"I'm not like Katie, see," Courtney says. "We're very different." She eyes me and I flush, looking to the floor. Courtney has always been one to hold a grudge.
"Dinner is ready, everyone," my mother calls from the kitchen.
I've never felt so relieved in my life as I stand and walk to the kitchen. My father is already seated at the table, looking over documents of some sort. He puts them away into a manila folder when we all walk in.
My mother serves the dinner of chicken and mashed potatoes as we all dig in.
"So tell me what it's like working for Crane," my grandfather says.
"It's very nice," I say. "I like the manuscripts available to edit, and I'm situated quite close to the office. Only a few blocks away."
"Wow," my grandmother says. "You must be able to walk to work, then!"
My mind flashes to when William and Ethan stopped me when I was walking home from work that night. I swallow. "Not exactly." I laugh shakily.
"We're very proud of you, Katie," my mother says.
I look down at my food. How can they all act like we're a model family, like my mother and father aren't getting divorced? Do my grandparents even know?
The first part of the meal is relatively silent, with only the sound of chewing and forks clanking against plates ringing through the atmosphere. Courtney continues to eye me from her spot across the table. I think something snapped in her today when we ran into Jason at the supermarket. Something snapped in me, too.
“So,” my grandmother says, pursing her cherry colored lips into a tight line. “When are you finalizing the divorce?”I can tell the question caught my parents by surprise when my mother pales and my father spits his wine back into its glass.
“Wh-what?” The shaky tone in my mother’s voice tells me they didn’t tell my grandparents about the divorce—so who did?
My question is soon answered by Courtney’s smirk.
My father catches it too, and drops his fork onto his plate. “Courtney?” He asks sternly.
“What?” She snaps. “What’s the point of keeping it a secret? You think they wouldn’t notice if their daughter and son-in-law got a divorce?”“It was not your place to tell them,” my mother interjects.
Courtney rolls her eyes. “Whatever. They know now, big deal.”
My father picks his fork back up and continues to slowly eat.
“Well?” My grandmother asks. “Are you going to answer my question? When are you finalizing the divorce?”My mother clears her throat. “November.”
I almost choke on my food. “What? November?”
All eyes fall on me.
“Yes, Katherine,” my father says. “November fourteenth.”
“That’s so soon,” I say, my voice slightly cracking at the end.
“What did you expect?” Courtney snaps.
My eyes flash to her and my mother sets down her fork.
“Enough, everyone,” she says. “Let’s change the subject.”
Courtney opens her mouth to interject but my mother gives her a stern look and she closes it.
November fourteenth. Today is October eighteenth. That’s less than a month away. My parents will no longer be married in less than a month.
The thought almost sickens me and I take a long drink of my water.
“So, Courtney,” my grandmother says, breaking the short silence. “How’s that boy you’re seeing? Jason, is it?”My stomach drops to the floor, my throat drying up. I swallow my food slowly, my eyes locked on Courtney.
“Oh, Jason?”
I want to be anywhere but here right now. The temperature of the room seems to rise twenty degrees.
“Jason and I broke up a little over a year ago, Grandma,” Courtney says, smiling at my grandmother. “Things just...” She turns to look directly at me. “...Didn’t work out.”“Oh, well I’m sorry,” my grandmother says, her eyes shifting between Courtney and I. “You seemed to really like him.”Please, Grandma. Please stop talking.
“I did,” Courtney agrees. “I loved him.” Her tone turns cold and her eyes ignite in flames.
I rise from my seat abruptly, causing all attention to turn to me. I continue to stare at Courtney, my mouth dry.
“Katie? What’s wrong?” My mother asks.
“I...” I break away from Courtney’s gaze. “Excuse me.”
I turn and walk out of the dining room, grabbing my coat from the rack by the door. I swiftly open the door to the apartment and walk out, dialing a number I wish I would have never had to call again.
Chapter Forty Six
“Katie,” Jason answers on the other end of the line. “How nice of you to call.”
“C-can you meet me?” I rush out, my heart beating wildly.
“Meet you?” He pauses. “Where?”
“Uh...” I look around me. “There’s a coffee shop on the corner of eighth and seventy fourth.”“Alright.”
I hang up and walk to the corner, taking a seat at a table outside the coffee shop. I can’t believe I’m doing this. Jason is a major reason—if not the sole reason—I left London in the first place. And yet, here I am, waiting for him to meet me at a damn coffee shop at the end of my block.
My thoughts wander to Dylan. Believe it or not, I actually anticipate seeing him when I get home. He’s proved to actually be a decent friend, and I think I was in need of one. But there’s always that little nagging part of me that wants to know more about him. He has so many secrets, I know it. Every time I learn something new about him, I still seem to be faced with a thousand other things that leave me in the dark. He’s like the moon, Dylan is—part of him is always hidden.
Suddenly, my phone buzzes in my lap. I pick up hurriedly.
"Hello?"
"Hey, your mail got put in my box again. What did I tell you about letting that happen?"
Dylan's playful tone calms my nerves slightly and I laugh. "I'm sorry," I say. "Just put it outside my door and I'll pick it up when I get home."
"Very well." There's some rustling on the other end.
"Dylan?" I blurt.
"Hmm?"
"Do you...do you believe in me?"
"What do you mean?"
I swallow. "I'm about to do something...something big. Do you believe I can do it?"
Dylan is silent for a few moments. "Of course you can do it."
His words send a rush of joy through me, starting at my heart and spreading through my entire body. The fact that he didn't ask me what it was I was doing--he didn't badger or question me at all--makes a strong feeling of fondness toward him bubble inside me.
"That's exactly what I needed to hear," I breathe. I laugh shakily, my heart still pounding. "Thank you, Dylan."
"Anytime, Katie." I hear his smile in his voice.
"I have to go, again, I'm sorry about the mail." I smile.
"You'd better be sorry. You have a shit load of magazine subscriptions, and I haven't even heard of half of them."
"Bye, Dylan."
"Bye, Katie."
I hang up and sigh, my nerves slightly calmed by the sound of Dylan's voice. I look down at my lap.
“Katie Harris.”
I snap up and internally cringe when I meet Jason’s gaze. He smirks down at me, his tall frame towering above me. My prior nerves return in a smashing tidal wave.
“Sit,” I say simply, and he complies, taking a seat across from me at the small table.
“So,” he says, leaning back, his eyes gleaming sinisterly. “What can I do for you?”His words make me flinch but I compose myself. I take a breath. “I need you to tell Courtney the truth.”He raises an eyebrow. “The truth about what?”
“You know what.” I narrow my eyes.
He reclines in his seat, a smirk on his face. “And why would I do that?”
“Because it’s been a fucking year, Jason,” I say. “How much longer are you going to keep this up? It’s practically destroying my family.”“What’s in it for me?”
“Why does there have to
be something in it for you?”
“Katie, I think you’re forgetting just what happened that night.”
“I’m not forgetting a fucking thing, Jason. Just give it up, alright? Please.” My voice cracks at the end slightly.
Jason’s jaw clenches. “I don’t know, Katie,” he says and I feel like passing out.
I suddenly feel a rush of anger. This boy has been the cause of so much conflict, so much pain, and I’ve had it. Dylan's words swim into my mind.
Of course you can do it.
“You know what, Jason?” I sit up straighter in my seat. “You’re pathetic. You’re carrying around these lies with you everywhere you go, and you don’t give a shit on the effect it’s having on me even after a year. You never loved Courtney, how could you? You wouldn’t have done what you did if you really loved her,” I spit, my eyes flashing.
Jason looks taken aback by my outburst, and I’m glad. I’m glad I shocked him, I’m glad he’s surprised that silent, submissive Katie is finally telling him what he needs to hear.
“Just tell her the truth,” I say. “Be a fucking man for once and tell Courtney the goddamn truth.”I stand from my seat, pulling my coat tighter around me. The wind blows harshly through the streets, nipping at my cheeks and nose.
“I leave tomorrow,” I tell him. “I’d prefer it if you tell her by then.”
I turn on my heel and walk back down the street, feeling a bit of weight lifting off my shoulders. This agonizing year of feeling shit because of that boy has seemed to blow away with the wind. That night will forever been burned into my memory, but telling Jason off has made it just a little less painful.
I hang up my coat on the coat rack when I step back inside my parent’s place. My mother steps out of the kitchen to see who is at the door, and her eyes soften in relief.
“Katie, thank God,” she says, walking toward me and pulling me into a hug. “I had no idea where you went, I—”“Mom, I’m twenty three,” I laugh into her hair.
“I know, I know,” she says, pulling away to look at me. “But you’ll always be my little girl.”I suddenly feel like crying at my mother’s statement. I had never once considered that it would be hard for her for me to move across the country to Edinburgh—I had been too focused on getting the hell out of here. She must have been heartbroken when I was so eager to leave her.
“I love you, Mom,” I say. “And I’m sorry for acting like such a child about you and Dad.”She nods. “I’m sorry for keeping it from you,” she says. “That wasn’t right.”
I feel like a different person—Regular Katie would never have called Jason, or apologized openly to my mother. Regular Katie would have shut herself in her room and wasted time editing manuscripts for work. Regular Katie would still be dating James and hating Dylan.
I’m beginning to hate Regular Katie.
A burst of courage erupts in me and I walk away from my mother, stopping at Courtney’s door.
“What are you doing?” My mother asks.
“Curing bad blood,” I answer as I rap my knuckles against Courtney’s bedroom door.
Chapter Forty Seven
Courtney answers the door, a frown on her lips. She’s dressed in her pajamas, her dark hair up in a messy ponytail. “What?” She snaps at me.
“Can we talk?” I ask.
“You can talk,” she says shortly, turning and walking back into her room. I follow, shutting the door softly behind me. She takes a seat on her bed and picks up a nail file, running it across the tops of her nails.
Where do I start? There’s so much tension between us at this moment, I can practically feel it in the air. I take a breath.
“Courtney, what exactly did you feel for Jason?”
She looks up, furrowing her brow. “What did I feel for him?”
I nod, remaining by the door.
“I loved him,” she says simply.
“H-how did you know it was love?”
She stops filing her nails and looks at me. “I just knew.” She purses her lips. “Which is why it was that much more painful to learn what you did.”I shut my eyes. “Do you believe what Jason told you?” I ask slowly, reopening my eyes. “About me?”“That’s obvious, isn’t it?” She goes back to filing her nails.
I swallow.
“Jason never loved you.”
Courtney freezes, slowly looking up at me. “What did you just say?”
“I said, Jason never loved you.”
She narrows her eyes. “What makes you think you have the fucking right to say that to me?”“I just talked to him. I met him at the coffee shop on the corner.”
“What the fuck were you doing talking to him at a coffee shop?”
“I needed to clear up some things.” The words coming out of my mouth are not from Regular Katie, not at all.
“Clear up? What, did you fuck him in the bathroom or something?”
That’s it.
“You know what, Courtney?” I ball my hands into fists. “I’m done trying. I’m done trying to mend our bad relationship here, when all you do is insult me. I’m tired of being accused of something I didn’t do, alright? I didn’t do it. I didn’t sleep with Jason, I didn’t fuck him in a coffee shop bathroom, and I sure as hell know that he didn’t love you for shit. And you know why? Because he’s a fucking scum bag, Courtney, and you’re too good for him. So go ahead, call me a whore again, hell, call me a whore twenty times because I’m leaving tomorrow and when I do, I’m not going to mope over the fact that you hate my guts.”I cross my arms over my chest as Courtney gapes at me, her nail file falling into her lap. It feels so good to finally say that, to finally have some kind of closure on what happened, even if it wasn’t the best closure.
“Anything else you’d like to add?” I ask her.
She swallows, looking down at her lap.
“That’s what I thought.”
I turn on my heel and walk out of her room, and going into mine instead. I change into my pajamas and slip into bed.
I once again find myself thinking about Dylan. He mentioned once or twice that he had a sister, too—what is she like? How many years apart are they? He said that he hasn’t seen her in three years—why? He said she was the reason he didn't find out about his mother's death for six days. Is there bad blood between them, too?
I’m drifting off to sleep when I hear my door creak open and someone pad into the room.
I jolt up in bed, switching on the light.
Courtney stands timidly by the door. She looks so young in that moment, her eyes no longer harsh and spiteful, but soft and slightly sheepish.
“Courtney? What do you want? It’s one thirty in the—”
“I can’t sleep.”
He Looked Back Page 21
