Saved Mate

by L. J. Red

  The class with Dana was about twenty people—all the rescued vampires—but there were also a handful of other vampires that she didn’t recognize, maybe other vamps from Chicago. Vampire outreach. Cool.

  “A bit of history,” Dana started. “These self-defense lessons are kind of new here. We started off just training up our vampire guards.” She pointed to where Neal was already setting a couple of guards up to spar. Sparrow recognized the spiky black-haired one from yesterday. “It started off as a way to protect ourselves against Radiance.” She glanced at the rescued vampires for a moment. “But we quickly realized it was a good way to bring everyone together and give them a chance to understand their vampire abilities, not just the vampire guards, but also vamps from out in the city who maybe don’t have much experience with the bloodlines. So, we’ve got a mix of people in this class. All abilities, all experience. Everyone is welcome. One thing I want to get clear straightaway is if I go too fast or if any of this starts to get too much, you can tap out at any time.” She pointed to the benches lining the wall. “We take this at your own pace and the only aim in this class is to get you feeling more comfortable with your vampire abilities and a bit more in control of your new strength. The real self-defense part can come later. Right now, you’re just learning how to move.” She grinned, rolling her shoulders. “Spread out,” she said, stretching out her arms. “Make sure you have enough move to swing them around.”

  The class began to spread. Sparrow ended up a little closer to the wall with two of the rescue vampires next to her. Dana led them through some basic warm-ups, jumping jacks, press-ups, and sit-ups, and by the time they were done Sparrow was feeling loose and limber and more than a little sweaty. She had never done an exercise class before. She certainly had gotten enough practice running away over the years but nothing like this. Dana took them through a couple more routines, faster, harder. With her vampire strength, Sparrow wasn’t yet feeling any burn, just a faster heart rate, and she was a little out of breath.

  Dana called a short break and pointed out the water coolers. Sparrow felt good, reconnecting with her body, stretching her abilities. More than that, she liked the atmosphere in the gym. It didn’t feel like a bunch of strangers, but people who were starting to feel familiar to her, maybe even friends. It was the same feeling that had started lingering over the meals in the dining room, a comforting feeling. She couldn’t place it, couldn’t describe it. In a weird way, it reminded her of her mom: precious moments from years and years ago, when her mom had come home from the night shift and caught Sparrow on her way out to school long enough to share breakfast. Wow, it had been a long time since she’d thought of that. She shook off the old memories with a pang and got into a line for the water. There was something in it though, that feeling. She traded a grin with the vampire guard with spiky hair who was in front of her in the line.

  “Hi.”

  “Hey.”

  “Sparrow, right?”

  She nodded.

  “Ben. Here you go first.” He stepped aside.

  “Oh, thanks.” She smiled wider. It was a good feeling. She liked it. She guessed she could see why people might choose to spend their time with other people after all. Maybe being a loner wasn’t the only way to be. Maybe you could find friends, make a new family even after bad things happened to you.

  Sparrow filled up her water bottle and stepped back, looking out at the room. In a weird way she felt connected to the people here. A community, people like her. Faces familiar and new. Her eyes scanned the room. Was there something missing? Something she couldn’t put her finger on, a missed step at the top of the stair, a swooping feeling in her stomach. She took a swig of water, a droplet escaping the bottle and sliding down the plastic. Sliding down the side, sliding down the… oh shit. Her mind flashed back to the pool. It was Jacob. That was who she was missing. Scanning the gym looking for him. Was that what she was doing? She hadn’t expected to see him here, had she? Had she come here to see him? No, she’d come here for the exercise class, right? But… that wasn’t the entire truth. Maybe she had come here mostly for the exercise class, but a secret part of her had been hoping to see him again.

  Her gaze was dragged involuntarily toward the doors leading to the swimming pool and she remembered the slick shape of his body soaking wet as he’d come out of the pool.

  But he wasn’t there right now, she thought, and then pulled herself up again. How did she know he wasn’t there? He could be. The doors were closed; she couldn’t see. And yet, she was sure she was right. She felt no pull toward the pool. He wasn’t there. So, where was he? She let her senses spread wide, something instinctive guiding her, a need unfolding, focusing on a humming connection she felt deep in her chest. The more she focused, the more it expanded, like flower petals unfurling within her. She was so caught up in the strangeness of it she failed to realize the achy longing feeling had faded. Was… filled. By his presence. By Jacob, almost like he was… right behind her. She snapped open her eyes and spun so fast she lost her balance and fell into Jacob’s arms.

  ✽✽✽

  “Steady,” he said, his voice a low rumble.

  “Oh, um, Jacob, hi.” She cringed at the waver in her voice. “Sorry.” She stepped away just as Dana called the class back to her. Escape, quick. She ducked past Jacob. She could feel him watching her. Her entire back felt sensitized, like his gaze was a physical sensation. Her shoulders tensed. Why was he watching? Where the hell had he come from and how had she known he was there? She could still smell the thick, rich scent of him all around her. She tried to ignore his presence but now that she was aware of it, it was impossible.

  “Okay,” Dana was saying, “now we’re all warmed up I’m going to take you through some simple punches and blocks, and my glamorous assistant”—she grinned over Sparrow’s head toward where Jacob was standing—“is going to go around and correct your form.” Sparrow shivered. The thought of Jacob’s hands on her body terrified her, but it also sparked a delicious rush of desire straight through her limbs. She tried to clear her head, to pull her focus back onto what she was learning. She was here to learn how to control her body, not give into its irrational urges.

  She set her feet as Dana showed them and threw her arm forward in a punch, keeping the other up near her face. She felt kind of foolish, but being surrounded by a bunch of people doing the same thing helped to make her feel a little more settled. At least she wasn’t the only one waving her arms around. Dana showed them a couple of other punches and Sparrow started to almost get lost in the motions, almost forgetting who was slinking quietly between the class members. She punched hard at the air, her hands moving supernaturally quick, and for a second really thrilling in the speed and strength of her body. Maybe being a vampire wasn’t all bad. Maybe having these skills could be something she could enjoy.

  She felt his sudden presence like a rush of heat behind her and then Jacob’s hand was on her arm, raising her elbow, his touch light but hot like a brand. His fingers slowly closed around her wrist and turned it gently, and Sparrow, unable to stop herself, turned her head toward him as if drawn by a magnet, her body slipping out of her control.

  He was curved around her body, but their only point of contact the delicate touch at her wrist. All she could scent was his overwhelming male aroma, musky and low; it was like a drug. It overwhelmed her, scrambling her thoughts, making her forget the movements Dana had only just shown them, her muscles going liquid, weak at the knees. She knew she needed to try and pull away, firm up her spine, but her treacherous body wouldn’t do it. All she wanted was to lean back into the hard line of his body behind her, his presence so close, so achingly close. She wanted him to gather her up inside his strong embrace.

  No. Dammit. She needed to do this. Focus on the class, learn how to take care of herself again. She couldn’t rely on other people. Everyone left. Nothing was permanent. Wasn’t that what her life had taught her? She dragged her heavy head away from him. Jacob’s fingers fell awa
y. “Good,” he said, and Sparrow was confused for a moment. Was he happy she moved away? Oh, wait. He was talking about her position, right. The class. He hadn’t even noticed the effect he had on her.

  “Try again,” he said, and Sparrow, swallowing nervously, drew her hand back and then punched the air once more.

  “Better,” he said, and despite what Sparrow had just resolved she couldn’t help feeling a flash of pride at his approval.

  “Am I doing this right?” Amelia called across them, and Sparrow felt like she’d been dunked in cold water.

  Jacob didn’t move at first, staying beside Sparrow. She didn’t dare look at him, unable to trust herself not to give into everything her body was urging. Finally, he walked over to Amelia, and Sparrow felt her spirits sink with every step away from her that he took.

  Sparrow noticed that Amelia deliberately did it wrong; she’d been fine a minute ago when Dana had been showing them the moves, but now she was suddenly inexplicably terrible at it? Sparrow felt the dull burn of jealousy; how dare she steal Jacob away. Except, wait. Jacob wasn’t hers to steal. She didn’t have any right to his attention. He was here to help the whole class for God’s sake. And still the thought of Jacob putting his hands on Amelia like he had her filled her with a black misery.

  She refused to watch, instead punching the air again. He’d only been near Sparrow because she was doing it wrong. It wasn’t anything more than that. He was the teacher and she needed to get a grip. Maybe on Amelia’s throat. Her fangs cut into her mouth and she punched again, harder, her breath going out in a whoosh. It meant nothing. Punch. Nothing at all. Punch.

  “That’s really good, Sparrow.” Dana’s voice came from the right and Sparrow twitched. She hadn’t even noticed Dana arrive she’d been so focused on not focusing on Jacob.

  “Oh um, thanks,” she said.

  “Okay, guys,” Dana said, clapping her hands once more to get their attention. “I want you to turn to the person on your right and we’re going to try taking turns. Decide who’s gonna punch first and who’s going to block. Blockers remember to keep your hands up high and those of you doing the punches, I want you to pull them short. We’re not looking for contact, we’re just getting used to moving with another person, so you can take it real slow and nobody is gonna smack each other in the face. Got it?” She grinned, sharp. “‘Cause that would be a vampire inflicted strike, which means it would heal slow, and none of us wants to be walking around with a shiner for the next couple of days.” She turned back to Sparrow. “Come on, let’s go together for a while.”

  Sparrow hesitated.

  “It’s okay,” Dana laughed. “You’re not gonna hit me. Cop, remember? I’ve been doing this for a while.”

  Sparrow raised an eyebrow. “You saying I have permission to punch a cop?”

  Dana laughed. “In this context, yeah, sure, but don’t go considering that blanket permission.”

  “Got it,” Sparrow said. She settled her stance and then punched out at Dana, pulling a little short before she could connect. Dana casually knocked her hand away with the block and then they repeated it again, a little faster.

  By now the class had been going almost two hours and Sparrow was feeling more than just loose and limber. A slow, steady ache was starting up in her muscles, her movements slowing, reactions dulled. Still, she kept going, thinking of the good sleep that would await her. After a few more punches they swapped and Dana threw the punches, Sparrow blocking. The first couple were totally fine and then the next punch that came toward her, Sparrow didn’t see Dana. She saw a threat. Her mind seemed to split: memories of HUNT guards beating her pouring in, and through the crack something else slipped through. White flashed across her eyes and like last time, when she had been staring at Lucian, a sudden wave of hate washed through her. It felt foreign, disconnected, like it wasn’t even her hatred at all. Like it was coming from someone else entirely. It was focused on Dana, a hard angry point, and all Sparrow wanted to do was hurt her, hurt Dana and through her Lucian and all the Shadows. She wanted to bring them down. She wanted to destroy them. Her face stretched out in anger, her fangs sharp.

  “Whoa, Sparrow?” Dana pulled her punch.

  There was a pressure in Sparrow’s mind, horror at the anger running through her. What was happening to her? The disconnect between the hatred and the horror was physically painful. She felt like she was almost thrown out of her body. She was going to attack Dana, but there was nothing she could do. Her body was a puppet. She felt her muscles tensing, her body ridding itself of her exhaustion, all feeling stripping away. No. She shouted in her mind. She didn’t want to do this. She didn’t want to hurt Dana. She didn’t want to hurt anyone. She wouldn’t!

  Terror rose, choked the hatred down and stamped it out. She felt it crumple and curl, scrabbling for purchase, but she was falling into a different kind of nightmare now. The terror in her limbs called back the memories of HUNT, the flashback that had kicked this off, and suddenly that was all she could see. She threw herself backward and away from the threat in front of her, the hunter, all around her, they were everywhere. She was caught in her memories and she couldn’t find a way free. She was falling under their hands, their fists, the shock batons. She could feel the slow burn of the chemicals in her veins that kept her weak. She could smell the stale, dirty air of the tiny concrete room they kept them in. The rough scrape of the ground against her cheek. The aching pang of hunger in her chest.

  Fear rose in a massive wave and she screamed. The only way free of the terror was the hatred, she could feel it at the back of her mind, trying to get back in. No, no, she shook her head. She didn’t want to give in to it, but every time she pushed it away, she was shoved further into her memories. The trauma and fear wound tighter around her until she was choking on them.

  There was no way out. Nothing but strangers and memories, nothing, nothing and then… something, someone. A dark presence, comforting and familiar. It cut through the harsh lights of the electric batons, sliced through the white fog, and brought with it a cool, inky silence. It called to her and she felt more than saw a hand reaching out toward her. She was so afraid; she didn’t want to trust it. A wave of reassurance rushed down toward her, wrapping around her chest, calming her frantic breaths and soothing her rapid heartbeat.

  She saw it again. She saw the hand extending from out of the shadowy darkness before her, and feeling like it was the bravest thing she’d ever done, terror coating all her limbs, Sparrow dragged her hand up from where it had been pressed to the concrete floor and gripped tightly the offered hand.

  Jacob pulled her up out of her memories and into the present.

  She stared up at him. His hand was a warm reassuring grip, his palm solid under her fingers. Of course it was him. It seemed right, that he had brought her back. Back from… from… Oh shit. She’d just had a panic attack in front of everyone. She felt wrung out, exhausted. Still shaky.

  She flushed red and tugged her hand out of his. Shit, shit, she didn’t want to be here. She had to get away. She was frantic to run but his body was hemming hers in against the wall. She realized all the other people had been pushed back and Jacob and herself were in a little pocket of space, his entire body curled around her protectively, shielding her from everyone else’s view.

  “You’re all right,” he said soothingly, but Sparrow wouldn’t let herself be soothed. She had just made a fool of herself in front of everyone. Fuck. She needed to leave.

  “Let me out.”

  “Sparrow,” he started to speak, but she cut him off.

  “Just let me go,” she said again, and this time she ducked under his arm before he could stop her and made for the doors.

  “Sparrow, wait.” She heard Dana’s voice from behind her but she couldn’t stop. Her eyes were filling up with tears. She slammed the gym doors open and ran blindly down the hall. She needed to be on her own somewhere, where she could regain her balance and try and work out what the hell was going on in her screwe
d-up mind.

  Chapter 12

  Sparrow didn’t know where she was going. The rooms she walked through turned confusing and unfamiliar. As soon as her enhanced vampire hearing picked up voices, the sound of people, she turned away, going deeper into the building. She didn’t want to deal with other people. She definitely didn’t want to explain what had happened. Hell, she couldn’t even explain it to herself.

  Part of her wondered if she should cut herself some slack like Dr. Patil had said. She’d been through a lot and her mind was still coming to terms with everything that happened: The kidnapping, the torture, the turning to a vampire. But another part of her was sure there was something more going on. Something dangerous. A threat to her, maybe even to the Shadows and the people who lived in the Sanctuary. She couldn’t trust herself and she couldn’t bring herself to trust anyone else.

  She hated it. She had always been able to rely at least on herself and having that pulled away from her was terrifying. She felt off-balance and alone.

  Finally, after what seemed like hours later, exhausted and miserable, she walked past a room she recognized and, following a more familiar route, made her way slowly back to her own room, collapsing on the bed. She needed to shower and change, anything to try and make herself feel a little bit more like a person again, but instead she felt tiredness pulling her down, and with the press of the dawn outside it soon carried her away to sleep.

  At first, the dream seemed normal. She was in the hallway again, walking through the rooms just like she had been a moment ago, but this time she wasn’t running away from anything. Instead, she was being called, pulled toward something. She pushed open a dark wooden door, seeing a crack of light, the breath of fresh air, but instead of finding herself in the Sanctuary gardens, she was suddenly under the bridge where she had slept last summer, her makeshift cardboard bed tucked up against the brickwork, the ratty old sleeping bag curled in the corner.