He Looked Back

by Hollandaise, Melissa

  Jesus. I didn't know 'Dylan' and 'care' could go in the same sentence without 'doesn't.'

  "Sometimes I think James doesn't care about me," I say in one breath, clamping my mouth shut like a six year old that said a curse word in front of their mother.

  Dylan nods slowly. "Why do you think that?"

  "I..." I can't believe I'm talking about this with Dylan. "He always forgets about me and has so much work and I don't think the other interns have as much work as he does." I take a breath.

  "Is that what happened? He forgot to pick you up?"

  I nod silently, biting my lip. I don't want to cry in front of Dylan. I don't want to cry at all over James.

  He pulls into the lot of our apartment building. Rain pours around the car.

  "We should wait it out," he says. "If we don't want to get soaked."

  I nod, focusing on my breathing. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry"It's alright if you need to cry," Dylan says, turning to face me.

  Damn you, Dylan. Damn you to hell.

  I shake my head and chew on the inside of my cheek.

  "Come on, Katie. Don't hold it in. James doesn't treat you right, does he?" When I look up, his eyes are kind and understanding, something I've never seen in him before.

  Something in his tone makes me snap. I bury my face in my hands and let it all out, hot tears streaming down my face. A warm hand touches my back, soothing me.

  I hate this. I hate crying in front of Dylan. I feel so weak.

  Dylan doesn't say anything as I compose myself. I lean back in my seat, staring at the grey ceiling of the car. I know I probably look as deathly as the storm outside, but at the moment, I don't care.

  "This is a nice car," I say, my voice slightly hoarse from crying.

  "Thanks."

  "It has the new car smell."

  "It's three years old."

  "Hmm."

  Dylan drums his fingers on the steering wheel. "Want to play twenty questions?" He asks suddenly.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I look at him. "Twenty questions?"

  "What, never heard of it?"

  "No, I have," I say. "I just didn't know they had that in England."

  Dylan throws back his head and laughs, causing me to laugh with him.

  "I sincerely hope you're kidding," he says.

  "Don't worry, I'm not that naïve."

  He smiles, running his tongue along his lips. "All right then," he says. "I'll start."

  "Okay."

  "What's your favorite color?"

  "Blue," I tell him.

  "Good choice."

  "Thanks." I pause, thinking of a question. "What's your pet peeve?"

  "When people rush work."

  "Why?"

  "I don't know, it just annoys the shit out of me."

  "I see."

  "Why did you move to Edinburgh?"

  "I wanted to get out of London."

  "Fair enough." He smiles crookedly.

  "Who's your favorite character from the Simpsons?"

  "Bart. You?"

  "Marge."

  "Favorite band?"

  "Don't have one."

  Dylan looks at me, astonished. "You don't have a favorite band?"

  "I don't really have time for music," I say.

  "That's a shitty excuse."

  "Whatever," I say, waving him off. "Next question."

  "It's your turn, genius."

  "Oh." I smile. "What made you want to be an accountant?"

  "I love math."

  I wrinkle my nose. "Ugh. Why?"

  He shrugs. "I guess because nothing ever changes," he says. "It's the same rules, all the time." He turns his head, looking straight. "I've never liked change."

  "Oh." His tone has shifted to a more serious note.

  He quickly recovers and turns back to me. "Who was your first kiss?"

  "Oh," I say again, flushing. "Um...skip."

  "Come on, you can't skip!"

  "Yes I can."

  "No, you can't. Now answer the question."

  "Fine." I sigh. "James. It was James." I glare at him. "Don't laugh."

  Dylan bites his lip. "You're lying," he says.

  "No," I sigh.

  "So you're telling me a girl like you went through all her years of schooling including college and never kissed anyone?"

  "What do you mean, a girl like me?"

  "Oh, come on. Look at you. You basically scream preppy popular girl that dates the star football player."

  "I think you watch too many movies."

  "It's hard for me to believe you didn't have your first kiss until you were twenty three."

  "Well, it's true," I say.

  "Was it good, at least?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "Is Doctor Boy a good kisser?"

  "Well...I...I don't know. I don't have much to compare it to."

  "Does he turn you on?"

  I start. "What? I'm not telling you that."

  "I bet he doesn't." Dylan smiles teasingly.

  "Maybe he does. You don't know." I cross my arms over my chest, blushing furiously. "And frankly, it's none of your business."

  Dylan laughs. "Right."

  "Stop," I say. "You're making fun of me."

  "No, I'm not. Come on, next question."

  "Uh...what's your mother's name?"

  Dylan tenses, smile dropping from his face. "Anne," he says slowly. He crosses his his arms over his chest, his breathing accelerating slightly.

  "Are you okay?" I ask him.

  "Fine," he says through gritted teeth. "I'd just rather not talk about my mother."

  I nod slowly. "I'm sorry, I didn't know--"

  "Drop it," he snaps and I recoil.

  I look away. I must have hit a nerve.

  Dylan takes a breath and looks back at me, his expression shifting yet again. "My turn," he says.

  The way his demeanor changes so rapidly gives me whiplash but I nod.

  "Is James your first boyfriend?"

  I shake my head. "No."

  "But you said he was your first kiss."

  "He was."

  Dylan raises his eyebrows. "Care to elaborate?"

  I smile. "I went out with a boy named Kevin in fourth grade," I tell him. "But I caught him holding hands with another girl by the monkey bars, so I dumped him."

  Dylan laughs. "You heartbreaker."

  "James is my first serious relationship, though." I chew on my lip. Maybe I think it's serious, but he completely forgot about me today.

  "Do you love him?" Dylan asks.

  "What?"

  "James? Do you love James?"

  I lean back in my seat. I've never really thought about it. James is smart, sweet and kind. He has a great job and he's very attractive. But he forgets about me constantly, and like Dylan said, he doesn't exactly treat me right.

  "I...I don't know." I look at Dylan. "Why?"

  I hadn't realized Dylan and I have shifted toward one another, Dylan almost leaning across the center console. Our faces are only a few inches apart, and I smell the faint scent of cool mint on his breath.

  He suddenly leans forward, our lips brushing slightly. My heart does acrobatics, my pulse quickening. The mix of Dylan's proximity and the sound of the rain outside intoxicates me, and I momentarily forget James.

  James.

  I jolt back, running a hand through my hair. "The rain's letting up," I say shakily. In reality, the rain hasn't let up at all; it's still pouring buckets. I grab my things and get out of the car.

  I am an idiot.

  What happened back there? Was Dylan going to kiss me? Was I going to kiss him? Why did I let that happen? I'm still dating James, even if we're in a rough patch right now. I feel horribly guilty for almost kissing Dylan, but another hopeless part of me feels irrevocably alive.

  I don't know if Dylan gets out of the car after me, I just rush into the lobby, shaking rain from my hair. I jam the button on the elevator with my thumb, then decide against it and tak
e the stairs.

  I get to my apartment and turn to look at myself in the mirror. My hair is damp from the rain and makeup is smudged around my eyes. My cheeks are flushed a deep red, and my brown eyes are wide.

  I check my phone to find one missed call from James.

  Only one.

  I dial his number quickly.

  "Katie, where have you been?" James snaps on the other end.

  "I should be asking you," I retort. "You didn't pick me up!"

  "I'm on my way, don't worry."

  "Are you fucking kidding me? I got off at four. I got a ride home."

  "You'd better not have ridden home with that Dylan guy."

  "I didn't," I lie. "And even if I did, that's not the point. You forgot about me."

  "No, I didn't," he says. "I was at work--"

  "It's always about work with you, isn't it? Work, work, work. Well, let me tell you something, James. You'd better start giving a shit about me or I'm out!"

  I slam down my phone and bury my face in my hands. Today has been utterly disastrous. James forgetting me, Dylan almost kissing me in his car. God, I need to stay away from Dylan. I really need to stay away from Dylan.

  I decide to turn in for the night, stripping from my wet clothes and practically falling into bed. I'm exhausted, and I fall right to sleep.

  Chapter Fifteen

  "He forgot you?"

  Lana and Rachel look at me with wide eyes as I tell them about the events of the other night. Excluding the part about Dylan and I almost kissing, that is. I don't want anyone to know about that. I don't even want to know about it.

  I nod, tracing my fingertips around the top of my soda can.

  "Well, you dumped him, right?" Rachel asks.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see someone enter the break room where we're sitting.

  Dylan casually walks over to the fridge and opens it without a hello. He looks at me briefly before focusing on the contents of the fridge.

  "N-no," I say sheepishly.

  Lana's jaw drops. "Well why not?" She asks.

  "I'm going to talk to him later," I tell her. "We'll work things out."

  Rachel and Lana exchange a glance.

  "I don't know, Katie," Lana says. "No offense, but this guy seems kind of...out of line."

  "I know, but I won't give up that easily," I say. I can't see Dylan's face from where I am, only his hand that rests on the door of the fridge. I can tell he's listening.

  "If he can't make time for you, he's not worth it," Rachel agrees.

  I shrug. "I think I might love him."

  Dylan stiffens and snaps up, a soda can gripped in his fist. His eyes blaze as he turns and storms out of the break room.

  Rachel and Lana say more things that I ignore. Why did Dylan react that way? I excuse myself from the conversation and go back to my desk.

  "It's rude to listen to people's conversations," I say quietly so only Dylan can hear.

  "I don't care," he replies, shuffling papers around on his desk. "I never said I wasn't rude."

  I roll my eyes and click open a pen. I'm about to begin on my next manuscript when Mr. Morris steps out of his office.

  "Katie and Dylan, come here please."

  I stiffen and look at Dylan. He seems unbothered and rises from his desk, making his way to Mr. Morris. I follow, biting down on my lip.

  "Wilson, you dealt with Miss Harris's file when she began working here," Mr. Morris says. "Run the final copy up to Crane's office to put in the archive. Katie, you need to accompany him to verify all the information is correct."

  I internally groan. I don't want to have to spend time with Dylan, period. I sigh.

  Dylan nods and takes the file into his hands. He doesn't give me a second look as he takes long strides out of the office.

  I jog to catch up with him as we reach the elevators.

  "You could wait up," I huff.

  He just shrugs. "I could. Doesn't mean I have to."

  "You know, I'm not happy about this either," I say as we step onto the elevator. "You don't have to act like such a douche."

  "I barely said anything, Katherine."

  I grimace.

  Dylan hands me my file, a smile spreading across his face. "Hold this," he says. I tentatively take the file into my arms as Dylan reaches out and presses all the buttons on the elevator, lighting them all up.

  "Don't do that!" I say. "You'll block up the system."

  "I do this every time I get in this elevator, I think we're safe." He smiles and takes back my file.

  "Now we have to go to all the floors," I say. "All fifteen. And waste time."

  "Don't tell me you actually care about getting back to work quickly."

  "I do."

  "Of course. Should have known."

  "What does that mean?"

  "It means you're a goody-goody, Katherine."

  "I am not!"

  "Yes, you are. You can't deny it."

  I clench my jaw. "So what if I am? There's nothing wrong with it."

  "There's everything wrong with it."

  "How?" I snap.

  "If you play by the rules all the time, you never get the thrill of the game." His mouth turns up in a half smile, his eyes taunting.

  His words sink into me. "Well..." I try to think of a comeback, but I can't. I shut my mouth and cross my arms over my chest.

  "That's what I thought." His tone is smug and it makes me want to slap the smirk right off his face.