He Looked Back

by Hollandaise, Melissa

  “Why didn’t you just call?”

  “No time. They’re having a hard time at Ivory, I had to move quick.”“Where do we go?”

  “Ivory. We’ll all depart from there.”

  “Fuck.” Dylan runs a hand through his hair. “Let’s get moving, then.”I look at the ground as we hurriedly exit the apartment, Dylan’s hand finding mine and squeezing.

  We decide against the elevator and take the stairs down, my pumps clicking on the concrete steps. I push a lock of hair out of my face as we reach the ground floor. I have no idea what to expect, and frankly, I’m scared shitless.

  We step out into the cold, Oliver walking a few steps ahead of Dylan and me. I continue to focus on the ground, my heart pounding.

  The sky is dark, stars beginning to show. It’s hard to make them out with all the city lights around, but a few shine through. I’m reminded of when Dylan took me to that open field to see the billions of shining stars. It was such a beautiful moment—I would give anything to go back there.

  Suddenly, Oliver stops.

  “Shit,” he hisses.

  I look up and lock eyes with a smirking Caitlin.

  She stands slightly behind Alec, James to her side. My breath hitches in my throat, and I feel Dylan drop my hand.

  “Going somewhere?” Alec asks, raising an eyebrow.

  We stand in the parking lot, a black car parked to the side that I can only assume is the vehicle the three came in.

  “We have much to discuss,” Alec says. “But not in such an...open area.”“No, we’re just leaving,” Dylan says through gritted teeth.

  Alec raises an eyebrow. “Don’t worry, it will only take a second.”My nightmares surface in my brain once again as Oliver and Dylan reluctantly follow the other three into a nearby alley.

  What is with these people and alleyways?

  We finally stop walking and I look up to face them again, my breathing uneven.

  “What do you want?” Oliver snaps.

  “Your little alliance seems to have failed, hasn’t it?” Alec begins, smirking.

  “It’s not over yet,” Dylan bites back.

  “Yet.”

  “You underestimate us,” Oliver says.

  “Your little crew at Ivory is currently being overtaken by my backup, I don’t think I am underestimating anything.”Oliver and Dylan’s looks are deathly as they glare at Alec.

  I chew on my lip as Alec’s haunting gaze slides over to me.

  “Katie,” he says, smiling sinisterly. “How are you, darling?”Dylan tenses next to me.

  “Fine,” I say, my tone clipped.

  “I must say, the two of you make ever the charming couple,” Alec says, gesturing between me and Dylan. “Quite lovely.” He looks to James. “I do recall when James told me he was with a girl named Katie. What a coincidence it would be, if you were the same one.”“It would have been much easier if it hadn’t,” James sneers.

  “Don’t act like I’m the one that did anything wrong,” I snap at him. “You’re the one that hit me, remember?”“And of course you go crying to him.” James gestures to Dylan.

  “I didn’t go crying to him, if anyone went crying to anyone in our relationship it was you to your uncle.”James backs down and Alec looks amused.

  “I knew you were smarter than you let on,” Alec says. “Intelligent girl, you are, Katie.” He tilts his head. “If only you were smart enough to stay away from trouble.” He nods to Dylan and I flush with anger, Dylan’s gaze turning to the floor.

  “Do you love him, Katie?”

  I look back at Alec. “What?”

  “Only a short time ago, you told me directly he meant ‘less than nothing to you,’ I believe. Is that still the case?”I had forgotten what I said to Alec that time, when I had gone to Ivory to prove I didn’t know anything. Dylan had heard everything I said, and my heart sinks just remembering.

  “No, it is not the case,” I say bravely, aware of Dylan’s eyes on me.

  “And what changed?”

  When I don’t answer, he repeats his previous question.

  “Do you love him?”

  “Yes,” I say quietly.

  “How much do you love him?”

  “There is no limit,” I whisper.

  “What would you do for him?”

  “Anything.” My voice is barely audible.

  “Very good.”

  I don’t speak.

  “This rebellion has quite upset me,” Alec says. “And I will do everything to ensure it does not happen again. Is that clear?”No one speaks.

  “Which is why I am going to let one of you go,” Alec says and my heart drops to my feet.

  “One of us?” Oliver asks.

  “No,” Alec replies, looking to Dylan and I. “One of them.”No.

  I can’t seem to fathom his words. One of us? One?

  He’s knows it, he knows Dylan and I are each other’s weakness. And I see now why the gun turned up in both my dreams, pointing at each of us a different time—because by tearing us apart, he is killing us both.

  A lump rises in my throat as I look frantically to Dylan.

  “We’ll give you time to decide,” Alec says, smiling evilly. He begins walking away, but stops midway. “Oh, and if you try to run, there’s backup positioned all around the perimeter.”I hate him, I hate him so much. He must be truly heartless, if he is really going to carry this out.

  Everyone exits the alley except for Dylan and I. Oliver gives us a saddened look as he slowly walks out.

  I turn to Dylan. I know he’s going to want to let me go, he’s going to take the heat.

  His hands travel up to my arms, resting on the sides of my shoulders. His eyes are filled with angst.

  “Listen to me, Katie,” he says. “Remember what I said.”

  I shake my head. “I can’t leave you, this can’t—”

  “You have to go, get out of here. I’ll be okay.”

  “No, I’m not going anywhere. It’s either both of us or—”“I know this guy better than you, Katherine, and I’m telling you to get out of here now. I’m not budging on this.”I know he isn’t. I didn’t expect him to.

  “Katie, I want you to know...” Dylan swallows, looking past me as he wraps his arms around my waist. “I want you to know that I love you more than I have ever loved anything.”I shut my eyes, leaning my head against his chest. “I love you,” I whisper into the fabric of his shirt, breathing in his spearmint scent deeply.

  “Do you remember your wish?”

  I feel his voice vibrate through his body. “Wish?”

  “You wished...you wished that you could change someone’s life for the better, that night we saw the stars.”His deep voice slides over his words as the memory returns to me.

  “Yes, I remember,” I say.

  “Just know,” he says, stepping back so he can look at me. “You completely, irrevocably changed mine.”I stare up at him, tears welling up in my eyes.

  “What will happen to you?” I whisper.

  “I don’t know,” he says honestly, dropping his hands from me, looking down.

  A cold wind blows through the alley.

  I sum up the courage to ask the question that I’m dreading the answer to.

  “Will I see you again?”

  Dylan swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. He looks into my eyes. “I will make it so,” he says, his voice low.

  “Promise,” I say, tears spilling. “Promise me.”

  “I promise,” he whispers as Alec rounds the corner into the alley again.

  “You’ve come to a decision, I hope,” Alec says, the rest filing into the alley.

  I look at the ground. I wish he wasn’t so cruel, I wish he could let us both go.

  “I’ll come with you,” Dylan says, his voice much bolder than I feel.

  I hear the smirk in Alec’s voice. “Very well. I was expecting as much.”I glare at him, my breathing heavy.

  “Take her away,” Alec says to
no one in particular, but Oliver comes up and takes my arm gently.

  “No,” I say, trying to wrestle from his grasp. “No!”

  “Katie, we need to go,” he says to me, his voice sympathetic.

  “No!” I shout and Dylan looks away from me. “You can’t do this!” I shout to Alec.

  Alec has the nerve to smirk at me as I struggle with Oliver.

  I muster the most deathly glare I can and direct it at him. I have never wanted anyone dead before, but now, as I look at Alec, I want him as dead as one can be.

  Oliver tugs me along as tears stream down my face.

  “Please, no!” I call again. “How can you do this?”

  Oliver pulls me to a parked car, but I turn around just in time to see Alec reach into his jacket.

  My entire body goes rigid.

  No.

  The silver pistol, directly resembling the one in my nightmare, is held in his hand.

  Please, let this be another dream. I’ll wake up any second now.

  But I know it’s anything but a dream when Alec cocks the gun.

  “No!” I shout again. “No, you can’t—”

  Dylan looks to Oliver. “Get her in the car!” He shouts.

  I turn to look at Oliver frantically. “Oliver, please—”

  “Oliver!” Dylan’s voice is strained.

  I hear commotion behind me and I turn to see Abigail stepping out of a car, moving toward Oliver and I, pain in her eyes.

  "We've got to move," she says. "Come on, Katie."

  "No!" I repeat. "Dylan--they--" I turn back to look at the alley, Oliver still struggling to keep a hold on me.

  Alec points the gun toward Dylan.

  “No!” I yell, my voice quickly tiring. “No, take me instead! Let him go!”Alec stares at me, vile amusement in his eyes.

  "You're a coward," I spit at him. "You're a fucking coward, and I hope you get what you deserve for this. You are nothing but scum, dirty, rotten scum that tears people apart--"

  “Get her in the car, Oliver!” Dylan's strained voice cuts me off. "Katie, come on!" Abigail says.

  "Dylan!" I shout.

  "Go, Katie," Dylan says, looking down.

  "Katie, get in the car--"

  "Come on, Katie--"

  "Dylan!"

  So many voices battling at the same time, but I cannot move my eyes from the alley. "Katie, we need to go!"

  "Stop struggling, Katie!"

  "Get her in the car!"

  Alec's finger slithers around the gun to the trigger.

  “No!” I shout in one last futile attempt. “Please, no—”

  My voice is cut off by the gunshot, loud and earsplitting.

  All words are stolen from my tongue as I feel my heart sink to the floor. I can’t believe the sight, I refuse to believe it.

  This is not happening. This can't be happening, not to me, not to Dylan...

  My senses blur as my legs give way and I fall to my knees, my cheeks hot and wet from the neverending river of tears. I feel Abigail's soft hands and Oliver's rough ones pull me to my feet, but I can't find the strength to support myself, and they practically drag me to the car.

  Oliver pushes me into the back of the car as I turn my head to see Dylan fall to the ground, his white shirt already stained with crimson, and I feel my world crumbling around me, piece by piece.

  Chapter Seventy Two

  5 months later

  Courtney and I sit on the rusting old park bench we always used to pass time on in Central Park. The sun is shining, and some kids play tag on the grass before us. A man throws a tennis ball to his dog, and a few girls just lay on blankets and sunbathe. May has always been my favorite month in London, but not this year.

  No month has been easy for me this year.

  After the night of the party, I packed my bags and came back home to London. Part of me was honoring my promise to Dylan, but the other part just wanted to get the hell out of there. I have no idea what even happened to him after I saw the bullet fly from Alec’s gun, or the rest of the alliance, at that. I passed out in Oliver’s car after seeing Dylan crumble to the ground, blood leaking from his body onto his clothes and woke up in my own bed, still in my dress. I’ve never cried so hard for so long in my life, and I hope I never have to again.

  I cut myself off from all my ties in Edinburgh except for Crane, who has agreed to let me edit manuscripts from home here in London. He knows what happened that night, and I think he’s been cutting me some slack, and I’m grateful for his compassion. I mail him my edited manuscripts, and he mails me new ones each week. It’s a good arrangement for my current state of mind.

  I do not know if Dylan is alive or dead.

  From what I saw with my own eyes, I assume he’s dead, and I think about it every day.

  Since December, I have mulled over and analyzed the incident, remembering every word uttered by every person present. If I could only have been the one to go with Alec and let Dylan go; if only I had taken that bullet. I would gladly do it, in a second, and no doubt I would have, if Oliver’s grip on me had only been a little looser, or if I had been a little more persuasive in making Dylan go instead of me.

  It’s like my life has been sucked clean by that bullet. I feel like my eyes are always red from thinking about it and tearing up, and I feel like there’s a giant gap in my chest where Dylan used to be in my soul. My old fear of being alone has come back to haunt me, but this time it’s a thousand times worse.

  Sometimes the image of Dylan lying cold on the ground of that alley, covered in blood surfaces to my mind and it makes me literally sick to my stomach. I have trouble sleeping at night due to nightmares that make the ones I dreamt before the party look like a joke.

  Without Dylan, I do not live—I simply exist.

  “Nice day.”

  I turn my head slowly to look at Courtney.

  I only nod, turning my gaze back to the grass.

  “Want to go see a movie later?”

  I blink. “What movie?”

  “Anything you want.”

  I shrug.

  “You want to go get lunch?”

  I shrug again.

  “What do you want to do?”

  Courtney’s trying, she really is. I love her so much for that, but I just can’t force myself to act interested and upbeat when all I am is sad.