenly taken on a note of command. It startled her; she’d never heard him use quite that tone before. He generally seemed to manage men with an easy style and didn’t have to bring authority to bear.

  “Sorry, sir,” she said promptly.

  Dare might have relented if Nickerson hadn’t been there. As it was, he left the colonel and the captain once again firmly in their places. There was one advantage to being Andrea’s CO, he thought ruefully. He could shut her up when he had a mind to.

  The morning of Christmas Eve, Andrea arrived at her desk to find a summons from the CBPO, the personnel office. Her heart quickened at once. That kind of summons usually meant only one thing: a new assignment. She indulged a few moments of speculation, thinking that there could be worse Christmas presents. It would get her away from Dare, who continued to have the most devastating affect on her tranquillity in spite of the fact that they had kept strictly to business since the night they had gone off the road. In fact, they hadn’t even discussed spending Christmas together, as he had once suggested, and she gathered he planned to spend the holiday in solitude, just as she did.

  She was grateful to him for letting the matter drop. Grateful and annoyed. On the one hand, a relationship with him was impossible, given the circumstances, and she was honest enough to admit to herself that if he’d pushed the matter, she would have given in eventually. On the other hand, she wished he had pushed it. In all honesty, while she might have hated herself for it afterward, she would have loved to be swept off her feet, pushed past the decisions and problems, and brought to a fulfillment she still could only imagine. He had begun to invade her dreams, had Alisdair MacLendon, and she was getting tired of waking in the morning with an ache in her heart and soul that m
ade her want to weep.

  Dare. Even his name was a challenge, and she felt like a coward for not daring to meet it.

  Sighing, she grabbed her parka and headed for personnel. With her luck, they’d probably be sending her to Alaska. She hadn’t had a single warm assignment since joining this damn outfit.

  It was an assignment. The sergeant she spoke with handed her a stack of rosters with a laconic, “Merry Christmas, Captain. You’ve won an all-expense paid trip to Minot, North Dakota.”

  Andrea looked down at the inch-thick stack of orders. “Somebody must love me.”

  The sergeant grinned. “If it’s any consolation, ma’am, while the climate won’t improve, you’ll be in command of a larger squadron.”

  Andrea hardly knew whether to laugh or swear. She would be moving to the other end of the state to command the larger security squadron at Minot, but she’d have the same North Dakota winters to contend with, the same missile fields, the same problems. It hardly seemed worth the effort of moving her. Shrugging, she headed back to the Squadron HQ, telling herself that this was a big step up in her career. The climate didn’t matter.

  She walked back into the building and lifted the stack of papers as she passed the front desk. “I got orders,” she said. The cops at the desk grinned.

  “Where to, ma’am?” one of them asked.

  “You’ll never believe it.”

  “Hawaii?”

  She shook her head. “Minot.”

  Their roars of laughter followed her all the way down the corridor.

  Back in the privacy of her own office, however, she didn’t feel like laughing, and a step up in her career suddenly seemed relatively unimportant. In five weeks she would be leaving. In five weeks Dare MacLendon would be gone from her life. She’d told herself that nothing could ever have come of it, but that didn’t stop her from feeling cheated.