Love's Joy

by Emil Toth

  He shook his head violently. “I have come to the services for the last five years. I have listened and tried to tell her this is an opportunity for her to meditate and get closer to Creator. She will not do it. She just stares at the walls.”

  “It is her choice.”

  Irritated, he ran his hand roughly through his hair. “I know, it does me no good. Between hunting for meat, preparing the meals and taking care of her it is taking its toll on me. I am looking forward to the day she dies so I can get on with my life… Am I a monster?”

  “No, it tells me you are tired. You are under a great deal of stress and looking to reduce it.”

  “I have been thinking of the women I might try to develop a relationship with once she dies. I feel guilty after I have those thoughts, and it makes me feel miserable.”

  “Once again you are looking to the future in order to give yourself some comfort. This is normal and you should not beat yourself up for the thoughts.”

  “I feel I am failing her, because of how I feel.”

  “Are you going to leave her before she dies?”

  “No!” he said heatedly. “I am all she has. It would be inhumane.”

  “Are you mistreating her?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  “From everything you have shared with me, you are doing the right thing and all the other things you have told me are ways for you to reduce the stress you are under. My recommendation would be to keep loving her and pray for her peaceful passing.”

  He shook his head again. “When we fell in love, I envisioned us as two zebras running free beside each other on the plains. Now I feel those zebras are wandering the plains in a drought, looking for a vanishing love to sustain them.”

  Kaathi sympathized with his frustration. “There are many reasons why people come and go in our lives. I believe you have made a pact to be there for her, and now the pact is trying your energy and patience. Your wife may be clinging to life because she fears what lies on the other side.

  “You can tell her I recently went to the Land of No Shadows to find a mother’s daughter who had died a year ago. I was told by the daughter of the name she used to call her mother and came back to the mother and dispelled her fears with the name.

  “Whatever you do, do not stop coming to the services. Keep praying for her peaceful passing, and I shall do the same. If she is willing to speak with me, let me know.”

  They rose and Kaathi embraced him for a long time. While in her arms, he calmed down and slowly became aware of her love. He relished it. He ended the hug and she said, “I love you.” He surprised himself by saying, “I love you as well.”

  She watched him walk away hopeful her words gave him some comfort.

  CHAPTER SEVENTY-THREE

  Elisa sat on the bench outside the Talker Healer’s hut for a long while. She was struggling to gather the courage to meet with one of them. It drizzled the moment she sat down. She moved to stand and her knees and hips rebelled at having sat too long. At the entrance, she said, “Hello.”

  Mara jumped up from her seat and pulled aside the drape and greeted a woman, with the saddest look on her face she had ever seen. The woman looked to be in her late forties, extremely thin, with a shock of white hair. It was her most attractive attribute. She had a large mouth and lips to match and heavy ear rings had stretched her earlobes. Her lazy eye detracted from her less than attractive face, which was streaked with lines. The moment Elisa entered all of the healers felt her sadness and sent her love.

  “You are soaked. Please come in.” She went to a hanger and removed a woolen blanket, put it over her shoulders and guided her to a seat across from Kaathi.

  “I do not recall ever meeting you. I am Kaathi, Mara showed you in and rearranging the shelves is Marie.”

  Marie stopped what she was doing and sat next to Mara. Their guest did not acknowledge them and chose to state her name, “I am Elisa.”

  “How can we help you?”

  Elisa cast her eyes down. “I am tired of living.” Her voice was soft, almost muffled, and emphasized her emotional state. “My life is filled with difficulties, sorrow and pain and has no value. I cannot rid myself of this sadness. It envelopes me day and night. I do not know how to improve my life. If you cannot help me, I do not see any reason to go on living.”

  Elisa’s words struck Kaathi’s heart and tears gathered in her eyes. She moved her seat closer, reached out and held Elisa’s hands. “I feel your sadness. Go on.”

  “My mother died eleven years ago. I was around ten when she first suffered the illness, which crippled her joints.”

  Kaathi remembered the woman. She had come to her for help complaining the joints in her hands had swollen with arthritis. Later all of her joints were affected and the ailment affected the quality of her life. All she could do was give her cannabis oil to help with the pain.

  Tears rimmed Elisa’s eyes as she continued, “Father and I took care of her. He loved her so much he did not know what to do with himself after she died. I felt his sorrow and spent a great deal of time fixing his meals and talking to him much to my husband’s displeasure. Father was always reminiscing about the times when he and my mother were happy and healthy. Even as he reminisced he cried. I do not think he had a happy day once my mother got sick. He wanted his old mate back. After my mother died, his heart was broken and unamendable. He grew terribly depressed. Nothing I said drew him out of it. I kept hoping he would recover. One day he told me he wanted to take a walk alone. He walked away from the village and never came back. It was six years ago. It took Jacob’s search party seven days before they found my father’s bones a day’s journey from here. Thankfully the hyenas left enough of his bones they could identify him.”

  Elisa looked up through watery eyes, as she spoke, and found Kaathi’s eyes filled with love and understanding.

  “My husband was never a compassionate man. I knew it when I married him. During my mother’s illness and my father’s depression, my absence from our home angered him. He repeatedly said I loved my parents more than him and our son. I told him it was not true. My parents needed me by their side. He often spoke to me harshly in front of our son. My son’s attitude toward me gradually changed.

  “At the time, I felt my parents desperately needed me. I thought I could give my husband and son the attention they needed when my parents no longer needed me. I now see I was not thinking right.”

  Elisa gazed into the mystic’s eyes looking for understanding. Tears trickled down Elisa’s cheeks. She moaned mournfully, gathered herself and continued, “After my father’s death, I fell into an emotional abyss. My heart was torn. I cannot tell you how hard I took their deaths. Father walked to his death near the end of the sunny season. I could not function the whole of the rainy season. I am sure the weather contributed to how I felt. Since my father’s death, my hands have become more and more swollen and painful. For the last two years my husband has had to make our meals and complains about it every day in front of our son. I needed comfort and compassion and turned to my husband for consolation and got anger.”

  She heaved a sigh and wiped her face with her knobby hands. Marie gave her a soft cloth to dry her face.

  “I cannot comprehend why my man is so mean. My son is no different. He is as alienated toward me as is his father. It breaks my heart to see him cringe when I hug him. My life is in a cesspool and I do not know how to escape it.”

  Mara was about to ask her why she did not seek help sooner. She thought better of it and remained silent.

  Elisa continued her tale with downcast eyes, “This past year I started to have trouble standing up after being seated for a long while. It was not long before I felt pain in my hands and every joint in my body. I suffered thinking this is what my mother went through. It is horrible and debilitating. The worse thing is how little comfort and compassion I receive from my man and son.”

  She stopped to let the tears wash over her face. A sob shook her. She wiped her face with th
e cloth, breathed deeply and went on, “I suffered in silence and spent the days outdoors to let the warmth of the sun soothe my ache. It helped a little. The trouble was there was no remedy for the emotional turmoil eating at my heart. I loved and longed to be loved. It got me nowhere, for I did not receive it from those I loved. The more I reached out the harder it was to be rejected. I do not feel like a wife or mother any longer. I feel like I am an object they avoid contact with. They spend more and more time away from home. Home is now a place where they come to eat and sleep.

  “Between the physical pain and my broken heart it is too much to bear. I have too many thoughts about walking out on the savannah and ending my life.”

  Elisa brought her eyes up and pleaded with them.

  She whispered. “I am afraid… I need help.”

  “My dear Elisa, you are wise enough to know you are afraid because you think you will never regain the love from your son and husband. It is why you are besieged with thoughts of ending your life. I am truly sorry you are suffering so much. I want you to know all of us are here to help and love you.”

  Elisa’s eyes were riveted on the floor.

  “Your mother’s life ended naturally. Your father ended his because he could not feel his wife’s love after she died. What was his belief of the afterlife?”

  “He thought there was no life after death.”

  “It explains why he could not feel his wife’s love when she passed on. His belief obstructed her love.”

  “So you believe in an afterlife?”

  “Indeed. It is why my title is Talker Healer. I talk to people in the afterlife, as have all my predecessors.”

  “Regretfully, I wish my father was not so stubborn and had come to see you.”

  “If it is any consolation to you, I feel your father and mother are here this moment with you, and I sense their love for you and they thank you for everything you did for them.”

  Kaathi’s words did not register immediately on Elisa. When they did she was taken aback. Fresh tears streamed from her. They eventually stopped and Kaathi said softly, “From what you have shared with me, I can see your love drove you to do what you did. You followed your heart and did what was necessary. Unfortunately, things do not always end up as we envisioned them.

  “It was hard to be tugged in two different directions as you were. I do not want you to keep on blaming yourself for what you did. It is not a curse to follow your heart in such matters, in spite of it appearing to be. If your mate would have had a heart as big as yours, he would have been understanding. It may have been he had never been taught the goodness of understanding the broader sense of love. His lack and your abundance were in conflict.”

  Tears were again accumulating on her eyelids. “What can I do to remedy my life?”

  “I want you, your husband and son to see me after your morning meal for the next ten days. During those sessions I will hopefully help all of you come to a clearer understanding of the dynamics of what has controlled your lives and actions. I especially want to dig into the last few years of your lives. What I am hoping to achieve is a reconciliation of your relationships and a clearer understanding for your man and son of the physical challenges you are going through.”

  “You would help us?”

  “Yes, it is similar to what we are striving for in the Relationship Sessions for the whole village.”

  She gave a small nod and while gently rubbing her hands together said, “Can you give me some cannabis oil for my arthritis?”

  “I can, and I can help you understand why you have chosen to be challenged by this illness.”

  “Now you are talking foolishness. I have not chosen to be sick.”

  “I am sorry to say you have. Come to the next Spiritual Awareness Service. I am going to talk in length about this. I believe it will benefit you immensely in understanding some of life’s mysteries.”

  Elisa looked skeptical. Gradually, she softened to the idea. Marie gave her the oil. She rose and received embraces from all of the healers and their love. She thanked Kaathi and left thinking this was the best she felt mentally and emotionally in years.

  CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR

  The alarm drums announced the presence of a lone, unknown male paddling down the Kahali River and approaching its namesake village. He had left his village shortly after the rains ended filled with hope. He had traveled so many days the rains would soon drench the earth again. Somewhere in this village was the person filled with the wisdom he sought. The people of Hun Nation and Homar had both given him the same name. Moshe was excited.

  Moshe heard the sound of the great crowd talking before he saw them. They were converged on the river bank with equal excitement to see what the stranger looked like. The volume from the crowd increased the nearer he got. The moment he could see them he stood in the dugout and raised his arms in salutation. Those on the shore saw the foreigner was able to lift his left arm half as high as his right.

  Moshe sat and paddled for the landing, where two men beached the canoe. The vocal commotion was high as he alighted and greeted a middle-aged man.

  Moshe spoke loudly to be heard by those surrounding him. “I come in peace. My name is Moshe. I am from the Delta Nation in the north.”

  Elgar watched the well-muscled, middle-aged man keenly. His skin was lightly tanned and his hair was stark white, short and lightly waved, all signs indicating he came from the north. His large, green eyes were clear and intelligent. As the foreigner came closer, Elgar saw the huge scar on his left shoulder, likely gotten in combat, thus explaining why he could not raise it very high.

  Elgar spoke loudly as well. “Welcome Moshe. I am Elgar, the Elder, of the Kahalis. Allow me to introduce the council representing our people.” He led Moshe down the row of council members. The traveler took the hand of each person and visually and energetically assessed each one. His body had been tingling well before he had stepped ashore and presumed it was due to the woman he had come to see. At being introduced to Kaathi, he took her hand and the rush of energy almost made him weep. He lingered holding her hand and was lost in her eyes. He had never seen anyone with eyes able to speak so eloquently of love. He had to control the flow of tears yearning to be released. He held her hand a long while before kissing it. The Elder was used to people having strange reactions to the mystic and had never seen anyone kiss her hand. He had to repeat the introduction to Marie. Moshe released Kaathi’s hand and took Marie’s. As the Elder introduced him to Mara, he had his second surprise. He had never seen a person so short and hairless. He came upon Ashlee and was stunned by her breathtaking beauty. His immediate thought was she was a goddess come to earth. He held her hand nearly as long as he did Kaathi’s. Scarlet, standing next to Ashlee, smiled at his obvious adoration of Ashlee’s beauty. As Scarlet was introduced, she received an appreciative warm smile from the newcomer. It made her happy to see her charms were also appreciated.

  Moshe clasped the hand of the Warrior Hunter, Jacob, and was impressed by what he felt emanating from the tall, muscled, handsome man. He was taken aback Jacob had selected, the Hun, Sharika, as his apprentice. She must have demonstrated her ability time and again to be chosen as his apprentice. She was a fantastic physical specimen of a woman and worthy of being singled out as a leader.

  The strange conglomeration of people from so many different races serving on a council struck Moshe as surprising and odd. There had to be a reason for it and he quickly realized it. Kaathi, was the only one with qualities to coalesce them and convinced the villagers it was philosophically and culturally correct.

  The introductions concluded, and the excited locals surrounding them pushed forward and introduced themselves. He greeted over three hundred before Logan spoke into Elgar’s ear informing him the meal was ready. Elgar had the bull horn announcer to blow it. The Elder shouted to the crowd letting them know the council and Moshe were heading for the meeting hut to eat. The group arrived at the hut and settled down to partake of the meal, while hundre
ds of curious people congregated and surrounded the hut.

  Elgar sat to the right of Moshe and Jacob to his left, while Kaathi, Coloma and Logan sat across from them. The apprentices filled the rest of the seats. Four seats were also filled by people Logan selected for the honor.

  Elgar threw out the first question. “We were uncertain if there were any more tribes located near us. Where exactly is the Delta Nation?”

  “The great Nile River has created a vast fertile delta. It is home to a variety of millions of migratory and permanent birds. It is a rich land able to produce abundant crops. The delta empties into a great sea. Because of its riches we have been attacked by three different tribes in the last twenty years from our east. I have lived thirty-three years and fought in nine battles for my nation. At one time, we were a nation of forty thousand. We have lost six thousand men to the insanity we call war. I was so good at killing our enemy they gave me command of half of our fighting forces. In each bloody battle, I lost men I loved. I lost my father to war at the age of nine. Another battle claimed the life of my oldest brother. My other brother lost his life as he fought next to me. It unnerved me more than any other death I witnessed. It was extremely difficult to lose my whole family. I nearly lost my arm, in the same battle I lost my last brother, and would have bled to death were it not for quick action on the part of my lieutenant.

  “As I was recovering from my wound, I found it hard to see the worth in fighting. The gore and horror overtook my dreams and terrified my nights. The more I thought about it the more I saw how insane it was to continue fighting and lose the best men I have ever known. Seeing men lying in pools of blood on the ground with their guts hanging out and their heads or arms chopped off was maddening. I had enough of the madness. I knew there had to be a better way to live.

  “The moment I recovered sufficiently enough to walk, I went to the emperor and said I could not fight any more. I told my mother I was going to live by myself until I had answers to the questions tormenting me. I went away and lived alone three years and discovered many answers to my questions. Toward the end of my personal exile, I started to have dreams and visions of a woman who was to help me understand my relationship to the universe.