5 Tutti Frutti

by Mike Faricy

  “Louie, don’t you think...”

  “No, Dev, you’re not thinking. Next thing you do, you better find out if Swindle’s car was involved in that hit and run. I’ll lay you odds they towed that thing from The Spot once you cleverly told them where it was parked, and they’re tearing the God damned thing apart piece-by-piece right now.”

  “Maybe she picked it up and…”

  “You dropped her off at the Tutti Frutti around noon. That’s where they picked her up later in the afternoon. Do you really think she stopped the party to go get her car like any normal, responsible adult? We’re talking Swindle Lawless here, Dev. You had better find her, figure out a way to land on her good side, and make this mess disappear before it gets any worse.”

  “Her good side? You mean she has one?”

  “You’d know better than me, you were in bed with her. No,” Louie said, holding up his hand, “don’t say another word. Then the next little bit of a problem is Dudley Rockett. You better figure something out there and fast. That restraining order Rockett filed against you does not help. Anything happens to him, Manning is going to come after you full speed.”

  “Louie, all I did was…”

  “No, I don’t want to hear it,” he said then slammed his car door. He turned the ignition, lowered the window, and yelled, “All you did was fuck things up royally. Get them fixed, pronto. Oh, and I want chocolate donuts tomorrow morning.” With that his car belched a cloud of black exhaust. I had to jump out of the pothole to avoid being run over.

  “God damn, Swindle,” I swore, then watched as Louie’s tail lights bounced across the pot holes as he departed a cloud of dust and exhaust drifted over me.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  So much for my legal representation. I thought it might be a better idea if I called Heidi and asked her to maybe make a phone call on my behalf. I figured she could sign a statement to the effect we didn’t participate in any sexual activity with Swindle. At least it was a start.

  “Hi, Heidi, Dev.”

  I figured the call must have dropped because I didn’t hear anything.

  “Hello, hello, Heidi?”

  “Funny, I was just about to call you.”

  “Oh, look, sorry about the way things sort of worked out this morning. I didn’t have Swindle’s address, she didn’t have her keys. I couldn’t just leave her at the Tutti Frutti last night and…”

  “So you decided to drug the two of us and bring us both into my bed? In my bedroom you absolutely horrible, disgusting sleaze ball,” she screamed.

  “Heidi, that’s not what happened.”

  “Oh, really? Gee, must have been my fucking imagination playing tricks on me then. I guess there wasn’t another naked woman squeezing my boobs this morning. I guess you weren’t there enjoying the whole thing.”

  “Well, that wasn’t really what was going on, she just …”

  “I guess I misunderstood her when she said we owed her five hundred dollars. I guess the detective that phoned this afternoon and asked me to come down tomorrow morning at nine for an interview called the wrong Heidi Bauer.”

  “Manning phoned you?”

  “How could you, you pervert? And after all I’ve done for you. The times I bailed you out. All the times we’ve…”

  “Heidi, will you calm down. Hey look, Swindle is a little crazy.”

  “Listen, asshole, she’s gift wrapped garbage. A little crazy? Dev, she’s fucking nuts and apparently underpaid. You’re gonna pay a lot more than five hundred to have your worthless ass in my bed ever again.” Click.

  “Hello, Heidi, did we get disconnected? Hello.”

  That hadn’t exactly gone my way. I checked my contact list; fortunately I’d been enough on the ball to put Swindle’s number in there, so I phoned her.

  “The subscriber you have contacted is unable to accept calls at this time.” Meaning idiot Swindle hadn’t paid her phone bill. I phoned Candi.

  “Hello.”

  “Hi, Candi, Dev.”

  There was a long pause but at least she wasn’t screaming when she said, “Sounds like you’ve been a busy boy.”

  “Let’s just say it hasn’t been my best day. You working?”

  “Yeah, been here for a while; I guess I just missed the police hauling Swindle away.”

  “What did you hear?” I asked.

  “Well, knowing Swindle, I’m sure she didn’t go quietly. Anyway she went down to the police station and apparently filed charges against you.”

  “That’s just a big misunderstanding,” I said.

  “All I know is she filed charges. After that the thing apparently takes on a life of its own.”

  “I’ll say. No good deed goes unpunished,” I said.

  “You mean your three-way?”

  “There was no three-way, Candi. Nothing happened, honest. I just took her to a friend’s house. I couldn’t leave her passed out on the street. I didn’t want her at my place in case she got the wrong idea. I couldn’t find you, so I took her to the safest place I could think of. God, I should have just dropped her at some flea bag hotel that rents by the hour.”

  “Wouldn’t be the first time for her,” Candi laughed.

  “Is Swindle back there at the Tutti Frutti?”

  “I think so, I saw her about a half hour ago.”

  “Can you keep her there for fifteen minutes? I want to talk with her.”

  “I’ll try, but I can’t ever promise anything where she’s concerned.”

  “I’m on my way,” I said and hurried over to my car.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  On the way to catch Swindle at the Tutti Frutti, I drove past The Spot. The only sign of her purple Miata was the oil slick that had dripped onto the pavement where I’d parked. I could only hope she found her keys and picked the thing up.

  Swindle was sitting at the bar as I came in the front door. She was basically in the same spot as the last time I saw her except now she was on the customer side of the bar. Our eyes met at the same moment and she waved me over looking all happy to see me.

  “Hi, Dev, get you a drink?” she smiled and shrugged in a little girl sort of way.

  “No thanks, Swindle. Hey look, no offense but what the hell is going on? You filed charges against me? I told you nothing happened between us. Not a damn thing happened with you or me or Heidi.”

  “Yeah, I kinda figured that out.”

  “You figured it out? Then why in God’s name are you filing rape charges against us?”

  “Five hundred bucks, that’s my price. I was there for the taking. It’s certainly not my fault if you didn’t take advantage of the situation. You took me to bed, I’d say I certainly put in the time.”

  “You were passed out. We all were. See, we were actually doing a good deed. We took you there so you’d be safe and you pretty much abused our kindness.”

  “Look, Dev, did you sleep with me? Did what’s her name, the chick that kept freaking out, did she sleep with me?”

  “Her name is Heidi, but that’s not the point, see…”

  “Actually, it’s exactly the point. You slept with me right, both of you.”

  “Yeah, I suppose technically we slept.”

  “There you go, five hundred bucks.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I remembered Louie’s gentle advice; “Figure it out, douche nozzle. If this charge remains, me or someone else unfortunate enough to represent you is gonna ream your ass for a good fifteen hundred to deal with this, and that’s just for starters.”

  “Could I write you a check?”

  “You got a credit card?”

  “You take credit cards, Swindle?”

  “No, but there’s an ATM back by the restrooms, and I do take cash. Let me buy you a beer while you’re back there getting things organized.”

  “And you’ll drop all the charges?”

  “You bet, lover boy.”

  “The other thing, Swindle, in light of all this, of course, I’m going to resign from yo
ur Dudley Rockett case. Obviously, it doesn’t make any sense for me to continue now.”

  “Whatever,” she said then sipped and shrugged like she couldn’t have cared less.

  On my way to the ATM I ran into Candi.

  “Hi, Dev, did you see Swindle? I told her to wait for you. She was up by the front of the bar.”

  “Yeah, believe me I saw her.”

  “Everything okay?”

  “It will be in about five hundred dollars.”

  “Five hundred, whoa, must have been some night.”

  “Don’t even go there, Candi, nothing happened, and it wasn’t supposed to happen. She lost her keys, passed out, and I couldn’t just leave her.”

  “I would have.”

  “I should have. Anyway, she’ll drop the charges for five hundred bucks.”

  “She’s your client, right?”

  “She was. I just told her I resigned.”

  “Do I feel some additional expenses coming her way on your final invoice?”

  “To tell the truth, I’m not even going to invoice her. I just want to get as far away as possible from that whole crowd.”

  “Look, I’m off in an hour, free tonight?” she asked.

  “Free? No, but I’ll charge you five hundred.”

  “I could probably get Swindle to join us,” she said.

  “Don’t.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  I was up, showered, dressed, and about to head home when I heard the news on the flat screen in Candi’s kitchen. A story described as “evolving” had a reporter standing with neighbors behind a half dozen squad cars. They were all parked outside a grey looking rambler. The place had a faded and unkempt look about it. Someone had been found dead in the home in the background, and the police were treating the circumstances as questionable.

  The reporter went on to say, “An anonymous source said the deceased was found drowned in the bathtub, amazingly, this house has gone into foreclosure and has been unoccupied for a number of months.”

  “Dev, quit pacing and sit down for God’s sake, let me make you breakfast.”

  She was leaning against the granite counter top sipping coffee and wearing a white Terrycloth robe that she hadn’t bothered to tie. As enjoyable as the breakfast view was, I wanted to get to the office and Louie. I was sure Manning wasn’t finished gunning for me, and I wanted to be prepared. Then there was the other problem.

  “I can’t sit.”

  “Oh, will you just calm down.”

  “No, it’s not that,” I said, nodding toward the flat screen mounted on the wall. “It was last night.”

  “Last night? Oh, you mean your little spanking? God, I really enjoyed that.”

  “Little? Yeah, you must have enjoyed yourself, but I was the guy on the receiving end.”

  “I didn’t hear any complaints.”

  “Candi, you had me gagged and handcuffed.”

  “Don’t forget the five or six Jameson’s you had. You were more like passed out. You slept like the proverbial baby except for the snoring. Like I said, I didn’t hear any complaints. I’d say things seemed to work out all right for you over the course of the night.”

  “Yeah, they did, thanks for that. Sorry to pass out, get spanked, and run, but I better meet with my lawyer. There’s probably going to be more questions.”

  “You sure?” she said then opened her robe a little wider and stood there smiling at me.

  “I gotta go.”

  “Can’t keep up, can you?”

  “That too.”

  It was more than a little uncomfortable driving to the office. I’d checked myself out earlier in Candi’s bathroom mirror. The bruising on my butt looked like someone had applied zebra stripes. I noticed a pink rectangle over my mouth where Candi must have applied the duct tape. Not pretty.

  ***

  “Man, thanks for doing that and thanks for these, too,” Louie said then licked the chocolate off his finger tips.

  I’d shown up with chocolate doughnuts as instructed and had just finished telling him about my payment in full to Swindle and my resignation from her case.

  “Like I said yesterday, it’s your cheapest option. Believe me, Dev, I know nothing happened, but it’ll cost you an arm and a leg to prove it. Not to mention you’d have your pal Heidi going after your scalp.”

  “Yeah, that’s another problem I’m going to have to deal with.”

  “Well, charming as that may be your bigger headache is going to be Dudley Rockett.”

  “I just told you, I resigned from Swindle’s case last night. I’m not going to go to the guy’s house, or follow him, or anything. I’m done with it, it’s just better for everyone this way.”

  “Dev, didn’t you hear?”

  “Hear what?”

  “They found him drowned in the bathtub of some abandoned house early this morning.”

  “Rockett?”

  “Yeah, and with that restraining order you can count on Manning fingering you as his main suspect numero uno.”

  “I was worried about that hit and run.”

  “Gary what’s-his-name? Yeah maybe, but with Rockett washing up on shore dead I think you are really going to have Manning’s undivided attention.”

  “Why does that guy have such an in for me?”

  “Maybe because it’s logical and you seem to figure prominently into both circumstances. Does this ring a bell? You were with the hit and run guy’s wife. What, you were just holding hands? And Rockett filed a restraining order and now he’s suddenly drowned in a bath tub. In both cases you’re sort of floating out there not too far from the edge. Anyone with any brains would have to wonder, and even though you may not like the guy, Manning is no one’s fool. By the way, I’ve got a call into him, Manning, but I haven’t heard back.”

  “This is too weird, he’s found drowned in an abandoned house. How did they even know he was in there if the place was empty?”

  “I’m gonna guess the old anonymous tip,” Louie said and licked another finger tip.

  “You know what the common denominator in all this is?”

  “Yeah, I just told you, you.”

  “No, well yeah, but I mean the real common denominator behind the scenes sort of, Swindle Lawless.”

  “Swindle? God, Dev, she’s so pickled and fried most of the time she’s incapable of remembering her own name on any given day let alone doing any of this.”

  “Think about it. Rockett was jacking her around and now he’s dead. And Ruggles was killed in a hit and run and Swindle’s car is all smashed up.”

  “Her car? That’s what you’re going to hang you hat on? Her car? Given that leap of faith you should be nailed as a pimp or a pusher for tooling around in that bomb you drive. And will you please sit down, you’re driving me nuts standing there.”

  “I’m more comfortable standing right now. I think I did something to my back.”

  Louie looked at me for a half moment.

  “And what’s with your face? Either a new razor or it’s time to get one. You’re all pink around your mouth. You having an allergic reaction to your new love interest?”

  “No just shaved a little too close. No big deal.”

  Louie gave me a look like he didn’t buy my excuse then just shook his head. “Anyway, I want us to get to Manning first, offer to go down there and talk with him. At the very least you’re a person of interest. Let’s show him you’ve got nothing to hide and it’s all just a bit of unfortunate coincidence.”

  With that Louie’s phone played the theme song from the movie “Jaws.”

  “Manning?” I asked.

  Louie put his finger on his lips to silence me then answered. “This is Louis Laufen, I’m unable to take your call. Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you just as soon as possible.” Then he made a sort of beep sound, frowned, and set the phone down.

  “Who was that?”

  “Cazzo, he just yelled ‘Call me, damn it’.”

  “Maybe you should
have taken the call?”

  “I’d rather have him thinking I’m really busy. I’ll get back to him in a bit. I always like to collect my thoughts before I talk to that guy.”

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  I got a text message from Heidi saying she was on her way home from her interview with Detective Manning at the police station, and she was in the process of blocking my phone number. Then she was going to delete me from her list of Facebook friends.

  Manning phoned Louie about ten minutes after that. It was pretty much a one-sided conversation.

  “I see,” Louie said.

  “What does he want?” I whispered.

  “I see.”

  “Do we have to go down there?” I whispered.

  Louie waved me off then turned his back and said, “No, I fully understand, Detective.”

  I wrote “Did Swindle drop the rape charge?” on a note pad and passed it over to Louie.

  He looked at it then tossed the pad off to the side. “I absolutely understand, Detective, just as long as we’re on the record as offering our full cooperation in your on-going investigation. I look forward to hearing from you when you’ve more facts and we can help set the record straight. Yes, yes, thank you for returning my call. Fine. Yes. Goodbye.”

  “So I’m off?” I asked as Louie tossed his cell phone on top of a stack of fake files.

  “Not exactly. They’re waiting for lab reports on Swindle’s car and some items recovered from Rockett’s house this morning. You sure you were never in the place?”

  “Rockett’s house? No, never. Closest I got to inside was knocking on the front door.”

  “I don’t know. I got the feeling they’re looking at something. By the way, it sounds like your girlfriend, Heidi Bauer, was none too happy. She pled too drunk to remember, but suggested you were off her radar screen forever. You’re sure you weren’t inside Rockett’s?”

  “Scout’s honor.”

  Louie drummed his fingers on the desk, thought for a moment “I just have the feeling there’s something we don’t know. Anyone you can check with to see what they got from the Rockett crime scene? Be nice to get a clue what’s up rather than have Manning springing a surprise on us.”